Shutting Down

What do you do when you get some stressful unexpected news? I am realizing..again..that I tend to not deal with it well.

Yesterday, my husband called with some pretty bad news (I will spare you the details, but just know- it was money related, and not good.). After I hung up the phone, I found myself a bit short of breath and mildly shaking. Over the following 30 minutes I literally found myself shut down.

I was suppose to Blog yesterday, and after the "bad news" came- I just straight up avoided it. Today I can't even remember what I was planning to write yesterday- and to be honest, I had to force myself to sit down and write today. 

I guess I feel very vulnerable when dealing with something so personal.

I have been a born again Christian for a very long time, at this point in my relationship with God I should be beyond this shutting down thing. I should instantly begin quoting God's Word, 

" When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I'm proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God.What can mere mortals do?" Psalm 56:3-4 (The MSG), 

and stand in Faith in complete Trust.

I must admit I didn't do that. I found myself saying this, "Why are we still here? When are we beyond this? Enough is ENOUGH!", and I said it more than once. Cried a few tears...more than once.

Eventually, I did call a friend who couldn't talk at the moment and would call back. As I hung up the phone I realized, I had yet to talk to God. It was a very good thing my friend couldn't talk at the time. I sat down, cried a few (more) tears and told God I was sorry and began to talk to him. 

There were several things that were brought to light in this situation that I was forced to "deal" with. My faith/trust issues (again), my anger and my husband and I lacking a bit of communication in certain areas.

I put some praise and worship on to help me get my heart and attitude focused where it should be. I instantly went to this song by Ricardo Sanchez, "It's Not Over"- I just let that song take root in my heart.

Financial issues are hard on anyone in any circumstance- it's never fun and can push you into a corner.

The hardest part for me yesterday was thinking of my girls. At first, I was having a bit of a pity party. There are several things I need...(I guess some are wants) to get for them, experiences I really want them to have (and they deserve to have) and we just can't do it right now. 

Every parent wants to do better/more for their kids than what they had/did- I think that's normal. That's what I was dealing with. 

At the same time, we are doing pretty good, especially in comparison with others. My kids have clothes and toys. Our refrigerator and pantry may not be filled to overflowing- but we have food. More than any of that, we have each other and we are surrounded with a ton of love.

We will be okay. I am continuing to learn to humble myself and trust God and put my faith in Him. He can and will do more than I can ever imagine or think if I give Him the chance to.

Keep us in your prayers, one day this will be another testimony of God's Faithfulness in our lives!

Timing and Trust

Been awhile! To be honest, as much as I've been itching to blog, I have also intentionally avoided it. I typically write pretty candidly on what's going on in my life and what I'm learning from the processes. Well, I am once again going through a challenging issue with my health and am extremely angry and frustrated by it. Although, I probably will write about it eventually- I am choosing to write about some other things that my family has faced and how God brought us through the other sidein His timing!

First, let me tell how Lupe and I received an envelope with $1000 cash inside!

 After getting settled in our new apartment at the beginning of February, we were very relieved and also a bit stressed. God had provided the money we needed to get us in our new place, but we were then faced with very limited funds throughout the month of February. We just began to pray and believe God to provide what we needed for every day. As I began to make preparations to celebrate Gia's Birthday on the first, I was feeling a bit guilty for spending the little money I did (I already had the decorations, but a present and cake..). On Gianna's Birthday, a very close friend of ours text Lupe to wish Gia a Happy Birthday, he also asked how we were doing. Lupe text that everything was well, just having some financial challenges. K.L. (I will just call him "K.L" to protect his privacy) joked that he needed to send Lupe an envelope of cash "..like Donny Brasco.." (Lupe and K.L. always joke around as if they are mobsters ). I laughed, didn't put any weight into the comment.
A few days later, I was on the phone with my friend Joanne. We began talking about some of the financial challenges we were having, as we spoke I began to cry. I guess I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed. Joanne quickly began to encourage me and remind me of God's faithfulness. When I hung up the phone, I felt better, but told God "Alright God, I trust you for what I need for today and will leave the tomorrows until tomorrow..".

The mailman knocked on the door as I was about to get in the shower. To be honest, the first thing that went through my mind was "GREAT! Now they're sending us certified letters to pay our bills!!", but as I shut the door I noticed the return address on the package was from K.L. Then I remembered he had mentioned that he was sending Gia a birthday gift. There was a card and some money for each of the girls and Lupe, as I opened the card for Lupe (yes, I opened my husbands mail) I see a $100 bill- as I picked it up it was more than one bill. My mouth hit the floor and I began to sob as I counted 10 $100 bills in that card. My heart began to flip flop all over the place!! I immediately called Lupe, and as my ever so calm unshakable husband always is, his response was "...well, he was pulling a Donny Brasco..." (as I'm sobbing on the other end). I then called Joanne back and told her what happened, her response was what I was expecting (unlike my smooth husband), a squeal and excitement.
WHY did God choose to do it the way He did? I don't know, but I know it was in His timing (which is perfect) and we never went without. I am thankful for faithful friends who stood and encouraged and were obedient.

Another challenge that we have been facing for a few years is our car!! About 2 1/2 years ago, we were driving a Toyota Camry which was just getting to cramped with our toddler and a baby and all their stuff. We needed/wanted a small SUV- and the one we (mainly I) wanted was a Saturn Outlook. Well, we found one and were given a pretty good deal on it- only problem was it was an extremely high interest rate. When Lupe inquired to a very close friend and mentor (who was very knowledgeable about buying vehicles) on what options he may have and how to negotiate- the friend offered to put up the collateral for the loan to keep our interest rate down. We accepted, which in retrospect was a mistake. We loved that Outlook, but we HAD to love it- we were way upside down and our payments were way to much!

After we moved to Florida from Texas, our friend who had put up the collateral, asked us to get new financing for the vehicle- considering we were upside down on it, we could not get new financing. Since we left Texas, the relationship with our friend has become a bit strained and uncomfortable, which makes the whole car situation just feel even worse. We began to have that feeling of a car owning us instead of us owning a car. Lupe never gave up on looking for another car or financing, he would try and get turned down and have an offer that just would not work.

Last week, Lupe had just walked away from another offer that just wouldn't work when he received a letter in the mail from another dealership in the area saying they thought they could help. Lupe called them and explained where we were at and what we needed. We wanted to go back to a car now that the girls were older and a smaller vehicle would work, not to mention the gas mileage on a car would be much better!

Long story short, Lupe spoke to the dealership on Thursday night, they called him to come over on Friday night saying they could make it work, and Friday night he drove home in our brand NEW Mitsubishi Gallant!! We now have a lower payment, lower interest, and are getting 40mi/gal instead of 18mi/gal (THAT'S a big deal!), and this will hopefully remove some of the strain with our friend and start a healing process of our relationship.
We are getting used to "riding on the ground" again and are loving the gas mileage! I will admit, I miss the roominess of our Outlook, the adjustable steering wheel and satellite radio, and with summer approaching we will definitely miss our automatic start button! But, it's so worth it  for all the reasons I mentioned above.
We have been dealing with this situation for about 1 1/2 years....why didn't God work it out in the beginning? I don't know, but I am thankful that he sustained us until now with that crazy high payment and has now provided us with exactly what we need. Yet again, we never did without.
I don't understand God's timing, but I don't guess I have to. I just have to trust that His timing IS perfect.
Please continue to pray with me regarding some of this health stuff, I am trying to have faith and trust- but I will admit it's a struggle.

RELIEF!!

WELL, it is official....we are moving into a new apartment in 1 week!!!

I finally embraced that we would be moving, and started doing tons of research and phone calls to help Lupe out (prior to this, my denial left everything up to him). Last week, on Lupe's day off we hit the road with Gianna in tow to look at more apartments than I can count! I do know we were in and out of the car for over 6 hours.

Lupe ran across a place that looked to have potential, so the next day we all loaded up to go take a look. As we were driving over, Lupe looked at me and said we need to pray- sitting at the red light at Sunrise and Nob Hill, the whole family prayed for favor, guidance, and direction.

We walke into the model apartment, and I instantly liked it- not crazy about the kitchen- but I can handle  it. While Lupe was talking to the manager of the complex, she thanked him for being so kind and told him she was going to give him some more benfits on moving in. She waived the prorated rent for the month of January, gave us $300. off our move in costs, gave us $130. off the first months rent, and told us not to worry about paying a deposit until the day we move in. Believe me, we had spoken with so many complexes and none of them offered us this many discounts (if any at all). It was a huge blessing, I would say God definitely gave us favor!!

My girls are excited, although Tenly did say yesterday that she would miss this apartment- as will we all. It was our first home in this new season!!

Now, the packing has begun! The girls are so excited to help- they are doing a great job, but I do miss Sarah, Sandi, and Cat (and so many others) who helped me so much when we moved from Texas! It's been so much easier moving down the road, we will have about 4 days to get it all done little by little. 

I messaged my friend, Kim, to let her know we had found a place. She responded, asking if I was relieved. I really had not thought about it, as I was responding back to her- I realized just how relieved I truly was. Resistant is the only that will describe my initial response to moving. Now that a decision has been made, we have found a place we really like for the right price- I am so relieved!

It is no secret how much I despise change and fear the unknown- and this move fell into both of those categories. We had to move within weeks and there was not a place in sight- that really scard me. Although, I still do not love the fact we are moving- at least we know where we are going and we like the place (I may even like it more). We are also saving a significant amount of money that will give us a little more breathing room. 

I have to trust God in this, He knows what He's doing. We will be moving to a different school district, but we are hoping the school district will grant us reassignment for Tenly's current school.

Anyway, there are a couple of other things going on I want to post about, maybe in a couple of days!!

By the way, I wanted to post some pics of packing up the apartment- but my camera is not working! On the bright side- I just realized we have a warranty replacement plan- hopefully that's a great thing!!

We Closed One Door & Let God Open The Other

A few posts ago, I talked about my husband, Lupe's, decision to leave his current job. I had mixed feelings about it considering he did not even have a prospect of a new job in sight. But, hearing the defeated sound in his voice- I just couldn't ask him to stay. Lupe recently shared with me he regretted part of his decision. He said, he still would of called me and told me he couldn't do it anymore- but he would of waited to give his notice until he had something else- he reacted emotionally. Anyone who knows Lupe, knows he is NOT an emotional person at all- he is VERY stable- so this was a very unusual thing. Then he told me he asked God to forgive him and to help him learn from it, and then asked God to show his grace and provide a new job.

Since Lupe gave his notice- I believe it was in July- he has been fervently putting out applications at any and every opportunity. Honestly, not many responses considering how many apps he was putting out there. There were many times I had to just talk to myself, quote the Word of God to prevent myself of becoming easily overwhelmed (as I do to often).

About a month ago, Lupe received a phone call regarding an application he put in with Winn Dixie grocery store as a Culinary Director. It was an attractive position in many ways. One of the biggest perks is it is less than 10 minutes down the road vs. the 20 minute drive we now have. The position leaves room for creativity and advancement and bonuses.

After Lupe's 3rd interview, the HR director called and told him he was her pick for the job- but he had to go into another interview with some other directors and to really sell himself. She even took the time to prep him for the interview for a bit. Well, 3 interviews after that Lupe was officially offered the position and he took it. He did have to take a pay cut, but even with that- he is so excited about this job and we both have a total peace.

I told Lupe about a week ago about how much I have grown through this process. I don't wish this type of situation on anyone, but I can honestly say I am thankful for it. My faith and trust in God would not be where it is had it not been for this very difficult process! God has blessed and kept us beyond my expectations. There was even another company who was really wanting Lupe to work for them and were so disappointed when he had to inform them he had taken the other position- that was a nice little bonus!!

We've questioned our decisions at times, Lupe even wondered if he's made a mistake when he took the job that moved us down here. We don't know why the picture has played out the way it has. Maybe the experience at the other place helped in getting him in at Winn Dixie. Maybe God placed Lupe there to minister to some of the other staff or plant some seeds. Maybe God was using the whole situation to strengthen my faith. I don't know why, but I do know that as hard as it has been...I'm grateful for the process and for the opportunity to share how faithful my God is.

Starting Young...

I remember the feeling of Gianna kicking for the first time while I was pregnant very vividly. Lupe and I were sitting in our typical seats on the front row at church on October 21, 2007. Our Pastor was on the stage leading the church body in a prayer for the nations. The stage at our church, had all the flags from all different countries going around the perimeter of it- Pastor had called for people to come up and lay hands on the different flags as we prayed. Lupe and I remained on the floor with our hands extended to the flags as we prayed- I remember Pastor saying boldly "...we declare unity in these countries, and that God's church and people will facilitate unity in all nations..."- that's when I felt it- KICK! Not just a little bump, but I solid KICK! I grabbed Lupe's hand in time to feel a second KICK! We both smiled ear to ear as we continued to pray.

All of a sudden, I sensed it was no coincidence that I felt that kick while we were praying for the nations. God began to whisper to my heart, and I feel He began to prepare my heart. God whispered Psalms 96:3, "Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works (deeds) among ALL people.", then I clearly heard as we continued to pray, "This Baby is called to the World". As I type this, I cry about as much as I did on that day. It is both such a wonderful and scary thing to have a child called to the World.

This has been on mind from this weekend. The church we currently attend, Community Christian Church, has a wonderful program called Community Impact. It is when our church comes together and has many different opportunities for everyone to serve the community. We chose to serve as a family by making PB&J sandwiches/lunches for the homeless. I was excited to begin showing our girls at 3 & 5 how we can give to others. They were beyond excited! Tenly was thrilled to make the PB&J sandwiches to where Gianna was more excited to pack the lunches in the bags (she didn't care for having sticky hands). I was put in charge of coordinating one of the rooms by making sure everyone had the supplies needed at the tables.

At one point I turned around, and saw Gianna packing the stuff in the bags and tears sprang into my eyes. God again whispered to me that this is the beginning of something much greater in her. I told her the little papers we were putting in each bag were telling the people how much we and God loved them. She told me, "..that's right, because Our God loves everybody..".

As Pastor Scott preached the following day about "Going Beyond", I was reminded again about Gianna somehow reaching the World. I don't know what she, or Tenly, are called to do. I don't know how or where I will watch her or them go. But, I know God will equip me to equip her, or them, to to go and He will equip me to let her or them. I can't do it without him- because He knows I'm in emotional wreck without Him....LOL!

What a discovery this week has been. The opportunity to serve others along side my children has been such an honor.

My NEED for ABSOLUTE Control!

I don't know what to do with myself!

It's a constant running joke between my family and friends- my NEED for control, and my inability to let go of it.

My control issues came to a head for me in the Bible Study I help to lead at church. We were discussing balance and how our husbands and children contribute to help. It was a major "A-ha" moment for me as I listened to the discussion. Lupe is wonderful, he contributes in many many ways- garbage, dishes, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, making the bed, cooking, packing lunches, etc. My girls contribute (or so I thought)- they're responsible for picking up their bedroom, and keeping any and all toys put away in the APPROPRIATE and DESIGNATED space. I came to realize, during our discussion, that my girls were not really contributing enough- and it was all because of ME!

All of the other moms around me were talking about how their kids fold their laundry AND put it away. Here was my response (or excuse) to that.."..but it wouldn't be folded properly...they would just cram it in the drawers instead of putting it in the 'right' place...". (FYI: I am the one who refolded all the laundry after the babysitter had it done for me and my girls clothes are sorted very particularly in stacks divided for short/long/solid colored/printed etc.). The conversation then went to the kids unloading the dishwasher- my reaction (or excuse) to that one was pretty much the same as my reaction to the laundry. One of these mom's has a child younger than mine, and she helps too!

I had to sit back and evaluate WHY I can't allow my children (and sometimes my husband) to help and do. It pretty much comes down to the fact that I need it done exactyly my way! Sad, right?

I remember when we were unpacking boxes in our apartment, Lupe volunteered to go hang the shower rod. Easy enough, right? Not really something that can be messed up, right? That's why it's mind boggling as to why I followed him into the bathroom giving him instructions on how he should do it. Lupe finally turned around and looked at me and asked, "Do YOU just want to do it?". 

How much time, energy, stress, sleepless nights have I brought on myself out of my need to control everyone and everything around me? Because, believe me- when I am NOT in control, it can get pretty ugly. Sometimes, it comes down to trust and faith in God and in others- but sometimes, it's just stupid, petty stuff and NOT worth it!



Date Day!

 On Saturday, my husband arrange a "date afternoon"- lined out the babysitter, lunch, Christmas shopping, and a surprise. For my surprise, Lupe made me close my eyes until we arrived there. This was TORTURE! Even in church, when they tell everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes- I'll keep my head down but my eyes are open. I don't like "not knowing" (or something)! That meant, I couldn't tell him the best way to go, or where to park, and I couldn't even see if there was an oncoming car, or if I was going to stop in a pothole in my 4 inch heels! BUT, I was so proud (and Lupe was too) that I kept them closed and was very surprised as I opened my eyes to standing inside The Cheesecake Factory for my favorite Carrot Cake (I put on my FB status the day before I was craving it).

Well, needless to say- my girls are now folding laundry (and I'm trying not to refold it), and eventually they'll put it away (BABY STEPS), and are also unloading the dishwasher! I'm even letting them pick their own clothes out....sometimes! I love seeing how much they enjoy it, and even I enjoy it. I'm rediscovering that not only do my kids and husband need me, but I need them- and not only on MY terms.

O, What A Feeling!

It's a "different" feeling, I wont lie.With so many questions, I guess I'm supposed to be freaking out- as I have done many times in the past. But, this is such a great feeling to be walking in such wonderful Peace! It really is.
What's different now, than in the past? Well, not that I haven't prayed about difficult situations in the past, but  I think I've done it out of duty. That's just what we're suppose to do as Christians- pray. It doesn't take a genius to figure the difference between "duty" and heart felt prayer coupled with a trusting and faith heart. I think that has made the biggest difference, but also surrounding myself with praise and worship as often as possible to set the atmosphere and attitude of my day and my heart. This feeling of Peace is a wonderful feeling!


My family and I attend Community Christian Church, and the past 2 weeks have left me encouraged and given me a "settling for nothing less" attitude. A couple weeks ago Pastor Scott was finishing up a series on "Life's To Short". On this particular Sunday he was encouraging us to Dive In, he stated this quote (can't remember who said it originally): "There are people who prefer to say 'yes' and those who say 'no'. Those who say 'yes' are rewarded by the adventures they have. Those who say 'no' are rewarded by the safety they attain." When Lupe and I heard him say that, we both looked at each other and nodded our heads. It took us back to leaving Texas, when so many thought we were crazy. We had so much safety there, and we knew leaving was going to be an adventure (Boy, were we RIGHT!)- but because we knew, that we knew, that we knew...we said 'yes'.

Team:No Limits from Expedition Impossible

This past week, Pastor Tim (our youth pastor) spoke on "Faith..No Matter What". You know how you sit in church thinking, "WOW, he is preaching directly to me!" To the point, you think someone has been giving him "inside information". Well, I guess God is the somebody giving out the info- and I am so thankful the pastors are listening! Pastor Tim made it is so simple and plain, which it actually it really is- not always easy- but simple and plain. He shared this clip from a TV reality show called Expedition Impossible, the premise of the show is to be the first team to make it to each destination so not to be eliminated and be the last team standing. One of the teams of 3, had a blind guy on it along with his long time best friend. The 2 of them had gone on many expeditions over the years which built a friendship of complete trust and trust. In this clip, Leap of Faith, the guys are about to jump off a clip. The link I posted here shows a small portion, but if you watch that whole part at this link: Expedition Impossible: Leap of Faith it's even more eye opening. This guy, Eric, trust and has total faith in his friend with no doubts, it's a pretty amazing thing to watch.

Anyway, I said a lot to say- That although Lupe's replacement was hired, last week, suddenly it was decided that it was not going to work out with that particular person. Which means, Lupe still has time to look while they continue to look. I know it's such a small thing, but WOW- God knows!
I am "Finding Myself" with a lot more faith and trust and it's make this journey so much easier. Thank you to all of our friends who are praying and sending us job tips and possibilities- you are making such a difference.

My Problem Is, I'm Trying SO Hard

"GOD, I am trying SOOO Hard!"- I can't even count how many times that has come out of my mouth over the past week.
The frustrating part of it is this: I've been here before, and I shouldn't be here again. I thank God He is patient and tolerent, or else He would of left a long time ago with this girl.
I vividly remember years ago when I was going through a challenging time and said those exact words to God. In that moment, I heard God's voice very clearly say, "..and thats your problem..". Of course I was like, WHAT? God, so patiently explained to me that so often, we create more problems and stress for ourselves because WE keep trying instead of letting go and letting God do it. Sounds so simple, and really it is- but can also be the hardest thing to do. Honestly, this situation is bigger than me- but we can only do our part and have to let God do His part.
So, I've been here before- and more than once- so WHY am I here again!?!? Maybe much of it is my control issues, no big secret that I have those!
With Lupe looking for a new job making what he is now is creating some stress and bringing up this challenging area for me to let go and trust God. It didn't help that yesterday when I took Tenly to the doctor, we discovered she is having a very difficult time seeing out of one of her eyes. To top it all off, there are several members of my family going through some very difficult things right now. My prayer life is definitely increasing, I find myself frequently saying, "Jesus" many times during the day when my mind starts going into overdrive and overwhelms me. Something about the Name of Jesus truly brings peace.

This morning though, I didn't do so well. When Lupe got out of bed at 6, it woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep (and I desperately wanted to!). So, what happens in those moments? I started thinking, overanalyzing, calculating, imagination overload, etc..! Well, after a few minutes- I realized what I was allowing to happen and started to pray. About 10 minutes later, my imagination kicked into overdrive again, and I was crying- total anxiety attack.

I wont lie- it's a daily struggle between reality/the facts and faith/trust. But, I sit back and think- if I didn't have God, what would I have? What would I do? Who would I go to? I realized, that although I do struggle with turning it all over to God and totally trusting Him- I do trust Him and allow Him to hold my hand. I find myself saying so many times, "God, I need you to help me and guide me in and through this. I trust You to take care of it." If I had no relationship with God, I would have noone to even say that to. I've tried giving myself some slack, because I hear myself saying these things and talking to Him and realize I am trying- not always succeeding- but trying. It's hard to imagine us being in this situation without God, how do people do it without Him? I just can't imagine putting my trust, faith, and hope in anything but God.
Needless to say, I finally regained my composure this morning after my pitty party and panic attack. Realisticly, our situation does not good- but who wants to put all of their energy into that- I'd rather more successfully put into prayer and faith. My S.I.L., Debbie had this quote on Facebook this morning,
"Rejoice in our suffering, suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope.".

I don't know if I can "rejoice" this (these) situations- but I can appreciate all the things I'm learning and what "the other side" will bring.

(I hope this post doesn't sound like a bunch of rambling- to be honest- this post was pretty much me talking to myself.)

Proverbs 3:5 says, 
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

Must Be A Part Of The Bigger Picture......

This past week has been pretty good, just extremely CRAZY!
Began with just Lupe and I, our girls were in Clearwater with my parents. It was nice, quiet (too quiet), clean (too clean), had a lot of time on our hands (too much time). But, we did enjoy some of that time to reconnect, just the 2 of us- of course we did that the few times we weren't working.
Then, it really was an insane week at work- for Lupe and I. People not showing up, working very long- unscheduled hours, attitudes, etc...you get the picture. We were both to tired to even encourage each other with more than a sweet, "I love you", before our eyes closed.

Weight of The World

Wednesday came both to quickly and to slowly, because this was the day we were meeting my parents in Ft. Myers to pick up Tenly and Gianna. It was exciting and slow coming to pick up our girls- and came to quickly because we were both going to spend 4+ hours on the road after a long day of work and an early morning the next day.
That leads me to today, Thursday. Seems like the end of a beginning in some ways. I'm typing all of this before we've even talked to anyone in our family. Feel like it's helping me sort out my thoughts a bit:
I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice how rough/exhausted/drawn/worn out/stressed Lupe looked this morning. I've said it many times, but this is not my husband. It takes A LOT to get him to this point- and I hate seeing him this way. This morning, he just looked like a man carrying the World. So, in many ways I was terribly shocked when my boss called me out of the gym to tell me he was on the phone (he has never called me on my work #). When I put my mouth to the phone, I could tell by his tone more than his words of, "I'm done, I can't do this anymore- I just can't!". I'll never be able to describe how badly my heart hurt to hear him- I've never heard Lupe sound defeated. I was (and am) so angry, that those people beat my husband down to the point of hurting his heart and his spirit. I held back tears as I told him I supported any decision he needed to make, and if he needed me to pick him up then.

Lupe is a man of integrity, such an admirable trait. After talking a few minutes, he chose to pray- called and asked for counsel from a few of his mentors and close friends before he went into a meeting with his GM. We were praying for wisdom, understanding, and favor. Considering Lupe has a mutual respect for his GM- he walked in and out of that meeting with everything we were praying for. Lupe gave his notice, agreeing to stay until someone else is hired- unless he receives a job before that.
Lupe is questioning his decision to take this job back in December- if he should of waited- if he, no we- jumped out of desperation and fear. I guess we'll never really know that answer, although I really believe that all of this is and must be part of a bigger picture. God has a plan, and yet again- I am choosing (because my head says to freak out) to trust, because I truly do not and cannot understand.

Once again, here we are trusting and I'm desperately trying not to walk in fear. Lupe came in tonight, walking straighter and smiling brighter- he really was. When I asked him how he was, he said he's relieved and at peace. I love that he didn't say how stressed or worried he was. I would rather he work more hours at WalMart or anywhere but come home happy without the stress.
One more thing...Prayers....we could really use a lot of prayers.......................

(Part 2) My Horrible, Terrible, Awful, Bad, Disastorous, Unfortunate Choice!

If you have not read my previous post,"My Horrible, Terrible, Awful, Bad, Disastrous, Unfortunate Choice!" (Part 1, July 13 post), you may want to read that one before reading this one.

My purse was stolen in Miami, and we now realized these people had not only my license- but they had our checking account number and were using it, and they also had my Social Security number.

The next morning, after we realized they had our checking account number, Lupe was advised to head directly to the bank. After much discussion, weighing all of our options, they totally froze the account so that only deposits- nothing else- could happen against that account (since we had direct deposits going in within a couple days). We opened another account and transferred everything into that. The Saturday morning following our direct deposits going into that account, Lupe headed to the bank to transfer the money out of that account and close it.....or so we thought. Upon Lupe arriving at the bank and sitting down with their manger, it came to our attention that some bank teller in Miami had cashed 2 checks totaling over $3000. against our account (even with every red flag possible on that account). In other words, our account was now almost -$4000., and our rent was due! I don't think it is even possible to describe the amount of stress and emotion that was on our soldiers.

The bank graciously took full responsibility- that although we appreciated- their gracious responsibility wasn't going to pay our rent, put gas in our car, pay our upcoming car payment, or buy our groceries (that were getting very low). I felt like a knife was thrust into my gut the morning I took an Eviction Notice off of our front door. It was going to take they 7+ days for the bank to get the money back in our account. We now knew we were dealing with professional thefts and identity thieves. I quickly put the appropriate protection on my identity also.

We had our window fixed the very next morning after my purse was stolen, this was before all of this other stuff happened. I don't know if we would have done that if we would of know what was about to happen in the next 24 hours- but really- doesn't matter!
Because we were now so far behind on every bill, and have had to beg for extensions on almost every bill- because they were now getting back piled against us- we had to reach out for help on every level. We had to borrow from family, and our church- which they were all so willing to jump in and extend themselves. Not to mention, we didn't have medical insurance yet (3 more weeks)- and I needed insulin ($150. a bottle). I got creative, I had a bottle of long acting insulin (which is only used in combination with short acting- which I did not have). So, I went on a very strict diet of no carbs at all for about 4 days, so I could survive on only that type of insulin until we could scrape together the money to buy some short acting insulin- and I did it! Not the ideal situation- but I did it- against every doctors advice. Insulin is one thing I literally cannot live without, and it made me very angry to have to buy insulin for myself over buying food to put in my house.
Our most humbling moment, (which I don't think we've shared with anyone) we had to work to accept as "humbling" instead of "embarrassing and humiliating". As we stared into our empty pantry and coordinating still empty bank account- we had to go to a food bank to get us over the hump. That's not the easiest place to be- and it definitely required us to suck in our pride and think of the bigger picture, our kids and our necessities.
This is also when I decided to go back to work, which meant I had no choice but to pay the money to go get my license- something I had to have to work. In the long run this was going to push us over the top- but it also meant we were going to have to shell out the $40. to replace my license.

Believe me, it was more than one time that I, and Lupe (who rarely gets really angry) wanted to find these people and straight up hurt them! Forget praying for them, I didn't even want to consider forgiving them. I was beyond mad- it was that they had stolen from me- they had stolen from my children, from their well being! They had put us in position that we, and no one else, should ever have to be in. Even now, it makes me emotional thinking about it.
It took us months to recover from that ONE, horrible, terrible, awful, bad, disastrous, unfortunate choice. I still regret it. Although, I have finally forgiven the people who did this- I still struggle with forgiving myself. I, ultimately, caused this. Not that it takes them off the hook, but if I wouldn't have made that choice, out of convenience, it never would of happened. But, me living in guilt isn't helping anyone or anything- especially not me!

Regardless, here we are, almost 5 months later. We are well- our rent is caught up and paid, our electricity is on, our pantry is well stocked, there are a few bills we are still getting current on- but we are getting there and we are all okay! Our medical insurance is up and going- and we are grateful! I don't think I need to go over all the lessons we learned- I think most are obvious. God is so faithful, and he carried us through one of our most difficult times and gave us peace.