Friday, June 10, 2011

Don't Want To Forget One Moment

I was originally planning on writing something else today, and then the events of the day overtook me and I completely changed my mind. Which as a woman, is my right ;).
READY for school!
TODAY, my 4 (almost 5) year old started school. Let me explain, Tenly is starting VPK- which is a program Florida started to make sure ALL children are prepared for Kindergarten. Regardless of how much $$$ you do/do not make- the state pays for your child to go to preschool. Tenly was in PreK when we left Texas, but by the time we were settled in our home in Plantation we felt it was a little late and would start her during the summer. So, as all the children were out of school yesterday, my Tenly started school today. She was BEYOND excited, we let her pick out a new backpack and lunchbox yesterday (Gianna too, of course). The lunch box thing really got me, I've never had to pack my baby's lunch- she was always home with me. As I grocery shopped, buying all of the 'lunch stuff', I couldn't stop crying- I know everyone thought I was a mental case. Tenly is in school from 8am-3:30pm- what a LONG day for a 4 year old.....and her mommy!
Anyway, I'm sure majority of you know how nostalgic days like these can make someone. I was so blessed that Lupe had the day off today and was able to 'mark' this day with us. I was proud of myself, I held up pretty good, as I started to get a bit weepy- Tenly is the one who was able to distract me.
Throughout the day, I thought of some of those special moments with Tenly: Walking, riding her bike, our talks, her love for cooking/baking. Then, Gianna fell asleep in my arms (rarely ever happens anymore), I would normally lay her down, but today I held onto her awhile. For some reason, I just needed that moment today.
A few months ago, I started a 'Mommy's Memories' Journal. There were those little moments that my girls would say or do something, or I would feel something/notice something/observe something- and I didn't want to forget and wanted my girls to be able to have those memories, too. Documenting it seemed like the most logical thing to do, and what a beautiful thing to get to pass down.
While I was thinking about my girls and remembering all the wonderful moments, I recalled some not so lovely moments. But, then I realized that those not-so-lovely moments are some of things that have molded my girls into being so great. There were the late sleepless nights of feedings, but my girls are healthy. I remember the knock out drag out nights of letting them "cry it out", very difficult, but my girls are very independent and go to sleep with no assistance what so ever (besides Monkey Boy and Stringy Blanket). There was the potty training (how many times a day did I scrub/mop my floors), but my girls were in panties within a week. Can't forget the battle of taking at least one bite of everything on your plate, there is no longer any fights and they'll try everything. There were the nasty temper tantrums that I would not give into (still happen, but they are fewer and shorter), but my girls are (generally) respectful and (generally) well-behaved.
Then, I began thinking of this blog and some of the battles I have wrote about and some battles I continue to face. Some have been more difficult than others, and some have lingered longer than others- but they all play a big part in who I am today- the good/bad/ugly! For Example:
The diabetes has made me a more educated and aware person and I have learned to take my health very seriously and encourage others to do the same. Anorexia taught me to stop looking on the surface, something I still remind myself of daily. Bad choices have made me very aware of the consequences that follow. People gossiping/talking/judging me has taught me to watch my own mouth and thoughts- and that I do not know the whole story (nor do I need to). People trying to cram me in a box and put me into a mold- has taught me to be bold and to discover what I really believe in, and why. Being single- taught me patience, lol- (SM)! Being a mother, taught me PATIENCE (and how impatient I truly am). The ministry, taught me to be humble and helped me discover what honor really is/is not. Getting my car broke into and my purse stolen- taught me not to leave my purse in my car- especially in Miami! Financial difficulties have taught me the difference between a need and a want- and that God's Faithfulness is so real!
Today has been a day of remembering a lot of moments- and finding the good- even in the bad and ugly! What did I 'find' in myelf be grateful in all and for all things.

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