The Controversial Debate...

Every year, October rolls around and the debate begins within the Christian community:

Question: "Should Christians celebrate Halloween?"

Dare I say that sometimes the "Halloween Debate" can get down right mean, ugly and judgmental.

Growing up as a "Preacher's Kid" we did not celebrate Halloween. As I grew older, I did understand why although I will admit to feeling a bit of jealousy and pity for myself as I watched all of my friends dressing up and eating candy. I do remember a couple of years that I conveniently found myself staying with a friend on Halloween just so I could dress up and have fun (The cats out of the bag if my parents read this, haha!).

The history and roots of Halloween are very evil and dark, and is understandably why Christians distance themselves joining into this type of celebration.

As I stated my own personal experience above, I also understand why Christians try to incorporate the fun of dressing up with friends in a more positive atmosphere.

I will not even try to push what my own convictions and thoughts are on this subject. Rather, my friend Ashton posted this that she found on gotquestions.org on Facebook the other day and I thought it represented both sides of the "Halloween Debate" very well. 

Question: "Should Christians celebrate Halloween?"

Answer: Whether or not Christians should celebrate Halloween can be a very controversial topic. Some Christians celebrate Halloween simply by dressing up in a costume and having fun, seeing it as innocent and harmless. Other Christians are equally convinced that Halloween is a satanic holiday established to worship evil spirits and promote darkness and wickedness. So, who is right? Is it possible for Christians to celebrate Halloween without compromising their faith?

Halloween, no matter how commercialized, has almost completely pagan origins. As innocent as it may seem to some, it is not something to be taken lightly. Christians tend to have various ways to celebrate or not to celebrate Halloween. For some, it means having an “alternative” Harvest Party. For others, it is staying away from the ghosts, witches, goblins, etc., and wearing innocuous costumes, e.g., little princesses, clowns, cowboys, super-heroes, etc. Some choose not to do anything, electing to lock themselves in the house with the lights off. With our freedom as Christians, we are at liberty to decide how to act.

Scripture does not speak at all about Halloween, but it does give us some principles on which we can make a decision. In Old Testament Israel, witchcraft was a crime punishable by death (Exodus 22:18; Leviticus 19:31; 20:6, 27). The New Testament teaching about the occult is clear. Acts 8:9-24, the story of Simon, shows that occultism and Christianity don't mix. The account of Elymas the sorcerer in Acts 13:6-11 reveals that sorcery is violently opposed to Christianity. Paul called Elymas a child of the devil, an enemy of righteousness and a perverter of the ways of God. In Acts 16, at Philippi, a fortune-telling girl lost her demon powers when the evil spirit was cast out by Paul. The interesting matter here is that Paul refused to allow even good statements to come from a demon-influenced person. Acts 19 shows new converts who have abruptly broken with their former occultism by confessing, showing their evil deeds, bringing their magic paraphernalia, and burning it before everyone (Acts 19:19).

So, should a Christian celebrate Halloween? Is there anything evil about a Christian dressing up as a princess or cowboy and going around the block asking for candy? No, there is not. Are there things about Halloween that are anti-Christian and should be avoided? Absolutely! If parents are going to allow their children to participate in Halloween, they should make sure to keep them from getting involved in the darker aspects of the day. If Christians are going to take part in Halloween, their attitude, dress, and most importantly, their behavior should still reflect a redeemed life (Philippians 1:27). There are many churches that hold "harvest festivals" and incorporate costumes, but in a godly environment. There are many Christians who hand out tracts that share the Gospel along with the Halloween candy. The decision is ultimately ours to make. But as with all things, we are to incorporate the principles of Romans 14. We can’t allow our own convictions about a holiday to cause division in the body of Christ, nor can we use our freedom to cause others to stumble in their faith. We are to do all things as to the Lord.

We Are Different, and It's Okay!

Attachment Parenting, Instinctive Parenting, Helicopter Parenting, Permissive Parenting, Authoritative Parenting, Authoritarian Parenting, Indulgent Parenting..

Which is right, and which is wrong? Which is effective, which is ineffective?

It's not a matter of right or wrong, effective or ineffective- it is a matter of what is right and effective for your family.

Recently, a friend of mine made a statement on Facebook declaring her hate of the "BabyWise" method of parenting and pointed out that parents who chose that style were ignoring their child's needs/wants.

I kind of chuckled to myself when I read it, because one of my friends' best traits is her honesty and passion for what she believes. Even though, I did incorporate many of the "Baby Wise" methods into my parenting when my children were young, I understand that it isn't for everyone.

It has been just through the last few months, since I did the "Mommy Confessions" series on this Blog, that I began to understand that what works for one does not work for another. I use to be so judgmental about how others parented, especially when it was different from myself- but I began to realize that I don't know their story, their reasons- so how can I make a judgment.

The comments that began to be made under my friend's statement about BabyWise really started to bother me:

 "..Baby boot-camp..", "..It's a baby, not a dog..", "..completely selfish, detached way of parenting..", "..easier on the parents, not the baby..", etc..

I could not believe that these Moms were all labeling me, and many other wonderful Moms' I know, such horrible judgmental things.

I suddenly felt the need to justify my decisions and explain my "why" behind the "what". But, I really felt it was pointless. I know I am a great Mom- not perfect- but great. Are there things I would do differently? Absolutely! Have I made mistakes? Absolutely! Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. But, am I a great Mom in-spite of those things? YES, I am!

I didn't create a schedule/routine with my girls that worked around me and my needs/wants, I worked very hard to make sure that anything I needed to do was around their sleeping and eating times. We were all happier when I could predict them and they could predict me. There were many things that I chose not to do so that I did not disrupt my girls needs/wants, I do not think that is the definition of selfish.

Why can't we embrace parents and their methods of raising children whether we agree or disagree? I am not talking abusive situations; I am talking just different approaches.

I know more parents that co-sleep than those that do not- it is not for my family- but that's okay; we are both 'right' because it is what works for us.

My kids are on a great routine that works for us. Many families have no routine at all, and that works for them.

Some parents use cloth diapers, that is NOT for me- but kudos to all of you who are able to!

Working Mom vs. Non-Working Mom. Public School vs. Homeschool vs. Private School. There is not a right or wrong, it is what works for each individual family.

I breastfed my kids and loved every minute, but it is not for some and others literally cannot do it. Some Mom's breast feed their kids until they are 3-4-5 years old. I think that's a bit outrageous to breastfeed that long, but it is their choice.

I made all of my girls baby-food, many of my friends thought I was crazy for doing so- and I'm okay with that!

Yes, I did allow my kids to cry it out at times (and still do), my girls are okay and so are Lupe and I- we could handle it. Many parents cannot allow their kids to cry it out for various reasons; I applaud them for going with their gut and raising them with the convictions and standards that they have. I refuse to think that I am an abusive Mom (and Lupe, an abusive Dad) for parenting with our convictions and standards.

It was so sad to hear Mom's degrading others who had opposing parenting methods, especially to the point of labeling them selfish and detached.

Let's just respect the differences- I am still growing in this area- but I am more determined than ever to not ever let another Mom feel the way I did after reading much of that last night. 

Shutting Down

What do you do when you get some stressful unexpected news? I am realizing..again..that I tend to not deal with it well.

Yesterday, my husband called with some pretty bad news (I will spare you the details, but just know- it was money related, and not good.). After I hung up the phone, I found myself a bit short of breath and mildly shaking. Over the following 30 minutes I literally found myself shut down.

I was suppose to Blog yesterday, and after the "bad news" came- I just straight up avoided it. Today I can't even remember what I was planning to write yesterday- and to be honest, I had to force myself to sit down and write today. 

I guess I feel very vulnerable when dealing with something so personal.

I have been a born again Christian for a very long time, at this point in my relationship with God I should be beyond this shutting down thing. I should instantly begin quoting God's Word, 

" When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I'm proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God.What can mere mortals do?" Psalm 56:3-4 (The MSG), 

and stand in Faith in complete Trust.

I must admit I didn't do that. I found myself saying this, "Why are we still here? When are we beyond this? Enough is ENOUGH!", and I said it more than once. Cried a few tears...more than once.

Eventually, I did call a friend who couldn't talk at the moment and would call back. As I hung up the phone I realized, I had yet to talk to God. It was a very good thing my friend couldn't talk at the time. I sat down, cried a few (more) tears and told God I was sorry and began to talk to him. 

There were several things that were brought to light in this situation that I was forced to "deal" with. My faith/trust issues (again), my anger and my husband and I lacking a bit of communication in certain areas.

I put some praise and worship on to help me get my heart and attitude focused where it should be. I instantly went to this song by Ricardo Sanchez, "It's Not Over"- I just let that song take root in my heart.

Financial issues are hard on anyone in any circumstance- it's never fun and can push you into a corner.

The hardest part for me yesterday was thinking of my girls. At first, I was having a bit of a pity party. There are several things I need...(I guess some are wants) to get for them, experiences I really want them to have (and they deserve to have) and we just can't do it right now. 

Every parent wants to do better/more for their kids than what they had/did- I think that's normal. That's what I was dealing with. 

At the same time, we are doing pretty good, especially in comparison with others. My kids have clothes and toys. Our refrigerator and pantry may not be filled to overflowing- but we have food. More than any of that, we have each other and we are surrounded with a ton of love.

We will be okay. I am continuing to learn to humble myself and trust God and put my faith in Him. He can and will do more than I can ever imagine or think if I give Him the chance to.

Keep us in your prayers, one day this will be another testimony of God's Faithfulness in our lives!

Day 4: Time To Let "The MESS" GO!

Before (or after) you read this, you may want to take a look at: What Do You Expect?, then Day 1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit, then Day 2: Stressing My Kids, then Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?. It will all just make a little more sense.

The Living Room

HALLELUJAH! Today is CLEANING day! My house is going back to being in order, neat, clean and organized! My girls are having mixed feelings about it- they are tired of their mess, but not sure if they are tired enough of it to want to clean it up. OH WELL!

Let me recap. I have been at my wits end for a couple of weeks of my girls avoiding cleaning up, and my constant reminding, nagging, yelling and screaming of reminders to do so. I am a bit of a controlling neat freak, and like everything put in it's place before the day ends (it's wonderful waking up to a clean house). I had a crazy idea to relinquish my control and allow my 2 girls to make the decisions, for 3 days, as to what they would and would not clean up. My objective was to learn their preferences, hopefully teach them an appreciation for a neat house and to also help me realize the world will not fall off of it's axis if I am not in control.

Yesterday was difficult for me, because the girls began to move the mess into the living room at an alarming rate. There has been toys in the living room over the past couple of days, but the bulk remained in their bedroom. I believe they ran out of room to make a mess in their bedroom, so the most logical thing would be  to expand into the living room. There was no looking past the mess, it greeted you at every turn (you should of seen Lupe's face when he arrived home).

Last night, the end of Day 3, we had a bit of a breakdown.

As the late afternoon approached, I tried to subtly remind the girls of the night before (Tenly sleeping in her bed was impossible because of the toys) and that tonight, there would be no getting up to clean after they were in 'bed'. I kept prodding them to think about their choices before it was too late.

They would have a "meeting" and decide that they would clean up some...later. Well, later never came (what a shocker).

Suddenly, Tenly is crying. When I asked what the problem was, she explained that she realized it was starting to get dark out and that meant bed time was coming and she didn't want her bed and her room to be a mess at bed time.

(insert another "Hallelujah Chorus" here)

I calmed her down and tried to reassure her she still had time to clean up whatever she felt like needed to be before bed time got here.

"BUT Mommy- I want to watch a show before bed time!!", she dramatically  cried.

"Well, I guess next time you will make a better choice.", I said as she pushed her lips out in one of the poutiest faces ever!

Needless to say, she did appreciate my response. She cried the whole time muttering all of the reasons this was making her angry as she quickly cleaned up everything (although not nearly enough) she saw necessary.

After Tenly finished, she and Gia came and sat on the floor in my room all calmed down and very relieved that they would both be sleeping in their beds that night.

Tenly said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I was so sad- I just really don't like looking at that mess when it's time to go to bed."

My response (HUGE teachable moment), "Do you understand now why Mommy asks you to put things away when your done playing with them? If you do that, there is no big messes at the end of the day- just a little one."

Gianna said, "Little messes are much better than big messes. I don't like big messes."

"Do you know what Mommy learned?", I asked. "I learned, that big messes are okay sometimes, especially when you are using your smart brains to use your imagination and be creative. I also learned, that if I get angry, I need to take a deep breath and talk to you- not yell. AND, I will remind you one time to help you remember what you are suppose to be doing- but only one time."

"So, two times is okay- but more than two times- we will be disciplined." Gianna reassured me. Tenly agreed with, "That's a deal, Mommy."

My girls have enjoyed the past few days not having to be told at all to clean up, but I think even they are ready to have a presentable home again. Tenly said this morning as we were making our "Clean Up List", "Mommy, we have to clean up because I can not let my friends come to our house when it's a mess. This is disgusting!" (insert another "Hallelujah Chorus" paired with my Happy Dance)

We made our list, the girls were quite detailed and I am a very proud Momma who is going to revel in the cleaning process ALL day long! Thank You Jesus, for giving me a teachable heart and the ability to endure!

Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?

Before reading this post, you may want to first read: "What Do You Expect?" Then, "Day1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit." Then, "Day 2: Stressing My Kids?" It may make a little more sense with the back story to this "experiment".

Was this a good idea? That question kept rolling through my head as I tripped/jumped/avoided toys, markers, crayons, books and  paper spread all over my house. I avoided going into Tenly and Gianna's bedroom to much- they played so nice all day- but I knew with that was coming a tripling of "the mess". 
They sounded so cute, so at one point I went in to see what they were up to- oooohhh my! 
"WOW", I said when I walked in to see Tenly's bed covered with what seemed like every toy they owned. The sting of "the mess" did fade as they both excitedly told me what they were doing. "Mommy, come and take ride with us on our boat raft that we made! We have food to eat, books to read, food for the fish, sharks and alligators, even lotion so we don't get too much sun- aren't we using our smart brains?!" It quickly became a picture of a vivid imagination instead of "the mess"- how can one (me) be overwhelmed by that?

The day and "the mess" went by a bit easier after that moment- of course with the help of ironing, laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms.

By the end of the day as the girls were taking their bath, I took the opportunity to do a walk through surveying the state of our home and "the mess". I was proud that I was less overwhelmed and started to think of how I would approach "the clean up" on Thursday. I knew it was going to be overwhelming- but that was another teachable opportunity- if we clean up as we go every day (I will leave out "quickly without being reminded"- learning patience and endurance) it is not as much and we don't end up crabby and overwhelmed. I think we will make a list together of what we need to do and break it up during the day. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself...

As I stared at the mess in their bedroom (the living room was not even a thought after looking at it), I started imagining what bed time was going to look like with the mountain of toys still on Tenly's bed. I decided that 
just in case they would choose to want to clean it up, I would start the bed time process a little early. 


"How am I going to sleep?" was Tenly's immediate response after staring at her bed.
 I had thought of what my response would be earlier (was not totally convinced it was the right one, but I gave it a shot), "I don't know honey, you guys chose not to clean up after playing- you have a few minutes before it's time to go to sleep- what do you want to do?"
"MOMMY, YOU are suppose to tell us to clean up!", Tenly said with her hands on her hips.
Gianna agreed with her hands also on her hips.
I explained, "No, remember- it is all you and Gianna's decisions until Thursday what you do and do not want to clean up. So, what do you want to do."
Tenly asked, "We get to decide now, too?" I nodded. "I don't think I want to clean up, I will just sleep on the floor."

OH, my heart! I calmed my OCD nerves as I agreed to let her sleep on the floor. Tenly quickly gathered her pillow and blanket and piled it on the floor next to Gianna's bed (which had no toys). We prayed, I dispersed kisses on their heads and left the room with a bit of a heavy heart. I was convinced that my "big idea" was accomplishing absolutely nothing. I realized I was going to have to come to grips with the fact that deep down my girls were the unthinkable....MESSY!


As I was typing at the computer, Tenly comes to me about 15 minutes after I had tucked them in. She looked very pitiful as she told me she didn't know what to do. I asked her what was wrong, and with tears rolling down her cheeks she said, "I miss my bed and I don't like that mess, I MISS MY BED!!" At this point, the Hallelujah chorus was resounding in my head! I explained that they had made a choice and it was past their bed time, it was to late to clean up now. She continued to cry and declare she missed and needed her bed. Okay, just so you don't think I am a heartless Mom with no compassion, yes, she was breaking my heart. SO, I gave her and Gia 10 minutes to get her bed cleaned off, no playing, and back in their beds. Here comes the exceptional part....

I expected them to both just throw all of the toys on the floor, obviously this would be the fastest and easiest short term solution. Then I hear Gianna tell Tenly, "Tenly, let's put it all in the right places really fast. Bring me the stuff in the closet and I will put it in the right place." Tenly responds with, "Good idea Gianna, then it will be all done when we wake up." Music to my ears, another Hallelujah chorus echoed through the house, and I did do a little happy dance (when they weren't looking).

My girls cleaned up that mess in record time, not even one little break to talk or play- THAT is impressive! Towards the end of the clean up I heard Tenly say to Gianna, "Gianna, we did it, we did it! We are the fastest cleaners ever!" Ten minutes after they began, I tucked Tenly into her bed with her Monkey Boy and she said, "Thanks Mommy, I love my bed."

The night ended very well. We have all learned something through this little experiment, and I think it has been well worth it. Even Lupe said last night that he cannot wait to have the house back to normal. As much as I have learned, Thursday is going to be a very  happy clean up day!

Angie: A Mom Restored

A lifelong friend of 25 years is sharing today! Angie and I met when I was about 13 years old, we were going to the same church and middle school at the time, and she was 1 grade ahead of me. She and I have so much history I don’t even know where to start. We became very close friends pretty quickly and maintained it for over 6 years, she even moved from Clearwater to Clewiston with us for a short time. She is honestly a part of our family; she calls my parents “Mom & Dad” and has always had a place in our home and lives.  We did lose touch off and on for several years, but I love that we have always been able to pick up where we left off. I was trying to find some pictures of us growing up and managed to find a few, considering Angie and I were both blessed (or cursed) with a ton of naturally curly hair- every picture seemed to be of big, bigger, and biggest hair, lol.

Angie and I spoke a lot as she was answering questions for this post, and I was saddened to discover that as close as we were, I never knew how much turmoil she was going through inside. Angie was always the one to have fun and make you laugh; I have so many wonderful memories of our times together. There were times I was bit jealous of her ability to make people smile, whether it is through fun or her unbelievable voice. God has blessed Angie (and pretty much everyone in her family) with an ability to sing effortlessly- she could win American Idol at the tryouts alone! No matter, on the inside she was being torn apart.

Angie shared with me that she does want pity, but just wants people to know and see God in her journey. She is not proud of the choices she has made, but she is proud to show God’s faithfulness to her and her children. Angie is the story of restoration….

My name is Angie, I am a single Mom of two boys, Caleb is 17 and Joshua is 11. I come from a very complicated family, and many of the components of it had a negative effect on me. My Dad was always out working 2 or 3 jobs and my Mom had to raise 6 kids pretty much alone. Being the baby of the family, I kind of saw everything happening in the home- the good, bad, crazy and the ugly. At the age of 8 and again at 10, I was also subjected to some of the “ugly”- I was molested.

Considering I was already a very angry lil’ girl, these circumstances caused my anger to grow- which also influenced the angry, hurt, and bitter teen I developed into. In my later teen years, I was raped- and feared many things as a result. Being the product of not only the sexual abuse but observing and being a part of so much other unhealthy stuff in my family, produced a girl in her late teens and early twenties, drinking, smoking, dating (being with many different men). During this time, I became pregnant with my son, Caleb.

My Mom basically raised Caleb until the relationship began with my youngest son, Joshua’s, Father. That was a regrettable 3 years of my life. With so much pain in me that I never dealt with, I was everything but a healthy Mom to my boys. There was so much turmoil on the inside, there were moments that actually thought of killing myself and ending it all.

I wish I could say that all of the abuse ended with me, but then Caleb was also sexually abused as a child. The anger with my family and circumstances turned to hate with a vengeance, yet no one on the outside knew of my personal hell. You see I became really good at being fake, I played church so well. I continued to sing on worship teams and taking my boys and myself to church regularly.

Two in a half years ago I did finally say I couldn’t do it anymore- I was tired of being fake and living a lie. There had to be more to life, God had to love me and He had to be real. That was all I had to hold onto, that God had to be and have more. I made a choice to go on a journey to uncover, for the first time, whom I really was. The hardest part was to stop looking at myself as the victim and to take responsibility for my choices and myself. This journey sucks, it hurts and sometimes I have wanted to quit. But then I see my boys and myself changing and thriving, and again realize that we are all better for uncovering the ugly and making new discoveries. Will this journey ever be complete? That’s a big, NO! We all remain on a journey of embracing who we are, holding ourselves accountable, and implementing changes, as necessary- finally doing these things is the best decision I have ever made.

What is your biggest pet peeve with parenting?

The blessed toilet lid battle is probably my biggest pet peeve! Do u know how many times I have almost fallen in! Now I have a note in red marker right above the toilet reminding the boys to put the seat down..it works.

Do you have a funny/embarrassing story with your boys?

When Josh was 3, he and I and two of my sisters went to Village Inn to eat. Our waitress had like three teeth total, Josh found it necessary to point out that he had all of his teeth to her. What do you say to that?

With Caleb, we were also in a restaurant for a big group family thing. While waiting in line for our table, there was a black family waiting in front of us. When they were called to be seated, Caleb followed them all the way to their table. It wasn’t until they were sitting down that he realized it wasn’t us, it was hysterical!

           

Given the opportunity, what- if anything- would you do differently as a Mom?

Gosh, that is hard. I did the best I knew how at the time. But today, I know more and I

know better than I did then. Probably having more patience. I continue to struggle

today and I am having to practice it a lot.

What are your “non-negotiables” when it comes to your kids?

How many can I list here? 1.) Church 2.) Homework 3.) Eating 2 out 3 items on plate 4.) Toothpaste lid always on the toothpaste 4.) No laundry on the floor.

What was your biggest fear when you found out you were going to be a Mom?

My biggest fear, because of the circumstances I was in at the time, was that I would fail them. Although, I did make some choices, I did not fail them and am proud of the Mom I have evolved into and of the young men I am raising.

Caleb is a great football player, he helps in children’s church, he always apologizes for any outbursts he may have, and he loves his family unconditionally. Josh is very compassionate and tender. He loves to sing (just like his Mom) and is a very friendly young man. I am proud of who they are becoming and it brings me peace and joy to know that, even with my imperfections, I had something to do with that.

The boys and I had a heart to heart about a year ago. I had to ask them to forgive me for my choices and things that had transpired through out the years. That was a pivotal point in our relationship, a real turning point. We talk and they share everything with me, no judgments just lots of love and guidance. I love my job being a Mom now.

Do you have a funny “labor” moment?

With Caleb, I kept yelling, “I need to poop..” during the pushing stage. Finally, the doctor yelled back for me to “go ahead and poop already!” (This is just Mom’s reading this, right?)

With Josh, I had to have a C-section, I refused to go into surgery until the doctor found and showed me the authorization to tie my tubes! It was a very funny moment.

What is your “secret” addiction or obsession?

My former addiction would have been smoking. Now it is painting my nails!

I have to have my nails painted, I feel naked without it! I have every shade of nail polish imaginable!

One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time!?

Making Caleb peanut butter n jelly sandwiches. As much as I dislike it and he is more than big enough/old enough to do it himself, I still do it for him- probably my way to keep him “my baby” a bit longer. With Josh, I hate, hate, hate, did I say hate; I hate doing math homework with him.

What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children that you have found yourself doing?

Nagging, I always said I wouldn’t nag my kids (because my Mom was a bit of a nagger). So, instead I have taken to posting notes all over the house, that way, instead of opening mouth to nag- or repeat myself- I just point at the note. Pretty ingenious if I do say so myself!

Your biggest Mommy “Aha” moment?

When I saw Caleb in the ultra sound for the first time, I was flooded with so much love for him. In the beginning, I was so ashamed and scared that I was a pregnant and single and not in a relationship- not to mention the shame that I felt from parents and family. It was pretty obvious that I had been a huge disappointment. So, I spent the first few months (in a home for “unwed Mothers”) of that pregnancy trying everything to miscarry the child. Seeing Caleb’s beating heart and watching my child on that screen changed everything.

Do you ever deal with “Mommy Guilt”? Why?

I fight Mommy guilt daily. I have made some pretty crappy choices in my life and those choices did effect my lil’ guys. I do the” if only game” a lot. I have realized though, that game doesn’t help my boys or me. That is an area I am really working on and it has gotten better.

Do you remember your first thought as you held/saw your child(ren) for the first time?

With Caleb, his head had been “stuck” in the canal for a while so he had quite a cone head going on. I found myself praying that his head wouldn’t stay that way.

With Josh, I instantly checked out his head! What relief that it looked perfect and he didn’t have a cone!

What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?

Get away from being caught up in what Dr. Phil says the books say. Rather, enjoy and embrace every moment, the good the bad and the ugly.  Try not to have to high of expectations for yourself. Admit when your overwhelmed, ask for help, take naps, and avoid perfection.

Time For A Facelift..

.. or, I guess it should say a "Bloglift". That's right, this Blog (and Mom) have evolved and that means I am making some changes. Let me explain a little.. I have "found myself" (not totally, but a good percentage)...

When I began this Blog (you can go back to the beginning)- I was selfishly doing it for me and this was one time I was okay with being selfish. I was about to take myself through a painful, but necessary, process of prying through the good, bad, and ugly of Jenn Garcia. I was proud of myself for finally being brave enough to face the true "Me" and deal with the many things I had been avoiding. 

The Blog was titled, "Jenn, Finding Myself Again.." and it has been documenting my process of trying to rediscover me, my talents, who I am at my core and what God has called me to. I felt my identity had been lost in "just" being a Wife and Mother. My first post was titled Jeremiah 29:11, at that time that verse was my lifeline.

I believe one of my first break throughs was when I made the Blog public. My survival for a very long time was based on how people perceived me- that's what had me on this impossible uphill battle to perfectionism, which I will never obtain. This process has taught me to give myself permission to "let go".

So, my discovery? My family is what God has called me to right now. I know this seems so "simple" and why has it taken me a year to come to the conclusion that being a Wife and Mom is sufficient? Maybe because it wasn't really as much of me losing my gifts, talents and abilities; but it was more about me not being able to locate them anymore underneath all of the anger, bitterness and junk I had allowed to corrupt my heart and mind.

My gifts and talents have never gone anywhere, and now I realize that I have my family to pour them into. At times, I have been given other opportunities to use them in other areas- but not at the expense of my family. 
Writing this Blog has given me the opportunity to connect with many other Moms’ and Women- that has been very refreshing! That takes me to my new objective for this Blog. It will be geared more towards Mom's- but Women also. Recently, I have been grabbing insight from so many other Mom's- because I felt it important that we learn and support each other instead of the need to "one up" or compete. I will be honest, some of the answers to questions I have asked have challenged me to reevaluate my ways, some have helped me embrace/understand differences and some have reinforced why I do things the way I do. I realized through the answers just how judgmental I have been towards Mom's who do things differently from me- I have a new appreciation for other methods and realize I can't judge because I don't know. The biggest shocker, I have made some changes in how I do some things after hearing how/what/when/why Mom's do things the way they do.

I will be continuing to spotlight other Mom's- I LOVE reading what they have to say! I will also be continuing to hit on a variety of other things as they come to mind or heart.

Thanks for sticking with me, following, and reading. The support has helped me in this process. If you have not joined this group, I ask you to do so and pass it along. The site will have a new title and maybe a new look; so don't be caught off guard next time you check in! Thanks for going on this journey with me....

The Most Important Decisions You Will Ever Make

What come to mind when you think about the most important decisions you will ever make?
When talking to various people, and researching what others consider to be "Life's Most Important Decisions", majority gave several of the same answers:
- Whom you will marry.
- Religion.
- Your career.
- Where to further your education.
- How many children you will have.

- Where you will live.

I absolutely agree with this list. Of course, "religion" moves to number 1 with me- and it goes beyond just "religion"- but rather a choice to invite Jesus into your life to be your Lord and Savior. There is no question, that this is the most important decision one will ever make, it effects the quality of your life today, tomorrow, and in the "hereafter"- and every other decision you will ever make.
There is a decision that Lupe and I had to make recently that is not on this list. To be honest, I am not that surprised that it wasn't listed or said- but Lupe and I both agree (as I'm sure many others would) that it is an extremely important decision that should never be taken lightly.

The Church you choose to attend.

I honestly believe this is one of the most important decisions one will make. The Bible tells us many times how important it is to surround ourselves with other believers (Heb 10:25) and to use our gifts within the body of Christ to minister to others (1 Cor 12:7). 
The church you commit yourself and family to should provide a place of rest and refuge when you are facing pressures and temptations, a place of encouragement when you are down and out, a place of hope and help when you are in need, a place of learning and instruction to help you become the person God wants you to be, and a place to find lifelong relationships with people that can love and befriend you. Nothing is more precious and valuable and fulfilling than to worship the Lord with fellow Christians, to see your children brought up in learning about Jesus, to spend your time doing things that will count for eternity.

Lupe and I found a great "fit" at Community Christian Church when we first moved to South Florida. A few things we loved about this church is how approachable and caring the pastoral staff was- especially for such a large church. CCC has MANY opportunities to be involved, from Bible Studies, Women's Ministry, Children's Ministry, and the numerous outreaches to the community. They truly love people. I think that was Lupe, our children, and I needed most at that time, just to sit back and be loved on and accepted. We were not just a number, we had a name and the staff made it a point to know us and love on us.

Recently, Lupe and I both started feeling like it may be time for something new, something more. We were happy at CCC, but there was something pulling at us. One day at work, Lupe was connected to someone who gave him a card introducing him to Save The Nations Church. That card laid on our desk for a couple of weeks, finally one day I went to their website and was intrigued by what I saw- we decided to visit.
The service at STN was wonderful, we walked in feeling the tangible presence of God and left feeling challenged in our spiritual walk. I'll be honest- it would of been easier if we wouldn't of liked it. It would of been easier just to stay where we were- NOT to make a change. 

We new God was bringing a change- and as difficult as that can be- it comes with MANY benefits to be in His perfect will. A few weeks ago, we both felt God had released us from CCC after my commitments to the Women's Ministry were fulfilled.
PEACE! We are so at peace with our decision, and the Pastoral staff at CCC were so loving as we let them know we were making a move. We are excited- and a bit nervous- to begin at Save the Nations Church. I can't wait to see what God has for us next.

Confessions of a Lazy Parent...

Regardless of my body's protest, I woke up early this morning to face the decision I adamantly made last night. I have been making comments for about a week that it needed to happen, my family all heard my series of rants loud and clear...although they didn't really acknowledge them or agreed with them.

My family, including myself, is in a very unhealthy relationship.... with the television. I feel like I (more than Lupe, because I am home with the girls the most) have nurtured and allowed  this relationship that I have always said would NEVER happen in my home.

I am not sure why Tenly's lazy refusal to read last night is what finally broke me, but it did.

Tenly did not even know that children's shows really even existed much until she was about 2 years old. I welcomed the "help" of the black box after Gianna was born, there were moments that I embraced the convenient baby sitter as if my long lost friend. Therefore, Gianna has almost always been aware of the TV.

I was still cautious about how much they were around and exposed to it. Also, closely monitoring what they watched (FYI: Just because it is a cartoon does not make it appropriate for a child.). Regardless of my intentions, over the years I find that "distraction" in our home WAY to much!

How I, we, ended up here I am not quite sure. It would be convenient to blame it on my children or my husband. But, since my kids only do what I allow, and I am home with the kids way more than my husband- I have to take full responsibility.

The reality is, I have become a Lazy Parent and conveniently hired Nick JR, Disney JR, and Sprout to babysit way to often. There is no getting around the convenience and ease of having these "babysitters" at our remote fingertips- but we parents also know that it doesn't make it right.

I am embarrassed that I have dreadfully become "....one of those...", the thing I always said would NEVER happen. I declared, proudly, that my kids would always be surrounded by books, puzzles, crafts, games and a parent sitting by doting on their every word and action.

To clarify, Tenly and Gianna are not glued to the TV- their imaginations are to big and energy to robust for that. But, they are in front of it way to much. They both LOVE reading books and doing puzzles and crafts and cooking- why aren't I capitalizing on that? Because somewhere along the line, it's become to much work- that is shameful.

Several months ago, Lupe and I found much of our time together was spent catching up on DVR. To help, we removed the TV from our bedroom (some are shocked we had one in there, and some are shocked that someone can live without a TV in the bedroom) and are so glad we did. We do not allow a TV in the girls room- and never will-so, in a way it was a double standard. But, although that helped, I (Lupe may disagree, lol) still feel like we should be able to function without the invasive 3rd party. My friends, Annette and Bobby, in Texas made a change not to long ago to benefit their family (they have 3 beautiful children). They "cut the cable" and eliminated TV from their home, and the results are more reading and family time- not such a bad thing! I have some friends in this area who only allow an occasional movie or DVD, and they and their children have lived to tell the tale, lol!

Today, when Tenly arrives home from school, I am going to apologize to both of my girls for being a lazy mom and allowing the television to steal our moments from us. The excitement of the many things we can do that are so much better to fill the void is hopefully going to spark them. I am a much better parent than this and am fully capable of caring for my children without allowing "that thing" to be constantly interfering.

We are not cutting the cable or getting rid of the TV, but it will have specific times of when it will and will not be watched. Our family time will be filled with fun and entertaining each other instead of depending on the black box to fulfill our every need. I am going to press for "No TV Monday's", on this day the TV will not go on at all.

Funny enough, today (and all week) it is suppose to be raining ALL DAY! Talk about getting creative! We've made it through with making collages, doing puzzles, dancing, reading many books, and a little cooking. Although, Gianna is losing patience with me typing at this computer, so it's time to wrap it up.

LAZY- I despite that word and hate it associated with me. So, the change begins- it is going to take work and probably hearing some whining  along the path- but it will be worth it. Taking responsibility and making a change, I believe it is one my girls will thank me for one day......well, it better be!

Poor Me....

Well, we had a very nice Christmas- I love being surrounded by my family. Almost the whole family was there except for my sister, Tara, and her family (Happy 20th Anniversary to them today). In the midst of taking down decorations, I have found myself fighting to give a smile or an optimistic outlook. It hasn't really set in that 2012 is right around the bend, because I'm so focused on dreading the next few weeks.

Every time Lupe and I have had any type of discussion regarding having to move, I can feel my mood change (I'm sure he feels it too). The other day, I tried to figure out exactly what it is, specifically, that has me so worked up about it. I think I was able to find a little clarity, there are a couple of reasons. The fact that I despise change is probably at the core of all of them. I, or we, did not want to move until it was buying a home. I do not want Tenly to have to change schools (we are going to see if she will be granted permission to attend outside of our zoning- PRAY). Both of those reasons I think come from how much I moved as a child and I do not want my girls to have that same experience. I'm sure that, like me, my parents did not want to or like it- but sometimes "life happens".

These reasons are valid, and also very selfish. While I am focused on not being where I want to be, how I want to be there, when I want to be there, why I am not there, who/what is standing in my way- I must realize that I do have a home, Lupe does have a job, my children are healthy, and I trust a God who has not and never will forsake me. Do a have right to have little "poor me pity party" for a moment? Sure, but my moment has long past and in the words of Dr. Phil "...how's that workin' for ya..?" At this point it aint workin' for anybody...especially me!

Although, I do realize all of these things, I still find myself unable to embrace the thought of moving out of here (even though we don't know where we are going yet) on January 28. Not one box has even been attempted to be packed- well, except for the Christmas decorations. I think, deep down, I keep expecting this miracle phone call- not that it is impossible, but at this point I think it's time to embrace the boxes and wherever our new home will be.
Even as I type this, telling myself all the reasons to snap out of it, suck it up, put my big girl panties on and move on- I just can't seem to do it.
Standing on Jeremiah 29:11 again, and praying. Also asking all of you to pray, not only for the perfect home at the perfect $$$, but for my attitude and that I will have a peace- not only for myself, but for my family.