Change scares me, I guess it scares everyone to an extent, but I have literally been paralyzed with fear of the unknown at times- not knowing means you are walking blindly and have to survive on a pure raw TRUST. Change and the unknown brings no promise of stability, safety, or security. To Trust, means to let go and forces you to function without a plan- that takes me so far outside my comfort zone I can't even see straight- and at times makes me a difficult person to live with (I know, your shocked)!
Anyway, I finally had to sit down and analyze myself and figure out what was making me so stir crazy about us being ready to give that resignation when we were give the green light from God. I was quickly taken back to those 3 words: Stability, Safety, Security. The ministry we were serving in definitely painted a picture of those- our beautiful big "rent free" home, no water bill, Lupe worked 3 minutes down the road, "free" full medical insurance for the whole family, "free" yard maintenance, "free" trash collection, go karts/huge water slides/horses/swimming pool on the property, meals at the camp (when I was to lazy to cook)- of course, although these things were "free"- they came with a price. But, it was so easy to look at from the outside (we call it the "Disney World" mentality- everything looks magical at Disney but you may get a different perspective from the employees and executives)and when we thought of all the things moving away were going to bring it even looked attractive to us. But, if you are not where you are suppose to be- listening to God's plan/voice- those things I just listed don't even make you feel Stable, Safe, or Secure anymore.
I began trying to trust- God, Lupe, and I knew that this was not going to come easy for me. I was honest with God and He was patient with me. My excitement and hope for our upcoming future and what we call "Our New Life" started to overshadow my fear of change. Looking back, it's amazing to see where God has literally carried us through the last 1 1/2 years- and of course I can't help but speak of His faithfulness and how I am able to trust a lot easier nowadays. I hate that God had to prove Himself to show me, I wish I could of just said "Okay"- but of course God does whatever He has to and always helps us where we lack. This last year hasn't exactly been Stable at times, but we never went without, we were always Safe, and we were always Secure, and everyday we are more and more Stable.