Perfection Will Never Happen and Being A Great Mom is Defined By You and Not By What Everyone Else Thinks..
Monday, October 10, 2011
My NEED for ABSOLUTE Control!
I don't know what to do with myself!
It's a constant running joke between my family and friends- my NEED for control, and my inability to let go of it.
My control issues came to a head for me in the Bible Study I help to lead at church. We were discussing balance and how our husbands and children contribute to help. It was a major "A-ha" moment for me as I listened to the discussion. Lupe is wonderful, he contributes in many many ways- garbage, dishes, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, making the bed, cooking, packing lunches, etc. My girls contribute (or so I thought)- they're responsible for picking up their bedroom, and keeping any and all toys put away in the APPROPRIATE and DESIGNATED space. I came to realize, during our discussion, that my girls were not really contributing enough- and it was all because of ME!
All of the other moms around me were talking about how their kids fold their laundry AND put it away. Here was my response (or excuse) to that.."..but it wouldn't be folded properly...they would just cram it in the drawers instead of putting it in the 'right' place...". (FYI: I am the one who refolded all the laundry after the babysitter had it done for me and my girls clothes are sorted very particularly in stacks divided for short/long/solid colored/printed etc.). The conversation then went to the kids unloading the dishwasher- my reaction (or excuse) to that one was pretty much the same as my reaction to the laundry. One of these mom's has a child younger than mine, and she helps too!
I had to sit back and evaluate WHY I can't allow my children (and sometimes my husband) to help and do. It pretty much comes down to the fact that I need it done exactyly my way! Sad, right?
I remember when we were unpacking boxes in our apartment, Lupe volunteered to go hang the shower rod. Easy enough, right? Not really something that can be messed up, right? That's why it's mind boggling as to why I followed him into the bathroom giving him instructions on how he should do it. Lupe finally turned around and looked at me and asked, "Do YOU just want to do it?".
How much time, energy, stress, sleepless nights have I brought on myself out of my need to control everyone and everything around me? Because, believe me- when I am NOT in control, it can get pretty ugly. Sometimes, it comes down to trust and faith in God and in others- but sometimes, it's just stupid, petty stuff and NOT worth it!
On Saturday, my husband arrange a "date afternoon"- lined out the babysitter, lunch, Christmas shopping, and a surprise. For my surprise, Lupe made me close my eyes until we arrived there. This was TORTURE! Even in church, when they tell everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes- I'll keep my head down but my eyes are open. I don't like "not knowing" (or something)! That meant, I couldn't tell him the best way to go, or where to park, and I couldn't even see if there was an oncoming car, or if I was going to stop in a pothole in my 4 inch heels! BUT, I was so proud (and Lupe was too) that I kept them closed and was very surprised as I opened my eyes to standing inside The Cheesecake Factory for my favorite Carrot Cake (I put on my FB status the day before I was craving it).
Well, needless to say- my girls are now folding laundry (and I'm trying not to refold it), and eventually they'll put it away (BABY STEPS), and are also unloading the dishwasher! I'm even letting them pick their own clothes out....sometimes! I love seeing how much they enjoy it, and even I enjoy it. I'm rediscovering that not only do my kids and husband need me, but I need them- and not only on MY terms.