Love and Like...

Last weekend, a close friend treated me to a Women of Faith conference. It's always fun to come together with friends to be filled up with the Word of God. It was a great couple of days, I was introduced to several new speakers I had never heard before and was also taken way back to some of my childhood favorites listening to Amy Grant and Sandi Patti. I was thrilled to hear that Mark Lowry was coming on stage (I know, weird for a women's event), and he did not disappoint- I had the best ab workout in a long time as I laughed until it hurt!

In the middle of my nonstop laughter, I had an "aha moment". He was talking about what a difficult ADHD child he was and the different ways his parents and he interacted as a result. Of course, being a comedian  he had tons of hilarious examples. Mark told of a teacher he had who shocked him one day with the news that God like him.

"I never heard somebody say God LIKED me before, I heard people say God LOVED me. You know, God HAS to love you, I mean, He's God! God is love, isn't that sort of what He does?...There is a difference you know. A lot of people I love, I don't LIKE...But, God LIKES us! God really LIKES you..." - Mark Lowry

Like: to feel attraction toward or take pleasure in, to care for.

Love: Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.

We all have people in our lives that we do love but we also tolerate them, and not necessarily like them - and their are people who love us but also tolerate rather than like us. 

When you tolerate someone, you avoid all the extras: coffee, nights out, phone calls, events, etc. But, when you like them you are choosing to go the extra mile giving of yourself over and above the norm.

That's what God does for us, he CHOOSES and wants to spend as much time as He can, he gives to us of Himself and blesses over and above the norm.

I know this sounds so elementary  but it's a big deal. I am not making the point to tell my girls constantly that God loves them and LIKES them and that I love them and LIKE them!

One other thing Mark Lowry mentioned that his parents did for him that had a huge effect on him. His parents always told him before he fell asleep that God had BIG plans for him and God was going to use him in a BIG way. He laughed saying that he didn't know if they believed what he was saying- but he believed it!

We have now added that to our bed time routine, after we pray and I lean over to kiss them good night I look into Tenly and Gianna's eyes and tell them, "You are so special, God has BIG plans for you and God is going to use you in a BIG way." I laugh that after I tell her, Tenly says, "Yes, Mommy, I know that!"

Oh, and sometimes I tell myself...I tend to need the reminder that God LIKES me, I am special, and He is going to use me in a BIG way because He has BIG plans for me....

christianmommyblogger.com

Rachel: Chosen To Be A Mom..

Going back to my college days with my former roomie, Rachel today. I don’t even know where to start introducing her- I have so many memories! Rachel and I did not quite know how to take each other when we first met; she was one of my new roommates among the 7. We figured out pretty quickly that was because we were alike in many ways! One of those realizations was when we quickly decided we needed to decorate our dorm apartment- it took us no time at all to make a plan to get started (By the way, we definitely had the cutest apartment on campus).

 We all became friends almost immediately. Rachel was a load of fun and loved to do things crazy and unexpected- unlike myself- so she definitely helped me learn to let my guard down. Later, she and I began working with a family giving therapy to their autistic son.

It was not until after Rachel and I both became Mom’s, that we realized how similarly we parented. After talking one day, we kind of realized that much of that probably came from our training with ABA therapy working with autistic children. That training truly did make me a better Mom.

Every time I see posts from Rachel on Facebook, it always makes me wish we lived closer together. She is such a passionate Mother (one thing I love about Rachel, is she is truly passionate about everything she does). Rachel is determined to be the best Mom she can be and raise the best Children she can by being an intentional parent. Her answers to many of my questions caused me to look at things differently and gave me a new appreciation for things. I am confident that after reading Rachel’s story and answers, many are going to take away something new:

I'm Rachel Bevilacqua (yep, that one took me a couple weeks to learn how to spell).  I've been married to an incredibly wonderful man, Joe, for just over 5 years. He's Italian and he can COOK!  We have two girls - Natalie Chase is 4 1/2 and Emerson Kate is 4 months.  We met in Florida where we were both living at the time, but after Natalie was born, we moved back to Alabama (where I grew up) to be nearer to my family.  I teach 10th grade English in the same high school from which I graduated.  In my spare time (otherwise known as the 5 minutes a day when no one is calling my name) I love reading, crafting, event planning, and graphic design.  I tried being a stay at home mom for 2 years and it was the worst 2 years of my life.  I love my daughters to death, but I have to work.  I gave up the idea of being a SAHM in order to keep my sanity and decided instead to make "working mom" work for us.  So far, it's been great! 

Are you a Scheduled or Non-Scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?
    I'm definitely not a scheduled mom, but I am a routine mom.  We pretty much do things (meals, baths, outside play, naps, errands, etc.) in the same order every day but not always at the same time.  I'm a planner, but by that I mean that I need a daily agenda or a to-do list.  It would be way too stressful for me to try to keep myself and my 2 girls on a time schedule - probably because things always take a lot longer than I think they should.

What is your biggest Mommy Pet-Peeve?

Natalie Chase

    Maybe this question should say,  "What aren't your pet peeves?" because I have quite a few.  I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a perfect parent.  I get it wrong a lot.  But some people just get it VERY wrong.  My biggest mommy pet peeve would have to be irresponsible (or maybe even absent-minded) parents.  I have to try very hard not to get angry when I see infants improperly fastened into a car seat (or worse - being held in someone's lap), or parents who open the car door then turn to walk across the parking lot without ever looking back to see if their child actually made it our of the car, or seeing a parent to absorbed in their shopping to notice that the little one is lagging several feet behind. There is no excuse for parents who don't care enough to pay attention to their child's safety.

Your funniest/most embarrassing “Mom/Child’ moment?

    I so wanted to answer this question.  I've tried for two days to come up with a good story.  And... I've got nothing.  I guess it's because 1) nothing my kids do really embarrasses me.  Usually if there is a potentially embarrassing situation brewing (i.e. - a grocery store meltdown), I will quickly retreat to my car and we will ride out the tantrum there.  And 2) Natalie is HILARIOUS!  She has us laughing non-stop.  But, that means all my funny moments sort of run together and I can't pick just one to tell.  I'm sad that I can't really answer this one. 

Emerson Kate

Do you have a secret “Mommy Confession”- something that you did/didn't do that you are willing to share?

    This might have fit under the "mommy guilt" category, but I can't decide if I feel guilty about it or if I'm a genius for doing it. Saturday is my sleep in day and I will do everything in my power to keep it in tact.  Fortunately, I have an infant who doesn't wake at all until about 8:45-9:00 each morning.  Unfortunately, I have a four year old who wakes with the sun (or before).   But, I have devised a plan to keep my Saturday morning sleep in time intact.   On Friday nights, I fill a spill proof cup with milk, put a granola bar on the kitchen counter, and a Disney movie in the VCR (yep, I said VCR... thanks to my Nana, we own every Disney movie ever made on VHS).  When Natalie wakes on Saturdays, she knows she can get the milk and granola bar and turn on her movie.  She's not allowed to wake me until the movie is over unless there's an emergency.  Most of the time it works beautifully!
 

What are your “non-negotiables” when it comes to your kids?

    On occasion, I will ignore poor behavior (for example - whining or hyperactivity if they're extremely tired or bored, or we're in a public place where correcting them would cause a bigger scene), but I will never ignore disrespectful behavior - and, believe me, with a strong-willed 4 year old there's plenty of it.  I guess being a high school teacher has given me plenty of examples of what happens when a child is not taught the correct and polite way to speak to adults.  I am determined not to have bratty, disrespectful children.  I want people to love my kids and enjoy being around them, not dread to see them coming.

What was your biggest fear when you found out you were going to be a Mom? 

    I think most expectant moms are afraid that they'll make mistakes, won't know what to do, and will be bad mothers.  I didn't think that.  I felt very confident from the beginning that I could be a great mom.  My fear was that I didn't want to be.  I had wholeheartedly decided years before that I didn't want children - I had a job I loved, had a dream of traveling, not being tied down, etc. So, when my now husband and I found out we were pregnant after dating for only 4 months (and only just beginning to talk about the possibility of marriage), it was like a slap in the face.  I didn't want a child, I wasn't married, and even though I was 26 at the time, I felt like "that girl".  You know the one - the one everyone secretly judges for getting pregnant before getting married even if they're smiling and supporting her to her face.   But, we decided to "make the best of it" and casual talks of marriage quickly turned into wedding plans.  I was 13 weeks pregnant on our wedding day, and, honestly, still getting to know my groom.   The next few months were difficult as I came to terms with the fact that I was married, pregnant, and probably giving up a lot of my dreams.  But, I did come to terms with it, embraced it even and decided that maybe being a wife and mommy wouldn't be so bad, but it wasn't until I was holding my minutes-old baby girl that I realized that not only could I do this and do it well, but that I'd been chosen, called by God to be a mom.

 Do you have a funny “labor” moment?

   With Natalie - I was in labor for 24 hours before having an emergency c-section because I had stopped dilating and she was becoming distressed.  But, during the 24 hours of labor I wasn't in any real pain (thanks to an epidural), but no matter what I did, I couldn't get comfortable.  Every time a nurse came in, I asked for a pillow for my back, legs, etc.  I even sent Joe out into the hospital a few times to look for pillows.  When the time came to move me to the OR for the c-section, the nurse started removing pillows from my bed and started laughing because they just kept coming.  I had managed to shove 15 pillows in the bed with me during labor.  My whole family still jokes about this almost 5 years later. 

    

One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time?

    Thanks to Netflix and a night of reminiscing, my wonderful, wishes-he-was-still-ten-years-old husband decided to introduce Natalie to the old 1980s Transformers cartoons.  She LOVES them.  I definitely do not!  But, she begs me to watch them with her, and I do because she loves it so much.  (Sometimes she makes me pretend to be "Momma-tron”, ugh!)

What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children that you have found yourself doing?  

    I swore that I would never let my kids (as infants) sleep in our bed, but as a baby/toddler Natalie was terrible sleeper and I was getting up 4-5 times a night just to settle her.  After many sleepless nights, I decided it wasn't worth not sleeping just to say I didn't let my kids sleep with me.  I finally chose to put her in our bed and when I did we both slept better. 

     I also said that my child would eat whatever I had prepared for dinner and that I would never fix a separate "kid" dinner.  But... Joe works late so he and I usually eat dinner about 8pm most nights.  Since I need to feed Natalie earlier than that, I usually let her choose what she wants for dinner. 

 Your biggest Mommy “Aha” moment?

    My biggest "aha" moment was when I realized that the parent isn't always right (even thought we'd like to think we are) and that when we mess up we need to apologize to our kids.  I remember the first time I apologized to Natalie for losing my cool while disciplining her.  She stared at me wide-eyed and mouth open...and then ran to me, buried her face in my chest and said "It's okay, Mommy.  I'm sorry too."   We're big on apologies and give them freely around here because we're human and we mess up, but we're also family, and we love each other anyway.

What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?

    As a new mother you will get a lot of advice (all of it well-intentioned, most of it sound), but don't forget that your instincts as a mother are better than any piece of advice you get.  You know your child better than anyone (even better than their pediatrician), so if something seems wrong, question it and if something you try doesn't work, change it.  You don't need anyone else’s approval to do what you think is best for your child.

Also, I try to remember this when I get frustrated or impatient with my kiddos:  Most of the time, a misbehaving child is a bored child.

Poor Me....

Well, we had a very nice Christmas- I love being surrounded by my family. Almost the whole family was there except for my sister, Tara, and her family (Happy 20th Anniversary to them today). In the midst of taking down decorations, I have found myself fighting to give a smile or an optimistic outlook. It hasn't really set in that 2012 is right around the bend, because I'm so focused on dreading the next few weeks.

Every time Lupe and I have had any type of discussion regarding having to move, I can feel my mood change (I'm sure he feels it too). The other day, I tried to figure out exactly what it is, specifically, that has me so worked up about it. I think I was able to find a little clarity, there are a couple of reasons. The fact that I despise change is probably at the core of all of them. I, or we, did not want to move until it was buying a home. I do not want Tenly to have to change schools (we are going to see if she will be granted permission to attend outside of our zoning- PRAY). Both of those reasons I think come from how much I moved as a child and I do not want my girls to have that same experience. I'm sure that, like me, my parents did not want to or like it- but sometimes "life happens".

These reasons are valid, and also very selfish. While I am focused on not being where I want to be, how I want to be there, when I want to be there, why I am not there, who/what is standing in my way- I must realize that I do have a home, Lupe does have a job, my children are healthy, and I trust a God who has not and never will forsake me. Do a have right to have little "poor me pity party" for a moment? Sure, but my moment has long past and in the words of Dr. Phil "...how's that workin' for ya..?" At this point it aint workin' for anybody...especially me!

Although, I do realize all of these things, I still find myself unable to embrace the thought of moving out of here (even though we don't know where we are going yet) on January 28. Not one box has even been attempted to be packed- well, except for the Christmas decorations. I think, deep down, I keep expecting this miracle phone call- not that it is impossible, but at this point I think it's time to embrace the boxes and wherever our new home will be.
Even as I type this, telling myself all the reasons to snap out of it, suck it up, put my big girl panties on and move on- I just can't seem to do it.
Standing on Jeremiah 29:11 again, and praying. Also asking all of you to pray, not only for the perfect home at the perfect $$$, but for my attitude and that I will have a peace- not only for myself, but for my family.

Starting Young...

I remember the feeling of Gianna kicking for the first time while I was pregnant very vividly. Lupe and I were sitting in our typical seats on the front row at church on October 21, 2007. Our Pastor was on the stage leading the church body in a prayer for the nations. The stage at our church, had all the flags from all different countries going around the perimeter of it- Pastor had called for people to come up and lay hands on the different flags as we prayed. Lupe and I remained on the floor with our hands extended to the flags as we prayed- I remember Pastor saying boldly "...we declare unity in these countries, and that God's church and people will facilitate unity in all nations..."- that's when I felt it- KICK! Not just a little bump, but I solid KICK! I grabbed Lupe's hand in time to feel a second KICK! We both smiled ear to ear as we continued to pray.

All of a sudden, I sensed it was no coincidence that I felt that kick while we were praying for the nations. God began to whisper to my heart, and I feel He began to prepare my heart. God whispered Psalms 96:3, "Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works (deeds) among ALL people.", then I clearly heard as we continued to pray, "This Baby is called to the World". As I type this, I cry about as much as I did on that day. It is both such a wonderful and scary thing to have a child called to the World.

This has been on mind from this weekend. The church we currently attend, Community Christian Church, has a wonderful program called Community Impact. It is when our church comes together and has many different opportunities for everyone to serve the community. We chose to serve as a family by making PB&J sandwiches/lunches for the homeless. I was excited to begin showing our girls at 3 & 5 how we can give to others. They were beyond excited! Tenly was thrilled to make the PB&J sandwiches to where Gianna was more excited to pack the lunches in the bags (she didn't care for having sticky hands). I was put in charge of coordinating one of the rooms by making sure everyone had the supplies needed at the tables.

At one point I turned around, and saw Gianna packing the stuff in the bags and tears sprang into my eyes. God again whispered to me that this is the beginning of something much greater in her. I told her the little papers we were putting in each bag were telling the people how much we and God loved them. She told me, "..that's right, because Our God loves everybody..".

As Pastor Scott preached the following day about "Going Beyond", I was reminded again about Gianna somehow reaching the World. I don't know what she, or Tenly, are called to do. I don't know how or where I will watch her or them go. But, I know God will equip me to equip her, or them, to to go and He will equip me to let her or them. I can't do it without him- because He knows I'm in emotional wreck without Him....LOL!

What a discovery this week has been. The opportunity to serve others along side my children has been such an honor.

I Never Imagined

FINALLY!
I've been wanting to get on here all week to Blog.................................
Last Saturday was the Women's Event at my church that I had the opportunity to speak at- I was excited nervous and expectant when I went to bed on Friday. When I awoke Saturday, I was still excited, nervous, and expectant- and a little chaotic!Let me back up for a minute. My incredible husband, Lupe, volunteered (after I gently suggested how talented he was to the team) to help with the food. He was making a quiche/egg casserole- we were serving a brunch. On Friday afternoon, we attacked Sam's Club and bought all the ingredients- and Lupe did a trial run to make sure he knew the exact time it was going to take for them to cook. Well, as prepared as my husband was- prepped ingredients night before and all- sometimes things still throw a curve ball. He had 12 large Casseroles to make, and we had allowed for 45 minutes for them to cook. Well, that didn't happen- the pans were to large so we couldn't put as many in the oven as we originally thought- and they were taking over an hour to cook, actually close to an hour and a half. Therefore, I was running a tad late and Lupe ended up getting there over an hour later than he hoped to help prep for serving the ladies. But, the chaos passed.....
I arrived to find Joanne (she was also sharing that day and is teaching the Bible Study also) having a similar type of morning. She and I had been working together to get all the decorations and centerpieces done for a couple of weeks and had been there a couple of days earlier putting the stage and "dining hall" together with several other volunteers- so we were really anticipating this to be a great day. After praying and reminding ourselves of why we were there- we were ready to be used to minister to these ladies- nerves and all.
As Stephanie Bringas (CCC's Conections Director) kicked off the event and then invited the worship team up, I was so relieved to enter into worship- it helped to calm me and completely put me at peace- I almost didn't even feel nervous. Joanne was the first to begin- as the ladies immediately responded with laughter to her opening monologue, it was so wonderful to see her shoulders just relax and see God just take control and use her!

Then I see my name and "my verse", Jeremiah 29:11, on the screen- I whispered, "..okay, God- me and You- here goes something.." as I walked to the center of the stage. I spit out the first line of my monologue- and kept going with absolute peace, "Okay, I might as well put it out there...I am one of The Good Moms..". The ladies were so receptive- and I do think God used me. My prayer had been, "God, I want each of these women to be met at their point of need..", I believe they were. New friends were made, decisions were made, choices were made, changes were made. Most of all, God used me. When I left Texas, I never imagined that I would be used in this way at all- especially this soon. I am leading a Bible Study and was given the opportunity to speak for a moment at a women's event. I have found myself wondering why me instead of someone else- and honestly, I don't know. But, I guess that's truly not important- it's hard to explain but- as I spoke to all those women what God had placed on my heart, I was ministered to in a major way that I cannot describe. A healing took place on that stage in front of all of those women, and I will be forever grateful. That was a day full of rediscovery....................................

Joanne and I

(Later this week, I will post the monologue that I did considering we did not get to video it)

Out of The Comfort Zone, Here Goes Nothing

Once we arrived in the Fort Lauderdale area, we quickly started searching for a church. Personally, I knew better than to wait. I guess I was kind of aware of the "state" I was in, and knew that if I took a break for weeks or months, I would get complacent and comfortable and would stop going. Deep down, it was also very apparent that I needed to continue to be fed the Word and be surrounded by others who would keep me encouraged and focused on God. Not to mention, I always want my kids to know that this is what we do as a family- we go to church to worship God and keep ourselves centered in Him.

We pretty quickly made the decision to join Community Christian Church, before we even decided that this would be our church home- I saw a Bible Study for Mom's that I knew was for me.

It wasn't comfortable to join a Bible Study where I didn't know anyone at all, and really didn't even know the ins and outs of the church yet. I just knew, that I needed some time to focus on Me and leave encouraged and uplifted- I knew this enough to force myself to show up, I am so glad I did. During that study, I met and have some of the closest friends I have had in a long time.

Joanne was the leader of that first Bible Study I did at CCC, and has become a wonderful friend. While planning the Studies for the school year, Joanne mentioned to our Connection Director, Stephanie, that she thought they should ask me to do a Thursday morning Study. I was a bit taken aback when I received that phone call. I couldn't believe it, someone saw potential in me? Enough potential to allow me to speak into other women's lives?

After prayer and talking with Lupe, I said Yes and felt the excitement building. I'll admit there were a couple times that I panicked because of past experiences in ministry related stuff- but I jumped the hurdle and plowed ahead. We're calling the Mom Group "Manna For Mommies" and are studying a book by the name of Real Mom's Real Jesus by Jill Savage. During the planning stages of our upcoming women's event (tomorrow!) where all the Studies for women will be introduce- Stephanie thought all of the Study leaders should speak. Now, I'm not very intimidated by a stage. Anyone who knows me, knows I am very talkative (some would say to talkative) and am typically not intimidated by people. But, as the day (TOMORROW) has grown closer, I have felt myself getting so nervous. Joanne and I both decided that we would do a fun monologue type thing before speaking. I think this is bringing on a bit of my nervousness- as much as I enjoy acting- it's been a LONG time!

Our decorations thus far.

Joanne and I have had a lot of fun planning for this event (this is my first and she's done a ton), so after we and a few of the ladies finished arranging all of the decor (pics to come) we had the opportunity to rehearse with the other 3 ladies. It went well, and I am so lucky that we had the opportunity to run through the monologue- it put me at ease and made me feel very confident that I am going in the right direction and God has guided me while writing it. I am speaking on being "One of The Good Moms". We're hoping to have a good enough recording so I can post it on here.

SO, as I sign off to go pray and memorize lines (SO hard, I feel like I pushed out my memory with the placenta and what didn't come out then my girls sucked out while breastfeeding, lol.), tomorrow around 10:00am- say a prayer for myself and the CCC ladies Ministry Team. We want this to be a safe place for women to let down their guard and trust God to meet them at their point of need.
I'm finding myself again, and to be honest- it's not where or how I thought! Doesn't it always seem to go that way? I'm realizing that on this journey, it's a little scary not knowing what's coming around each corner- but shockingly enough- it's a bit enjoyable and not all bad (can you hear that optimism coming out, lol?). Jeremiah 29:11- He knows!

Must Be A Part Of The Bigger Picture......

This past week has been pretty good, just extremely CRAZY!
Began with just Lupe and I, our girls were in Clearwater with my parents. It was nice, quiet (too quiet), clean (too clean), had a lot of time on our hands (too much time). But, we did enjoy some of that time to reconnect, just the 2 of us- of course we did that the few times we weren't working.
Then, it really was an insane week at work- for Lupe and I. People not showing up, working very long- unscheduled hours, attitudes, etc...you get the picture. We were both to tired to even encourage each other with more than a sweet, "I love you", before our eyes closed.

Weight of The World

Wednesday came both to quickly and to slowly, because this was the day we were meeting my parents in Ft. Myers to pick up Tenly and Gianna. It was exciting and slow coming to pick up our girls- and came to quickly because we were both going to spend 4+ hours on the road after a long day of work and an early morning the next day.
That leads me to today, Thursday. Seems like the end of a beginning in some ways. I'm typing all of this before we've even talked to anyone in our family. Feel like it's helping me sort out my thoughts a bit:
I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice how rough/exhausted/drawn/worn out/stressed Lupe looked this morning. I've said it many times, but this is not my husband. It takes A LOT to get him to this point- and I hate seeing him this way. This morning, he just looked like a man carrying the World. So, in many ways I was terribly shocked when my boss called me out of the gym to tell me he was on the phone (he has never called me on my work #). When I put my mouth to the phone, I could tell by his tone more than his words of, "I'm done, I can't do this anymore- I just can't!". I'll never be able to describe how badly my heart hurt to hear him- I've never heard Lupe sound defeated. I was (and am) so angry, that those people beat my husband down to the point of hurting his heart and his spirit. I held back tears as I told him I supported any decision he needed to make, and if he needed me to pick him up then.

Lupe is a man of integrity, such an admirable trait. After talking a few minutes, he chose to pray- called and asked for counsel from a few of his mentors and close friends before he went into a meeting with his GM. We were praying for wisdom, understanding, and favor. Considering Lupe has a mutual respect for his GM- he walked in and out of that meeting with everything we were praying for. Lupe gave his notice, agreeing to stay until someone else is hired- unless he receives a job before that.
Lupe is questioning his decision to take this job back in December- if he should of waited- if he, no we- jumped out of desperation and fear. I guess we'll never really know that answer, although I really believe that all of this is and must be part of a bigger picture. God has a plan, and yet again- I am choosing (because my head says to freak out) to trust, because I truly do not and cannot understand.

Once again, here we are trusting and I'm desperately trying not to walk in fear. Lupe came in tonight, walking straighter and smiling brighter- he really was. When I asked him how he was, he said he's relieved and at peace. I love that he didn't say how stressed or worried he was. I would rather he work more hours at WalMart or anywhere but come home happy without the stress.
One more thing...Prayers....we could really use a lot of prayers.......................

I Just Want To Fix It

Lupe was hired on full time at Garden Plaza around the end of January. Some of this brought much relief and also brought some unease. Lupe was heading into a very new position, with very different (and some similar) responsibilities and expectations. He was working less hours, but managing a lot more people, and instead of feeding 1000's of youth and children- he was feeding 100's of Seniors. Anyone who has worked with Seniors knows that they can be very rewarding people to work with, and they can also be the most difficult and trying people to work with. Seniors have a tendency to complain, are bitter, lonely, bored,cheap, and critical (to name a few). Some of them are not that way, but for some reason it's hard to let the 75% of non complainers outweigh the 25% of complainers (and why is that?). Now, Lupe is a very positive person- one of the qualities I admire about him- He likes to uplift people, make each person smile, and make a difference in every persons life he comes in contact with.

As Lupe began this new job at this Senior Living Community- these wonderful qualities in my husband began to be "challenged". It was difficult to walk into that dining room every meal shift and be called to table after table hearing complaint after complaint (again, it's hard to hear the many positives over the fewer but louder negatives). I'm not talking about things like, "the meat was a little tough tonight"- I am talking about degrading, "can't you do anything right?" and "I wouldn't feed any food from here to even my dogs", etc. That's not to mention the typical demands of learning a new job and  managing over 30 employees.
It was so difficult to watch Lupe come home every day, his face was drawn and he just looked tired- not physically tired (although he was) but emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually tired. He had even lost, at times, his admirable ability to let things slide of his back and to look at things positively. I wanted desperately to save him, fix it, and make it better- and at times made me want to go beat some of those old people in the head with their canes and walkers. How could people be so insensitive, so degrading, so self centered, and just act so ugly- and some of them ALL of the time! There were some very difficult things that Lupe dealt with out at the ministry- but this type of negativity was rare.

One night, I asked Lupe- Has it been worth it? Do you regret leaving Texas? Did we make a mistake? Is our "New Life" a big flop? He looked into my eyes, and the look in his eyes immediately reassured me that it was all worth it, then he assured me he would of done it all again.
The next morning, I started pulling out a bunch of scriptures to pray over Lupe in the morning and throughout the day. Lupe started really tackling things at his job differently, not to say things weren't difficult- but there was a difference. Lupe was seeking wisdom, not just in his job- but in everything concerning us and the challenges and opportunities we were facing.
I have always admired and respected my husband, but I was given a new respect and admiration for him. I remember reading in 1 Kings where Solomon asked God for wisdom instead of riches and fame. I believe in a positive confession and God blessing us- but I believe God blesses us out of our obedience and heart after him- not because we are entitled or demand it. As things started (and continue) to fall into place, I thought back to Lupe always having a heart after God, and not always choosing the easy/obvious thing- but choosing the "right" thing- that is what God honors.

Lupe has now been in this full time position about 6 months, and the favor and respect he has received from his coworkers and employees is nothing short of amazing. Lupe has, and continues to, earn the right to lead his employees and to speak into their lives. When they call in sick, I smile with pride as I listen to him pray with them before he hangs up and then calls back before days end to check on them. He never asks one of his employees to do anything he hasn't done or wouldn't do. Even just yesterday, he spent 3 hours of his day off to go help one of his chefs move- not because he had to but because he wanted to. Lupe (and I) did not leave the ministry when we left Texas, we've just entered another aspect of it.
This part of our walk, has helped me realize- once again- that I can't do it! I can't! When I try to fix it, I fail miserably and become frustrated and angry- because I wasn't created to fix it. Once I sat back and realized that I wasn't capable- and looked to God and allowed Him to take control- things started to fall into place. So, I learned here, to STOP trying.......................................

Green Light Means GO!

April of 2010. Lupe and I were in our bedroom. He was laying on the bed watching some TV while I was folding and putting away laundry.We were making some small talk here and there (during commercials, because everyone knows a man can't multitask with a TV on), just a relaxing night after the girls were in bed. Suddenly, Lupe says to me out of nowhere, "I think it's time"- I had no idea what he was talking about, I asked for more information. Lupe began to explain that he was feeling the release from The Ministry. Of course, I had been feeling the same thing (because that's the way God works). I love how we both had been feeling for a release for a few weeks but neither of us had said anything- we both wanted to be sure. What was so wonderful, is that everything was fine- no drama or 'situations' going on, we weren't angry or bitter with anything/anyone- we just felt that release because it was simply the time. I began telling Lupe how God had been whispering the same to me- I felt such a peace and freedom and joy as we began talking and discussing our future.

We had no details/plans/jobs- nothing- but we did have a "Green Light" from God to start our new season, or our New Life, and that in itself brought an incredible peace. My friend, Carrie, recently described the jump into the unknown with NO plan in sight as "...Faith or stupidity.." (Carrie and her family can speak candidly considering they took the same 'leap' we did at the same time from the same place). It took a few weeks for us to process, are we really doing this!?!?! After much discussion, we felt we were suppose to move to Florida- Lupe had some family in Texas- but we both felt we needed to be near family that were able to be ever present for us and our girls. Lupe loves my family as if he were there own- and they love him the same (I sometimes think they'd keep him over me). That was one BIG decision down, now we had to think of which city, jobs, homes, schools, moving money, the process, and WHEN!

You would think the "when" would be a matter of looking at a calender and coordinating with a schedule of needs and necessities and timing. Well, typically that would be true. But, according to the ministry guidelines that we agreed to (and were determined to honor)- we needed to wait to give our "notice" until the 1st of September, after that we and the leadership would decide on a mutually agreed upon "exit date" (last day). So, yes- they determined our last day- not us. We knew this going in, and began to plan the best way we could without knowing. We weren't allowed to tell anyone of our plans- everything was secretive. Although, in full disclosure, I did tell a handful of people that I was close to and Lupe mentioned it to about 2 people he was close to.
It was scary, we knew of people and couples who had resigned before and were given a couple weeks (or days) to pack up and leave. That scared the heck out of me that potentially we could be give the same terms. We were trying to save money, to prepare and be ready for almost anything at any time. I began packing boxes a bit at a time, moved all the furniture out of the dining room and began replacing it all with boxes. Things continued going smoothly, not much was said for awhile after we gave our notice- not that we wanted a lot said, but sometimes silence is scarier than a screaming match.

Finally, Lupe had a "meeting"- in that meeting they released us from all church services and gave Lupe the weekends off- except when there was a retreat- but we still had no "exit date". We continued to go to church although we had been "released" (I mean, come on, where else would we be). Rumors starting flying of course and it started to "leak out" among the staff that we were resigning. It was weird, I would walk away from a conversation and just know that the person I was speaking to knew- although they didn't say a word about it. There was a strange undercurrent we felt- it may of been valid or it may have been our imagination and paranoia.
During all of this, I questioned my ability to hear God's voice. Why did I question it? I questioned it because the leadership, that taught me how to listen and hear God's voice, questioned our ability to hear it. But, Lupe and I grew closer together, and our prayer life grew- and in that we knew that God had given us direction. Since arriving in Florida, I have questioned it again- but each time I am reassured when God proves Himself and shows Himself time and time again.

The BEST "OOPS" That's Ever Happened....

OKay- To be honest, I had planned to write something else- but then I thought it only fair to tell this part- on top of the fact that it's just plain WONDERFUL.... Who's Plan Are We Suppose To Follow Again?

I'm a planner! I like everything organized, you know the "There's a place for everything, and everything in it's place" kind of girl. My family pick on me about being OCD- I am so NOT OCD- although I can be a little extreme at times- but have gotten much better (I don't vacuum 3 times a day anymore). I like things clean and neat and despise clutter. If it doesn't have a use, purpose, or truly important meaning- it does not belong. I use my organizer/planner to coordinate and plan everything- my husband I go to bed with our plan for the next day. I, and my family, function best this way.

I said all of that to say this, I (we) 'planned/organized' our family also. But, my plan was clearly not 'His' plan. We weren't going to have children for 1 year (although, I already wrote about our intentional change of plans on that one), we wanted 3 children all 2-3 years apart. Isn't that a great plan? Of course it is, just not the one for us!

Tenly was 10 MONTHS OLD when I found out I was pregnant with our second baby. I was sick, and unreasonably emotional. Quick story, I was in church (didn't know I was pregnant) and VERY aggravated at my husband over something (Lupe and I rarely fight)- I was so upset I had to walk out to calm myself down. I was trying not to look/talk to anyone because I knew I'd get even more upset. My friend, Carrie, saw me and immediately knew I was not okay. I told her, I can't say anything, I'll cry more. She finally convinced me to talk to her, and after I explained how horrible Lupe was and how upset I was she had a funny look on her face as she quietly shook her head. Carrie then gently took my hand and asked, "Jenn, are you pregnant?"! I laugh now, because I was so aggravated that she said that- I just looked at her and said NO, I cant be! Looking back, yes, I was very unreasonably emotional!

You see, I could not be pregnant because I was birth control and breast feeding- so there was NO way! Boy, was I wrong. After crying while watching a comedy sitcom, I put my shoes on and walked out of the house. Lupe ran after me asking what was wrong and where I was going, while sobbing I yelled I was going to buy a pregnancy test. He was STUNNED, and 3 pregnancy tests later I was still in denial.

I was so scared to be pregnant with a child still in diapers, this WAS NOT in my plan- and I had told God MY plan- wasn't He listening?

My pregnancy was much like my first, except I only lost 29 pounds during my 9 months of sickness instead of the 39 I lost with Tenly. I remember Tenly's 1st Birthday party- I  had about 80 people outside 'partying' while I ran in and out of the house puking. My WONDERFUL friend (couldn't of done it without her), Sandi, decorated, held my hair while I puked, cleaned up, and took care of Tenly when Lupe took care of me. No one but Sandi and Lupe really knew how bad I was doing that day- I was a great faker that day!We found out we were having another girl (I was blessed with a husband with no gender preference for his children). I always loved the fact that I have my Daddy's initials- and since we had decided that this would be our last child- we thought that would be a great thing to do with Gianna Avie. The end of this pregnancy was crazy- I ended up in ICU with a pain in my ribs under my chest that they couldn't diagnose. While in there I gained 20 pounds over night- literally- no exaggeration. It made the doctors confused and concerned when we couldn't get rid of the water I was retaining. After being put on bed rest and finally finding out Gia's lungs were developed- my doctor called me at 9pm to tell me to come in at 5:30am for the c-section (she was breach).

Gianna was born at 7:32 weighing 7'6 (she was a month early)- she was perfect and came to the room immediately- No NICU this time! What a miracle!

That's why Gianna Avie, is the best "OOPS!" that's ever happened to me! Gianna wasn't in my plan at that point- but she was in God's plan- which just shows that His plan IS perfect!