Began with just Lupe and I, our girls were in Clearwater with my parents. It was nice, quiet (too quiet), clean (too clean), had a lot of time on our hands (too much time). But, we did enjoy some of that time to reconnect, just the 2 of us- of course we did that the few times we weren't working.
Then, it really was an insane week at work- for Lupe and I. People not showing up, working very long- unscheduled hours, attitudes, etc...you get the picture. We were both to tired to even encourage each other with more than a sweet, "I love you", before our eyes closed.
|Weight of The World|
That leads me to today, Thursday. Seems like the end of a beginning in some ways. I'm typing all of this before we've even talked to anyone in our family. Feel like it's helping me sort out my thoughts a bit:
I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice how rough/exhausted/drawn/worn out/stressed Lupe looked this morning. I've said it many times, but this is not my husband. It takes A LOT to get him to this point- and I hate seeing him this way. This morning, he just looked like a man carrying the World. So, in many ways I was terribly shocked when my boss called me out of the gym to tell me he was on the phone (he has never called me on my work #). When I put my mouth to the phone, I could tell by his tone more than his words of, "I'm done, I can't do this anymore- I just can't!". I'll never be able to describe how badly my heart hurt to hear him- I've never heard Lupe sound defeated. I was (and am) so angry, that those people beat my husband down to the point of hurting his heart and his spirit. I held back tears as I told him I supported any decision he needed to make, and if he needed me to pick him up then.
Lupe is questioning his decision to take this job back in December- if he should of waited- if he, no we- jumped out of desperation and fear. I guess we'll never really know that answer, although I really believe that all of this is and must be part of a bigger picture. God has a plan, and yet again- I am choosing (because my head says to freak out) to trust, because I truly do not and cannot understand.
One more thing...Prayers....we could really use a lot of prayers.......................