My Mommy Doesn't Love ME......

"My Mommy Doesn't Love MEEE....." I listened to Tenly scream for what seemed like forever.

Yep, it was one of those days today. One of those days that just hurt and made me question all of my carefully thought out "strategic parenting".

It hasn't just been today, it has been several days...toooo many days of struggling to hear respect in her voice, following directions, listening the FIRST time, and of course climbing the Mt. Everest of homework. I have even began to hear Tenly raise her voice to me and stomp her foot....more than once!!

There is veteran Moms reading this, chuckling as they remember and they (and their children) are still alive to report survival on the other side of "The 6 year old battle of the minds.." And, I am taking comfort in picturing those of you doing just that (so please tell me that someone is!?).

I know I have written similar posts of these frustrations before. But, today I just seemed to have been derailed as I cried in my bed over what seemed to be defeat, frustration and surrender all balled up together. Mind you, I have not been quite the "model Mom" in my responses to my beautiful sassy daughters outbursts- so you might as well add Mommy-Guilt to that ball while we're at it. I have never been much of a yeller, but at times it feels like an alien has taken over as I hear my voice shrieking, "Are you kidding me? Did you really just do that...?"

I had, what I thought to be, a GREAT idea! It was a beautiful day in South Florida, 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, a perfect day to do homework out back on the water. I though this was brilliant enough to take any negativity out of homework and make Tenly forget how tired she may be.

After treading gently through the spelling practice test with gentle encouragements, we made it. Then we approached practicing her vocabulary words, Tenly began to detach herself from even the thought of trying. I don't know if Cinderella herself could of gotten a different outcome! Actually, scratch that...she would have gotten a perfect outcome! Come to think of it, anyone and everyone but ME would have gotten a perfect outcome.

After several chances (too many, consider one chance sufficient in my book), she was sent back inside to be disciplined.

I am a tired Mom. I am tired of fighting with my 6 year old. I am tired of over-analyzing my parenting skills/methods and tired of changing them. I am tired of making Tenly cry, and I am tired of crying. I am tired of being the wearing the red horns with matching red pitchfork surrounded by flames, while Daddy flies in the clouds with the angel wings and halo.

But, that's also what makes me a Good Mom. I care enough to continue to question everything and change it. That I care enough about raising good respectful kids that I am willing to be the bad guy and "make" them cry. That I still hurt when I see my kids cry, whether it's because they have fallen, had their feelings hurt, or are being disciplined by their mean Mom.

My heart still hurts and I still have a million questions rolling around in my head. My day with my girls is coming to an end very soon, I pray that my heart and Tenly's heart both feel better when it does.

God, continue to give me wisdom and help me to grow, listen, make changes, capitalize on being right and admit when I am wrong. I have already proven that this is one job I cannot do without my God and today I have needed Him more than ever.

Love and Like...

Last weekend, a close friend treated me to a Women of Faith conference. It's always fun to come together with friends to be filled up with the Word of God. It was a great couple of days, I was introduced to several new speakers I had never heard before and was also taken way back to some of my childhood favorites listening to Amy Grant and Sandi Patti. I was thrilled to hear that Mark Lowry was coming on stage (I know, weird for a women's event), and he did not disappoint- I had the best ab workout in a long time as I laughed until it hurt!

In the middle of my nonstop laughter, I had an "aha moment". He was talking about what a difficult ADHD child he was and the different ways his parents and he interacted as a result. Of course, being a comedian  he had tons of hilarious examples. Mark told of a teacher he had who shocked him one day with the news that God like him.

"I never heard somebody say God LIKED me before, I heard people say God LOVED me. You know, God HAS to love you, I mean, He's God! God is love, isn't that sort of what He does?...There is a difference you know. A lot of people I love, I don't LIKE...But, God LIKES us! God really LIKES you..." - Mark Lowry

Like: to feel attraction toward or take pleasure in, to care for.

Love: Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.

We all have people in our lives that we do love but we also tolerate them, and not necessarily like them - and their are people who love us but also tolerate rather than like us. 

When you tolerate someone, you avoid all the extras: coffee, nights out, phone calls, events, etc. But, when you like them you are choosing to go the extra mile giving of yourself over and above the norm.

That's what God does for us, he CHOOSES and wants to spend as much time as He can, he gives to us of Himself and blesses over and above the norm.

I know this sounds so elementary  but it's a big deal. I am not making the point to tell my girls constantly that God loves them and LIKES them and that I love them and LIKE them!

One other thing Mark Lowry mentioned that his parents did for him that had a huge effect on him. His parents always told him before he fell asleep that God had BIG plans for him and God was going to use him in a BIG way. He laughed saying that he didn't know if they believed what he was saying- but he believed it!

We have now added that to our bed time routine, after we pray and I lean over to kiss them good night I look into Tenly and Gianna's eyes and tell them, "You are so special, God has BIG plans for you and God is going to use you in a BIG way." I laugh that after I tell her, Tenly says, "Yes, Mommy, I know that!"

Oh, and sometimes I tell myself...I tend to need the reminder that God LIKES me, I am special, and He is going to use me in a BIG way because He has BIG plans for me....

christianmommyblogger.com

Mommy Confession: Callie, Diet Coke Made Me Cry!

My beautiful friend Callie, Mom of 3, is giving us a "Mommy Confession today! I met Callie while living in Texas, while we were both on staff at the same ministry.
Callie is one amazing Mom, for many reasons you will have the opportunity to read about. She embraced me with open arms after I was newly married in Texas and new pretty much...no one! Callie is a woman of The Word, and a beautiful example of a Godly woman, wife and mother. I hope you gather a lot of wisdom from her daily walk....

Is it so hard??? I sit home with these three babies all day and my reward; the only reward I ask for is a large diet coke, that’s it! My house is dirty, and I DETEST a dirty house- I need a Diet Coke. But I am strapped to the couch with a baby on me, I feel like I should have a sign on me that says “baby on boob”.

When I do finally get the house clean like I like it, they all have to eat again. There go the dishes, floors & laundry. And speaking of laundry…who needs this many clothes- we should have one outfit per day! Why does this laundry stack never go away?

Oh and Hi you!!! You are the love of my life and I miss being with you but “make love…I can’t even think of It.”, my house is filthy, my kids are fussy, I am feeling fat and cranky. I just want a diet coke but we have none and you have the car at work. Why oh why????

Hi, that is I; Callie Scott, and just recently I have given an award winning performance as the most dramatic sounding stay home mom. Sad thing is, it isn’t verbatim but very much how a recent fall apart moment of mine sounded.

You see in June I gave birth to our little boy Malachi. In 2.5yrs, Malachi is our 3rd child. Yes, 2.5yrs & 3children is correct. If any mother knows the emotions that follow having a child as you are figuring stuff out, add to that a 1yr old throwing fits and cutting molars and a 2yr old discovering himself, his voice, his limits annnddddd cutting molars- and that would be what I do daily.

I’ll be the first to say the first 10wks of my sweet little boys life, I have not quite been the woman resembling grace and poise, but rather of emotion exhaustion. Now please let me state early on, I know I am not the only woman who has had 3 children, or 3children all 1yr apart…but, I have simply not handled it so gracefully.

My husband, Dereck, and I met at the ministry we both attended Bible College at and eventually joined staff with. We dated for a year, engaged for 6mos & then married on Dec 15, 2007- the most perfect day, 5yrs this coming December.

We wanted to start our family early so we set the date to start trying after two years of marriage. Well, by the time we celebrated our 2yr anniversary we had a 5day old beautiful baby boy, my pride and joy for sure!

15 months after that, we welcomed our little beauty and they have since have become best friends and she is a Daddy’s girl.

And now, 15 months after her…our wonderful sweet baby boy has arrived.

I am absolutely in love with my family. I love laughing every day with them all.

 As a teenager, I became very independent and self-sufficient- which can be a good thing. I thought it was a good thing that I had brought my independence into our marriage- but I realized it wasn’t helpful to my husband. This realization took place after we had our oldest son, Maddox, and we moved away and did not have family close by. Dereck wanted and needed a wife who needed him and not one who would be just fine without him.

The last two years of being away from all we have known and around people who are all too busy to with life (and understandably so), I have had absolute no one to lean on but Jesus and my husband. I have learned how to be not completely “needy”, but certainly reliant on his help. I have certainly learned that we are each other’s helpmates. Moving away from family was a fabulous thing, however, I would be lying to say that it does not and has not
presented some great challenges.

After our baby girl was born, my husband accepted another job in full time church work as we had already stepped out for a few years. We were hesitant but excited, moving to another city further away from family and kicked it in full gear. I was home all day and several nights out of the week with a one year old and newborn- to be quite honest, I was lonely.

I was cleaning house all day, dinner was prepped and I was craving some adult time. So, I started working part time at a grocery store and loved it. My baby weight was falling off, and I began feeling beautifully sassy again. Apparently, a whole lot “beautifully sassy”, because we found out just a few months later that we were pregnant AGAIN.

Oh my dear Jesus! To put it plain and simple, I felt like I was becoming exactly what a wonderful mentor referred to me as recently- A HUMAN PEZ MACHINE!

 WHY? is the question in many people’s mind. Why would you have kids so close together and with no family around?

My wonderful best friend and hubby is 6 years older than I, he wanted his youth and vigor with our children while they are young. Sure we have wondered where money was coming from, where dinner would be coming from, where sleep was coming from…but we serve a BIG GOD and He has never let us down.

While pregnant with my 3^rd, it came time for me to take maternity leave to prepare for our new baby. We were without my extra income, so my new treat became the simple satisfaction of a Dr. Pepper or Diet Coke- large from McDonald’s (after the baby, just diet coke). What can I say…I am easy to please and we pinch pennies.

We are down to 3 full months now being at home, 9wks of missing intimate moments with my hubby, 8wks with our new addition and a solid day of fussy babies- and NO access to a Diet Coke.

All I could do was cry, that’s right…I cried. All I wanted was the fizz of carbonation in the back of my throat. I wanted close my eyes and escape for a moment enjoying every sip. Normally, Dereck would bring me home one at lunch- but this day, he was playing basketball and we only have one vehicle. Even if I had had my precious Diet Coke, my 8wk old was fighting sleep and my other two were running a fever and were cranky from cutting 1 & 2yr molars….I would not have been able to enjoy it.

I was an emotional mess for almost 36hrs and though I know the root was exhaustion, it stemmed from my Diet Coke. Please tell me I am not the only one and someone else has been there!

Lane'e: Ice cream In The Shower, Gotta Do What'cha Gotta Do..

My friend, Lane’e took a break from her busy life to answer my many questions on “Mommyhood”. Lane’e and I go back (like so many others) to Texas Bible Institute. I actually met Lane’e's (very new) boyfriend, Jeremy (who would be her husband), first. Jeremy was actually in Lupe and my wedding; I remember when they were driving down to Florida from Texas the week before the wedding- all the guys said Jeremy was on the phone with Lane’e almost the whole time except when he was sleeping.

The rest is history; they were engaged and married a year later. I loved that I got to help Lane’e find her wedding dress, and even helped out at the wedding a bit (everyone knows how happy wedding stuff makes me).

Lane’e is an unbelievable Mom with 2 beautiful little girls (I love that there’s another Mom out there that takes and posts as many pictures as I do of their kids and family). She works tirelessly for the youth in their ministry along side her husband, but her family always gets that much more. It has been amazing to watch this young women develop into such an incredible Wife and Mother regardless of any circumstance around her, although I never doubted she would.

My name is Lane'e and I have 3 children, my 5 year old, Jaci, my 2 year old, Jeslyn, and my husband, Jeremy. Jeremy and I met at Texas Bible Institute, were married in 2006 and have been in youth ministry ever since. I am blessed to be able to stay home with my girls, but I do take part time classes at Angelina College.

I am working very slowly towards a teaching certificate while being a Mom and working with the youth. The church and students we serve are fantastic and we know we are right where God wants us. I always knew that God had called me to be in ministry, I just wasn't sure where. My journey as a Mom began very early in our marriage, but I wouldn't change anything. I am looking forward to the fact that in my early 40's we will be empty nesters, going on mission’s trips, and devoting our life even more to the ministry. I have learned that God is faithful and He always has a plan. I am living the life I have always dreamed of and I couldn't be more thankful.

Are you a scheduled or non-scheduled Mom?

I am definitely a non-scheduled Mom. I will say that this past year I have become more into a routine than ever before. I do believe that when my children get bored they get into trouble. I have thought about creating a loose schedule to try and follow, but I have yet to do it. It's just not my personality!
My biggest Mommy pet peeve? 

I could go on for days answering this question (as most Moms could). I would have to say my biggest pet peeve would be judgmental glances from strangers when I am correcting my children's behavior. Sometimes I was to ask them if they have any children for themselves, because if they did they would understand. I'm sorry if they don't like it, but my daughters will be well behaved and respectful. I need to add that I CANNOT stand when I see a child neglected or left in a car by themselves. I have on occasion waited for the parents to return and explain to them how dangerous that is. It just gets under my skin. 
My funniest "Mom/child" moment?

I have a whole library of these! One that sticks out in my mind happened about 1 1/2 years ago. We had recently moved to Lufkin and became the Jr. High pastors of Clawson AG. A lady from the church was bent down talking to Jaci and Jaci said, "You have yellow teeth, you need to go to the dentist!" I about had a heart attack! What do you say after a comment like that, no matter how true it might be? This came two weeks after seeing a lady at our doctor’s office that was missing some teeth. Jaci very innocently asked the lady "What happened to your teeth?" The lady responded, "I fell down." Jaci replied "Then why are they all black?" Mortified is not the word to describe my emotions. After these two incidents I made it very clear to Jaci, if she has a question about someone to wait until we are in the car to ask Mommy. I can't be upset with her though; she calls it like she sees it! 

What would I do differently as a Mom? 

This is a tough one, not that I am perfect by any means. I have a long list of Mommy mistakes that I wish I could change. I guess this is so hard for me because my children are still very young. I will have to say I wish I would of been more prepared for everything that Motherhood brought to me. I had Jaci 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. I think I would Mother differently had I been a little older. 
Do you have a Mommy confession?

I don't think I have anything exciting to confess. I did eat an ice cream cone behind the shower curtain the other day, so Jeslyn (2 yrs old) wouldn’t see me eating it. LOL that’s great parenting skills right there! Does the way you were parented shape the way you parent?

Yes, my Mother just oozed love for me, sometimes at a fault. She did the best she could and she loved me to the ends of the earth. I am very blessed to have such an awesome Mom. 

What are your non-negotiables when it comes to my kids?

I will not put up with disrespect towards myself or any other adult and I do not allow them to say hate, shut-up, stupid, or fat. Those are bad words in our house. Fat got attached to the list when Jaci (5 years old) told me that I was fat! Recently I have had to explain to her that these are not "bad" words, but they are not kind words to say.
Did you breastfeed your children? Did you feel pressured to or not to?

Yes, I did breast feed both of my girls for about 4 months each. I remember my Mother pounding in my head that I needed to breast-feed. Later I found out that she only nursed me for 18 days! The way she talked about it, she had nursed me forever. I do not agree with culture sending messages to Moms who chose not to or can't breast feed, that they are less of a Mother. It's your body a d your baby and you will figure out what works for you both. Something you do for your kids because you love them, but you absolutely dread it?

One thing that I do for my kids that I dislike it's brushing their teeth. That is my least favorite thing to do. Luckily Jaci can brush her own teeth now and I am working with Jeslyn.

Anything that you said you would never do as a Mom, yet you find yourself doing it? 

That would have to be picking my battles with my girls, especially the 2 year old. Pre children I would see a child doing something and I would think, I would never let my child get away with that. Now that I have children I have learned that you need to pick your battles. Not everything is important to go to WWIII on. 
Labor with or without drugs?

I choose labor with drugs. They are available so why not give yourself a little comfort. My Mom had me au natural and kudos to her! I think it's a personal choice that each Mom needs to make for herself. 
Have you had a Mommy “Aha” moment?

My most recent "Aha" Mommy moment was when I was having a difficult time with an impossible family member. This person would tear me down and just be awful. I have never stood up for myself against this person and I had decided enough is enough. Let's just say the phone conversation was not productive. She was having surgery that week so the girls and I made a card for her. I was trying to love her like Christ loves her no matter how nasty she spoke to me. Later that week Jaci kept going on and on about the card we made her, so she would feel better. Jaci didn't know about the phone conversation. Then it hit me, I did not matter how this person treated me, and all that mattered was how I responded. The example I give to my children is all that mattered. That changed my perspective big time. 

Best advice you could give a new Mom?
The best piece of advice I could give a new Mom is taking it easy, enjoy every moment, and don't overact. Sleep when the baby sleeps and don't be afraid to ask for help, even if it's only 10 minutes to take a shower. Put make up on and fix your hair every now and then, it will make you feel better. Don't neglect your relationship with your husband- that is very important!

Annette: Love Conquers All

My friend, Annette, shared a post, "Triplets...Practically", from her Blog, Bleubird Diary yesterday. Today, she was kind enough to answer some of my pestering "Mom Questions". Like I said before, Annette truly is an unbelievable Mom and one I have learned from on many occasions. The fact that her 3 kids were all born in 3 years may have something to do with her incredible "Mommy Wisdom".
My name is Annette Yanez. I am the Mother of three wonderful kids, Alex, Delisa and Noah. I have been married to my husband, Bobby, for ten years. I grew up in the Austin, Texas area and then moved to Columbus, Texas to attend Texas Bible Institute where I ended up staying on staff for over eight years serving in different area of ministry. I am a Blogger myself on Bleubird Diary , and I am currently pursuing my undergraduate in Christian Counseling at Liberty University.
Are you a scheduled or non-scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?
I was a scheduled Mom up until Alex went to Kinder. Now we live in a frame and routine of a schedule- but it no longer mandates our days.
Having structure in our lives definitely brought order where the kids could thrive. They were confident and assured of security in our home so they developed in all of their stages. As much of a stickler I was to our schedule, I think that having flexibility is vital. Things come up, opportunities to hang out with others or to just get up and go for a family outing- if your are to confined by schedule you could miss out making some special memories. So, be flexible.
Given the opportunity, what- if anything- would you do differently as a Mom?
Allowing your child to develop his/her creativity is so essential to their development. What I would have changed, and what I am improving now is, allowing them to play with their toys without going behind them and cleaning up. I have read that, to us it is a mess, but to them it is something in their minds they have created. I use to give Alex three crayons at a time to color with and found out in Kinder that the more colors they use the better. Trust me, we have TONS of colors everywhere now!
Do you have a secret "Mommy Confession"- something that you did/do that you are willing to share?
Nowadays, I guess admitting that I discipline my kids is a "confession".
Cloth or disposable diapers?
My Mom used cloth diapers with my younger sibling when I was around 11 years old, so I gained some practice then. Sometimes I wished that I had done the same, especially now that I am conscience of the amount of waste we are creating. BUT, I did use disposable ones for my kids...there was about 6 months that all three of my kids were in diapers!!!!!
Did the way you were parented shape the way that you parent your own children?
For sure!  I am structured and routined because of my parents, and my kids thrive in structure also. Growing up, we were not big huggers. I never had a doubt of being loved, but we just did not always express it. With my kids, they are over loaded in hugs, kisses and holding hands.
What are your "non-negotiables" when it comes to your kids?
Respect towards others. Showing love and friendship to everyone around us is not a question, it is what we do. Guarding my kids innocence while shepherding their hearts to love God.
Did you breastfeed- why/why not? Did you feel pressured either way?
I nursed because I wanted to. I figured that if I was well endowed then why not! HaHa!
Do you have a funny "labor moment"? 
With my third son, Noah, I went into labor and had to have my contractions slowed down, so they gave me the sedative Ambein. All I could 'dream' and talk about (in my sleep) was Abby Cadaby (the fairy from Sesame Street). I was talking some crazy stuff...but what do you expect when they kept walking me around to different rooms after I was sedated!
One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time?
Play Dough....enough said!
What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children, that you have found yourself doing?

Being too uptight about my house being clean and tidy. I have relaxed tons, but you will still come to a clean orderly house...most of the time. I have learned to enjoy family moments and pick up the mess the next day.
What is the best advice you could give to a new Mother?
Do what is right for your family. And I mean your husband, you and your kids. Extended family and friends will have the best advice for you, however, not everything works the same once you try it. Above everything,  love on your kids- you can never go wrong with love. Remember, love conquers all and God's love is on your side.

At 7, A Journey to Forever..

What a wonderful opportunity to brag on my incredible husband of now 7 years! Lupe and I were friends over 10 years when we finally started "dating"- well I guess you can call it that! I went to Bible School in Texas back in 1995- THAT is when Lupe and I met. We were very good friends, and after I graduated in 1997, we kind of lost touch. We did speak or see each other when I would visit occasionally- but that was it- considering he was in Texas and I in Florida, we drifted apart. 

One afternoon, we began chatting while online- he is an extremely slow typist- so he asked for my # to call me later. Well, he did call me and we talked every day from then until the day, 3 months later, that he flew to Florida to visit (the pic below). Before Lupe left to head back to Texas 3 days later, he proposed and I said an enthusiastic, YES!

Our first "Official" date. AND, he proposed before he left.

We began making wedding plans for a year later in Florida.

Our Engagement pictures in front of the home we began our marriage and family.

Our wedding day was spectacular. I will be honest, things did go wrong- and things were not done as I would of preferred them to be in some instances- which is difficult for a control freak as myself. BUT, I remember very well on THAT day. I wasn't really frazzled by it. I was to excited to be getting married to the love of my life. As much as I would of preferred everything to look exactly as I planned, I was too focused on Lupe and I "beginning" to worry about details. If it was done- great, it it wasn't- oh well, but one thing I was sure of is how much I loved that man.

I remember thinking how CRAZY we were for planning an outdoor wedding in Florida in May- it seemed like a great idea until that day! What was going on underneath all of those layers of that wedding dress is not even describable- let's just say I was sweating pretty intensely.  I have pictures of my bridesmaids holding up my dress fanning me!

One of my favorite pictures! He caught me completely off guard! I love him!

Best Day EVER, May 21, 2005.

Lupe surprised me with a trip to the Kemah Boardwalk and we stayed in their Inn- it was such an incredible getaway after Summer Camp was over! Not to mention, I love a good surprise!

We had just found out we were pregnant with Tenly. I think I'm hiding being "sick as a dog" pretty well. When this dress was first fitted to me, it looked great, by the time of the event I had lost 20 pounds- it was comfy!

Lupe surprised me for our First Anniversary dinner at my Favorite steakhouse- Taste of Texas-, with Ben & Ashton. I was 8 months pregnant and puked for over 20 minutes in the restroom- but it was worth it for that delicious steak and desert!

2 weeks away from Tenly's arrival!

2 Christmas Banquet Pictures. I was 8 months pregnant with Gianna in my "Barney" dress. 

 

I remember one Anniversary in particular, it was either 3 or 4. Lupe and I do like to surprise each other, but I rarely have the opportunity. On this Anniversary, I decided I was going to do the surprising. I arranged for a friend to come to the house at like 4:30am, I woke Lupe up and told him he had 20 minutes to get dressed and get in the car. Yes, he was very taken off guard and looked more not happy than happy with my surprise. While dating, we would do just that- he would call me and tell me to get dressed and we would head to IHOP- "our place"- we'd stay for hours just being together. When we finally arrived in Houston, he was very pleased (and tired) as we pulled up to "our place". We followed our yummy breakfast with a favorite past time- yard saling and grocery shopping (really!). About 20 minutes after we arrived home, a couple of friends showed unexpectedly (to me), that's when Lupe informed me that I now had 45 minutes to get dressed up for a surprise he had for me. It took all of them to convince me he was not kidding, Lupe had tickets to a dinner theater to surprise me with. It was a wonderful and very long day! We are no longer allowed to surprise each other without notifying the other that a surprise is coming. LOL!

Off to Celebrate Valentines Day....without our children!!

Date Night on Clearwater Beach, great vacation!

Lupe surprised me AGAIN, with not only a date DAY, he even lined up the childcare for the afternoon.

We had the opportunity to go back and visit where we were married, Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa, FL. 

Los Olas Beach in Fort Lauderdale.

Oh, how I love this man! I love more today than yesterday, and more and more with every tomorrow. So glad I am so blessed to spend FOREVER with him!