Shutting Down

What do you do when you get some stressful unexpected news? I am realizing..again..that I tend to not deal with it well.

Yesterday, my husband called with some pretty bad news (I will spare you the details, but just know- it was money related, and not good.). After I hung up the phone, I found myself a bit short of breath and mildly shaking. Over the following 30 minutes I literally found myself shut down.

I was suppose to Blog yesterday, and after the "bad news" came- I just straight up avoided it. Today I can't even remember what I was planning to write yesterday- and to be honest, I had to force myself to sit down and write today. 

I guess I feel very vulnerable when dealing with something so personal.

I have been a born again Christian for a very long time, at this point in my relationship with God I should be beyond this shutting down thing. I should instantly begin quoting God's Word, 

" When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I'm proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God.What can mere mortals do?" Psalm 56:3-4 (The MSG), 

and stand in Faith in complete Trust.

I must admit I didn't do that. I found myself saying this, "Why are we still here? When are we beyond this? Enough is ENOUGH!", and I said it more than once. Cried a few tears...more than once.

Eventually, I did call a friend who couldn't talk at the moment and would call back. As I hung up the phone I realized, I had yet to talk to God. It was a very good thing my friend couldn't talk at the time. I sat down, cried a few (more) tears and told God I was sorry and began to talk to him. 

There were several things that were brought to light in this situation that I was forced to "deal" with. My faith/trust issues (again), my anger and my husband and I lacking a bit of communication in certain areas.

I put some praise and worship on to help me get my heart and attitude focused where it should be. I instantly went to this song by Ricardo Sanchez, "It's Not Over"- I just let that song take root in my heart.

Financial issues are hard on anyone in any circumstance- it's never fun and can push you into a corner.

The hardest part for me yesterday was thinking of my girls. At first, I was having a bit of a pity party. There are several things I need...(I guess some are wants) to get for them, experiences I really want them to have (and they deserve to have) and we just can't do it right now. 

Every parent wants to do better/more for their kids than what they had/did- I think that's normal. That's what I was dealing with. 

At the same time, we are doing pretty good, especially in comparison with others. My kids have clothes and toys. Our refrigerator and pantry may not be filled to overflowing- but we have food. More than any of that, we have each other and we are surrounded with a ton of love.

We will be okay. I am continuing to learn to humble myself and trust God and put my faith in Him. He can and will do more than I can ever imagine or think if I give Him the chance to.

Keep us in your prayers, one day this will be another testimony of God's Faithfulness in our lives!