Monday, August 6, 2012

Day1: Giving Up Control, A Little Bit...

Last week was a rough week for me, I explained it a little in my post "What Do You Expect?" We have just hit a stage that I am finding myself repeating every request to my girls 3-10 times! That has left me wondering what are they and/or ME doing wrong? Are my expectations that unreasonable or are my girls just going through one of those stages that 4 and 6 year olds go through?
I had a couple people tell me that they are finding themselves in the same place and just feel like bad Mom's- that brought me comfort to know I am not alone. My friend, Eva (who did a guest post awhile back), sent me a very encouraging message. She had been there several times with her 4 boys, and survived to tell the tale. Basically, she explained and encouraged me not to allow my expectations to crush their spirits. Then my friend Rachel (who also guest posted and is finding herself in my same situation lately), sent me this little post on Facebook: 
 How great is that quote? Kind of hit me in all the right places! My sister Tara recently posted on her blog  (Destiny Driven Diva) a similar post on "Taming The She-Ra Beast" that gave me some hope.
 So, I wish I was going to say that after all of the wonderful advice and "ah-ha" moments after my "What Do You Expect" post I reevaluated and completely changed my approach. Ya, well...FAIL, big time. Yes, especially yesterday. Between Tenly losing her glasses (it's hard for a control freak like myself to not be able to find something in my perfectly controlled world), the girls again not seeming to be listening to a single thing I said- I find myself losing it...again (hours after my Pastor preached a great Word on "Yielding" and "God's Presence"- who does that...ME). After my poor husband came home and pacified me with his presence and making me some of his incredible guacamole, I made a decision or lost my mind, not sure which yet.
Day 1- Middle of Day
Decision, I am giving up a huge amount of control to my 4 & 6 year olds. I am not going to make them clean up anything for 3 days. It is up to them what is and is not put away (since this is what majority of my repeating self seems to revolve around). I really may have lost my mind here, this decision goes against every organized/ordered fiber in my being. Oh ya, another big part of this, I cannot allow myself to get angry,anxious, or overwhelmed during the process or kind of deletes the purpose.
Purpose? Why am I doing something so...crazy? I think I know why, let me give a few reasons (which I choose to change, simply because I can and I am a woman). I am hoping that they will realize and appreciate how wonderful it is to live in a clutter mess free home vs. a messy chaotic one- of course I realize this is very likely to backfire on me (Jesus help me). Also, I want to discover my girls preferences when mine are not hoovering over their heads. Are they naturally orderly and organized, are they cluttery, or- God help me- are they messy (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO). I really don't know where their tendencies lie in this area because I require them to maintain things as I do. Finally, I am stretching myself. If I can extend enough to grace to accept and function with people unlike myself outside of my family, doesn't my family deserve that same grace? I need to draw a line for myself so that I do not (further) damage a relationship with my daughters because I have smothered, rather than nurtured, their gifts.
Day 1: Middle of Day
Does this mean that I will just shut the door and allow their areas to look like a bomb hit it? Uh, NO- you all know me better than that! But, I am hoping to be able to filter things to see some things as creative and unique instead of messy and chaos.
I will post to let you know of my progress and theirs. This is going to require so much prayer for me, really! I am looking forward to growing through this process and not going crazy. 
Here is a couple of pictures of their bedroom on Day 1, about 4 hours into my experiment. Not bad, huh? I'm still smiling.....

**For an update on how the "experiment" is going:
Day 2: Stressing My Kids

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