The Clock Is Not My Friend...

Can I share with you my latest challenges? I am TIRED! I don't know who is more tired at the beginning of the school year, me or my girls? Let me explain my day....

6:30am- Wake girls up to get dressed, brush teeth and make beds.
6:45am- Breakfast and devotions.
7:00am- Shoes on and fix hair, relax with any additional time.
7:30am- Leave house.
7:50am- Drop Tenly at school.
8:00am- Drop Lupe off at work.
8:25am- Back home. Begin To-Do list- watch Today Show in between (HA!).
9:15am- Gianna's snack.
10:00am- Brianna arrives (Little girl I babysit).
11:00am- Gianna eats lunch, Brianna eats lunch.
11:15am- Take Gianna to school.
11:30am- Brianna's nap.
12:00pm- I eat lunch. After lunch, continue To-Do list.
2:15pm- Pick Gianna up from school.
2:30pm- Pick Tenly up from school.
3:00pm- Girls eat snack.
3:30pm- Homework and Reading quiet time.
4:30pm- Start dinner, girls clean up any messes.
5:00pm- Eat dinner, feed Brianna.
5:15pm- Bathe Brianna.
5:30pm- Bathe Girls.
5:45pm- Leave to pick Lupe up.
6:00pm- Pick Lupe up from work.
6:30pm- Home, clean kitchen, Brianna picked up (except late nights, I keep her until 8:30-9:00).
7:00pm- Girls snack time.
7:25pm- Girls in bed.
7:30pm- Lights out for girls, finish straightening house and tying up loose ends.
8:00pm- Hopefully by this time I am collapsing on the couch relaxing with Lupe- if I'm lucky!

I like to be in bed by 10:00 when that is possible (which is happening less and less). 

Obviously, one of our biggest difficulties is having one vehicle- which is why I often feel like a taxi service- but I am so thankful for that one vehicle that I try very hard to stay positive about it despite the challenges.

I absolutely love Blogging, although my "Hot Momma's of Broward County" Blog takes a pretty good amount of time trying to keep all of the South Florida activities and events listed. I am in the midst of trying to  figure out the best way to balance out my Blogs with everything else (the reason I have not been able to update this one as frequently the past 10 days).

After looking at this crazy Monday - Friday routine, I can understand why I have had no problem falling asleep at the end of my day lately.

Next week marks the third week of school, and I am trusting my mind, body and soul are going to more adjusted and accepting to our new routine! My friend Joanne and I are going to start rotating drop off/pick ups with our girls (they are in the same class at school), and I know that will take a good half hour off of my afternoon routine.

Has anyone else had challenges like this? Are you as tired (or more) than your kids? If anyone has any advice, it is greatly taken and appreciated!

The Good Moms

One of The Good Moms.....(RePost)

"Okay, I might as well put it out there: I AM one of the GOOD MOMS!

That’s right, along with the many other Mom’s out there potty training, wiping up spills from “non-spill” sippy cups- (can anyone say FALSE advertisement?!), changing diapers, having sleepless nights, reading the same book 10 times, chauffeuring the whole family, balancing 4+ peoples schedules- WE are The Good Moms!

I am talking about myself and the millions of other Mom’s who put everyone and everything else before them.  Who constantly feel ourselves in a tug-a-war between our relationship with God, marriage, children, time, work, and the overcoming feeling of guilt when we dare to have a little “Me Time”! How many times have we neglected ourselves striving for “Mommy Perfectionism”? Ahhh, but yet we STILL…are The Good Moms!

UN-Perfect Christmas Pic

As I awake daily to my incredible job, as a Mother to my wonderful girls, Tenly and Gianna, - I have no exact job description, no exact manual….and no time allotted learning curve to master it all. I fail as many times, if not more times, than I succeed. One thing I am forever grateful for- is God’s Grace-in spite of my constant tug-a-war- His Grace is why I am still one of The Good Moms.

I mean, come on- let’s be real here! I, and all other Mom’s, must admit we are not perfect Women or perfect Mothers. Like, skipping a shower, or getting to work and realizing I, or my kids, forgot to brush their teeth, or put on deodorant! Have you ever walked into the bathroom at church and looked in the mirror to realize that you having hairs growing off your chin or your need to bleach your upper lip- or maybe your hair resembles a skunk with the gray stripe down your roots. I would much rather rejoice over a great pedicure rather than the fact that my husband is out in ironed clothes! But, despite my un-pedicured toes- I’m still one of The Good Moms.

Fixing the dress with a glue gun!

What about all of our secret mommy confessions? You know! Like- think back to when your kids were babies- past or present- do you remember “not noticing” your child’s dirty, sagging diaper so your husband would be the one to have to change it? Who’s done the unforgivable thing of letting Disney Jr. or PBS babysit your kids? Here’s a classic, skipping pages or rewriting your kids long books? Who writes children’s books with 5 paragraphs on a page anyway? Of course you come to church to grow in God, but who would admit that occasionally it’s the only peaceful time in a week that your kids are in a safe environment with someone else besides you! Guilt and all, still we are The Good Moms!

I was thinking recently of “SOME day”- the day I will do some AMAZING things, like… “SOME” day, I’ll go back to the gym faithfully and get all of my body parts back where they should be! “SOME” day, I’m going to take a dream vacation to Hawaii! “SOME” day, I’m going to finish my degree. “SOME” day, I will have time for everything. “SOME” day, I will get a pedicure again. “SOME” day, I will get a full body massage. “SOME” days- will come faster than others. BUT, on THIS day- I’m going to watch my 5 year old walk into Kindergarten all by her self and my 3 year old discover that she can swim under water. I’m going to watch these 2 precious girls, who started out as 6lbs 3oz and 7lbs 6oz, I am going to stare at them in total awe of the beautiful miracle that they are and I am going to think, “My GOD, THIS is amazing!”

Yes, I am A Good Mom.

I struggle with feelings of guilt and unworthiness and disappointing others. The house doesn’t look perfect enough, the ironing is building up, I haven’t read my girls enough books, my dinners should be more spectacular and healthy, I shouldn’t of bought myself that pair of shoes, I should of prayed longer today, I haven’t read my Bible enough. My list could go on forever. Aren’t you glad that others do not see us the way we see ourselves. Why do I focus on these things instead of capitalizing on the gifts, talents, and abilities God has given me?

How do we, as Mothers, forget about ourselves-we always end up lost in the shuffling of schedules and people- we are not a priority?  But, I’m reminding myself, and anyone who will listen, that taking time for ourselves as Mothers and Women makes us better Moms, Wives, and Friends!
                                      

Balance- WOW, what a word- it means “An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. To keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.” Easier said than done, right? Schedules, kids, toys, meals, church, soccer, ballet, dance, gymnastics, family, school, doctors, groceries, laundry, cleaning, ironing, friends, work, bills, budget, marriage, dates, your “love” life (or lack there of)…Balance and Priorities!

A Good Mom- That’s ME! 

We celebrate our children’s triumphs, anticipating every milestone, and struggling to document EVERY memory so that we never forget them. Isn’t it amazing how instant the love for our children is? Before we even see them, and feel this little alien moving inside our bodies, we love them. Then the doctor hands them to us as soon as they leave our bodies, and this overwhelming, unconditional love, that is almost impossible to explain, instantly grips us upon looking into our child’s eyes for the first time. If you think about it, it’s a perfect reflection of Christ’s love for us.

I am A Good Mom- my heart aches with love for my children, and knowing I’m their first teacher, example, and primary role model, brings out wonderful God-given qualities in me like patience, kindness, faith, trust, and empathy. Because being Tenly and Gianna’s Mother has made me want to be my very best self- the Woman and Mother- God has called and challenged me to be- not just for my girls, but for myself too. Yes, I will continue to make mistakes. I will get angry and yell at times, and have to go back and ask for forgiveness. I will serve “lazy dinners” to many times, and even keep my girls up a little later than I should because I just want to hold them a little longer or because I am completely oblivious of the time. I will make wrong choices and struggle to find balance. But, I will always strive to demonstrate and teach the Love of God in all I say and do. I will bring my girls to the House of God, I will teach them the Power of Prayer, I will demonstrate a Godly Loving Marriage, and I will teach them the Word of God, and surround them with Godly People. BUT, here I am the good, the bad, and the ugly…………….

I AM a Good- NO- I am a Great, Loving, and Spectacular, and Above Average Mom!"

A Real Mom, Living In The Moment: Martha

Let me introduce a college friend, and my cousin, Martha Vasquez Sosa. Although, Martha is my cousin, I did not have the opportunity to really know her until she began going to college at SEU with me (we come from an extremely large family). She has such an incredible heart; it is easy to fall in love with her almost instantly. Martha was even so kind to grace us with her talent by playing her viola is I walked down the aisle on my wedding day. She has, on more than one occasion, encouraged me and given me advice on ways to encourage and teach my children at home. Martha is one of those teachers who teach out of her passion for children and not the paycheck……

Martha: I’m a proud wife, mother to two beautiful boys, and 3^rd grade teacher in central Florida. I play viola in a string quartet. I love word games like Scrabble and Words with Friends, and I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADD and I’m finding my groove.

 I haven’t always been okay. Years of counseling and prayer have helped transform me from an abused, depressed child into a somewhat productive, pseudo-normal person.

I grew up in a multi-family setting and moved at least twice a year. With so much instability, school became my safe haven. I poured all my energy into school and was desperate for the encouragement and affection my teachers gave me. Music was my outlet, and I was blessed with music scholarships to fund my college education. God made a way—and here I am married to the kindest man on the Earth, raising 2 precious boys, with the job I've always wanted.

I’ve embraced my past. It’s mine. It formed me and prepared me for the little lives I teach every day. I learned first-hand what NOT to do--and the life altering impact adults can have in the lives of children. I also learned God’s will is perfect and His grace is sufficient.

Are you a Scheduled or Non-Scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?
I'm a proud unscheduled mom! Learning and beauty are found in spontaneous moments and organic living. Yes, for sanity's sake, we have a time to eat and a time to go to bed, but the rest of the day holds a loose "bucket list" of things that need to be accomplished as we get to them. Sticking to a schedule is more stressful--so much my consciousness is focused on the schedule, that I'm unable to enjoy the moments, discoveries and laughs with my kids. It's like a child struggling to sound out words in a story...the decoding is so labored that at the end of the story, he doesn't know what he just read. I never want to allow what is "supposed" to happen steal away the magical moments with my boys. 

What is your biggest Mommy Pet-Peeve?
My biggest mommy pet peeve: parents who do not parent; parents that expect the teachers to teach hygiene, manners, character, etc. It breaks my heart that, on more than one occasion, I've had to actually teach a 2nd grader how to set his/her alarm, how to set out clothes for the next day, how to bathe at night (even if you don't want to), and to put on CLEAN clothes after he/she gets out of the tub, how to make breakfast for themselves and younger siblings and how important it was to make it to the bus stop on time..."yes, honey, I know mommy and daddy are still sleeping, but I'm counting on you to be responsible enough to get yourself clean, dressed and ready for school." ::heartbreaking:: But kids will rise to the occasion. Every time. 

Given the opportunity, what- if anything- would you do differently as a Mom?
One thing I would do differently as a mom was journal. Daily from the time I found out I was pregnant. I wish I could recount each day with my boys and know the smallest, meaningless milestones...alas...

Did the way you were parented shape that way that you parent your own children? How?

Yes, my parents shaped the way I parent. My dad was in prison most of my childhood and my mom was dealing with her own issues and finding the answers at the bottom of a bottle. I actually made a list of qualities that I would/would not replicate. My dad has a strong work ethic, my mom snuggled with us everyday, my dad is hilarious, and my mom is frugal... I observed not only my parents, but also my youth pastors, pastors, my friends parents, etc. I took notes, prayed and asked for wisdom. I knew I'd never be a perfect mother, but I did want to be a thoughtful, prayerful mother. I wanted to act and speak with purpose. 

What is your biggest Mommy “Aha” moment?

My biggest mommy "aha" moment was realizing that these tiny little people have enormous personalities, complete with their own decision making skills (irrational 2 year olds) and an agenda carved in stone. All those times I said, "My kids will never __________" came flooding back to me. 

What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?

The best piece of advice I would give to a new mother would be this: Don't compare. Don't compare yourself with other moms. They are crying and confused sometimes, too. Don't compare your baby with other babies. Each miracle is perfectly crafted with God's hands and desperately needs prayerful, wise parents to prepare him for the purpose God created him. Embrace the tearful moments. And if you're exhausted, you're doing something right. Having a child has cemented all I've known about God's character, selfless love, patience, and beauty...

Oh, The Mess!

The "play-date" mess picture I posted.

The other day, my girls had their friends Lexi and Audrey come over for a play-date after Kidz Camp at church. They were beyond excited, I was going over the list of rules which the four of them agreed to with pleasure!
At the end of the play date, I posted a picture on Facebook of the "damage" our little apartment suffered at the hands of four little girls "creativity". I was honestly a bit shocked at many of my friends reaction to the picture...but, let me back up for a minute...

When my girls were much younger, they frequently made a huge mess- much bigger than the other day. My friend, Annette (who has children the same age as mine), shared with me an article she had read that encouraged parents to allow a modge podge (not to enforce the "one thing out at a time" rule) of all different toys to be played with at the same time because it fosters creativity. After thinking about it, I totally agreed and embraced the huge mess of toys that began to encompass my house daily. My Mom to this day says she was always so proud- and shocked- of my allowing this to happen.

I didn't mind the mess as long as it came with the understanding that they would also clean it up. When they were younger, I of course would help clean it up- but insisted they be right along side me doing it. As they were older, I naturally expected them to do more with less enforcement. Well, let's just say as I starting getting more resistance instead of compliance- I drew the line! I was all for creativity, but not at my expense and sanity every day!

Yes, I am one of "those Mom's" who insists that everything is put away in it's proper place before anyone is in bed every day. Yes, I even pull them out of bed if it's not done right.  My girls are at the age that I do expect them to care for, take care of, and put away there things in an orderly fashion. So, we now implement the "only one thing out at a time" rule. They actually have grown to appreciate it now, because it only takes them minutes to clean up instead of an hour (with constant reminders of "clean up", "get busy", and "you only have 5 minutes left" in their ear). I do have the same expectations of myself, I do not get into bed until everything is cleaned up and put away- neither does Lupe (poor man, lol).
So, back to my picture the other day. I had a few people comment on the picture "that's nothing" or "that's how my house looks every day"- which gave me a little laugh. The next day, I was speaking to my friends Joanne and Joelle- I had an "aha" moment which I feel kind of stupid about, lol.

They were both telling me how they laughed at the picture also because, "that's nothing" they said. Apparently, I am not grouped in the group of "typical Mom's with typical expectations". They informed me that there are times they cannot even walk in their kids bedrooms because of all the stuff everywhere, it is common to wake up to a sink full of dishes, it is common to leave the house with unmade beds, etc. 
Don't get me wrong, I knew that there were Mom's who went day to day like this- but I really didn't realize that it was more the norm than what my "norm" is. I asked other Mom's later that day how they ran there households and what there expectations were. There were a couple who were like me, some fell in between, but 7 Mom's out of the 11 I asked were more laid back like my friends, Joanne and Joelle.

Not that one is right or one is wrong. Sometimes I wish I could just roll with the punches and make other things the priority- but I just can't do it! I do realize it all comes down to balance, my friends tell me they wish  they could be more like me as I am wishing I could be a little more like them.
I say all of that to say this: So, many things are a matter of perspective, awareness, and a willingness to learn and change. This silly little "Aha Moment" I had,has made me want to reach out to others for their perspective because I have a willingness to learn and perhaps make changes. I have some Mom's who have so graciously told their stories and answered questions. It has been so intriguing to see other points of view. I will be honest, there are are certain idea's that I firmly believe in as a Mom- well, reading about a different perspective on those ideas, I now understand much better why Mom's choose to be that way.

I remember when all of Tenly's toys fit in this box!

I hope you enjoy reading and learning from other Mom's, as I know I will, over the next few weeks.

The Necessary Baggage..

I haven't posted recently because..I couldn't think of what I wanted to write about. I never want to post just to say I did it, if it isn't on my heart, important, or poignant- why put it out there.

I was attempting to fix Gianna's Stringy Blanket last night (which was a joke, considering I do not sew much less crochet/knit! It is fixed though- not correctly- but it's fixed!), and I found myself pondering a message I heard 2 Sundays ago- which I've found myself doing quite a bit.
The Sunday after I was released from my wonderful (*sarcasm*) hospital stay, my face was still looking a bit rough so I decided to stay home from church. When I miss church, I typically watch my former Pastor(s), Bishop Tony Miller (who now pastors The Cathedral in Oklahoma City, OK) online. It so happened, that on this Sunday Bishop was away, so his wife Pastor Kathy was ministering.

Now, Pastor Kathy is a joy to listen to and be around- she is admired by so many as a pastor, mentor, friend, prayer warrior, counselor, worship leader, speaker. I remember way back in the day, when she used to say preaching/teaching was not her thing, the first time I heard her teach was at a women's event at our church. That was the first and last time I heard her teach, so I was pleasently surprised when I saw her take the platform at The Cathedral.

As PK began speaking The Word, it immediately starting taking root in my heart, and somewhat mirrored the "Me, Myself, and Lies" study I have been doing. She began talking about baggage. The baggage that we carry full of our past, our failures, strife, anger, emotions, insecurities, etc. Now, many of us have heard others speak, teach, preach on carrying around unnecessary baggage that we should let go of. We limit ourselves because we are allowing our baggage to dictate to us. Hearing this message reiterated what I already new, and was trying to embrace and activate in my life. But, then she made another point that was a big "Aha Moment" for me.

As she walked around the stage ministering, Pastor Kathy did so lugging suitcases and bags to give a visual of how exhausting it can be. Then she pulled out this other bag that represented dreams, visions, and desires- which is obviously necessary baggage. PK went on to explain, that if your arms are full and overwhelmed with baggage containing past regrets, mistakes, negativity, emotions, anger, and insecurities- you leave no room to carry your dreams, desires, and things you are passionate about.

Our minds are so consumed with junk- that we no longer have room to dream, pursue, and nurture the things God has given us to do. I began to think of things that are often crowded out of mind because I tend to think of all of my past failures and allow that to stop me from trying new things. Sometimes, people can't even see "me" because of all the baggage that stands in front of me- it limits me. Have you, or someone else, ever began to "unload" your baggage onto others because it was getting to heavy and overwhelming. God is the only one who is more than willing to not only take our baggage, but dispose of it.

I've been working on letting go of unnecessary baggage. I now realize, that part of letting go of all that "junk" is giving my dreams room to grow and take root. I am anticipating feeling completely free of excess baggage, as I carry along and chase the real "stuff" God has placed before me.
Thanks, PK!

One of The Good Moms

Here is the Monologue I did last week- it was a lot of fun- and it honestly speaks my heart (well, in under 8 minutes that is)............

Good Moms.....
 

"Okay, I might as well put it out there: I AM one of the GOOD MOMS!

That’s right, along with the many other Mom’s out there potty training, wiping up spills from “non-spill” sippy cups- (can anyone say FALSE advertisement?!), changing diapers, having sleepless nights, reading the same book 10 times, chauffeuring the whole family, balancing 4+ peoples schedules- WE are the Good Mom’s!

I am talking about myself and the millions of other Mom’s who put everyone and everything else before them.  Who constantly feel ourselves in a tug-a-war between our relationship with God, marriage, children, time, work, and the overcoming feeling of guilt when we dare to have a little “Me Time”! How many times have we neglected ourselves striving for “Mommy Perfectionism”? Ahhh, but yet we STILL…are The Good Moms!

UN-Perfect Christmas Pic

As I awake daily to my incredible job, as a Mother to my wonderful girls, Tenly and Gianna, - I have no exact job description, no exact manual….and no time allotted learning curve to master it all. I fail as many times, if not more times, than I succeed. One thing I am forever grateful for- is God’s Grace-in spite of my constant tug-a-war- His Grace is why I am still one of The Good Moms.

I mean, come on- let’s be real here! I, and all other Mom’s, must admit we are not perfect Women or perfect Mothers. Like, skipping a shower, or getting to work and realizing I, or my kids, forgot to brush their teeth, or put on deodorant! Have you ever walked into the bathroom at church and looked in the mirror to realize that you having hairs growing off your chin or your need to bleach your upper lip- or maybe your hair resembles a skunk with the gray stripe down your roots. I would much rather rejoice over a great pedicure rather than the fact that my husband is out in ironed clothes! But, despite my un-pedicured toes- I’m still one of the Good Moms.

Fixing the dress with a glue gun!

What about all of our secret mommy confessions? You know! Like- think back to when your kids were babies- past or present- do you remember “not noticing” your child’s dirty, sagging diaper so your husband would be the one to have to change it? Who’s done the unforgivable thing of letting Disney Jr. or PBS babysit your kids? Here’s a classic, skipping pages or rewriting your kids long books? Who writes children’s books with 5 paragraphs on a page anyway? Of course you come to church to grow in God, but who would admit that occasionally it’s the only peaceful time in a week that your kids are in a safe environment with someone else besides you! Guilt and all, still we are The Good Mom’s!

I was thinking recently of “SOME day”- the day I will do some AMAZING things, like… “SOME” day, I’ll go back to the gym faithfully and get all of my body parts back where they should be! “SOME” day, I’m going to take a dream vacation to Hawaii! “SOME” day, I’m going to finish my degree. “SOME” day, I will have time for everything. “SOME” day, I will get a pedicure again. “SOME” day, I will get a full body massage. “SOME” days- will come faster than others. BUT, on THIS day- I’m going to watch my 5 year old walk into Kindergarten all by her self and my 3 year old discover that she can swim under water. I’m going to watch these 2 precious girls, who started out as 6lbs 3oz and 7lbs 6oz, I am going to stare at them in total awe of the beautiful miracle that they are and I am going to think, “My GOD, THIS is amazing!”

Yes, I am a good mom.

I struggle with feelings of guilt and unworthiness and disappointing others. The house doesn’t look perfect enough, the ironing is building up, I haven’t read my girls enough books, my dinners should be more spectacular and healthy, I shouldn’t of bought myself that pair of shoes, I should of prayed longer today, I haven’t read my Bible enough. My list could go on forever. Aren’t you glad that others do not see us the way we see ourselves. Why do I focus on these things instead of capitalizing on the gifts, talents, and abilities God has given me?

How do we, as Mothers, forget about ourselves-we always end up lost in the shuffling of schedules and people- we are not a priority?  But, I’m reminding myself, and anyone who will listen, that taking time for ourselves as Mothers and Women makes us better Moms, Wives, and Friends!                                      

Tenly

Balance- WOW, what a word- it means “An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. To keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.” Easier said than done, right? Schedules, kids, toys, meals, church, soccer, ballet, dance, gymnastics, family, school, doctors, groceries, laundry, cleaning, ironing, friends, work, bills, budget, marriage, dates, your “love” life (or lack there of)…Balance and Priorities!

A Good Mom- That’s ME! We celebrate our children’s triumphs, anticipating every milestone, and struggling to document EVERY memory so that we never forget them. Isn’t it amazing how instant the love for our children is? Before we even see them, and feel this little alien moving inside our bodies, we love them. Then the doctor hands them to us as soon as they leave our bodies, and this overwhelming, unconditional love, that is almost impossible to explain, instantly grips us upon looking into our child’s eyes for the first time. If you think about it, it’s a perfect reflection of Christ’s love for us.

I am a Good Mom- my heart aches with love for my children, and knowing I’m their first teacher, example, and primary role model, brings out wonderful God-given qualities in me like patience, kindness, faith, trust, and empathy. Because being Tenly and Gianna’s Mother has made me want to be my very best self- the Woman and Mother- God has called and challenged me to be- not just for my girls, but for me too. Yes, I will continue to make mistakes. I will get angry and yell at times, and have to go back and ask for forgiveness. I will serve “lazy dinners” to many times, and even keep my girls up a little later than I should because I just want to hold them a little longer or because I am completely oblivious of the time. I will make wrong choices and struggle to find balance. But, I will always strive to demonstrate and teach the Love of God in all I say and do. I will bring my girls to the House of God, I will teach them the Power of Prayer, I will demonstrate a Godly Loving Marriage, and I will teach them the Word of God, and surround them with Godly People. BUT, here I am the good, the bad, and the ugly…………….

I AM a Good- NO- I am a Great, Loving, and Spectacular, and Above Average Mom!"

If you made it to the end..(I know, it's a little long)...I hope you enjoyed it and you were able to take something away!

One Thing At A Time...........

Feeling Overwhelmed! This feeling is coming farther between and not on a daily basis...so I feel I'm making progress.

My oldest daughter has graduated from her summer program of VPK, which means she is starting Kindergarten in about 7 days. Her official launch into "big girl school" terrifies, excites, and paralyzes me all at the same time. Of course, there is also the preparation that goes along with it.

This week at The Gym, we have record numbers of children (which I do pride myself in, considering I have run 60%+ of camp) and short of help. Being locked in a room with between 25-40 kids for 6+ hours a day is starting to not be fun at times (most of the time, actually)- and next week is looking the same.

In 1 1/2 weeks, I begin teaching my own classes at the gym all by myself. After doing a whole summer of camp, this should actually be easy (or so they say). Except that I put pressure on myself to be perfect. It's hard to be perfect when you're walking into the unknown and doing something very new. I'm taking over some of the classes of our "star" and "most loved" (by parents and students) instructor, which is even more pressure to be perfect and just better.

I'm embarking on another new territory that I'm pretty excited about, and a little nervous about. I was approached about leading a Bible Study at our church. In doing so, we are doing a big Women's Event in September to launch into all of the new studies we are beginning (including mine)- this means I have to stand up in front of everyone do a type of Monologue about my "Season of Life" and then talk to everyone about it. I'm pretty good about talking in front of very large groups, but this is a very new group for me and also means I'm stepping into a Leadership (type) Position at our church- again, this terrifies, excites, and paralyzes me. Stepping into this position takes me out of "hiding"- which part of me embraces while part of me wants to run. My friend, Joanne, designs and decorates for all of these events (and it's because of her that I'm doing any/all of this)- I was so excited to jump in and help her. She and I were able to stay up late the other night designing centerpieces for a small event for the women. It felt so good to be involved, needed, used, and appreciated- yes, by doing something as small as decorating/crafting. But, with that came the realization of about to do a Bible Study and lead a group of women- I hate to say I've been fighting against a bit of self doubt as I begin to prepare.

At this very moment, I miss my sweet baby girls. Lupe and I dropped them off in Clearwater to spend some time with my parents. A part of me hates the silence in my house, but Lupe and I were talking the other day of how happy it makes us to be able to take them there. It reminded us of one of the reasons we moved to Florida, to be closer to family and to allow our girls to have a constant relationship with them. I'm both happy and sad that they're really not missing us all that terribly! LOL!
Then there's Lupe. His job is seeming to completely consume him at times, much to his dismay. I have wrote before how hard it is to see him come home beaten down and stressed. It completely overwhelms me that I cannot fix it. Of course, it also makes me want to go and beat the mess out of many residents and some of his coworkers.
I've had to sit back and realize, yet again, I can't fix it all! As I lay in bed, wide awake unable to sleep, feeling like the weight of the world- or weight of my life- is crushing me, I made a decision. Emotions, work, effort, wishful thinking, will not fix any of it. Just in case you haven't figured it out, I decided to pray- as simple as that. Along with my prayer, I would focus on one thing at a time- not all of it.
Tomorrow, along with my prayers- I will be putting my "extra" effort and energy into learning my new Lesson Plans and Skills (have got to master a cart wheel and backward roll- seriously) for my new classes at work. One thing at a time, and a lot of prayer is what I can do.............................