Sunday, June 12, 2011

Transition: RIGHT NOW Would Be Better....

TRANSITION, it's not easy- but it is very necessary.
Lupe and I had been married about 3 years when that exciting and scary word appeared: Transition. In our situation, that word meant we would be leaving our current position at the ministry. Not just leaving our position, but leaving our home, many comfortable things that we had while working there.
I didn't say much to Lupe about it at first, I had to make sure I was truly hearing the right thing and not acting on emotions or anger. It didn't appear at a difficult time, I was content and things were going smoothly. I still struggled with some things, but was beginning to learn how to pick my battles and work on me instead of trying to change everyone else.
I felt confident that this 'feeling' was not emotional, so I starting really seeking God- I had to know for sure before I went to Lupe. Then one night a couple weeks later, Lupe casually mentions  that he really felt we were in a time of transition. I looked at him and asked, "REALLY?" (it's very rare for Lupe to ever speak off of emotions- so I new this was real and BIG!) Well, that helped confirm exactly what I was feeling- so my next question was, "WHEN?".
The ministry we worked for had a set of guidelines, it helped not only protect- but keep the ministry(s) running smoothly because of the unique setup of the many different entities that came from under that one umbrella. Therefore, within the guidelines there were times established for "a change of season" or when you resigned- of course, we had agreed to the guidelines and had every intention of honoring them. Lupe and I continued to pray, and quickly sensed we weren't to resign then. Transition, we knew, could be anywhere from a couple months to 3 years or so.
Well, my Transition required something I'm not very good at: PATIENCE! Especially when some of our other friends we're resigning and stepping out into new things- that brought a bit of jealousy and moments of me begging God. We wanted so badly to leave at the right time. I had watched people stay TOO long, and they turned so bitter and angry that they can't even step foot back on the ministry grounds- and many of them no longer have any relationship with God.We also wanted our Pastor to know before we even told him, we felt like if this was God (and we were sure it was) it wouldn't come as any surprise, that God would have already prepared his heart before we said a word. We knew we couldn't control any one's actions or response, but we could only control ours, and were determined to do the right thing regardless of what may/may not happen. Lupe had been there 15 years- that is a LONG time- he wasn't perfect at his job, but he was really good at it- he had it down to a science. So, it was kind of like Lupe letting go of his "baby"- he'd worked/developed/trained/organized- and he wanted to be sure that he could walk away with the confidence that he'd done everything he was suppose to.
But, of course, that would all come 3 years down the road. 3 years of waiting and sometimes telling God- I'm not ready and sometimes BEGGING God to let me go!! So much to go through to prepare for a major transition. But, we walked it- and jumped many hurdles, fell down, and tripped along the way.
As I look back at this, I wonder- where was I during this?, what did I take away?, where can I find me now in it? While I was "in it", I was fearful- I don't like change and thrive on stability- I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I took away, understanding the process and being thankful for it and I, trust- I learned how to trust, and I grew in patience.
Looking back- what did I lose and what do I want to "take back"?- I second guessed myself and Lupe a lot, which came from fear of being wrong and fear of disappointing a man. My "take away" is my confidence in knowing that I know my God's voice and putting my trust and hope in Him and not a man. SO, I'm finding that confidence in not only God and knowing His voice- but also in my relationship with Him.

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