Monday, August 15, 2011

One Thing At A Time...........

Feeling Overwhelmed! This feeling is coming farther between and not on a daily I feel I'm making progress.
My oldest daughter has graduated from her summer program of VPK, which means she is starting Kindergarten in about 7 days. Her official launch into "big girl school" terrifies, excites, and paralyzes me all at the same time. Of course, there is also the preparation that goes along with it.
This week at The Gym, we have record numbers of children (which I do pride myself in, considering I have run 60%+ of camp) and short of help. Being locked in a room with between 25-40 kids for 6+ hours a day is starting to not be fun at times (most of the time, actually)- and next week is looking the same.
In 1 1/2 weeks, I begin teaching my own classes at the gym all by myself. After doing a whole summer of camp, this should actually be easy (or so they say). Except that I put pressure on myself to be perfect. It's hard to be perfect when you're walking into the unknown and doing something very new. I'm taking over some of the classes of our "star" and "most loved" (by parents and students) instructor, which is even more pressure to be perfect and just better.
I'm embarking on another new territory that I'm pretty excited about, and a little nervous about. I was approached about leading a Bible Study at our church. In doing so, we are doing a big Women's Event in September to launch into all of the new studies we are beginning (including mine)- this means I have to stand up in front of everyone do a type of Monologue about my "Season of Life" and then talk to everyone about it. I'm pretty good about talking in front of very large groups, but this is a very new group for me and also means I'm stepping into a Leadership (type) Position at our church- again, this terrifies, excites, and paralyzes me. Stepping into this position takes me out of "hiding"- which part of me embraces while part of me wants to run. My friend, Joanne, designs and decorates for all of these events (and it's because of her that I'm doing any/all of this)- I was so excited to jump in and help her. She and I were able to stay up late the other night designing centerpieces for a small event for the women. It felt so good to be involved, needed, used, and appreciated- yes, by doing something as small as decorating/crafting. But, with that came the realization of about to do a Bible Study and lead a group of women- I hate to say I've been fighting against a bit of self doubt as I begin to prepare.
At this very moment, I miss my sweet baby girls. Lupe and I dropped them off in Clearwater to spend some time with my parents. A part of me hates the silence in my house, but Lupe and I were talking the other day of how happy it makes us to be able to take them there. It reminded us of one of the reasons we moved to Florida, to be closer to family and to allow our girls to have a constant relationship with them. I'm both happy and sad that they're really not missing us all that terribly! LOL!
Then there's Lupe. His job is seeming to completely consume him at times, much to his dismay. I have wrote before how hard it is to see him come home beaten down and stressed. It completely overwhelms me that I cannot fix it. Of course, it also makes me want to go and beat the mess out of many residents and some of his coworkers.
I've had to sit back and realize, yet again, I can't fix it all! As I lay in bed, wide awake unable to sleep, feeling like the weight of the world- or weight of my life- is crushing me, I made a decision. Emotions, work, effort, wishful thinking, will not fix any of it. Just in case you haven't figured it out, I decided to pray- as simple as that. Along with my prayer, I would focus on one thing at a time- not all of it.
Tomorrow, along with my prayers- I will be putting my "extra" effort and energy into learning my new Lesson Plans and Skills (have got to master a cart wheel and backward roll- seriously) for my new classes at work. One thing at a time, and a lot of prayer is what I can do.............................

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