My Love for My Dining Room Table...

Our "Yard Sale Table & Chairs"

My Dining Room Table, that is what I am Thankful for today. Of course, I must tell the story.......
When we moved to Florida last year, we left our things in Texas until we found where we would be living. Once we found our apartment, it became quite clear that our large 10 seat dining room table was not going to fit our much smaller home. Besides the fact, it took us 2 weeks to get our furniture- another long story told in a previous post. So, when we moved in, the only furniture we had was our girls beds, and a couple of air mattresses- and at that point we did not know how long it would take to get the rest of our stuff.

Memories, Fruit Pizza at our Table

My wonderful husband got up early on that Saturday and decided he was going to a couple of yard sales to see what he could find. By the way, this is another little thing I love about Lupe- he knows it would just make it better. Well, he was successful- he first found a Yard Sale with one of those white plastic outdoor tables and 7 outdoor plastic chairs to match for $20. A couple of Yard Sales later, he found the table in my picture- an older, slightly warped marked up, wooden table for $10 (no chairs), and he knew that it would suit us better. (He also found a cushioned outdoor metal chair that we used in our living room until our furniture arrived)

Made Smoothies at Our Table

Once our furniture did arrive, we gave our huge table away and gratefully continued using our "bargain table" with the plastic yard chairs. Here we are 9 months later, and we still sit to our comfy "bargain table" for every meal. Sometimes, I look at it and wish for a prettier "matching" table- but most of the time I don't even notice the mismatched plastic chairs and all the scrapes and bubbles. I guess, I just appreciate a place for my family to sit together and have a meal. We could of used money to have bought a new one already, but I love the fact that we have used the little extra we've had a few times to create other memories and moments as a family.

Our "Former" Table Memories

I started "loving" my little table this past week when we've taking time to say and talk about what we are Thankful for- something my girls and us look forward to nowadays. I am SO thankful, my family has a little yard sale table to sit around in plastic chairs in our small cozy apartment eating a hot good meal TOGETHER! Looking back, there are many miracles that have brought us to today- I am beyond Thankful for the Grace of God that has sustained us.

Daddy's Birthday at Our Old Table

An update on Lupe's job: They have been having some "opportunities" getting some of the paperwork through, so it has pushed Lupe's start date to Nov. 12- which means no paycheck for 2 weeks when we are not at a place to go without one. On a positive note, Lupe has had a 2 week FULL vacation- that hasn't happened in a LONG time! I love that we have not panicked- but have more easily trusted God, believing He will make a way. Just today, at work we had to let someone go because of an unfortunate situation. As badly as that was for that person, my hours at work more than doubled. I am still learning Trust and Faith, but I am more convinced of it every day! God is SO good and so faithful!

Teaching Thankfulness


It's November, and I've noticed on Facebook and Blogs, many expressing Thankfulness and Gratitude in posts and status updates. So, I started to think about the things I'm Thankful for, and also how to teach my girls that same thing. I decided, that as a family we could use our dinner time as an opportunity to learn about and express what we are thankful for and I would write it down in the journal that I keep and put it in a "Thankful Jar".

I also decided, I would use my Blog as an opportunity to share what I am Thankful for- and in doing so, I hope to change my heart and my mindset.

There are the obvious things- but also the most important things- that I am Thankful for. My family, my Parents, my Sister and Brothers and their Husband/Wives, my nieces and nephew, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins.

Then of course, I am Thankful for my incredible Husband, Lupe, and my beautiful Daughters, Tenly and Gianna.

It is so easy to take family for granted sometimes. We often take our frustrations, bad moods, inadequacies, failures, tiredness, moodiness out on our families....the very people who love us most. It seems as if that is why we take our "stuff" out on them for that very reason- because we love them and they love us so much. I mean, they have to love us regardless of what we do/say/act, because they are family. But, that doesn't mean that we still have scard them with our words/actions/emotions.

I was watching Oprah's new show on the OWN Network last night (that's right, I watched Oprah- and learned something- don't judge me!!), and she was reflecting back on a show that she did with Toni Morrison. Toni Morrison was explaining about a life changing moment she had with her children. She was speaking of how she reacted when her children entered the room- she explained how often she was telling them to do something, change something, clean something, complete something. Then, one day she had the realization that she was lacking to celebrate them and was beginning to see a look of sadness/frustration on their faces because they were not being celebrated/validated.

It seems like such a simple thing- and really, it is! So, I know I'm not the only one who finds myself doing the very thing that Toni Morrison found herself doing. Not that our kids do not need to be reminded to do/clean/change/complete things- but can we at least celebrate them before we give them a list of instructions.

So, in being Thankful for my family, I find myself challenged to celebrate not only my children- but all of them! I'm doing this for myself- but also for my girls- I want to teach them how to appreciate their family and to celebrate them- the ones we see frequently and the ones we seldom see.

Family

WOW- I'm feeling getting to blog after way to long! Between the business of life and getting sick and losing every bit of energy I had for over a week, I'm finally getting back to normal (whatever that is).

About a week and a half ago, my Aunt Net put together a Family Reunion for the Denson Family....it has been a long time.I don't remember at what age I began to understand the "family breakdown"- you know- who are in the family by blood vs. who is in the family by marriage. In my Dad's family especially, they were always so close. Majority of my Aunts and Uncles who married into the family called my Granny and PawPaw "Mom and Dad" and treated each other as a true part. So, it was difficult for me to understand who my dad's sisters (6) and brothers (1) were and which were the spouses. They were just family- no separation. Part of the reunion we had, was celebrating my Uncle Norris, who was my Dad's sister, Frankie's (she passed away in 2005) husband. We were celebrating him and the incredible legacy as a man of God and a pillar in our family- although he did marry into the family- you would never know. I love that. I love that we are just family- a great family.

See, growing up we used to have these HUGE family reunions with a few hundred people (and yes, I was related somehow to most of them) almost every year. It was a day full of food. fun, and being oohed and awed over by people who knew me and I didn't have a clue who they were. But, I have many memories from those reunions of playing all day with my many many cousins and leaving exhausted!
It's been many years since we've had a HUGE reunion. My Grandparents passed away many years ago, but my Dad's family has remained close although struggling to stay connected while living all over the place and taking care of their individual families. After my Aunt Frankie passed away and a few years later my cousin Mal also did- my Aunt Net took it upon herself to get us all back together for a weekend. This is no easy task with 8 brothers and sisters, and countless children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great-great grandchildren.
Not all of the family were able to make it, but a good number of us were- and it was a much needed time. It was especially wonderful to get to see and talk to my Aunt Net and Uncle Bull. Since they had 2 boys, somehow there was always a connection between us and I kind of became their baby girl. Spent many weekends being spoiled rotten by them at their house. They've always had a special place in my heart and I in theirs. It had been way to long since I had seen or talked with them, and my Uncle Bull hadn't been in the best of health as of late. I loved that I was able to look in his eyes and tell him I loved him and see that he was okay, while my Aunt Net ran around coordinating everyone and everything.
I loved introducing my girls to all of their MANY family members! Tenly, especially, was amazed at how big our family was. Lupe met many that he had never met, and it was special to reconnect relationships that had been unintentionally neglected. The Denson Family are almost all incredible singers and musicians. Growing up they even had a Singing Group called "The Happy Christians"- it's okay- I know you are laughing at that name. We would travel around to churches and functions with them and they would call all of my cousins and I "The Baby Christan's" and make us come up and sing to- UGH! Anyway, during the reunion, so many of the family went up and sang and had all the instruments pulled out. Although, I've always been aware of how incredibly talented my family is- I still sat there listening in amazement at the talent within the Denson Family. Not only my blood relations, but also so many of the people who have married into our family are unbelievably talented musicians and singers. It was great to see everyone marvel at the talent that so many of us hadn't seen in years and some talent that's never been witnessed by others in that room- we watched   and marveled at the talent God has blessed us with.
I took away from that weekend an urgency to never let this many years to go by without at least being in contact with my many Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. I want my girls to experience family- and even all of that effort falls on my shoulders- I'll carry it and at least try. It's to important not to have.

(Part 2) My Horrible, Terrible, Awful, Bad, Disastorous, Unfortunate Choice!

If you have not read my previous post,"My Horrible, Terrible, Awful, Bad, Disastrous, Unfortunate Choice!" (Part 1, July 13 post), you may want to read that one before reading this one.

My purse was stolen in Miami, and we now realized these people had not only my license- but they had our checking account number and were using it, and they also had my Social Security number.

The next morning, after we realized they had our checking account number, Lupe was advised to head directly to the bank. After much discussion, weighing all of our options, they totally froze the account so that only deposits- nothing else- could happen against that account (since we had direct deposits going in within a couple days). We opened another account and transferred everything into that. The Saturday morning following our direct deposits going into that account, Lupe headed to the bank to transfer the money out of that account and close it.....or so we thought. Upon Lupe arriving at the bank and sitting down with their manger, it came to our attention that some bank teller in Miami had cashed 2 checks totaling over $3000. against our account (even with every red flag possible on that account). In other words, our account was now almost -$4000., and our rent was due! I don't think it is even possible to describe the amount of stress and emotion that was on our soldiers.

The bank graciously took full responsibility- that although we appreciated- their gracious responsibility wasn't going to pay our rent, put gas in our car, pay our upcoming car payment, or buy our groceries (that were getting very low). I felt like a knife was thrust into my gut the morning I took an Eviction Notice off of our front door. It was going to take they 7+ days for the bank to get the money back in our account. We now knew we were dealing with professional thefts and identity thieves. I quickly put the appropriate protection on my identity also.

We had our window fixed the very next morning after my purse was stolen, this was before all of this other stuff happened. I don't know if we would have done that if we would of know what was about to happen in the next 24 hours- but really- doesn't matter!
Because we were now so far behind on every bill, and have had to beg for extensions on almost every bill- because they were now getting back piled against us- we had to reach out for help on every level. We had to borrow from family, and our church- which they were all so willing to jump in and extend themselves. Not to mention, we didn't have medical insurance yet (3 more weeks)- and I needed insulin ($150. a bottle). I got creative, I had a bottle of long acting insulin (which is only used in combination with short acting- which I did not have). So, I went on a very strict diet of no carbs at all for about 4 days, so I could survive on only that type of insulin until we could scrape together the money to buy some short acting insulin- and I did it! Not the ideal situation- but I did it- against every doctors advice. Insulin is one thing I literally cannot live without, and it made me very angry to have to buy insulin for myself over buying food to put in my house.
Our most humbling moment, (which I don't think we've shared with anyone) we had to work to accept as "humbling" instead of "embarrassing and humiliating". As we stared into our empty pantry and coordinating still empty bank account- we had to go to a food bank to get us over the hump. That's not the easiest place to be- and it definitely required us to suck in our pride and think of the bigger picture, our kids and our necessities.
This is also when I decided to go back to work, which meant I had no choice but to pay the money to go get my license- something I had to have to work. In the long run this was going to push us over the top- but it also meant we were going to have to shell out the $40. to replace my license.

Believe me, it was more than one time that I, and Lupe (who rarely gets really angry) wanted to find these people and straight up hurt them! Forget praying for them, I didn't even want to consider forgiving them. I was beyond mad- it was that they had stolen from me- they had stolen from my children, from their well being! They had put us in position that we, and no one else, should ever have to be in. Even now, it makes me emotional thinking about it.
It took us months to recover from that ONE, horrible, terrible, awful, bad, disastrous, unfortunate choice. I still regret it. Although, I have finally forgiven the people who did this- I still struggle with forgiving myself. I, ultimately, caused this. Not that it takes them off the hook, but if I wouldn't have made that choice, out of convenience, it never would of happened. But, me living in guilt isn't helping anyone or anything- especially not me!

Regardless, here we are, almost 5 months later. We are well- our rent is caught up and paid, our electricity is on, our pantry is well stocked, there are a few bills we are still getting current on- but we are getting there and we are all okay! Our medical insurance is up and going- and we are grateful! I don't think I need to go over all the lessons we learned- I think most are obvious. God is so faithful, and he carried us through one of our most difficult times and gave us peace.

My Horrible, Terrible, Awful, BAD, Disasterous, Unfortuanate CHOICE!

I have made many choices that I am not proud of and have regrets of them. One of the things I learned at the Ministry out in Texas, is to see every situation- good or bad- as an opportunity to learn. I try really hard to implement that in my daily choices and circumstances. Some of my bad choices were huge and presented very tough life lessons, some have had minor repercussions but I still walked away learning something- even if it was small.

I have the perfect example from today! I had my hand "smacked" by the director of Tenly's school- Gianna fell asleep on the way to pick Tenly up- so I CHOSE to park near the door (not in a parking space) so I could run in quickly to get Tenly and not disturb Gia. Well, as I came out of the door- I see the director standing by my car- I instantly new I was in trouble! As she began to reprimand me, I attempted to explain (not excuse) my reasons for parking there- well, that just brought another reprimand as she informed me not only to not park there, but that I should not leave my sleeping daughter in the car regardless of how close and quick I was. I stood there sheepishly, saying "Yes, ma'am- you are right, it will never happen again!". As I got in the car, I continued to say, "Well, you could have said it nicely- I'm not a 2 year old...etc...etc..."! No matter how much her "delivery" of the reprimand irritated me- she was right! I kind of feel like I need to go buy her a card with chocolates and beg her to send me to parenting classes for being such a terrible mother- of course, none of that will happen. Anyway, bad choice and I did learn....not to make that woman mad...and a little more!

Anyway, the horrible choice I mentioned in my title was one we still feel the repercussions of. One of my oldest friends, Debra's, little girl was turning "1" and Gianna and I went to her Birthday Party in Miami after church one Sunday in March (Tenly had been disciplined that day and stayed home with Dad). Although, I am not familiar with Miami, I felt confident with my trusty GPS- that thing is like my BFF! The party was being held at a beautiful huge park on the water in a great area. As we arrived, I decided to park on the road right across from the park only feet away from us. I didn't want to carry everything in the park, so took only my phone, keys, camera, and the gift with us- which means I stuck my purse under the seat. I could sit here and reiterate how I tucked it all the way under the seat- it couldn't even be seen, and we were in a very populated area, it was in a 'good' area...but none of that matters considering our car window was busted out and my purse was stolen. The really sad part is, I kind of saw it happen- I saw a car parked beside my car (in the middle of the road) with the passenger door open, then a guy ran from in front of my car and jumped in the other car and it down a fast u-turn as it peeled out of there. It obviously caught my attention to the point I grabbed my keys and pressed the lock button to be sure it was locked- and it was- but I never thought I just watched a guy jump in the car with my purse! I was informed by the cops that the guys had probably been sitting there watching me from the time I arrived- that, honestly, totally freaks me out!

As Gianna and I said our good-byes and gathered our things together, we started towards the car- I instantly noticed that my dark tinted window wasn't there. Although I tried to consider that maybe I rolled the window down (which I never do), all I kept playing over in my head was that white car peeling away from mine- I knew exactly what happened.

Debra, Chloe, and Anthony- 1st Birthday!

I ran back, crashing the party with my bad news- I couldn't stop shaking. Debra's wonderful husband, Anthony, took control, called the cops, and checked on the car. I called Lupe (guess the cops should of been first), and he instantly got on the phone cancelling cards. We tried to get all the glass cleaned out of the car, Anthony put plastic up over the window and by 8pm (3 hours later) we finally left Miami (which we don't visit much anymore, lol). After I finally arrived home, fell into Lupe's arms and felt instantly relieved.

The next morning we felt drained but okay knowing we did everything we were suppose to do- called the credit card companies, and called the bank, alerted the drivers license office. That is, until Lupe tried to use his debit card and it was declined- he called the bank and was informed that someone tried to cash a huge check against our checking account- and they froze the account and flagged it again to be sure nothing could happen. They asked Lupe if I had a check or account # anywhere in my wallet- and THEN I remembered- my account # was written down on a Wachovia Card in my wallet- these people had it and were using it. It was then that I remembered that my SS# was also on an insurance card in my wallet- and we were warned that these people were acting like professionals and probably knew exactly what that number was.

I guess you could say, we were beginning to get nervous, concerned, and worried- and our prayer life increased over night. I wish I could say that was the worse of it....but it was only beginning! I'll finish the story on my next post- or else this is going to be WAY to long for one post!

What did I learn? NOT to leave my purse in my car- anywhere, anytime! Little did I know, that I was also about to learn get another lesson in trusting God , I was about to be VERY humbled, I was just beginning to get angry, and about to learn I had to let it go.

I Forgot Something.......

Hania and Tenly

As I was laying in bed last night, I felt a little bit "heavy"- so I started to do that self-evaluation thing. I couldn't seem to turn my brain off even though I was exhausted. I found myself reflecting on my blog from last night- I kept replaying it in my head and something just wasn't feeling right about it. While breaking down different elements of it, I started to figure it out- I felt like I sounded bitter and was doing a lot of finger pointing. I pointed out a lot of the negative stuff- but failed to point out that it wasn't ALL bad. Therefore, an apology is due, and I need to take this opportunity to set the record straight and reflect on the positive things that my children and I took away from the ministry and camp.

Curtis & Tenly

First, we were very LOVED, especially my girls. The "staff kids" were all doted on at every opportunity by all of the 80+ staff and all of the 300+ students. My girls loved going down to the camp, of course what kid would not want to go down to a place where they were constantly the center of attention. My children were around God's Word constantly, I loved the fact that the staff and students (almost) always demonstrated God through their actions and words. They were able to see children, teens, young/old adults worshiping God in every way imaginable: dance, drama, prayer, music, fun, etc. Lupe's staff in the kitchen and dining hall were practically a part of our family, they were willing to jump in and help us with our girls or at home any time we asked- and even when we didn't ask. My girls would get so excited if Curtis, Jessica, Vanessa, or Tiffany were coming over or if they were going down to the camp to see them.

Elizabeth and My girls

Elizabeth was my first baby sitter for Tenly and Gianna- she was so wonderful and made my girls transition into the church nurseries effortless- she was a constant in our life for over 2 years. She and her husband (who just had 2 twin girls) also became dear friends.

Jessica & Gianna

My girls learned the joy of giving at the ministry. On any and every holiday, we use to make some kind of snack or treat for everyone. The girls would dress up in whatever holiday attire, and we would go to all of the staff offices and the girls would give one of the treats to all of the staff. Tenly and Gianna LOVED it- and it was through this that they learned the joy that giving brings to others. The staff were always so great, they would hug, take pictures, and make the biggest fuss over the girls bringing their treats. It was honestly some of my favorite moments.

Joe & Sandi

Tenly and Gianna couldn't wait for something to break at our house, because that meant that Papa Joe and Nana Sandi were coming over to fix it (Papa Joe did the fixing while Nana Sandi got to play and visit). Sandi was my companion to all of my Doctor appointments while pregnant with Tenly, and helped take care of Tenly during my rough pregnancy with Gianna. Joe and Sandi became a sense of consistency in our family. Sandi was my first friend out at the ministry and is still one of my few from the ministry who still remains.

Aunt Chris & The Girls

Christina, or Aunt Chris, very easily became a dear friend to my girls and I. Whenever anyone became pregnant at the camp, the big question was what would "the blanket" look like. I'll never forget when I opened that beautiful blanket at my shower for Tenly- it was this beautiful pink knitted blanket. Those are the most precious gifts, one that takes of someones time and love. Of course, Gianna was given one of the same and Aunt Chris made her the famous "stringy blanket" that we never leave home without! Christina on more than one occasion dropped everything to come to my house and watch my girls for any reason there was. She followed my tedious schedule for my girls to the "T". Christina always loved me for "me"- good, bad, and ugly!

Sarah & Tenly

Then there is Sarah!!!! Sarah took care of my girls as if they were her own, she did not pawn them off as a second thought or nuisance- but made them (and all the other staff children) important and relevant. I can honestly say, that Sarah Moilenan allowed my children to leave the ministry with wonderful memories of belonging and importance. I will be forever grateful for the hand print she left on Tenly and Gianna's (and my)life.
At the church, Tenly fell in love with "Faith Walkers"- the PreK children's church. Through Cierra and David (and Lydia), Tenly learned at the young age of 3 how real Jesus really was. In that class, Tenly invited Jesus into her heart with Lydia. She always said her favorite part was Praise and Worshiping Jesus.

Sarah will kill me for this one! lol!

Truthfully, everyone I have named in this blog- and many I haven't- left a positive impact on my girls lives-and mine. These are just a few of the precious things I am grateful my girls- and I- were able to experience at the ministry.
Today I learned a big lesson- I've got to let the positive outweigh the negative....I never want to be known as bitter and negative person..............................................

The Gift of Being Lonely

Gloria and I in '90

Lori and I in '92

I am a very social person- I love to talk and think of myself as approachable (I guess everyone else could have a different perception, lol). Growing up, we moved around quite a bit- so I had to learn to adjust and make friends. I always seemed to find someone who I became close to. Let's see, I have about 12 girlfriends that I remember being very close to when I was younger.

My wonderful college roomies

College wasn't easy at first, I lived on campus, and most of the students on campus were much younger than me. After my first semester, I found my 'groove' and made some friendships that remain very valuable to me almost 10 years later.
When I first moved to Texas, I was so excited, I was about to live just a matter of feet away from about 80 other staff members and 300 students. Lupe and I arrived home from our honeymoon in Cancun 1 day before Lupe went back to work. In most situations, that would be no big deal (and I had no idea it was at first)- but this was very different. I thought I was ready for this insane schedule and soon found out how unready I was.
Lupe was walking into "summer camp mode" (or no life for 2 months mode)- which means: working 9 weeks straight (no days off) for 12-15 hours a day. I know, that doesn't sound possible- but after 6 summers- believe me, IT IS! I knew his schedule was long- but I was not prepared to wake up without him every morning and going to bed at 8:30 every night just so I could be with him (although he was asleep). Not only was this his schedule, but it was majority of all the staffs schedule.

Angie and I

So, it didn't take long for me to become very lonely, very quickly. I was in a new state away from ALL of my family (who I am close to), and everyone I did know (all of about 5 people) were unavailable ALL the time- working at the camp. Lonely, turned into awkward, which turned into sadness, which turned into depression. I could only clean and organize my house so much, and with all the time I had on my hands- it took me about a week to unpack and decorate my new home. I remember 2 phone calls I received about 3 weeks after I arrived, they both basically said to me- "..I wanted to give you space to unwind and get settled...". I thought to myself, I don't need space- I NEED a friend.

Debbie & Michelle, lifelong friends.

After summer ended, things got a bit better. I had my husband back for one, and I began to get to know some of the staff at the camp. I made some very good friends who greatly impacted my life and who I still value and turn to (one of them suggested I start this blog). Problem is, the ministry we were involved with was/is a bit of a revolving door. One of the main objectives is to train people up to go out and impact the world. There are many who may be there forever, but the majority are there for a few years and and after being trained and mentored, they set out to pursue their new season. Which, I believe it is a great thing to have a place that trains people up in the things of God and send them out to make a Godly difference in the world. As great as it is though, it's never easy to watch people walk in and out of your life.

Sandi became my lifeline more than once

In all of this, I learned a great many lessons. I learned not to allow people (friends, even Lupe) to 'complete' me- God is the only one who can do that. Instead of relying on everyone else to fulfill me, I had to depend on God. I learned the traits and value of a true friend. I became very weary of fake people, fake smiles, fake words, fake acknowledgments. I also learned of things I needed to change in myself, so I could always be a sincere friend. One of the negative things I learned, was to distance and guard myself a little to much- I always seemed to look for an ulterior motive or underlying motive in everything anyone said or did (I am continuing to work on this one).

Not surprising that I only have pics of Sarah with my girls

I will be forever be indebted to the handful of my Texas friends (including my family and husband), who loved, accepted, embraced, held, walked, talked, corrected, ministered, and laughed with me- and occasionally let me melt down, scream, rant, rave, be unreasonable, and emotional. No matter how far apart- we pick up where we left off and continue to give and love.
Since moving back to Florida, God quickly surrounded me with some wonderful friends who sometimes are my lifeline. I am so blessed to have so many friends- near and far, old and new- and through my loneliness have learned to value each one so much more.