Dreams and Prayers..

Dreaming...for my kids.

I think every parent wants to be able to give/provide everything for their children that they want/have need of.

Right now, the main thing my girls want is to go to Disney World. This is something that is a want- definitely not a 'need'- but a something that every child should have the opportunity to experience (Not sure Disney sees it this way with their prices.). It will happen....one day.

Besides Disney, I dream of my girls playing sports, dancing in ballet classes and recitals, being involved and confident in school and going to college. Our family is under some "budgeting constraints" at the moment, which are preventing some of these extras; sometimes that hurts this Momma's heart.

But, as I watch my oldest daughter struggle to find her "voice" while in school and overcoming fear, I find myself focusing my dreams...I mean prayers, on different things.

My girls will know God's Word for themselves to be true and powerful. Psalms 19:10

My girls will feel and know the confidence that comes from being a Child of God. 2 Timothy 1:7

My girls will be leaders. Romans 12:2

M girls will do what is right because it is right. Psalms 25:21

My girls will show God's love to each other and those around them. 1 Timothy 4:12

My girls will pursue the call and purpose that God has placed over their life. Psalms 138:8

I have struggled with confidence for much of my life and it has caused me a lot of pain and prevented me from pursuing many dreams- I refuse to watch my girls walk that road. That not only means that I have to declare these scriptures over them but also over myself. I hate to think that there are things they have seen in me that may be playing into their lack of confidence- but that is the reality.

The things that I want my girls to experience that are attached to monetary can bring them some smiles, fun and teach them some things- but I am quickly realizing that those things hold a strong second place in comparison to that list I just made.

We have always prayed scriptures over our children, but there is an even stronger emphasis being placed on doing so. I found myself so focused on all of the things we just can't do for our girls right now and it really had me down. Then one day after we had spoken with Tenly's teacher, it was as if the clouds parted and I was given a revelation of where I needed to focus my energy right now- not on what we can't do but on what we can do. To be honest, my girls need my prayers right now more than anything else and that is something I am extremely good at.

I have hung scriptures beside my girls beds, I want them to see first thing in the morning and before they close their eyes at night to know that according to 2 Timothy 1:7 "God has NOT given them a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Shutting Down

What do you do when you get some stressful unexpected news? I am realizing..again..that I tend to not deal with it well.

Yesterday, my husband called with some pretty bad news (I will spare you the details, but just know- it was money related, and not good.). After I hung up the phone, I found myself a bit short of breath and mildly shaking. Over the following 30 minutes I literally found myself shut down.

I was suppose to Blog yesterday, and after the "bad news" came- I just straight up avoided it. Today I can't even remember what I was planning to write yesterday- and to be honest, I had to force myself to sit down and write today. 

I guess I feel very vulnerable when dealing with something so personal.

I have been a born again Christian for a very long time, at this point in my relationship with God I should be beyond this shutting down thing. I should instantly begin quoting God's Word, 

" When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I'm proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God.What can mere mortals do?" Psalm 56:3-4 (The MSG), 

and stand in Faith in complete Trust.

I must admit I didn't do that. I found myself saying this, "Why are we still here? When are we beyond this? Enough is ENOUGH!", and I said it more than once. Cried a few tears...more than once.

Eventually, I did call a friend who couldn't talk at the moment and would call back. As I hung up the phone I realized, I had yet to talk to God. It was a very good thing my friend couldn't talk at the time. I sat down, cried a few (more) tears and told God I was sorry and began to talk to him. 

There were several things that were brought to light in this situation that I was forced to "deal" with. My faith/trust issues (again), my anger and my husband and I lacking a bit of communication in certain areas.

I put some praise and worship on to help me get my heart and attitude focused where it should be. I instantly went to this song by Ricardo Sanchez, "It's Not Over"- I just let that song take root in my heart.

Financial issues are hard on anyone in any circumstance- it's never fun and can push you into a corner.

The hardest part for me yesterday was thinking of my girls. At first, I was having a bit of a pity party. There are several things I need...(I guess some are wants) to get for them, experiences I really want them to have (and they deserve to have) and we just can't do it right now. 

Every parent wants to do better/more for their kids than what they had/did- I think that's normal. That's what I was dealing with. 

At the same time, we are doing pretty good, especially in comparison with others. My kids have clothes and toys. Our refrigerator and pantry may not be filled to overflowing- but we have food. More than any of that, we have each other and we are surrounded with a ton of love.

We will be okay. I am continuing to learn to humble myself and trust God and put my faith in Him. He can and will do more than I can ever imagine or think if I give Him the chance to.

Keep us in your prayers, one day this will be another testimony of God's Faithfulness in our lives!

Is It Ever Okay To Walk Away?

I like to think of myself as a good friend...not a perfect friend, but good nonetheless.
What defines a good friend? Time, laughs, outings, talking, sharing, confidence, sympathy, empathy, listening, secrets, understanding, comfort...? What about when you are not getting these things from your "friends"? Which things are not negotiable and which are?
When do you know it's a good time and choice to walk away because the "friendship" is just draining you too much? Is there ever such a time that it's okay?

"You don't have a right to place blame or be angry if you have never communicated that there is a problem. You must give a person the opportunity to change and/or make it right."

That would be one of the statements I believe to be very true. Of course, that would require confrontation which is just so difficult- to difficult. For one, when a situation is brought up and confronted, you leave yourself vulnerable to hear that you may be just as wrong as you believe the other person to be. And two, you risk, and probably will, hurt someone you care about and may even lose them. Walking away is easier in some ways, but harder in others.
Confrontation is a good thing when done correctly. The person being confronted should never feel ganged up on, defeated or degraded. When communicating an issue, it should be done in love and under the covering of a lot of prayer. AND, no matter how disturbed you may be over a matter- you better be sure that God is leading you instead of your emotions and opinions.
If I am a true "good friend", don't I have the responsibility to tell my friend(s) (in love) when there is something going very wrong? Something that not only you are effected by, but others also.

I have one "friend" who isn't my "friend" anymore (yes, this does sound very high school). It came to my attention on Facebook of all places (yes, even more high school). I went to check out her page to see how she was doing and leave a little message when I realized I had been deleted. I thought this just MUST be an mistake, so I requested her as a friend again and then again, and well- it went completely ignored. Now, I don't want someone to be my "friend" out of obligation, but please give the opportunity to either defend myself and/or apologize if I have done something.
This whole thing bothered me the most, because I have no clue what I really did- I have an idea of something it may have been- but I don't know. If I did do something, I was never given the opportunity to make it right. Assuming I did do something wrong, I could of learned, grown and apologized if I would of been given the opportunity (shocking that I am imperfect).
Considering there have been times in my life that I have been lonely without friends nearby, I realize the value of friendships. I do realize that even if I were to distance myself, it is never okay to be hateful or angry- that goes against everything God has instructed me to do in His Word.

So, I guess I have answered my own questions as I type.. Distancing yourself is okay after you have communicated and given the other person the opportunity to explain/change. No one deserves to be written off without explanation or opportunity. Regardless, God requires me to pray, love and care for my friends, even when they drive me up the wall! If I communicate my concerns and issues with my friend, with the right heart, and they choose to continue "draining" me, then that may require some distance- after a lot of prayer.
Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loves at ALL times.."
Which tells me I better love the good, the bad, and the ugly.............