Timing and Trust

Been awhile! To be honest, as much as I've been itching to blog, I have also intentionally avoided it. I typically write pretty candidly on what's going on in my life and what I'm learning from the processes. Well, I am once again going through a challenging issue with my health and am extremely angry and frustrated by it. Although, I probably will write about it eventually- I am choosing to write about some other things that my family has faced and how God brought us through the other sidein His timing!

First, let me tell how Lupe and I received an envelope with $1000 cash inside!

 After getting settled in our new apartment at the beginning of February, we were very relieved and also a bit stressed. God had provided the money we needed to get us in our new place, but we were then faced with very limited funds throughout the month of February. We just began to pray and believe God to provide what we needed for every day. As I began to make preparations to celebrate Gia's Birthday on the first, I was feeling a bit guilty for spending the little money I did (I already had the decorations, but a present and cake..). On Gianna's Birthday, a very close friend of ours text Lupe to wish Gia a Happy Birthday, he also asked how we were doing. Lupe text that everything was well, just having some financial challenges. K.L. (I will just call him "K.L" to protect his privacy) joked that he needed to send Lupe an envelope of cash "..like Donny Brasco.." (Lupe and K.L. always joke around as if they are mobsters ). I laughed, didn't put any weight into the comment.
A few days later, I was on the phone with my friend Joanne. We began talking about some of the financial challenges we were having, as we spoke I began to cry. I guess I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed. Joanne quickly began to encourage me and remind me of God's faithfulness. When I hung up the phone, I felt better, but told God "Alright God, I trust you for what I need for today and will leave the tomorrows until tomorrow..".

The mailman knocked on the door as I was about to get in the shower. To be honest, the first thing that went through my mind was "GREAT! Now they're sending us certified letters to pay our bills!!", but as I shut the door I noticed the return address on the package was from K.L. Then I remembered he had mentioned that he was sending Gia a birthday gift. There was a card and some money for each of the girls and Lupe, as I opened the card for Lupe (yes, I opened my husbands mail) I see a $100 bill- as I picked it up it was more than one bill. My mouth hit the floor and I began to sob as I counted 10 $100 bills in that card. My heart began to flip flop all over the place!! I immediately called Lupe, and as my ever so calm unshakable husband always is, his response was "...well, he was pulling a Donny Brasco..." (as I'm sobbing on the other end). I then called Joanne back and told her what happened, her response was what I was expecting (unlike my smooth husband), a squeal and excitement.
WHY did God choose to do it the way He did? I don't know, but I know it was in His timing (which is perfect) and we never went without. I am thankful for faithful friends who stood and encouraged and were obedient.

Another challenge that we have been facing for a few years is our car!! About 2 1/2 years ago, we were driving a Toyota Camry which was just getting to cramped with our toddler and a baby and all their stuff. We needed/wanted a small SUV- and the one we (mainly I) wanted was a Saturn Outlook. Well, we found one and were given a pretty good deal on it- only problem was it was an extremely high interest rate. When Lupe inquired to a very close friend and mentor (who was very knowledgeable about buying vehicles) on what options he may have and how to negotiate- the friend offered to put up the collateral for the loan to keep our interest rate down. We accepted, which in retrospect was a mistake. We loved that Outlook, but we HAD to love it- we were way upside down and our payments were way to much!

After we moved to Florida from Texas, our friend who had put up the collateral, asked us to get new financing for the vehicle- considering we were upside down on it, we could not get new financing. Since we left Texas, the relationship with our friend has become a bit strained and uncomfortable, which makes the whole car situation just feel even worse. We began to have that feeling of a car owning us instead of us owning a car. Lupe never gave up on looking for another car or financing, he would try and get turned down and have an offer that just would not work.

Last week, Lupe had just walked away from another offer that just wouldn't work when he received a letter in the mail from another dealership in the area saying they thought they could help. Lupe called them and explained where we were at and what we needed. We wanted to go back to a car now that the girls were older and a smaller vehicle would work, not to mention the gas mileage on a car would be much better!

Long story short, Lupe spoke to the dealership on Thursday night, they called him to come over on Friday night saying they could make it work, and Friday night he drove home in our brand NEW Mitsubishi Gallant!! We now have a lower payment, lower interest, and are getting 40mi/gal instead of 18mi/gal (THAT'S a big deal!), and this will hopefully remove some of the strain with our friend and start a healing process of our relationship.
We are getting used to "riding on the ground" again and are loving the gas mileage! I will admit, I miss the roominess of our Outlook, the adjustable steering wheel and satellite radio, and with summer approaching we will definitely miss our automatic start button! But, it's so worth it  for all the reasons I mentioned above.
We have been dealing with this situation for about 1 1/2 years....why didn't God work it out in the beginning? I don't know, but I am thankful that he sustained us until now with that crazy high payment and has now provided us with exactly what we need. Yet again, we never did without.
I don't understand God's timing, but I don't guess I have to. I just have to trust that His timing IS perfect.
Please continue to pray with me regarding some of this health stuff, I am trying to have faith and trust- but I will admit it's a struggle.

We Closed One Door & Let God Open The Other

A few posts ago, I talked about my husband, Lupe's, decision to leave his current job. I had mixed feelings about it considering he did not even have a prospect of a new job in sight. But, hearing the defeated sound in his voice- I just couldn't ask him to stay. Lupe recently shared with me he regretted part of his decision. He said, he still would of called me and told me he couldn't do it anymore- but he would of waited to give his notice until he had something else- he reacted emotionally. Anyone who knows Lupe, knows he is NOT an emotional person at all- he is VERY stable- so this was a very unusual thing. Then he told me he asked God to forgive him and to help him learn from it, and then asked God to show his grace and provide a new job.

Since Lupe gave his notice- I believe it was in July- he has been fervently putting out applications at any and every opportunity. Honestly, not many responses considering how many apps he was putting out there. There were many times I had to just talk to myself, quote the Word of God to prevent myself of becoming easily overwhelmed (as I do to often).

About a month ago, Lupe received a phone call regarding an application he put in with Winn Dixie grocery store as a Culinary Director. It was an attractive position in many ways. One of the biggest perks is it is less than 10 minutes down the road vs. the 20 minute drive we now have. The position leaves room for creativity and advancement and bonuses.

After Lupe's 3rd interview, the HR director called and told him he was her pick for the job- but he had to go into another interview with some other directors and to really sell himself. She even took the time to prep him for the interview for a bit. Well, 3 interviews after that Lupe was officially offered the position and he took it. He did have to take a pay cut, but even with that- he is so excited about this job and we both have a total peace.

I told Lupe about a week ago about how much I have grown through this process. I don't wish this type of situation on anyone, but I can honestly say I am thankful for it. My faith and trust in God would not be where it is had it not been for this very difficult process! God has blessed and kept us beyond my expectations. There was even another company who was really wanting Lupe to work for them and were so disappointed when he had to inform them he had taken the other position- that was a nice little bonus!!

We've questioned our decisions at times, Lupe even wondered if he's made a mistake when he took the job that moved us down here. We don't know why the picture has played out the way it has. Maybe the experience at the other place helped in getting him in at Winn Dixie. Maybe God placed Lupe there to minister to some of the other staff or plant some seeds. Maybe God was using the whole situation to strengthen my faith. I don't know why, but I do know that as hard as it has been...I'm grateful for the process and for the opportunity to share how faithful my God is.

Green Light Means GO!

April of 2010. Lupe and I were in our bedroom. He was laying on the bed watching some TV while I was folding and putting away laundry.We were making some small talk here and there (during commercials, because everyone knows a man can't multitask with a TV on), just a relaxing night after the girls were in bed. Suddenly, Lupe says to me out of nowhere, "I think it's time"- I had no idea what he was talking about, I asked for more information. Lupe began to explain that he was feeling the release from The Ministry. Of course, I had been feeling the same thing (because that's the way God works). I love how we both had been feeling for a release for a few weeks but neither of us had said anything- we both wanted to be sure. What was so wonderful, is that everything was fine- no drama or 'situations' going on, we weren't angry or bitter with anything/anyone- we just felt that release because it was simply the time. I began telling Lupe how God had been whispering the same to me- I felt such a peace and freedom and joy as we began talking and discussing our future.

We had no details/plans/jobs- nothing- but we did have a "Green Light" from God to start our new season, or our New Life, and that in itself brought an incredible peace. My friend, Carrie, recently described the jump into the unknown with NO plan in sight as "...Faith or stupidity.." (Carrie and her family can speak candidly considering they took the same 'leap' we did at the same time from the same place). It took a few weeks for us to process, are we really doing this!?!?! After much discussion, we felt we were suppose to move to Florida- Lupe had some family in Texas- but we both felt we needed to be near family that were able to be ever present for us and our girls. Lupe loves my family as if he were there own- and they love him the same (I sometimes think they'd keep him over me). That was one BIG decision down, now we had to think of which city, jobs, homes, schools, moving money, the process, and WHEN!

You would think the "when" would be a matter of looking at a calender and coordinating with a schedule of needs and necessities and timing. Well, typically that would be true. But, according to the ministry guidelines that we agreed to (and were determined to honor)- we needed to wait to give our "notice" until the 1st of September, after that we and the leadership would decide on a mutually agreed upon "exit date" (last day). So, yes- they determined our last day- not us. We knew this going in, and began to plan the best way we could without knowing. We weren't allowed to tell anyone of our plans- everything was secretive. Although, in full disclosure, I did tell a handful of people that I was close to and Lupe mentioned it to about 2 people he was close to.
It was scary, we knew of people and couples who had resigned before and were given a couple weeks (or days) to pack up and leave. That scared the heck out of me that potentially we could be give the same terms. We were trying to save money, to prepare and be ready for almost anything at any time. I began packing boxes a bit at a time, moved all the furniture out of the dining room and began replacing it all with boxes. Things continued going smoothly, not much was said for awhile after we gave our notice- not that we wanted a lot said, but sometimes silence is scarier than a screaming match.

Finally, Lupe had a "meeting"- in that meeting they released us from all church services and gave Lupe the weekends off- except when there was a retreat- but we still had no "exit date". We continued to go to church although we had been "released" (I mean, come on, where else would we be). Rumors starting flying of course and it started to "leak out" among the staff that we were resigning. It was weird, I would walk away from a conversation and just know that the person I was speaking to knew- although they didn't say a word about it. There was a strange undercurrent we felt- it may of been valid or it may have been our imagination and paranoia.
During all of this, I questioned my ability to hear God's voice. Why did I question it? I questioned it because the leadership, that taught me how to listen and hear God's voice, questioned our ability to hear it. But, Lupe and I grew closer together, and our prayer life grew- and in that we knew that God had given us direction. Since arriving in Florida, I have questioned it again- but each time I am reassured when God proves Himself and shows Himself time and time again.

Transition: RIGHT NOW Would Be Better....

TRANSITION, it's not easy- but it is very necessary.
Lupe and I had been married about 3 years when that exciting and scary word appeared: Transition. In our situation, that word meant we would be leaving our current position at the ministry. Not just leaving our position, but leaving our home, many comfortable things that we had while working there.
I didn't say much to Lupe about it at first, I had to make sure I was truly hearing the right thing and not acting on emotions or anger. It didn't appear at a difficult time, I was content and things were going smoothly. I still struggled with some things, but was beginning to learn how to pick my battles and work on me instead of trying to change everyone else.
I felt confident that this 'feeling' was not emotional, so I starting really seeking God- I had to know for sure before I went to Lupe. Then one night a couple weeks later, Lupe casually mentions  that he really felt we were in a time of transition. I looked at him and asked, "REALLY?" (it's very rare for Lupe to ever speak off of emotions- so I new this was real and BIG!) Well, that helped confirm exactly what I was feeling- so my next question was, "WHEN?".
The ministry we worked for had a set of guidelines, it helped not only protect- but keep the ministry(s) running smoothly because of the unique setup of the many different entities that came from under that one umbrella. Therefore, within the guidelines there were times established for "a change of season" or when you resigned- of course, we had agreed to the guidelines and had every intention of honoring them. Lupe and I continued to pray, and quickly sensed we weren't to resign then. Transition, we knew, could be anywhere from a couple months to 3 years or so.
Well, my Transition required something I'm not very good at: PATIENCE! Especially when some of our other friends we're resigning and stepping out into new things- that brought a bit of jealousy and moments of me begging God. We wanted so badly to leave at the right time. I had watched people stay TOO long, and they turned so bitter and angry that they can't even step foot back on the ministry grounds- and many of them no longer have any relationship with God.We also wanted our Pastor to know before we even told him, we felt like if this was God (and we were sure it was) it wouldn't come as any surprise, that God would have already prepared his heart before we said a word. We knew we couldn't control any one's actions or response, but we could only control ours, and were determined to do the right thing regardless of what may/may not happen. Lupe had been there 15 years- that is a LONG time- he wasn't perfect at his job, but he was really good at it- he had it down to a science. So, it was kind of like Lupe letting go of his "baby"- he'd worked/developed/trained/organized- and he wanted to be sure that he could walk away with the confidence that he'd done everything he was suppose to.
But, of course, that would all come 3 years down the road. 3 years of waiting and sometimes telling God- I'm not ready and sometimes BEGGING God to let me go!! So much to go through to prepare for a major transition. But, we walked it- and jumped many hurdles, fell down, and tripped along the way.
As I look back at this, I wonder- where was I during this?, what did I take away?, where can I find me now in it? While I was "in it", I was fearful- I don't like change and thrive on stability- I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I took away, understanding the process and being thankful for it and I, trust- I learned how to trust, and I grew in patience.
Looking back- what did I lose and what do I want to "take back"?- I second guessed myself and Lupe a lot, which came from fear of being wrong and fear of disappointing a man. My "take away" is my confidence in knowing that I know my God's voice and putting my trust and hope in Him and not a man. SO, I'm finding that confidence in not only God and knowing His voice- but also in my relationship with Him.