More of YES!!

"Just a minute.." 

"Hold on.." 

"Maybe later.." 

"In a little bit..." 

"Wait a minute..."

"Not now.." 

Just a plain simple "NO!"

These are all responses that I feel have been coming out of my mouth TOO much lately. I am thinking that "Yes" has been used less and less as a response to my girl's requests.

I mean, sometimes all of my first responses are necessary and valid. I am cooking dinner, in the middle of a conversation or meeting a deadline. You know, the times that they seem to make the requests just as you begin working on something or talking to someone.

But, there are many times that I am able to put down whatever I am doing and make doing a puzzle, reading a book, coloring or watching a movie while cuddling a huge priority! But, regrettably me and my less than perfect Mommy self has been saying everything but, "Yes!"

You hear Mom's with older kids and Grandmothers tell us all the time, "Enjoy these moments..", "Make memories..", "Spend time with your kids, everything else will still be there tomorrow.."

As true as these statements are, it is many times harder than that- at least it is for me. Even though it may difficult to stop in the middle of something- I still need to do it. My kids must know that they are more important than laundry, cleaning, phone calls and projects. There are times that they will have to wait, but that should be the "norm".

I have taken the first step in recognizing that my kids deserve better, and I am missing out on HUGE moments and memories by making excuses to do other things. But, it doesn't do any good to recognize the problem if I am not going to take the steps to change it.

I am determined to make "YES!" (And an excited "YES!" not a mediocre forced one) a very common word that comes out of my mouth to my girls.

All I have to remember is what a miracle those 2 precious girls are to me. When I think back to those doctors declaring that my girls would never even be here, it becomes easier to allow the word "Yes" to readily roll out of mouth enthusiastically.

Ephesians 5:15-16"Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.."

PS: I finish writing this after a rough "meltdown" night with my oldest...well considering it's still going on a bit it's still not "after". Rough night at the Garica Casa.  

Give It A Try, Better Late Than Never...

What I read this morning, and something that I want to begin in my marriage:

"Why we have a box on our dresser collecting dollars… 
And a long-ago letter to Ann Landers that spawned the collecting-box phenomenon…

“Dear Ann Landers: Last weekend, we celebrated my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. This morning, they left on a long-awaited trip to Hawaii. They were as excited as if it were their honeymoon.
When my parents married, they had only enough money for a three-day trip 50 miles from home. They made a pact that each time they were intimate, they would put a dollar in a special metal box and save it for a honeymoon in Hawaii for their 50th anniversary.
Dad was a policeman, and Mom was a schoolteacher. They lived in a modest house and did all their own repairs. Raising five children was a challenge, and sometimes, money was short, but no matter what emergency came up, Dad would not let Mom take any money out of the “Hawaii account.” As the account grew, they put it in a savings account and then bought CDs.
My parents were always very much in love. I can remember Dad coming home and telling Mom, “I have a dollar in my pocket,” and she would smile at him and reply, “I know how to spend it.”
When each of us children married, Mom and Dad gave us a small metal box and told us their secret, which we found enchanting. All five of us are now saving for our dream honeymoons. Mom and Dad never told us how much money they had managed to save, but it must have been considerable because when they cashed in those CDs, they had enough for airfare to Hawaii plus hotel accommodations for 10 days and plenty of spending money.
As they told us good-bye before leaving, Dad winked and said, “Tonight, we are starting an account for Cancun. That should only take 25 years.”
– Loving Daughter in Abilene, Texas“

Perhaps today might just be perfect as any to slip out and find you and your Beloved your own little love-collecting box?"
- from Ann Voscamp, Ann Voskamp: A Holy Experience "One Way To Help your Marriage"

Lupe and I, a couple of weeks ago, realized our marriage was becoming very "routine". We were doing well, but we were going day to day forgetting about all of those "little nothings" that mean so much.

We kissed as we walked out the door, said "I love you" at the appropriate times, we cuddled together as we drifted off to sleep every night. But, we had forgotten about how much the unexpected can do for us as individuals and what it can do for us as a couple. I could no longer find the passion which at times was apparent and undeniable.

It felt so wonderful to sit across from Lupe one night and have this conversation, and then act on it. We are reuniting with  the unexpected, the little nothings.
When I read this on Ann's blog, I instantly knew that this is something I think we can implement in our marriage.

Refocusing My Perspective

This has been such a wonderful Christmas Season for me. My girls really, REALLY get it this year and their excitement is absolutely contagious. That's why I'm determined not to let the circumstances we are in cause me to lose my joy or my perspective.

We have to decide within the next week whether or not to resign our lease at our apartment. But, truly- the decision is made- we don't have a choice. With all of the financial changes over the past couple of months, we just cannot afford to live here anymore. We really only wanted to be here for a year and then buy a home, but the reality is, we are not in a position to do that either.

It is very important to me that we find a place within Tenly's same school zoning. I only want her to have to change schools one time (if at all) and would like to reserve that for when we buy a home (my dream). I moved around to different schools so much as a kid and I do not want that for her at all.

The timing of when we have to be out and having the money is just not falling into place.

I have a tendency to fall apart in these situations- I am just not wired to deal with the logistics of a timeline/change/money- especially when they are all combined! When we bought our last car, it was so stressful I literally shut down on more than one occasion. So, the last couple of days I have begun to do the same. I don't even want to look at another house/apartment/condo/townhouse until I know all the logistics are worked out.

I cannot allow my "wiring" to excuse my behavior, emotions, moods, and reactions. Because I am aware that I am "wired" this way makes it even more my responsibility to change it. Things are so much worse for so many, and I must go back to that place of being thankful. Thankful that we are having a wonderful Christmas with our family, and can do it the way we need/want to without asking permission. Thankful Lupe has a job, and it's now 7 minutes down the road. Thankful that, although I need a job, I am home with my girls for these couple of weeks. Thankful that my family is healthy. Thankful I have wonderful doctors. Thankful we have a car and it has gas in it.

I am also trusting God for Divine Opportunities and Appointment concerning a home and a job. This is the hardest thing before, but if I look back on history, God has always been Faithful.

My Sister in Law, Debbie, gave us this adorable interactive Manger Scene a few years ago. We have done it every year (except last year it was in storage), but this year my girls get it. It has been so wonderful to see their eyes light up as we open 1 box a day (the week before Christmas), each box reveals a character in the Christmas story and tells of the role they played in Christ's Birth, ending the story explaining that each of us is what God wants for Christmas. Tenly and Gianna's excitement to this story has helped me, yet again, to regain my perspective...

I am Thankful for Mary and Joseph being so obedient and giving birth to the Saviour of The World who took my sin and shame and provided me with Grace and Mercy and Unconditional Love.

Family

WOW- I'm feeling getting to blog after way to long! Between the business of life and getting sick and losing every bit of energy I had for over a week, I'm finally getting back to normal (whatever that is).

About a week and a half ago, my Aunt Net put together a Family Reunion for the Denson Family....it has been a long time.I don't remember at what age I began to understand the "family breakdown"- you know- who are in the family by blood vs. who is in the family by marriage. In my Dad's family especially, they were always so close. Majority of my Aunts and Uncles who married into the family called my Granny and PawPaw "Mom and Dad" and treated each other as a true part. So, it was difficult for me to understand who my dad's sisters (6) and brothers (1) were and which were the spouses. They were just family- no separation. Part of the reunion we had, was celebrating my Uncle Norris, who was my Dad's sister, Frankie's (she passed away in 2005) husband. We were celebrating him and the incredible legacy as a man of God and a pillar in our family- although he did marry into the family- you would never know. I love that. I love that we are just family- a great family.

See, growing up we used to have these HUGE family reunions with a few hundred people (and yes, I was related somehow to most of them) almost every year. It was a day full of food. fun, and being oohed and awed over by people who knew me and I didn't have a clue who they were. But, I have many memories from those reunions of playing all day with my many many cousins and leaving exhausted!
It's been many years since we've had a HUGE reunion. My Grandparents passed away many years ago, but my Dad's family has remained close although struggling to stay connected while living all over the place and taking care of their individual families. After my Aunt Frankie passed away and a few years later my cousin Mal also did- my Aunt Net took it upon herself to get us all back together for a weekend. This is no easy task with 8 brothers and sisters, and countless children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great-great grandchildren.
Not all of the family were able to make it, but a good number of us were- and it was a much needed time. It was especially wonderful to get to see and talk to my Aunt Net and Uncle Bull. Since they had 2 boys, somehow there was always a connection between us and I kind of became their baby girl. Spent many weekends being spoiled rotten by them at their house. They've always had a special place in my heart and I in theirs. It had been way to long since I had seen or talked with them, and my Uncle Bull hadn't been in the best of health as of late. I loved that I was able to look in his eyes and tell him I loved him and see that he was okay, while my Aunt Net ran around coordinating everyone and everything.
I loved introducing my girls to all of their MANY family members! Tenly, especially, was amazed at how big our family was. Lupe met many that he had never met, and it was special to reconnect relationships that had been unintentionally neglected. The Denson Family are almost all incredible singers and musicians. Growing up they even had a Singing Group called "The Happy Christians"- it's okay- I know you are laughing at that name. We would travel around to churches and functions with them and they would call all of my cousins and I "The Baby Christan's" and make us come up and sing to- UGH! Anyway, during the reunion, so many of the family went up and sang and had all the instruments pulled out. Although, I've always been aware of how incredibly talented my family is- I still sat there listening in amazement at the talent within the Denson Family. Not only my blood relations, but also so many of the people who have married into our family are unbelievably talented musicians and singers. It was great to see everyone marvel at the talent that so many of us hadn't seen in years and some talent that's never been witnessed by others in that room- we watched   and marveled at the talent God has blessed us with.
I took away from that weekend an urgency to never let this many years to go by without at least being in contact with my many Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. I want my girls to experience family- and even all of that effort falls on my shoulders- I'll carry it and at least try. It's to important not to have.

One of The Good Moms

Here is the Monologue I did last week- it was a lot of fun- and it honestly speaks my heart (well, in under 8 minutes that is)............

Good Moms.....
 

"Okay, I might as well put it out there: I AM one of the GOOD MOMS!

That’s right, along with the many other Mom’s out there potty training, wiping up spills from “non-spill” sippy cups- (can anyone say FALSE advertisement?!), changing diapers, having sleepless nights, reading the same book 10 times, chauffeuring the whole family, balancing 4+ peoples schedules- WE are the Good Mom’s!

I am talking about myself and the millions of other Mom’s who put everyone and everything else before them.  Who constantly feel ourselves in a tug-a-war between our relationship with God, marriage, children, time, work, and the overcoming feeling of guilt when we dare to have a little “Me Time”! How many times have we neglected ourselves striving for “Mommy Perfectionism”? Ahhh, but yet we STILL…are The Good Moms!

UN-Perfect Christmas Pic

As I awake daily to my incredible job, as a Mother to my wonderful girls, Tenly and Gianna, - I have no exact job description, no exact manual….and no time allotted learning curve to master it all. I fail as many times, if not more times, than I succeed. One thing I am forever grateful for- is God’s Grace-in spite of my constant tug-a-war- His Grace is why I am still one of The Good Moms.

I mean, come on- let’s be real here! I, and all other Mom’s, must admit we are not perfect Women or perfect Mothers. Like, skipping a shower, or getting to work and realizing I, or my kids, forgot to brush their teeth, or put on deodorant! Have you ever walked into the bathroom at church and looked in the mirror to realize that you having hairs growing off your chin or your need to bleach your upper lip- or maybe your hair resembles a skunk with the gray stripe down your roots. I would much rather rejoice over a great pedicure rather than the fact that my husband is out in ironed clothes! But, despite my un-pedicured toes- I’m still one of the Good Moms.

Fixing the dress with a glue gun!

What about all of our secret mommy confessions? You know! Like- think back to when your kids were babies- past or present- do you remember “not noticing” your child’s dirty, sagging diaper so your husband would be the one to have to change it? Who’s done the unforgivable thing of letting Disney Jr. or PBS babysit your kids? Here’s a classic, skipping pages or rewriting your kids long books? Who writes children’s books with 5 paragraphs on a page anyway? Of course you come to church to grow in God, but who would admit that occasionally it’s the only peaceful time in a week that your kids are in a safe environment with someone else besides you! Guilt and all, still we are The Good Mom’s!

I was thinking recently of “SOME day”- the day I will do some AMAZING things, like… “SOME” day, I’ll go back to the gym faithfully and get all of my body parts back where they should be! “SOME” day, I’m going to take a dream vacation to Hawaii! “SOME” day, I’m going to finish my degree. “SOME” day, I will have time for everything. “SOME” day, I will get a pedicure again. “SOME” day, I will get a full body massage. “SOME” days- will come faster than others. BUT, on THIS day- I’m going to watch my 5 year old walk into Kindergarten all by her self and my 3 year old discover that she can swim under water. I’m going to watch these 2 precious girls, who started out as 6lbs 3oz and 7lbs 6oz, I am going to stare at them in total awe of the beautiful miracle that they are and I am going to think, “My GOD, THIS is amazing!”

Yes, I am a good mom.

I struggle with feelings of guilt and unworthiness and disappointing others. The house doesn’t look perfect enough, the ironing is building up, I haven’t read my girls enough books, my dinners should be more spectacular and healthy, I shouldn’t of bought myself that pair of shoes, I should of prayed longer today, I haven’t read my Bible enough. My list could go on forever. Aren’t you glad that others do not see us the way we see ourselves. Why do I focus on these things instead of capitalizing on the gifts, talents, and abilities God has given me?

How do we, as Mothers, forget about ourselves-we always end up lost in the shuffling of schedules and people- we are not a priority?  But, I’m reminding myself, and anyone who will listen, that taking time for ourselves as Mothers and Women makes us better Moms, Wives, and Friends!                                      

Tenly

Balance- WOW, what a word- it means “An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. To keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.” Easier said than done, right? Schedules, kids, toys, meals, church, soccer, ballet, dance, gymnastics, family, school, doctors, groceries, laundry, cleaning, ironing, friends, work, bills, budget, marriage, dates, your “love” life (or lack there of)…Balance and Priorities!

A Good Mom- That’s ME! We celebrate our children’s triumphs, anticipating every milestone, and struggling to document EVERY memory so that we never forget them. Isn’t it amazing how instant the love for our children is? Before we even see them, and feel this little alien moving inside our bodies, we love them. Then the doctor hands them to us as soon as they leave our bodies, and this overwhelming, unconditional love, that is almost impossible to explain, instantly grips us upon looking into our child’s eyes for the first time. If you think about it, it’s a perfect reflection of Christ’s love for us.

I am a Good Mom- my heart aches with love for my children, and knowing I’m their first teacher, example, and primary role model, brings out wonderful God-given qualities in me like patience, kindness, faith, trust, and empathy. Because being Tenly and Gianna’s Mother has made me want to be my very best self- the Woman and Mother- God has called and challenged me to be- not just for my girls, but for me too. Yes, I will continue to make mistakes. I will get angry and yell at times, and have to go back and ask for forgiveness. I will serve “lazy dinners” to many times, and even keep my girls up a little later than I should because I just want to hold them a little longer or because I am completely oblivious of the time. I will make wrong choices and struggle to find balance. But, I will always strive to demonstrate and teach the Love of God in all I say and do. I will bring my girls to the House of God, I will teach them the Power of Prayer, I will demonstrate a Godly Loving Marriage, and I will teach them the Word of God, and surround them with Godly People. BUT, here I am the good, the bad, and the ugly…………….

I AM a Good- NO- I am a Great, Loving, and Spectacular, and Above Average Mom!"

If you made it to the end..(I know, it's a little long)...I hope you enjoyed it and you were able to take something away!

One Thing At A Time...........

Feeling Overwhelmed! This feeling is coming farther between and not on a daily basis...so I feel I'm making progress.

My oldest daughter has graduated from her summer program of VPK, which means she is starting Kindergarten in about 7 days. Her official launch into "big girl school" terrifies, excites, and paralyzes me all at the same time. Of course, there is also the preparation that goes along with it.

This week at The Gym, we have record numbers of children (which I do pride myself in, considering I have run 60%+ of camp) and short of help. Being locked in a room with between 25-40 kids for 6+ hours a day is starting to not be fun at times (most of the time, actually)- and next week is looking the same.

In 1 1/2 weeks, I begin teaching my own classes at the gym all by myself. After doing a whole summer of camp, this should actually be easy (or so they say). Except that I put pressure on myself to be perfect. It's hard to be perfect when you're walking into the unknown and doing something very new. I'm taking over some of the classes of our "star" and "most loved" (by parents and students) instructor, which is even more pressure to be perfect and just better.

I'm embarking on another new territory that I'm pretty excited about, and a little nervous about. I was approached about leading a Bible Study at our church. In doing so, we are doing a big Women's Event in September to launch into all of the new studies we are beginning (including mine)- this means I have to stand up in front of everyone do a type of Monologue about my "Season of Life" and then talk to everyone about it. I'm pretty good about talking in front of very large groups, but this is a very new group for me and also means I'm stepping into a Leadership (type) Position at our church- again, this terrifies, excites, and paralyzes me. Stepping into this position takes me out of "hiding"- which part of me embraces while part of me wants to run. My friend, Joanne, designs and decorates for all of these events (and it's because of her that I'm doing any/all of this)- I was so excited to jump in and help her. She and I were able to stay up late the other night designing centerpieces for a small event for the women. It felt so good to be involved, needed, used, and appreciated- yes, by doing something as small as decorating/crafting. But, with that came the realization of about to do a Bible Study and lead a group of women- I hate to say I've been fighting against a bit of self doubt as I begin to prepare.

At this very moment, I miss my sweet baby girls. Lupe and I dropped them off in Clearwater to spend some time with my parents. A part of me hates the silence in my house, but Lupe and I were talking the other day of how happy it makes us to be able to take them there. It reminded us of one of the reasons we moved to Florida, to be closer to family and to allow our girls to have a constant relationship with them. I'm both happy and sad that they're really not missing us all that terribly! LOL!
Then there's Lupe. His job is seeming to completely consume him at times, much to his dismay. I have wrote before how hard it is to see him come home beaten down and stressed. It completely overwhelms me that I cannot fix it. Of course, it also makes me want to go and beat the mess out of many residents and some of his coworkers.
I've had to sit back and realize, yet again, I can't fix it all! As I lay in bed, wide awake unable to sleep, feeling like the weight of the world- or weight of my life- is crushing me, I made a decision. Emotions, work, effort, wishful thinking, will not fix any of it. Just in case you haven't figured it out, I decided to pray- as simple as that. Along with my prayer, I would focus on one thing at a time- not all of it.
Tomorrow, along with my prayers- I will be putting my "extra" effort and energy into learning my new Lesson Plans and Skills (have got to master a cart wheel and backward roll- seriously) for my new classes at work. One thing at a time, and a lot of prayer is what I can do.............................

Not An Easy Decision, But The Right Decision

There is one thing that every one should do in their lifetime- especially when you live in Florida.....Disney World! Somehow, my girls seem to know they are closer to the big attraction- they talk about it, ask when we're going, dream and talk about what they'll do when they get there, wonder what characters they'll see and which of them will be there.
I've been to Disney many times considering I was born and raised in Florida- I never realized how big of a deal it was then as I do now. I understand how big of a deal it was now because I understand the astronomical $$$COST$$$ involved- especially when you consider my parents had four kids!
There is a lot to consider when it comes to children and Disney World. I remember going to Disney and watching parents wrestle with overtired/overhot/cranky/having no fun children- and of course all of that meant the parents were having an even more miserable time. So, although I could not wait for the day I'd introduce my kids to Disney, Micky, and Cinderella's Castle- I determined that I would not do it until my kids could enjoy it. If I am going to pay a ridiculous amount of money on Disney World- both of my girls were going to REMEMBER and LOVE every sticking moment- and so was I!
WELL, Lupe and I were talking a few months ago and decided maybe before Tenly started Kindergarten in August we should take them. Tenly is more than old enough, but Gia is 3 1/2- a little younger than my original plan. But, we embarked on making some plans and seeing what our options were. We decided to go ahead and do it, although only for a day- we're only about 2 1/2 hours away. It is quite expensive to go to Disney nowadays- although worth the cost for the experience for our girls. No doubt, we were having to watch every penny and scrimp and save- I mean at this point, every penny still has a name- but we wanted to try.
It started to weigh on my mind a lot- wondering if Disney was a good financial decision at this point.?.? Was it a smart decision to put the little extra into Disney when we had other places we could put it that would start putting us ahead? I mean, the tickets alone were going to be around $275., then we had 1-2 nights at a hotel which is between $100-200, gas would be around $150., then their was food which I would guesstimate to be $150-200 (doing it cheap). So, it adds up- QUICKLY!
A little wrench was thrown in our plans when I realized that Tenly's "Meet The Teacher" day would be during our trip- and that's a big deal, big enough that Lupe and I would not miss it. As we began to try to figure out another day that would work, I began to think of another aspect of the decision "to go or not to go". What would we be teaching our girls (The Big Picture)? Would they actually ever know the details behind us trying to make this happen- no, probably not. But, what if they did- or what if one day they were in a situation over doing something fun or acting more responsibly- what would we tell them to do? I'm very sure that we would tell our them to take the responsible road and find a less expensive way to treat themselves to a day of fun.
So, we are not going to Disney in August- luckily we did not tell our girls we were even planning it- we are taking the- less exciting- but ultimately more rewarding road. We are going to continue to get ahead, pay off some more debt, and put ourselves in a better position to hopefully give the girls an early Christmas present in November. I'd be lying if I didn't say, it makes my heart a bit sad not to surprise them in a week or so yelling, "We're going to Disney World"- but it also makes me happy and gives me peace that we are being more responsible in planning for our family and our girls futures. Not the easiest decision we've had to make, but I'm convinced it was the right one.

My Biggest and Proudest Fight

MOM! I love that title! I remember after I delivered Tenly, they showed her to me and had to whisk her away pretty quickly- but I remember looking at Lupe and saying, "I'm a Mommy!". It's so amazing that instantaneous feeling of unconditional love for a little person you just met. A little person who can barely see you and is usually screaming their little heads off- and all you can feel is overwhelming unquestionable love. (It honestly is a perfect reflection of God's love for us!)

Tenly 1st time on the stage

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In our premarital counseling Lupe and I both unanimously agreed that ministry would never come before our marriage, children, or family. Our priorities would always be God, Our Family, Ministry- we both wholeheartedly agreed to this. I was adamant that we would always keep this in focus, most of my determination came from growing up as a PK (preachers kid)myself. There were times that I felt "punished" or "sacrificed" for the ministry. I'm sure some of that came from the selfishness that comes with the age of children/preteen/teens- but some was justified. It's a hard balance to be a parent and minister- the attempt in and of itself is to be admired.

1st steps with 'Aunt' Chris at camp

After becoming a Mom who was also in the ministry, I knew I was going to have to stand strong about some things- but really had no idea what I was truly about to go up against. I was picky (as most Moms naturally are) about with whom, where, when, and how long I would leave my children. We had over 300 Bible School Students- and much of the attitude was to pick one of them that was available upon the need and let them watch the kids. I think we all know that, just because they're a Bible School student doesn't mean a thing- and for that very reason I took my time and was extremely thorough upon picking the 2 people who would be my babysitter for that 1-2 years (then would have to go through the process again once they graduated) (A couple years into this, God sent me Sarah Mo- she managed to make these decisions much easier, even to her own expense at times.) If my child was sick, I would be with them and not be at church or a ministry function. If I had made plans with my children/husband/family, I would not cancel them for a last minute ministry "need"- this brings me to my favorite quote: "Your lack of planning/organization does not constitute an emergency on my (or my families) part!". If an event conflicted with my children's schedule (bedtime is at 8 and event isn't over until 11) and I do not have adequate childcare- I will not be there. I did not want my kids to have to go to the camp to be able to see their Daddy. I did not want the camp to be 'their home'. I did not want staff and students to parent my children.

Gia at work with Dad

I recall a decision I made once that I regret making. The young lady that was over our nursery was going to be out for a couple of weeks to get married, and I would be covering the department. Well, Tenly woke up Wednesday morning running a fever that continued to climb throughout the day, she also had a runny nose, cough, and goopey eyes to match. Around 4:00, I made the phone call to inform "the powers that be" that I would not be able to make it and explained the reasons why. Mind you, I already had a reputation for being a "difficult mom" because I wouldn't push my kids aside. Well, the guilt was laid on and 3 phone calls later I threw Tenly in the car, jumped in and put my makeup on on the way to church. When our Pastors wife saw me there, she got the biggest smile and said how proud she was of me and how God honored me for putting the church children and families first. I know that statement was made to make me beam and cause my heart to swell. Instead, I walked away with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, because although I put the church children and families first- I put my own suffering child last. That was not alright with me, I was so upset with myself for compromising my main priority and most precious gift.

Tenly dancing at the camp

At the camp in Uniforms.

Then we hit the Birthday Party JUNK! It was proposed that we needed to have all Birthday Parties regulated out at the ministry. Either all or none of the staff and children could be invited, either all parties would be on or off the grounds, our date and guest list would have to be approved, no invitations would be allowed to be passed out, etc. There were reasons behind these regulations, and there were some validity to some of them. When asked my opinion, I candidly said it was crazy and ridiculous (and believe me, I was holding WAY back). I respectfully said I did not agree and refused to allow my children to be punished for being in the ministry. Of course, they said that wasn't what was happening to which I responded- the only reason the kids were having to have regulated parties was because their parents were in the ministry. That point could not be argued. It really bothered me- and I did not agree to follow the regulations- of course I did respectfully have the parties put on the calender- I had no issue with that. It did not help that all of this was happening while I was planning Tenly's 3rd Birthday party, lol- which went as exactly planned!

Summer Work with Dad, in Uniform

I fought, and I fought hard. I cried, and I cried hard. I went against the flow, I stood out from amongst the rest, I felt alienated on many occasions. It didn't change me, I wanted to be a good Mom more than I wanted to teach a class, be on a stage, be recognized, be 'honored (rolling my eyes)', have a title. Not that there weren't a few times when we were out late, off schedule, rearrange plans- and that's okay some times- but not every week/day. I'm not perfect and I have and will let my kids down, but I always want them to know I fought and will fight for them and our family.

Best Job EVER!

I look back, and I am proud of myself- and very proud of Lupe for fighting the Battle of Our Family regardless of how difficult it was. It was sometimes harder for him than me, we would make a decision and I might get a couple of phone calls or occasional meeting. But Lupe had to go to work and face the music all day, all week- and believe me- that wasn't easy. Lupe never once 'threw me under the bus'- even if he questioned the decision he stood behind me/us! The Biggest and Proudest Fight I will continue to fight is for my girls and my family. While at the ministry I was given the gift of being a mom- I'm still learning- but I'm a good mom who fails at times but continues to fight nevertheless. Family is my first ministry, I don't want to win 1000's of others to see my other 2 lost..........! I found and I know that God honors my fight for my family!