Complicating Time With God

A friend and myself were talking about finding the "just right" Children's Devotional/Bible and I found myself referring back to a situation awhile back:

While attending a Women's Ministry get-together at my church, we were talking about devotional time. I guess the majority of the women in the room (about 40 of us) had been "saved" for at least a few years. One of the girls who were rather new in my study was sitting at my table. About 10 minutes into the discussion she looked at me with huge eyes full of overwhelming confusion. 

After I asked what was wrong, she said, "What is a devotion, it sounds so confusing and hard..." I sat there a moment a bit dumb founded. How had we managed to make something as simple and easy as devotion time with God sound so complicated and difficult?

I tried to put her at ease, explaining how all it truly was is spending time with Him and reading/applying His Word. She was still confused, she kept going back to all the things we had been talking about: morning/afternoon/night, word study/topical study/book study, 5 minutes/15 minutes/1 hour, isolated/surrounded, 1 Bible/4 Bibles, Strong's Concordance/Nelson's 3-in-1, Greek/Hebrew, etc.

I laughed at how badly we were messing with this poor girls head as I tried to explain again. God doesn't care; he just wants our time and devotion with Him. As we begin to grow in Him, we start digging deeper and looking more; but there is still not a certain formula that God demands we use when spending time with Him- he only wants our whole heart.

I actually had a devotional with me that day that I frequently used, I opened it up and shared with her the page set apart for that day. It had some scripture to read and then gave a couple of paragraphs that elaborated on it and encouraged, then ended with a short prayer at the bottom. There was such relief on my friends face when she saw it. 

"So, that's it? This is considered a "devotion?" she asked. "Yep, that's it!" I smiled. 
She looked around and said, "But, that's easy, what were all of you talking about? This isn't that hard!"
"Ya, I know- I guess we need to take the "Christian Lingo" down a couple of notches, there is not much in God's Word that's really all that hard to understand- sometimes we are just dumb enough to make it seem that way" I answered as I insisted she keep the devotional and begin using it.

I am trying to keep all of this in mind when studying God's Word with my kids. My friend, Joanne of "Confessions of A Dirty Christian Woman" Blog told of a story where my oldest daughter helped her see she was lacking boldness in her post, "There's A Little Chicken Inside" (click over and take a look). I love (and sometimes hate) learning from my kids.

I am sometimes jealous of the simplicity through which kids can view things, we adults (ME) can do a pretty good job of making things way to complicated sometimes. Our girls have been studying the Holy Spirit at church and are FULL of questions, so I feel as if we have been doing a devotional 24/7 at any given moment- it keeps us on our toes and helps me to learn to "Keep It Simple Sweetie".

I did happen to find this devotional for kids and found this devotional "Hide (the Word) & Seek (the Lord) Devotional" for kids from Tommy Nelson (preview it here). There is also a free audio download to help kids memorize scripture verses. Looks great, and this is the "chosen one"- the new devotional we are getting- that is unless I win it from The Pregnancy Companion Blog- who I found was giving it away in a contest on my search (feel free to enter, although it is increasing my risk of buying it instead of winning it, lol).

Let's learn to keep it simple Moms- not just for our kids- but for the regular every day people around us- it really isn't that complicated.

Mommy Competition(s)

School! The kids are heading back to school next Monday! I am so ready for predictability and a schedule. Tenly will be starting 1st grade and Gianna is starting VPK (Florida PreK) for 3 long hours a day. Not sure how it is going to feel to be without both of them 5 days a week for a few hours- although I am excited to find out. I also love that Tenly has to wear uniforms this year, no more tug-a-wars over outfits and shoes. I am looking forward to these parts.

What am I not looking forward to? 

- The outrageous amount of money to spend on school supplies.

$$PART of the school supplies$$

- The adjustment period for them (averaging 3-4 weeks). You know, they come whiny and tired- pretty much- FRIED! 

- Me losing control- again! I hate not being there to watch and protect their every move as much as I am excited to have them safely out of sight and independent.

- *Learning all of the "new" systems and procedures and people and kids.

- *Being "evaluated" and on display.

Okay, now I will get to the point of all of that.

*Those last 2 I mentioned are the ones that I, as a Mom, hate the most- it's something that my kids must face but it is also something that I face (and I am sure I am not the only one...I hope!).

As most know, I HATE the unknown- change repulses me. That is one of the reasons I am HATING that both of my girls are in new schools this year and I am going have to relearn all of the new systems/procedures: drop-off, pick-up, volunteering, PTO, office staff, teachers, pretty much everything!

I had a horrible situation last year that is haunting me this year. First day of Kindergarten for Tenly, I was both excited and terrified for her and could not wait to pick her up. I felt pretty good about the pick-up procedures, it had been explained and I even asked additional questions to clarify. I felt good until I arrived and something just wasn't making sense- it did not seem like the car line should of been THAT long! I sat in the line anxiously waiting and checking the clock. 

Then, my cell phone rang- it was Tenly's teacher asking where I was...I am IN this CRAZY long car line! She informed me I was in the wrong line, to go around all of the cars and into the loop, as I did what she said I was on the verge of tears! How could I screw up that terribly on my babies first day of Kindergarten?????

As I drove up, there she was- the only kid left standing with the Vice Principle alone. I could see both relief and tears as I got up there. Talk about Mommy guilt, and what a great first impression to leave to the administration and teachers! I felt a pretty big "fail" that day.

You better be sure that even if I know nothing else at the first day of school, I will know about drop off and pick up!

On Friday (for Tenly) and Saturday (for Gianna), we have school orientation. I always feel as if I am being evaluated by everyone for everything. How you look, how your kid looks, what you say, what you do, what you don't say, what you don't do, and every move you and your child make is on display for evaluation. First impressions- yuck- to much pressure.

Who wrote the rules and criteria that goes with this "Mommy Competitions" that we all seem to be on at one time or another? It's pretty sad, as much as we all need each other for support we seem to be always try to "one up" each other. I am ashamed to say that I am not innocent, I have done the same thing to other Mom's that I hate being done to me.

As a Christian it sure is not okay to find myself participating on either side of this unproductive "game". What type of example am I setting if I am giving an unfair evaluation and/or trying to display myself correctly for one- which will usually come across as fake. Most important, what am I teaching my girls as they observe this behavior- because believe me- they notice!

My girls do not have to better than any other, nor do I- as long as our focus is where it needs to be, I think we will be okay. I am really trying to display myself as no one else but Tenly and Gianna's Mom that loves them (and others) unconditionally. I want others to see God's love in myself and in my girls and be drawn to that- not pushed away by me trying to measure up or one-up. Isn't this special time supposed to be all about my kids anyway?

Mommy Confessions Series & My "Guest Post"

My friend Annette, of Bleubird Diary, joined me on my "Mommy Confessions" questions and asked me to answer my own questions so she could post them on her Blog. A few weeks back, Annette was kind enough to give us her own "Mommy Confession" on here. 

It was So FUN now to do my first guest post with her! She is also going to do her own series on the questions having some of her friends and members answer them.

My initial objective in doing these "Mommy Confession" was to help all of us Mom's understand each other better, give and take encouragement, value others opinions and methods (whether we agreed or not) and to be challenged- maybe to change or maybe to stand stronger.

Several of the Mom's who answered these questions told me how difficult they were- and after having to answer them for myself, they WERE! Really made me think...almost too much. Although it was fun and I was honored to have Annette post my answers and to run with her own series of Mommy Confessions.

I invite you to jump on over to Bleubird Diary and take a look at my Guest Post. While you are there, take a look at Annette's other posts and subscribe to her Blog- you wont be sorry. Annette has a special talent writing from the heart that leaves you with a smile.

Having said all of that, I am going to post all of the links to my "Mommy Confession Series". If there is one you missed, head over and read it. Mom's shared form every walk of life and so many different perspectives. I still have a couple more I will be posting a bit down the road so keep your eye out.

Mommy Confession Series:

A REAL Mom Living In The Moment: Martha

Chelsey: A REAL Housewife of Glenwood Springs

Joanne: The Mommy Monster

Sandi: SuperWoman At Her Best

Rachel: Chosen To Be A Mom

Joelle: A Praying Mom

Eva: A Real Mom of Incredible Faith

Angela: A Mom Continuing To Grow

Elizabeth: Dreams Come True x2

Annette: True Love Conquers ALL

Tarah: Honesty Is The Best Policy

Stephanie: Determined To Be A Mom

Lanee: Ice Cream In The Shower, Gotta Do Whatcha Gotta Do

Angie: A Mom Restored

Jenn: Failing Mommy Perfectionist

Day 4: Time To Let "The MESS" GO!

Before (or after) you read this, you may want to take a look at: What Do You Expect?, then Day 1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit, then Day 2: Stressing My Kids, then Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?. It will all just make a little more sense.

The Living Room

HALLELUJAH! Today is CLEANING day! My house is going back to being in order, neat, clean and organized! My girls are having mixed feelings about it- they are tired of their mess, but not sure if they are tired enough of it to want to clean it up. OH WELL!

Let me recap. I have been at my wits end for a couple of weeks of my girls avoiding cleaning up, and my constant reminding, nagging, yelling and screaming of reminders to do so. I am a bit of a controlling neat freak, and like everything put in it's place before the day ends (it's wonderful waking up to a clean house). I had a crazy idea to relinquish my control and allow my 2 girls to make the decisions, for 3 days, as to what they would and would not clean up. My objective was to learn their preferences, hopefully teach them an appreciation for a neat house and to also help me realize the world will not fall off of it's axis if I am not in control.

Yesterday was difficult for me, because the girls began to move the mess into the living room at an alarming rate. There has been toys in the living room over the past couple of days, but the bulk remained in their bedroom. I believe they ran out of room to make a mess in their bedroom, so the most logical thing would be  to expand into the living room. There was no looking past the mess, it greeted you at every turn (you should of seen Lupe's face when he arrived home).

Last night, the end of Day 3, we had a bit of a breakdown.

As the late afternoon approached, I tried to subtly remind the girls of the night before (Tenly sleeping in her bed was impossible because of the toys) and that tonight, there would be no getting up to clean after they were in 'bed'. I kept prodding them to think about their choices before it was too late.

They would have a "meeting" and decide that they would clean up some...later. Well, later never came (what a shocker).

Suddenly, Tenly is crying. When I asked what the problem was, she explained that she realized it was starting to get dark out and that meant bed time was coming and she didn't want her bed and her room to be a mess at bed time.

(insert another "Hallelujah Chorus" here)

I calmed her down and tried to reassure her she still had time to clean up whatever she felt like needed to be before bed time got here.

"BUT Mommy- I want to watch a show before bed time!!", she dramatically  cried.

"Well, I guess next time you will make a better choice.", I said as she pushed her lips out in one of the poutiest faces ever!

Needless to say, she did appreciate my response. She cried the whole time muttering all of the reasons this was making her angry as she quickly cleaned up everything (although not nearly enough) she saw necessary.

After Tenly finished, she and Gia came and sat on the floor in my room all calmed down and very relieved that they would both be sleeping in their beds that night.

Tenly said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I was so sad- I just really don't like looking at that mess when it's time to go to bed."

My response (HUGE teachable moment), "Do you understand now why Mommy asks you to put things away when your done playing with them? If you do that, there is no big messes at the end of the day- just a little one."

Gianna said, "Little messes are much better than big messes. I don't like big messes."

"Do you know what Mommy learned?", I asked. "I learned, that big messes are okay sometimes, especially when you are using your smart brains to use your imagination and be creative. I also learned, that if I get angry, I need to take a deep breath and talk to you- not yell. AND, I will remind you one time to help you remember what you are suppose to be doing- but only one time."

"So, two times is okay- but more than two times- we will be disciplined." Gianna reassured me. Tenly agreed with, "That's a deal, Mommy."

My girls have enjoyed the past few days not having to be told at all to clean up, but I think even they are ready to have a presentable home again. Tenly said this morning as we were making our "Clean Up List", "Mommy, we have to clean up because I can not let my friends come to our house when it's a mess. This is disgusting!" (insert another "Hallelujah Chorus" paired with my Happy Dance)

We made our list, the girls were quite detailed and I am a very proud Momma who is going to revel in the cleaning process ALL day long! Thank You Jesus, for giving me a teachable heart and the ability to endure!

Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?

Before reading this post, you may want to first read: "What Do You Expect?" Then, "Day1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit." Then, "Day 2: Stressing My Kids?" It may make a little more sense with the back story to this "experiment".

Was this a good idea? That question kept rolling through my head as I tripped/jumped/avoided toys, markers, crayons, books and  paper spread all over my house. I avoided going into Tenly and Gianna's bedroom to much- they played so nice all day- but I knew with that was coming a tripling of "the mess". 
They sounded so cute, so at one point I went in to see what they were up to- oooohhh my! 
"WOW", I said when I walked in to see Tenly's bed covered with what seemed like every toy they owned. The sting of "the mess" did fade as they both excitedly told me what they were doing. "Mommy, come and take ride with us on our boat raft that we made! We have food to eat, books to read, food for the fish, sharks and alligators, even lotion so we don't get too much sun- aren't we using our smart brains?!" It quickly became a picture of a vivid imagination instead of "the mess"- how can one (me) be overwhelmed by that?

The day and "the mess" went by a bit easier after that moment- of course with the help of ironing, laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms.

By the end of the day as the girls were taking their bath, I took the opportunity to do a walk through surveying the state of our home and "the mess". I was proud that I was less overwhelmed and started to think of how I would approach "the clean up" on Thursday. I knew it was going to be overwhelming- but that was another teachable opportunity- if we clean up as we go every day (I will leave out "quickly without being reminded"- learning patience and endurance) it is not as much and we don't end up crabby and overwhelmed. I think we will make a list together of what we need to do and break it up during the day. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself...

As I stared at the mess in their bedroom (the living room was not even a thought after looking at it), I started imagining what bed time was going to look like with the mountain of toys still on Tenly's bed. I decided that 
just in case they would choose to want to clean it up, I would start the bed time process a little early. 


"How am I going to sleep?" was Tenly's immediate response after staring at her bed.
 I had thought of what my response would be earlier (was not totally convinced it was the right one, but I gave it a shot), "I don't know honey, you guys chose not to clean up after playing- you have a few minutes before it's time to go to sleep- what do you want to do?"
"MOMMY, YOU are suppose to tell us to clean up!", Tenly said with her hands on her hips.
Gianna agreed with her hands also on her hips.
I explained, "No, remember- it is all you and Gianna's decisions until Thursday what you do and do not want to clean up. So, what do you want to do."
Tenly asked, "We get to decide now, too?" I nodded. "I don't think I want to clean up, I will just sleep on the floor."

OH, my heart! I calmed my OCD nerves as I agreed to let her sleep on the floor. Tenly quickly gathered her pillow and blanket and piled it on the floor next to Gianna's bed (which had no toys). We prayed, I dispersed kisses on their heads and left the room with a bit of a heavy heart. I was convinced that my "big idea" was accomplishing absolutely nothing. I realized I was going to have to come to grips with the fact that deep down my girls were the unthinkable....MESSY!


As I was typing at the computer, Tenly comes to me about 15 minutes after I had tucked them in. She looked very pitiful as she told me she didn't know what to do. I asked her what was wrong, and with tears rolling down her cheeks she said, "I miss my bed and I don't like that mess, I MISS MY BED!!" At this point, the Hallelujah chorus was resounding in my head! I explained that they had made a choice and it was past their bed time, it was to late to clean up now. She continued to cry and declare she missed and needed her bed. Okay, just so you don't think I am a heartless Mom with no compassion, yes, she was breaking my heart. SO, I gave her and Gia 10 minutes to get her bed cleaned off, no playing, and back in their beds. Here comes the exceptional part....

I expected them to both just throw all of the toys on the floor, obviously this would be the fastest and easiest short term solution. Then I hear Gianna tell Tenly, "Tenly, let's put it all in the right places really fast. Bring me the stuff in the closet and I will put it in the right place." Tenly responds with, "Good idea Gianna, then it will be all done when we wake up." Music to my ears, another Hallelujah chorus echoed through the house, and I did do a little happy dance (when they weren't looking).

My girls cleaned up that mess in record time, not even one little break to talk or play- THAT is impressive! Towards the end of the clean up I heard Tenly say to Gianna, "Gianna, we did it, we did it! We are the fastest cleaners ever!" Ten minutes after they began, I tucked Tenly into her bed with her Monkey Boy and she said, "Thanks Mommy, I love my bed."

The night ended very well. We have all learned something through this little experiment, and I think it has been well worth it. Even Lupe said last night that he cannot wait to have the house back to normal. As much as I have learned, Thursday is going to be a very  happy clean up day!

Day 2: Stressing My Kids?

Before reading this post, you may want to first read: "What Do You Expect?" and then read: "Giving Up Control, A Little Bit". It will just all make a little more sense.

Here I am! That's right, as of this morning, I have survived this mess of a house thus far!

Yesterday, I had to stop and laugh at myself MANY times. I cannot even count how much I caught myself about to say, "Girls, you need to pick this up.." or "You need to put this away.." But I did catch myself each time and never said a word. 

Girls bedroom towards end of day 1

I really don't think they noticed much until they went to bed last night. I did notice while they were taking their bath that there were toys on both of their unmade beds, it made me curious to see what would happen when they went to climb in to go "mimi's" (what we call bed time). I was actually on the phone with a friend while my husband was getting them ready to tuck them in. By the time my phone call ended, they were in their beds already. I asked Lupe if he had them clean up, and he didn't. I was very excited about this next part that he told me. He said they went to get in their beds and they said, "Daddy, we can't go to sleep- this is a mess and we haven't cleaned up yet!" WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! But before I was carried away with excitement, he told me that it was probably more about staying up awhile longer than about cleaning up. Okay, that did take me excitement down a notch, BUT they DID realize "the mess"!!!!

Girls bedroom towards end of day 1

When I went in to give them a kiss, Tenly told me they only cleaned up a little bit. I explained again, that over the next couple of days it was she and Gianna's decision of what did and did not need to be cleaned up- and whatever they decided would be fine with me. Then she said, "Mommy, I think I like my room clean instead of dirty.." WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! 
If you heard screaming and yelling anywhere in the USA last night, it was just me having a party over that last statement my 6 year old said. Now, she hasn't really done much of anything to back that statement up, but she still said it. So, I am left to wonder if she only said it because that is what she thought I wanted to hear- and that is possible (aw, MAN!). I guess am just excited that their is an awareness of the difference in our home without the messes being managed.

Living room day 1. Ironing in background.

I have been pleasantly surprised by my ability to function within this mess (of course it helped that my husband brought me home an Italian Creme Cake last night. Maybe it is because I know I am taking back over being sure everything is put in it's place on Thursday. Or, it could be thanks to my friend Martha instructing me to keep myself distracted. I have been doing that by catching up all of my ironing, working on my other blog ("Hot Momma's of Broward County" for anyone who didn't know) along with this one, and scrubbing my kitchen (I think I will scrub bathrooms today). 

What have I learned so far? Not really sure yet to be honest. I can tell you something I noticed last night. When I went in to kiss the girls good night, I noticed Tenly had made a little "tent" off of her bed for her babies. I feel vulnerable admitting this, but typically I would of insisted that it be taken down and folded at the end of her bed and all of her "babies" be put back in the respectable places. When I saw it last night and again this morning I realized how much joy it brought her to create it and have it be loved and accepted by myself- so is it really that important to remove that joy just so that everything looks "nice neat and pretty"- and no it's not. As much as my kids stress me out with me having to remind them 7+ times to stay on task- am I stressing my kids out by forcing them inside my dysfunctional "bubble".

Tenly's 'tent' morning of day 2.

I am documenting our "messy journey" with a few pictures and may even try to get a little video of my girls on the last day before I implement the cleaning of everything in celebration of my taking back control! So the pictures hear are of last night and this morning. Give me your opinion- how bad is it????

Day1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit...

Last week was a rough week for me, I explained it a little in my post "What Do You Expect?" We have just hit a stage that I am finding myself repeating every request to my girls 3-10 times! That has left me wondering what are they and/or ME doing wrong? Are my expectations that unreasonable or are my girls just going through one of those stages that 4 and 6 year olds go through?

I had a couple people tell me that they are finding themselves in the same place and just feel like bad Mom's- that brought me comfort to know I am not alone. My friend, Eva (who did a guest post awhile back), sent me a very encouraging message. She had been there several times with her 4 boys, and survived to tell the tale. Basically, she explained and encouraged me not to allow my expectations to crush their spirits. Then my friend Rachel (who also guest posted and is finding herself in my same situation lately), sent me this little post on Facebook: 

 How great is that quote? Kind of hit me in all the right places! My sister Tara recently posted on her blog  (Destiny Driven Diva) a similar post on "Taming The She-Ra Beast" that gave me some hope.
 So, I wish I was going to say that after all of the wonderful advice and "ah-ha" moments after my "What Do You Expect" post I reevaluated and completely changed my approach. Ya, well...FAIL, big time. Yes, especially yesterday. Between Tenly losing her glasses (it's hard for a control freak like myself to not be able to find something in my perfectly controlled world), the girls again not seeming to be listening to a single thing I said- I find myself losing it...again (hours after my Pastor preached a great Word on "Yielding" and "God's Presence"- who does that...ME). After my poor husband came home and pacified me with his presence and making me some of his incredible guacamole, I made a decision or lost my mind, not sure which yet.

Day 1- Middle of Day

Decision, I am giving up a huge amount of control to my 4 & 6 year olds. I am not going to make them clean up anything for 3 days. It is up to them what is and is not put away (since this is what majority of my repeating self seems to revolve around). I really may have lost my mind here, this decision goes against every organized/ordered fiber in my being. Oh ya, another big part of this, I cannot allow myself to get angry,anxious, or overwhelmed during the process or kind of deletes the purpose.
Purpose? Why am I doing something so...crazy? I think I know why, let me give a few reasons (which I choose to change, simply because I can and I am a woman). I am hoping that they will realize and appreciate how wonderful it is to live in a clutter mess free home vs. a messy chaotic one- of course I realize this is very likely to backfire on me (Jesus help me). Also, I want to discover my girls preferences when mine are not hoovering over their heads. Are they naturally orderly and organized, are they cluttery, or- God help me- are they messy (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO). I really don't know where their tendencies lie in this area because I require them to maintain things as I do. Finally, I am stretching myself. If I can extend enough to grace to accept and function with people unlike myself outside of my family, doesn't my family deserve that same grace? I need to draw a line for myself so that I do not (further) damage a relationship with my daughters because I have smothered, rather than nurtured, their gifts.

Day 1: Middle of Day

Does this mean that I will just shut the door and allow their areas to look like a bomb hit it? Uh, NO- you all know me better than that! But, I am hoping to be able to filter things to see some things as creative and unique instead of messy and chaos.
I will post to let you know of my progress and theirs. This is going to require so much prayer for me, really! I am looking forward to growing through this process and not going crazy. 
Here is a couple of pictures of their bedroom on Day 1, about 4 hours into my experiment. Not bad, huh? I'm still smiling.....

**For an update on how the "experiment" is going:
Day 2: Stressing My Kids

A Little Time, Please!

Do you remember your "Pre-Mom" days? I will have to admit, it really is difficult to readily remember doing much of anything without the list of things that go along with having 2 little girls.
Church is probably the most obvious that comes to mind. When it was Lupe and I, we would wake up to lounge around the house for a bit having coffee and breakfast, watch the news, have some devo time, and then hit the showers and take our time getting dressed (we are morning people, can you tell?). Then baby #1 came. Saturday night, I would pack the diaper bag and lay out clothes. Sunday morning, I would wake up 2 hours before Tenly to make sure I was completely ready when she woke. Tenly would wake up, I would get her out of bed, change her diaper, feed her breakfast, let her relax a bit, change the diaper again, get her dressed, fix her hair, grab the diaper bag, and out the door we went. Of course, there were usually 3 or so runs back into the house before we were out of the driveway to get on our 45 minute drive to church. As baby #2 came along, well- just double everything you just read above and you pretty much have our morning.
But, that was the equation when going anywhere when the kids were under 2 years old. It may not be impossible for everyone, but it was near impossible for me to decide to do something and be out the door in under an hour without losing a bit of sanity (and if I am not presentable, make that 2 hours). Now that my girls are a bit older, 4 & 6, it is getting easier, but still not "full-proof".
You may be wondering where I'm headed.....it is a bit of an irritating topic for me. But, I am hoping that some people who are beyond the "kids stage" or those who have no little ones- may be able to learn/remember something here.

As Mom's of young ones, it's not that we do not want to be spontaneous, stay out late, or run out the door as soon a friend calls with an invite. Everything shifts in the world when you become a Mom, we are not allowed to be "selfish" anymore. We are required to think about our itty bitty little people first- and we are usually okay with that. But, am I the only one who feels guilty some times saying "No.." or "I just can't.." and whatever the situation or explanation may be, you just don't feel like it's good enough? For example:
- Don't you love when you get those last minute invites to head out to do something in the next 15-20 minutes as if it would even be close to a possibility because your child is napping, it will drastically mess up the schedule or the kids are just straight up crabby?
- I cringe with a bit of jealousy when people tell me of a fun spontaneous trip or outing they went on. If the kids are in the plan= double the packing and planning, if the kids are not in the plan= less packing and planing but a lot of prayer (and money) goes into finding a trustworthy babysitter at the last minute.
- You receive a phone call about a wonderful event that your friend gets you so excited about that is followed by, "Oh, but you can't bring the kids.."

- A friend rolls their eyes when you explain that you cannot do something because a.) your child is sick b.) you cannot get a sitter c.) you have just experienced a sleepless night with your child d.) you have been so busy that you feel your kids need you (and you need your kids) more than a night out.
How about when all of that stuff just stops happening? No more spontaneous invites, events, or activities because they don't want to hear an excuse, reason you may not be able to do it or all of the things you must check on before you commit.
One Thanksgiving, our family went to San Antonio to be with Lupe's family. At the last minute we decided to get a hotel room and stay the night to hit the sales early in the morning (we lived in a very small town). No clothes, make up, or toiletries- just the diaper bag and the normal essentials you take with you on a 1 1/2 hour road trip that involved a 10 month old and 2 year old. After a Wal-Mart run, we managed quite nicely with my sanity still in tact. BUT, that is not something that I could handle more than once a year or so.
We can still do a lot of things that fall into the categories mentioned above- but it is still not the same and requires more work/thought/stuff. I have tried to explain this at times, but I get the "uh-huh" deep sigh rolling eyes brush off- they say they get it, but they really don't...YET.
One more thing, our "fun" is different- it used to be wrapped up in outings and friends- that does still bring a smile- but fun is now in Hungry, Hungry Hippos, laughing at/with our kids, our kids discoveries and so much more. I guess I am just trying to say, help us Mom's out- we so badly need/want/desire FUN events and activities- but we are so much more fun to be with when we are not frazzled by last minute or concerned about our most precious kiddos. Oh ya, pacify us by at least pretending you appreciate all of our stories and pictures, too. Just sayin' for what it's worth.....

What Do You Expect?

Seriously! What do you expect, what are your expectations for you children? I am struggling with this, big time!
Yelling. I am not much of a yeller and don't like it- not to say I do not yell at times. I really do not think it produces much of anything except a sore throat and your kids either shrinking back in fear and/or covering their ears. This should of been my first clue that something wasn't going right, I began to yell more than I ever have. My girls, like me, do not like it when I yell and even ask me not to. Of course, I try to justify it with, "WELL, if you would do what I ask the first time I ask, I wouldn't have TO YELL!!!!", I think we could call this broken record syndrome. Would it still be yelling if I spoke softly in a bullhorn? Anyway...

After several days of increased yelling because after asking my kids the 5th or 6th time to do something and it still wasn't done and/or one small task seemed to take a whole hour instead of 15 minutes- I started trying to figure out what had changed. I thought of everything to do with it being their fault, my fault and both. Then, I thought  it made me cringe a bit, were my expectations to high, unrealistic, unreasonable? I mean it's no secret that Grace doesn't flow as easily from me as it has been given to me.
Once that thought entered my mind, that I had unrealistic unreasonable expectations, it wouldn't leave me alone. I think it was because if this was the case, my expectations being to high, it went way beyond this one situation- it made me question my parenting as a whole. 
Later that evening I asked my husband his thoughts on the expectations I had on our girls. Lupe's response was that although my expectations were high, they were not unreasonable- BUT, he did think I am to hard on them at times. As hard as criticisms such as this are hard to digest, I love that he was able to be honest with me and I was willing to listen. 
After Lupe and I talked, I started trying to figure out how to remedy the situation and keep my sanity all at the same time. The situation that has me beating my head against the wall lately, is their lacking of listening and following through. Lately, I feel as if I am repeating myself way to much to know avail. Do I figure out a discipline strategy when I have to repeat myself more than once? Then I started thinking I needed to approach it from a positive direction and reward them when they follow through without needing to be reminded. Do I ride it out and wait to just get beyond "this stage"? Am I over-thinking/over-analyzing...again!? Maybe my expectations are just fine and my girls need a good......"lesson" in listening. Lupe's suggestion (after he tired of hearing all of my "solutions") was for me to sleep on it and see if the "fog" lifted in the morning.

What is reasonable and what is unreasonable?? Is it different with every child/parent? Is there a standard?

The last thing I want to do is to raise my girls fearful, defeated,  and feeling like they will never measure up. Deep down, I feel like my expectation (in general) is not to be the best and master everything- rather, I want to know that they have always tried their best and given 100%. Even if they "fail", as long as they did their best, I'm good with that.
I would love to now begin writing what I had learned and decided to do. But, I really don't know. Lupe was right, I am to hard on my girls and I am stingy with grace- I am trying to work on this. The situation with them not listening- I am going to try to communicate my a little better and give a clear warning before implementing discipline- all without yelling (this is my commitment to them). As far as my expectations- I truly don't know. I wish someone could give me a clear "Steps A,B,C, D" answer that would produce a wonderful result- I do realize that it is impossible- but wouldn't that be great!! 
What do you expect? What should I expect? How much is okay, how much is to much?
I guess I am going to expect from myself what I expect of my girls: I am going to try my best and give 100%. Even if I "fail" (and I will), hopefully they will be good with knowing I did my absolute best..................


After this post I decided to do a little "experiment" with my children in hopes of us all learning some lessons. Here are the posts that followed- and just so you know, I came close but did NOT lose my sanity!
Day 1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit
Day 2: Stressing My Kids
Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?
Day 4: Time For The Mess To GO!

Jenn: Failing Mommy Perfectionist

I have been asked, and I guess it's time! I am posting my answers to all of my pestering Mom questions. It has been so fun to find out all of the new perspectives from other Mom's, but I have had several ask me where my answers are! There are a few more to come (I am still editing, ugh!), but I figured why not go ahead and put mine out there! My short Bio is included at the top for anyone out there that reads this that does not know me.

My name is Jenn Garcia, my husband Lupe and I have been married 7 years. My daughters, Tenly (6) and Gianna (4), have given me the best title ever, “Mom”. I am originally from Florida, but moved to Texas after marrying the man of my dreams. After 5 years in Texas, we knew God was moving us to Florida for a new journey and of course we loved that we would be closer to my family.

I am a “Domestic Manager”, better known as “Stay at Home Mom”. I love discovering new things and organizing- I put the 2 together and am now writing 2 Blogs: “Jenn: Mom’s[NOT] Like Us” (this blog)- a Blog for and about Moms, and “Hot Momma’s of Broward County”- a resource guide for everything “Mom” in Hot South Florida.

In my spare time (HA!), I enjoy being involved with my church, my girl’s schools, reading, cleaning, crafting and cooking- in other words, being the Best Wife, Mom and Child of God.....and an occasional cup of coffee with my friends at Starbucks doesn't hurt.

On your parenting journey, what was the most difficult part requiring a ton of patience?

Potty Training. I think I did a pretty good job, my girls were both potty trained at 2 years old, and I did it in about a week. But that was a week that completely revolved pee, poop, towels, laundry, scrubbing carpets, mopping floors- but we made it!

Are you a Scheduled or Non-Scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?

When my girls were young, I was a very scheduled Mom- my babysitters were given a minute-by-minute detailed scheduled- seriously. As my girls were older, I think we have more of a plan of action. There are certain things that we have to accomplish, of course our meal and bed times are always at the same times.

I am a strong believer that children need, require, and benefit of predictability. They, like us, need to know what to expect and what is coming. It worked for me also, I was able to plan my day knowing when the kids to be hungry or tired. The downfalls of a wonderful schedule, is when you MUST go off of it- and believe me we did. I remember one of the first times I really experienced this. When Tenly was right at 2 and Gia about 5 months, we planned a trip to the zoo in Houston. We decided to stay at a hotel the night before. My girls never liked sleeping anywhere but in there own beds, so it did not go so well. Tenly finally fell asleep around 2am!

What is your biggest Mommy Pet-Peeve?
I have quite a few, but one of the biggest is probably lack of “follow through”. Parents must say what they mean and mean what they say, the first time, or else your word means nothing. It makes me crazy when parents can’t figure out why there kids aren’t listening to them, but you hear them constantly not following through with what they say- the kids are just doing what they have been trained to do.
Your funniest/most embarrassing “Mom/Child’ moment?
My funniest moment was probably when I was out bra shopping with Tenly. It was funny enough that I wrote a post in my blog about it, “Bra Shopping With My 5 yearold-Uncensored” .

My “girls” are not the easiest to fit, so it was taking my awhile to find a size 34DDD that was priced reasonably. My daughter Tenly kept saying extremely loud, “No, NO, NOO..” to all of the ugly fuller size bra’s. She was very frustrated that we could not find the pretty ones in my size. She loudly tells me (while the store is packed with people)” Mommy, none of these BOOBIES fit you, you are just to big for all of these BOOBIES and you must only get beautiful BOOBIES, not these!” Luckily, all of the other shoppers were very understanding and appreciative for the entertainment.

Given the opportunity, what- if anything- would you do differently as a Mom?
Sometimes I think my expectations are too high with my girls. I have honestly tried to let messes “go”- and just can’t. I’m okay with them making a mess while playing, but it must be cleaned up by day’s end- I just can’t seem to wait until the following day. But, I’m like that with everything in my house, not just my kids.

Do you have a secret “Mommy Confession”- something that you did/do that you are willing to share?

This summer, I have begun babysitting a friend’s baby during the week. Therefore, we aren’t out and about quite as much. If we are staying home, and not really doing much outside- I let my girls stay in their jimmies all day if they want. Sometimes it bothers me, but I have just let it go!

Did the way you were parented shape that way that you parent your own children?

YES! My parents were wonderful examples on parenting. I am one of 4 children, my Mom stayed at home with us until we were older and my Dad is a Pastor. The one thing I remember was “the look”, my parents mastered “the look”. We began doing something inappropriate and their eyes would grow big, as their eyebrows shot up crinkling their foreheads and their lips pressed together firmly as they pulled down their chin- that was all it took to let us know if we continued our behavior a consequence was coming. My parents did not ask for respect but demanded it and would settle for nothing less. Sometimes I see things other kids do, and think to myself that when I was young- I didn’t even entertain ideas of doing things like that- my parents would of kicked our hind ends to China and back! But, my parents also had our backs and would fight for us- I remember that well.

I do have the same expectations for my children and also want to be sure that they also know that I will always fight for them.

What are your “non-negotiables” when it comes to your kids?
I will not negotiate on Respect and maintaining their “space” or taking care of their things. Disrespect to anyone is just not okay. I also do expect them to take care of their things and bedroom. Although I do think I go overboard on it, I think they need to be able to appreciate the “extras” they have in life. There are many who do not have the means to have toys, movies, bikes, puzzles, etc, so they need to be able to understand that having things is a privilege and they should not be allowed to take it for granted by not maintaining their “stuff”.

Another is eating at least one bite of everything on their plates.

What was your biggest fear when you found out you were going to be a Mom?
I deal with fear a lot, and most of it revolves around Type 1 Diabetes. I was very fearful of not being able to have children because that’s what doctors had told me.

Once I became pregnant, I was fearful of carrying the baby full term (sometimes research harms more than helps). I had 2 very difficult pregnancies, I was sick for 9 months straight and in and out of the hospital throughout both pregnancies- that caused a lot of fear, that turned into me increasing my faith.

I did/do deal with fear of them becoming a diabetic, because if they do it’s pretty much my fault. Another fear is of myself having a low blood sugar while the girls are with me and them having to handle it. I wrote about the time I finally had to have a discussion with them about what they had to do if I ever slipped into a Diabetic Coma, “This Responsibility Is NOT Fair”. I absolutely hated having that discussion with them, my oldest was very overwhelmed imagining the possibility and it just made me angry to give them that responsibility.

It’s something I still have difficulty thinking about; it makes me very angry that I even had to have that conversation.

One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time!?

MESSES! I already talked about that above, I hate a mess- but allow it to happen because I love my kids.

What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children that you have found yourself doing?
TV. I hate that my kids watch TV, Tenly never really watched it until she was 2. Gianna has always been around it because Tenly began watching it when she was a baby. I put limitations on it, but sometimes wish I could just get rid of it (although, I do enjoy it myself).

Your biggest Mommy “Aha” moment?
I quickly realized after bringing Tenly home from the hospital, that it was all about her and not even close to being about Lupe and I any more. It became very apparent how much the world revolved around all of my needs before having a baby, and now the entire universe seemed to revolve around a 6-pound baby girl. I t was a HUGE Aha moment.
Do you remember your first thought as you held/saw your child(ren) for the first time?

With Tenly the first thing I said was, “Is she out?” after they said yes I laid back and said, “Thank You Jesus”. I had been so sick and was just drained of everything. She was taken immediately to the NICU, and the rest of the day all I could think about is I couldn’t remember what she looked like and was begging them to let me see her.

With Gianna, I remember thinking, “She’s healthy!” I was so excited that she was coming straight to me and did not have to be in the NICU.

Do you ever deal with “Mommy Guilt”? Why?

I deal with “Mommy Guilt” way too much! I am always overanalyzing if every move/decision I make is going to have a positive impact on my girls. I am working on this one…

Did you Breastfeed? Did you feel pressured to or not to?

I originally was not going to breastfeed, mainly because I didn't want my boobs to get any bigger and I wanted them to remain "perky" for as long as possible, selfish- I know. My “girls” are not exactly small and I wanted to keep them “perky” for as long as possible, lol. I knew if I breastfed they would never be the same.

My Mom and Sister are huge advocates of breastfeeding and both encouraged me to do so. My sister, Tara has 5 girls and breastfed each one with ease. She was so good at it, she was asked to work as a consultant. I finally decided that it was about my children and not me, and I was going to do it. One thing about me, once I decide to do something I am going to do it- I do not cave easily.

With Tenly, I had some difficulty in the beginning (her mouth was to small and my boobs to big) and had to use a guard. Gianna had no issues whatsoever. And, I never dealt with any of the pain that so many endure- I guess I was very lucky.

What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?

Go with your gut! You are going to do a lot of things wrong, but you are going to do twice as many right. You learn through your mistakes and those mistakes do make you a better parent. 

Try as best you can to not compare yourself to other Mom's, you end up frustrated trying to squeeze your originality into another mold- another thing I fight doing.

One of my biggest problems was always pursuing and presenting perfectionism. That pursuit is impossible to reach and it is exhausting. Instead, do everything you do the best you know how and in love. As long as your kids know you love them, they can look past all of the screw-ups.