My Mommy Doesn't Love ME......

"My Mommy Doesn't Love MEEE....." I listened to Tenly scream for what seemed like forever.

Yep, it was one of those days today. One of those days that just hurt and made me question all of my carefully thought out "strategic parenting".

It hasn't just been today, it has been several days...toooo many days of struggling to hear respect in her voice, following directions, listening the FIRST time, and of course climbing the Mt. Everest of homework. I have even began to hear Tenly raise her voice to me and stomp her foot....more than once!!

There is veteran Moms reading this, chuckling as they remember and they (and their children) are still alive to report survival on the other side of "The 6 year old battle of the minds.." And, I am taking comfort in picturing those of you doing just that (so please tell me that someone is!?).

I know I have written similar posts of these frustrations before. But, today I just seemed to have been derailed as I cried in my bed over what seemed to be defeat, frustration and surrender all balled up together. Mind you, I have not been quite the "model Mom" in my responses to my beautiful sassy daughters outbursts- so you might as well add Mommy-Guilt to that ball while we're at it. I have never been much of a yeller, but at times it feels like an alien has taken over as I hear my voice shrieking, "Are you kidding me? Did you really just do that...?"

I had, what I thought to be, a GREAT idea! It was a beautiful day in South Florida, 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, a perfect day to do homework out back on the water. I though this was brilliant enough to take any negativity out of homework and make Tenly forget how tired she may be.

After treading gently through the spelling practice test with gentle encouragements, we made it. Then we approached practicing her vocabulary words, Tenly began to detach herself from even the thought of trying. I don't know if Cinderella herself could of gotten a different outcome! Actually, scratch that...she would have gotten a perfect outcome! Come to think of it, anyone and everyone but ME would have gotten a perfect outcome.

After several chances (too many, consider one chance sufficient in my book), she was sent back inside to be disciplined.

I am a tired Mom. I am tired of fighting with my 6 year old. I am tired of over-analyzing my parenting skills/methods and tired of changing them. I am tired of making Tenly cry, and I am tired of crying. I am tired of being the wearing the red horns with matching red pitchfork surrounded by flames, while Daddy flies in the clouds with the angel wings and halo.

But, that's also what makes me a Good Mom. I care enough to continue to question everything and change it. That I care enough about raising good respectful kids that I am willing to be the bad guy and "make" them cry. That I still hurt when I see my kids cry, whether it's because they have fallen, had their feelings hurt, or are being disciplined by their mean Mom.

My heart still hurts and I still have a million questions rolling around in my head. My day with my girls is coming to an end very soon, I pray that my heart and Tenly's heart both feel better when it does.

God, continue to give me wisdom and help me to grow, listen, make changes, capitalize on being right and admit when I am wrong. I have already proven that this is one job I cannot do without my God and today I have needed Him more than ever.

The Controversial Debate...

Every year, October rolls around and the debate begins within the Christian community:

Question: "Should Christians celebrate Halloween?"

Dare I say that sometimes the "Halloween Debate" can get down right mean, ugly and judgmental.

Growing up as a "Preacher's Kid" we did not celebrate Halloween. As I grew older, I did understand why although I will admit to feeling a bit of jealousy and pity for myself as I watched all of my friends dressing up and eating candy. I do remember a couple of years that I conveniently found myself staying with a friend on Halloween just so I could dress up and have fun (The cats out of the bag if my parents read this, haha!).

The history and roots of Halloween are very evil and dark, and is understandably why Christians distance themselves joining into this type of celebration.

As I stated my own personal experience above, I also understand why Christians try to incorporate the fun of dressing up with friends in a more positive atmosphere.

I will not even try to push what my own convictions and thoughts are on this subject. Rather, my friend Ashton posted this that she found on gotquestions.org on Facebook the other day and I thought it represented both sides of the "Halloween Debate" very well. 

Question: "Should Christians celebrate Halloween?"

Answer: Whether or not Christians should celebrate Halloween can be a very controversial topic. Some Christians celebrate Halloween simply by dressing up in a costume and having fun, seeing it as innocent and harmless. Other Christians are equally convinced that Halloween is a satanic holiday established to worship evil spirits and promote darkness and wickedness. So, who is right? Is it possible for Christians to celebrate Halloween without compromising their faith?

Halloween, no matter how commercialized, has almost completely pagan origins. As innocent as it may seem to some, it is not something to be taken lightly. Christians tend to have various ways to celebrate or not to celebrate Halloween. For some, it means having an “alternative” Harvest Party. For others, it is staying away from the ghosts, witches, goblins, etc., and wearing innocuous costumes, e.g., little princesses, clowns, cowboys, super-heroes, etc. Some choose not to do anything, electing to lock themselves in the house with the lights off. With our freedom as Christians, we are at liberty to decide how to act.

Scripture does not speak at all about Halloween, but it does give us some principles on which we can make a decision. In Old Testament Israel, witchcraft was a crime punishable by death (Exodus 22:18; Leviticus 19:31; 20:6, 27). The New Testament teaching about the occult is clear. Acts 8:9-24, the story of Simon, shows that occultism and Christianity don't mix. The account of Elymas the sorcerer in Acts 13:6-11 reveals that sorcery is violently opposed to Christianity. Paul called Elymas a child of the devil, an enemy of righteousness and a perverter of the ways of God. In Acts 16, at Philippi, a fortune-telling girl lost her demon powers when the evil spirit was cast out by Paul. The interesting matter here is that Paul refused to allow even good statements to come from a demon-influenced person. Acts 19 shows new converts who have abruptly broken with their former occultism by confessing, showing their evil deeds, bringing their magic paraphernalia, and burning it before everyone (Acts 19:19).

So, should a Christian celebrate Halloween? Is there anything evil about a Christian dressing up as a princess or cowboy and going around the block asking for candy? No, there is not. Are there things about Halloween that are anti-Christian and should be avoided? Absolutely! If parents are going to allow their children to participate in Halloween, they should make sure to keep them from getting involved in the darker aspects of the day. If Christians are going to take part in Halloween, their attitude, dress, and most importantly, their behavior should still reflect a redeemed life (Philippians 1:27). There are many churches that hold "harvest festivals" and incorporate costumes, but in a godly environment. There are many Christians who hand out tracts that share the Gospel along with the Halloween candy. The decision is ultimately ours to make. But as with all things, we are to incorporate the principles of Romans 14. We can’t allow our own convictions about a holiday to cause division in the body of Christ, nor can we use our freedom to cause others to stumble in their faith. We are to do all things as to the Lord.

Dreams and Prayers..

Dreaming...for my kids.

I think every parent wants to be able to give/provide everything for their children that they want/have need of.

Right now, the main thing my girls want is to go to Disney World. This is something that is a want- definitely not a 'need'- but a something that every child should have the opportunity to experience (Not sure Disney sees it this way with their prices.). It will happen....one day.

Besides Disney, I dream of my girls playing sports, dancing in ballet classes and recitals, being involved and confident in school and going to college. Our family is under some "budgeting constraints" at the moment, which are preventing some of these extras; sometimes that hurts this Momma's heart.

But, as I watch my oldest daughter struggle to find her "voice" while in school and overcoming fear, I find myself focusing my dreams...I mean prayers, on different things.

My girls will know God's Word for themselves to be true and powerful. Psalms 19:10

My girls will feel and know the confidence that comes from being a Child of God. 2 Timothy 1:7

My girls will be leaders. Romans 12:2

M girls will do what is right because it is right. Psalms 25:21

My girls will show God's love to each other and those around them. 1 Timothy 4:12

My girls will pursue the call and purpose that God has placed over their life. Psalms 138:8

I have struggled with confidence for much of my life and it has caused me a lot of pain and prevented me from pursuing many dreams- I refuse to watch my girls walk that road. That not only means that I have to declare these scriptures over them but also over myself. I hate to think that there are things they have seen in me that may be playing into their lack of confidence- but that is the reality.

The things that I want my girls to experience that are attached to monetary can bring them some smiles, fun and teach them some things- but I am quickly realizing that those things hold a strong second place in comparison to that list I just made.

We have always prayed scriptures over our children, but there is an even stronger emphasis being placed on doing so. I found myself so focused on all of the things we just can't do for our girls right now and it really had me down. Then one day after we had spoken with Tenly's teacher, it was as if the clouds parted and I was given a revelation of where I needed to focus my energy right now- not on what we can't do but on what we can do. To be honest, my girls need my prayers right now more than anything else and that is something I am extremely good at.

I have hung scriptures beside my girls beds, I want them to see first thing in the morning and before they close their eyes at night to know that according to 2 Timothy 1:7 "God has NOT given them a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Laughing at "The Parent Rap"

Corny enough to make you smile...
Real enough that you can relate...
True enough to make you laugh at them...and yourself....

Mommy Confession: Callie, Diet Coke Made Me Cry!

My beautiful friend Callie, Mom of 3, is giving us a "Mommy Confession today! I met Callie while living in Texas, while we were both on staff at the same ministry.
Callie is one amazing Mom, for many reasons you will have the opportunity to read about. She embraced me with open arms after I was newly married in Texas and new pretty much...no one! Callie is a woman of The Word, and a beautiful example of a Godly woman, wife and mother. I hope you gather a lot of wisdom from her daily walk....

Is it so hard??? I sit home with these three babies all day and my reward; the only reward I ask for is a large diet coke, that’s it! My house is dirty, and I DETEST a dirty house- I need a Diet Coke. But I am strapped to the couch with a baby on me, I feel like I should have a sign on me that says “baby on boob”.

When I do finally get the house clean like I like it, they all have to eat again. There go the dishes, floors & laundry. And speaking of laundry…who needs this many clothes- we should have one outfit per day! Why does this laundry stack never go away?

Oh and Hi you!!! You are the love of my life and I miss being with you but “make love…I can’t even think of It.”, my house is filthy, my kids are fussy, I am feeling fat and cranky. I just want a diet coke but we have none and you have the car at work. Why oh why????

Hi, that is I; Callie Scott, and just recently I have given an award winning performance as the most dramatic sounding stay home mom. Sad thing is, it isn’t verbatim but very much how a recent fall apart moment of mine sounded.

You see in June I gave birth to our little boy Malachi. In 2.5yrs, Malachi is our 3rd child. Yes, 2.5yrs & 3children is correct. If any mother knows the emotions that follow having a child as you are figuring stuff out, add to that a 1yr old throwing fits and cutting molars and a 2yr old discovering himself, his voice, his limits annnddddd cutting molars- and that would be what I do daily.

I’ll be the first to say the first 10wks of my sweet little boys life, I have not quite been the woman resembling grace and poise, but rather of emotion exhaustion. Now please let me state early on, I know I am not the only woman who has had 3 children, or 3children all 1yr apart…but, I have simply not handled it so gracefully.

My husband, Dereck, and I met at the ministry we both attended Bible College at and eventually joined staff with. We dated for a year, engaged for 6mos & then married on Dec 15, 2007- the most perfect day, 5yrs this coming December.

We wanted to start our family early so we set the date to start trying after two years of marriage. Well, by the time we celebrated our 2yr anniversary we had a 5day old beautiful baby boy, my pride and joy for sure!

15 months after that, we welcomed our little beauty and they have since have become best friends and she is a Daddy’s girl.

And now, 15 months after her…our wonderful sweet baby boy has arrived.

I am absolutely in love with my family. I love laughing every day with them all.

 As a teenager, I became very independent and self-sufficient- which can be a good thing. I thought it was a good thing that I had brought my independence into our marriage- but I realized it wasn’t helpful to my husband. This realization took place after we had our oldest son, Maddox, and we moved away and did not have family close by. Dereck wanted and needed a wife who needed him and not one who would be just fine without him.

The last two years of being away from all we have known and around people who are all too busy to with life (and understandably so), I have had absolute no one to lean on but Jesus and my husband. I have learned how to be not completely “needy”, but certainly reliant on his help. I have certainly learned that we are each other’s helpmates. Moving away from family was a fabulous thing, however, I would be lying to say that it does not and has not
presented some great challenges.

After our baby girl was born, my husband accepted another job in full time church work as we had already stepped out for a few years. We were hesitant but excited, moving to another city further away from family and kicked it in full gear. I was home all day and several nights out of the week with a one year old and newborn- to be quite honest, I was lonely.

I was cleaning house all day, dinner was prepped and I was craving some adult time. So, I started working part time at a grocery store and loved it. My baby weight was falling off, and I began feeling beautifully sassy again. Apparently, a whole lot “beautifully sassy”, because we found out just a few months later that we were pregnant AGAIN.

Oh my dear Jesus! To put it plain and simple, I felt like I was becoming exactly what a wonderful mentor referred to me as recently- A HUMAN PEZ MACHINE!

 WHY? is the question in many people’s mind. Why would you have kids so close together and with no family around?

My wonderful best friend and hubby is 6 years older than I, he wanted his youth and vigor with our children while they are young. Sure we have wondered where money was coming from, where dinner would be coming from, where sleep was coming from…but we serve a BIG GOD and He has never let us down.

While pregnant with my 3^rd, it came time for me to take maternity leave to prepare for our new baby. We were without my extra income, so my new treat became the simple satisfaction of a Dr. Pepper or Diet Coke- large from McDonald’s (after the baby, just diet coke). What can I say…I am easy to please and we pinch pennies.

We are down to 3 full months now being at home, 9wks of missing intimate moments with my hubby, 8wks with our new addition and a solid day of fussy babies- and NO access to a Diet Coke.

All I could do was cry, that’s right…I cried. All I wanted was the fizz of carbonation in the back of my throat. I wanted close my eyes and escape for a moment enjoying every sip. Normally, Dereck would bring me home one at lunch- but this day, he was playing basketball and we only have one vehicle. Even if I had had my precious Diet Coke, my 8wk old was fighting sleep and my other two were running a fever and were cranky from cutting 1 & 2yr molars….I would not have been able to enjoy it.

I was an emotional mess for almost 36hrs and though I know the root was exhaustion, it stemmed from my Diet Coke. Please tell me I am not the only one and someone else has been there!

We Are Different, and It's Okay!

Attachment Parenting, Instinctive Parenting, Helicopter Parenting, Permissive Parenting, Authoritative Parenting, Authoritarian Parenting, Indulgent Parenting..

Which is right, and which is wrong? Which is effective, which is ineffective?

It's not a matter of right or wrong, effective or ineffective- it is a matter of what is right and effective for your family.

Recently, a friend of mine made a statement on Facebook declaring her hate of the "BabyWise" method of parenting and pointed out that parents who chose that style were ignoring their child's needs/wants.

I kind of chuckled to myself when I read it, because one of my friends' best traits is her honesty and passion for what she believes. Even though, I did incorporate many of the "Baby Wise" methods into my parenting when my children were young, I understand that it isn't for everyone.

It has been just through the last few months, since I did the "Mommy Confessions" series on this Blog, that I began to understand that what works for one does not work for another. I use to be so judgmental about how others parented, especially when it was different from myself- but I began to realize that I don't know their story, their reasons- so how can I make a judgment.

The comments that began to be made under my friend's statement about BabyWise really started to bother me:

 "..Baby boot-camp..", "..It's a baby, not a dog..", "..completely selfish, detached way of parenting..", "..easier on the parents, not the baby..", etc..

I could not believe that these Moms were all labeling me, and many other wonderful Moms' I know, such horrible judgmental things.

I suddenly felt the need to justify my decisions and explain my "why" behind the "what". But, I really felt it was pointless. I know I am a great Mom- not perfect- but great. Are there things I would do differently? Absolutely! Have I made mistakes? Absolutely! Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. But, am I a great Mom in-spite of those things? YES, I am!

I didn't create a schedule/routine with my girls that worked around me and my needs/wants, I worked very hard to make sure that anything I needed to do was around their sleeping and eating times. We were all happier when I could predict them and they could predict me. There were many things that I chose not to do so that I did not disrupt my girls needs/wants, I do not think that is the definition of selfish.

Why can't we embrace parents and their methods of raising children whether we agree or disagree? I am not talking abusive situations; I am talking just different approaches.

I know more parents that co-sleep than those that do not- it is not for my family- but that's okay; we are both 'right' because it is what works for us.

My kids are on a great routine that works for us. Many families have no routine at all, and that works for them.

Some parents use cloth diapers, that is NOT for me- but kudos to all of you who are able to!

Working Mom vs. Non-Working Mom. Public School vs. Homeschool vs. Private School. There is not a right or wrong, it is what works for each individual family.

I breastfed my kids and loved every minute, but it is not for some and others literally cannot do it. Some Mom's breast feed their kids until they are 3-4-5 years old. I think that's a bit outrageous to breastfeed that long, but it is their choice.

I made all of my girls baby-food, many of my friends thought I was crazy for doing so- and I'm okay with that!

Yes, I did allow my kids to cry it out at times (and still do), my girls are okay and so are Lupe and I- we could handle it. Many parents cannot allow their kids to cry it out for various reasons; I applaud them for going with their gut and raising them with the convictions and standards that they have. I refuse to think that I am an abusive Mom (and Lupe, an abusive Dad) for parenting with our convictions and standards.

It was so sad to hear Mom's degrading others who had opposing parenting methods, especially to the point of labeling them selfish and detached.

Let's just respect the differences- I am still growing in this area- but I am more determined than ever to not ever let another Mom feel the way I did after reading much of that last night. 

The Clock Is Not My Friend...

Can I share with you my latest challenges? I am TIRED! I don't know who is more tired at the beginning of the school year, me or my girls? Let me explain my day....

6:30am- Wake girls up to get dressed, brush teeth and make beds.
6:45am- Breakfast and devotions.
7:00am- Shoes on and fix hair, relax with any additional time.
7:30am- Leave house.
7:50am- Drop Tenly at school.
8:00am- Drop Lupe off at work.
8:25am- Back home. Begin To-Do list- watch Today Show in between (HA!).
9:15am- Gianna's snack.
10:00am- Brianna arrives (Little girl I babysit).
11:00am- Gianna eats lunch, Brianna eats lunch.
11:15am- Take Gianna to school.
11:30am- Brianna's nap.
12:00pm- I eat lunch. After lunch, continue To-Do list.
2:15pm- Pick Gianna up from school.
2:30pm- Pick Tenly up from school.
3:00pm- Girls eat snack.
3:30pm- Homework and Reading quiet time.
4:30pm- Start dinner, girls clean up any messes.
5:00pm- Eat dinner, feed Brianna.
5:15pm- Bathe Brianna.
5:30pm- Bathe Girls.
5:45pm- Leave to pick Lupe up.
6:00pm- Pick Lupe up from work.
6:30pm- Home, clean kitchen, Brianna picked up (except late nights, I keep her until 8:30-9:00).
7:00pm- Girls snack time.
7:25pm- Girls in bed.
7:30pm- Lights out for girls, finish straightening house and tying up loose ends.
8:00pm- Hopefully by this time I am collapsing on the couch relaxing with Lupe- if I'm lucky!

I like to be in bed by 10:00 when that is possible (which is happening less and less). 

Obviously, one of our biggest difficulties is having one vehicle- which is why I often feel like a taxi service- but I am so thankful for that one vehicle that I try very hard to stay positive about it despite the challenges.

I absolutely love Blogging, although my "Hot Momma's of Broward County" Blog takes a pretty good amount of time trying to keep all of the South Florida activities and events listed. I am in the midst of trying to  figure out the best way to balance out my Blogs with everything else (the reason I have not been able to update this one as frequently the past 10 days).

After looking at this crazy Monday - Friday routine, I can understand why I have had no problem falling asleep at the end of my day lately.

Next week marks the third week of school, and I am trusting my mind, body and soul are going to more adjusted and accepting to our new routine! My friend Joanne and I are going to start rotating drop off/pick ups with our girls (they are in the same class at school), and I know that will take a good half hour off of my afternoon routine.

Has anyone else had challenges like this? Are you as tired (or more) than your kids? If anyone has any advice, it is greatly taken and appreciated!

The Drama Queen Has Taken Stage...

Here in South Florida, we are back in school! Tenly is going into first grade and Gianna is beginning PreK (only 3 hours a day).

About a week before school began we went back to rigid 7:30 bedtimes and began going over our "Morning School Routine". The girls wake up around 6:30, potty, brush teeth, make their bed, get dressed and then we all eat breakfast together while we have our morning devotions.

Monday morning arrived and just as I was about to get out of my bed a little before 6:00- two perfectly dressed little girls greeted me as I sat up...WAY to early!

Typically I may have sent them back to bed until 6:30, but they were so excited and proud that they had already completed everything on their schedule...I was quite proud as well.

They have continued to do this every day this week, although not quite as early, that is until today.
You want to talk about DRAMA...not only can I give you drama, I can give you a drama QUEEN: Tenly Maria! And to make it worse, I had to have some fasting blood work done...that means I had to endure the said drama coffee-less- that is never a good thing!

The day started with a change of mind about her clothes that was communicated very dramatically, a little to dramatically for her to get her way. She was sent back to her room to continue her routine privately out of my sight.

We then continued to breakfast. She informed us she did not want bananas in her cereal- but for some reason her Dad was suppose to understand that she was only saying that because she was mad about her clothes and should of given them to her anyway.

As Lupe began to talk about the devotion we read out of the Bible, she found it necessary to dramatically say, "I know!" to everything he said.

Of course, by this time- she has had way too much grace and chances and I was trying to stay out of the way because I could feel my annoyance rising and I was about to take my place on that drama stage.

From that point on, Tenly was mad if her sister spoke or even looked at her for any reason at all. Everything I asked her was answered with a sigh, grunt and the one thing that drives me crazy- the rolling of the eyes- WHERE does a first grader get this stuff??!!

I hit the limit while trying to fix her hair- she was disciplined.

I am proud that I held my patience to that point; my grace usually does not extend that far (God has really been working on my heart in those two areas). I just hated to send her to school right after disciplining her- what a horrible way to start the day. I was also very aware that she was adjusting to the long days and new schedule and was tired.. Although those are all reasons for her behavior, it did not excuse it and it was not okay.

After I disciplined her, she was in the bathroom and I was sitting there hating how that morning had gone and wishing I could rewind it. Who wants to send their child into school after crying all morning?

My heart sank as she came out of the bathroom and literally collapsed into my arms, sobbing, telling me she was SOOO sorry.

I gripped onto her as tight as I could about to fall off the edge of my emotions. It was horrible morning, but I was so proud that she took responsibility for her actions and said sorry all on her own. As she walked out the door with her Daddy she was smiling and Mommy was left holding back tears.

The dreaded back to school adjustment period is beyond tough. Praying that this year it is shorter than it was last year. Also praying that tomorrow morning comes drama-less....

She did what in WHAT??

My husband and I learned a pretty fun lesson the other day. We were laughing about it again last night and I though I'd share it today. Hopefully it will make you laugh.....

Our girls have a tendency to flood the bathroom at bath time. I'm not talking a little water on the floor, I am talking the whole floor is flooded to the point of the bath mat being saturated. I was beginning to wait for Noah and the animals to float on by any minute....okay, maybe a slight exaggeration- but the flood was out of control!

We had really been impressing on them to be careful or else there would be no more playing in the bathtub, just wash and out. They really do like bath time, so this seemed to work for a couple of days and then we were back to the flood.

Lupe gave them a good talking to one night and explained that they would be disciplined if the bathroom ended up flooded again. He was very optimistic, they had really seemed to listen.

Lupe had gone in to check on them while I was cleaning the kitchen and came out with a pretty disturbed look on his face paired with a quirky smile. I asked him what was wrong, assuming the bathroom must be ankle deep in water...again.

He suppressed his laughter as he explained how he had talked to the girls before they got in the tub that night. I was like, "..so I guess they didn't listen?"

"Um, No. I just went in there to check on them and found Tenly peeing in a cup because she didn't want to get out of the tub to sit on the potty because she would get water on the floor", he finally starting laughing as he shook his head.

I was just standing there with my mouth gaping open, "WHAT!?!?"

We both stood there laughing nervously. Proud that she listened and took us seriously, but horrified by the fact that we communicated "..NO water on the floor.." very well and also skipped over some important issues for our very analytic child.

Lupe backed up and gave the little "..NO water on the floor.." talk again with a few more details and examples.

Now we tell them, a little water on the floor is okay- but only a little.

Needless to say, we threw the cup away and learned a little lesson on communication to a 6 and 4 year old. I love learning lessons from my kids....sometimes!

Oh, and I guess I should brag that my girls have not flooded the bathroom since! H-A-L-L-E-L-U-J-A-H!!

Mommy Confessions Series & My "Guest Post"

My friend Annette, of Bleubird Diary, joined me on my "Mommy Confessions" questions and asked me to answer my own questions so she could post them on her Blog. A few weeks back, Annette was kind enough to give us her own "Mommy Confession" on here. 

It was So FUN now to do my first guest post with her! She is also going to do her own series on the questions having some of her friends and members answer them.

My initial objective in doing these "Mommy Confession" was to help all of us Mom's understand each other better, give and take encouragement, value others opinions and methods (whether we agreed or not) and to be challenged- maybe to change or maybe to stand stronger.

Several of the Mom's who answered these questions told me how difficult they were- and after having to answer them for myself, they WERE! Really made me think...almost too much. Although it was fun and I was honored to have Annette post my answers and to run with her own series of Mommy Confessions.

I invite you to jump on over to Bleubird Diary and take a look at my Guest Post. While you are there, take a look at Annette's other posts and subscribe to her Blog- you wont be sorry. Annette has a special talent writing from the heart that leaves you with a smile.

Having said all of that, I am going to post all of the links to my "Mommy Confession Series". If there is one you missed, head over and read it. Mom's shared form every walk of life and so many different perspectives. I still have a couple more I will be posting a bit down the road so keep your eye out.

Mommy Confession Series:

A REAL Mom Living In The Moment: Martha

Chelsey: A REAL Housewife of Glenwood Springs

Joanne: The Mommy Monster

Sandi: SuperWoman At Her Best

Rachel: Chosen To Be A Mom

Joelle: A Praying Mom

Eva: A Real Mom of Incredible Faith

Angela: A Mom Continuing To Grow

Elizabeth: Dreams Come True x2

Annette: True Love Conquers ALL

Tarah: Honesty Is The Best Policy

Stephanie: Determined To Be A Mom

Lanee: Ice Cream In The Shower, Gotta Do Whatcha Gotta Do

Angie: A Mom Restored

Jenn: Failing Mommy Perfectionist

Day 4: Time To Let "The MESS" GO!

Before (or after) you read this, you may want to take a look at: What Do You Expect?, then Day 1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit, then Day 2: Stressing My Kids, then Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?. It will all just make a little more sense.

The Living Room

HALLELUJAH! Today is CLEANING day! My house is going back to being in order, neat, clean and organized! My girls are having mixed feelings about it- they are tired of their mess, but not sure if they are tired enough of it to want to clean it up. OH WELL!

Let me recap. I have been at my wits end for a couple of weeks of my girls avoiding cleaning up, and my constant reminding, nagging, yelling and screaming of reminders to do so. I am a bit of a controlling neat freak, and like everything put in it's place before the day ends (it's wonderful waking up to a clean house). I had a crazy idea to relinquish my control and allow my 2 girls to make the decisions, for 3 days, as to what they would and would not clean up. My objective was to learn their preferences, hopefully teach them an appreciation for a neat house and to also help me realize the world will not fall off of it's axis if I am not in control.

Yesterday was difficult for me, because the girls began to move the mess into the living room at an alarming rate. There has been toys in the living room over the past couple of days, but the bulk remained in their bedroom. I believe they ran out of room to make a mess in their bedroom, so the most logical thing would be  to expand into the living room. There was no looking past the mess, it greeted you at every turn (you should of seen Lupe's face when he arrived home).

Last night, the end of Day 3, we had a bit of a breakdown.

As the late afternoon approached, I tried to subtly remind the girls of the night before (Tenly sleeping in her bed was impossible because of the toys) and that tonight, there would be no getting up to clean after they were in 'bed'. I kept prodding them to think about their choices before it was too late.

They would have a "meeting" and decide that they would clean up some...later. Well, later never came (what a shocker).

Suddenly, Tenly is crying. When I asked what the problem was, she explained that she realized it was starting to get dark out and that meant bed time was coming and she didn't want her bed and her room to be a mess at bed time.

(insert another "Hallelujah Chorus" here)

I calmed her down and tried to reassure her she still had time to clean up whatever she felt like needed to be before bed time got here.

"BUT Mommy- I want to watch a show before bed time!!", she dramatically  cried.

"Well, I guess next time you will make a better choice.", I said as she pushed her lips out in one of the poutiest faces ever!

Needless to say, she did appreciate my response. She cried the whole time muttering all of the reasons this was making her angry as she quickly cleaned up everything (although not nearly enough) she saw necessary.

After Tenly finished, she and Gia came and sat on the floor in my room all calmed down and very relieved that they would both be sleeping in their beds that night.

Tenly said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I was so sad- I just really don't like looking at that mess when it's time to go to bed."

My response (HUGE teachable moment), "Do you understand now why Mommy asks you to put things away when your done playing with them? If you do that, there is no big messes at the end of the day- just a little one."

Gianna said, "Little messes are much better than big messes. I don't like big messes."

"Do you know what Mommy learned?", I asked. "I learned, that big messes are okay sometimes, especially when you are using your smart brains to use your imagination and be creative. I also learned, that if I get angry, I need to take a deep breath and talk to you- not yell. AND, I will remind you one time to help you remember what you are suppose to be doing- but only one time."

"So, two times is okay- but more than two times- we will be disciplined." Gianna reassured me. Tenly agreed with, "That's a deal, Mommy."

My girls have enjoyed the past few days not having to be told at all to clean up, but I think even they are ready to have a presentable home again. Tenly said this morning as we were making our "Clean Up List", "Mommy, we have to clean up because I can not let my friends come to our house when it's a mess. This is disgusting!" (insert another "Hallelujah Chorus" paired with my Happy Dance)

We made our list, the girls were quite detailed and I am a very proud Momma who is going to revel in the cleaning process ALL day long! Thank You Jesus, for giving me a teachable heart and the ability to endure!

Day 3: Was This A Good Idea?

Before reading this post, you may want to first read: "What Do You Expect?" Then, "Day1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit." Then, "Day 2: Stressing My Kids?" It may make a little more sense with the back story to this "experiment".

Was this a good idea? That question kept rolling through my head as I tripped/jumped/avoided toys, markers, crayons, books and  paper spread all over my house. I avoided going into Tenly and Gianna's bedroom to much- they played so nice all day- but I knew with that was coming a tripling of "the mess". 
They sounded so cute, so at one point I went in to see what they were up to- oooohhh my! 
"WOW", I said when I walked in to see Tenly's bed covered with what seemed like every toy they owned. The sting of "the mess" did fade as they both excitedly told me what they were doing. "Mommy, come and take ride with us on our boat raft that we made! We have food to eat, books to read, food for the fish, sharks and alligators, even lotion so we don't get too much sun- aren't we using our smart brains?!" It quickly became a picture of a vivid imagination instead of "the mess"- how can one (me) be overwhelmed by that?

The day and "the mess" went by a bit easier after that moment- of course with the help of ironing, laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms.

By the end of the day as the girls were taking their bath, I took the opportunity to do a walk through surveying the state of our home and "the mess". I was proud that I was less overwhelmed and started to think of how I would approach "the clean up" on Thursday. I knew it was going to be overwhelming- but that was another teachable opportunity- if we clean up as we go every day (I will leave out "quickly without being reminded"- learning patience and endurance) it is not as much and we don't end up crabby and overwhelmed. I think we will make a list together of what we need to do and break it up during the day. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself...

As I stared at the mess in their bedroom (the living room was not even a thought after looking at it), I started imagining what bed time was going to look like with the mountain of toys still on Tenly's bed. I decided that 
just in case they would choose to want to clean it up, I would start the bed time process a little early. 


"How am I going to sleep?" was Tenly's immediate response after staring at her bed.
 I had thought of what my response would be earlier (was not totally convinced it was the right one, but I gave it a shot), "I don't know honey, you guys chose not to clean up after playing- you have a few minutes before it's time to go to sleep- what do you want to do?"
"MOMMY, YOU are suppose to tell us to clean up!", Tenly said with her hands on her hips.
Gianna agreed with her hands also on her hips.
I explained, "No, remember- it is all you and Gianna's decisions until Thursday what you do and do not want to clean up. So, what do you want to do."
Tenly asked, "We get to decide now, too?" I nodded. "I don't think I want to clean up, I will just sleep on the floor."

OH, my heart! I calmed my OCD nerves as I agreed to let her sleep on the floor. Tenly quickly gathered her pillow and blanket and piled it on the floor next to Gianna's bed (which had no toys). We prayed, I dispersed kisses on their heads and left the room with a bit of a heavy heart. I was convinced that my "big idea" was accomplishing absolutely nothing. I realized I was going to have to come to grips with the fact that deep down my girls were the unthinkable....MESSY!


As I was typing at the computer, Tenly comes to me about 15 minutes after I had tucked them in. She looked very pitiful as she told me she didn't know what to do. I asked her what was wrong, and with tears rolling down her cheeks she said, "I miss my bed and I don't like that mess, I MISS MY BED!!" At this point, the Hallelujah chorus was resounding in my head! I explained that they had made a choice and it was past their bed time, it was to late to clean up now. She continued to cry and declare she missed and needed her bed. Okay, just so you don't think I am a heartless Mom with no compassion, yes, she was breaking my heart. SO, I gave her and Gia 10 minutes to get her bed cleaned off, no playing, and back in their beds. Here comes the exceptional part....

I expected them to both just throw all of the toys on the floor, obviously this would be the fastest and easiest short term solution. Then I hear Gianna tell Tenly, "Tenly, let's put it all in the right places really fast. Bring me the stuff in the closet and I will put it in the right place." Tenly responds with, "Good idea Gianna, then it will be all done when we wake up." Music to my ears, another Hallelujah chorus echoed through the house, and I did do a little happy dance (when they weren't looking).

My girls cleaned up that mess in record time, not even one little break to talk or play- THAT is impressive! Towards the end of the clean up I heard Tenly say to Gianna, "Gianna, we did it, we did it! We are the fastest cleaners ever!" Ten minutes after they began, I tucked Tenly into her bed with her Monkey Boy and she said, "Thanks Mommy, I love my bed."

The night ended very well. We have all learned something through this little experiment, and I think it has been well worth it. Even Lupe said last night that he cannot wait to have the house back to normal. As much as I have learned, Thursday is going to be a very  happy clean up day!