Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Not The Release We Wanted, But Release We Got

We waited, and Waited, and WAITED! There were times I would tell Lupe, "We're not waiting on Them anymore! How long are we suppose to wait? YOU need to call a meeting- I've HAD it!". Luckily, my husband is more patient and less emotional than I- and would wait it out. Looking back I'm so glad he did- in the moment I wanted him to wreak havoc!
It was hard, we were in limbo. I didn't know if I needed to stop packing, or to pack fast, we didn't have a start date to put on applications- so we couldn't really send out more resumes. We couldn't look for homes because we didn't know where we were going to find employment. Were we leaving within weeks?months?before Christmas?after Christmas?the end of the school year? I was thinking about Tenly starting school the following school year and really wanted to be established in the area she would be attending school. It was difficult to even get a meeting to discuss these issues/concerns and didn't know if our issues/concerns would even be considered in out exit date.
There was a wonderful gentleman who was hired to take over Lupe's department and Lupe had been training him for a couple months already. We were just waiting- and not so patiently on my end. The unknown scares me (as I've mentioned many times)- and there was WAY to much unknown going on! I didn't want to be bitter, but it was getting more and more difficult every day. In retrospect, I look back and see that the timing was right- just how it was suppose to be- it was all in God's plan. What proved to be difficult was when and how and the circumstances with which we were given our exit date.
We gave our notice the 1st of September, and waited, prepared at any moment to receive our exit date. The end of September came- Lupe had a meeting (that I spoke of earlier) with some discussions- but no date. October came and went with no meetings and no date. By the time November rolled around I was getting very anxious- Christmas was around the corner and I needed a PLAN!
A few days before Thanksgiving, a few little "situations" came up that were not so pretty- and in all honesty are a little comical. I don't want to drudge up old junk that I've really tried to let go- so I'm not going into any specifics. There was some miscommunication and confusion, that resulted in several meetings with my Husband. Through that whole situation, I don't know if I've ever been prouder of my husband. Lupe maintained his dignity, walked in integrity, took full responsibility where he did and where he did not need to. He was respectful, honest, and forthright- in other words he held himself true to being a very Godly and honorable man. Lupe called one morning and said he had been called into a meeting later that morning and he would call as soon as it was over. A little while later the phone rang, and I found myself totally not prepared...
"..2 weeks..", Lupe said. I laughed, I just knew he was joking (as prepared I thought I was). We had just been given our 2 weeks notice to move out of our house in Texas, move to Florida, find a job, find a home, and begin our new season. Not just Lupe and I, but our 2 little girls.
The girls helping us pack!
I wont lie- I was struck with fear- not just fear, I was terrified. What had we done? We had to little girls to think about. What were we thinking? I think I cried for hours. I was thrilled to have a date, but could not understand the logic and justification of giving us 2 weeks when they had known for 3 months- after Lupe serving for 15 years- he was given 2 weeks. I'm sure you can "hear" in my writing how angry I was.
I've gotten past it for the most part, in order to forgive I began to pray- I had to pray for them so I could love them again. I didn't want to love them because God said I "had" to- I wanted to love them out of the genuineness in my heart. I had my moment(s), that was a hard day, I was angry- and let myself be angry, I was hurt- and let myself hurt, I was sad- and let myself be sad. By the next day, I was relieved and ready- I was still feeling some of those other things, but let the anticipation of our bright future carry me past it.
I found and am finding a resilience in me....and I like it.........

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