|My Venting Session|
The venting session seemed to be a lot of "...THEY need to....THEY should....don't THEY understand...how could THEY do....how could THEY..." etc...etc...! Many of my points, opinions, and frustrations were very valid and even right- and of course some were unreasonable and me being angry.
Okay, that was NOT the answer I expected or was looking for.Wasn't God suppose to vindicate, validate me and tell me I was RIGHT! I began to attempt to tell God all the reasons that His answer was wrong- and He, unlike me, remained quiet until I was done. After I finally shut my mouth, He said it again "You can't change 'them', you can only change you".
I made a decision to change. First, everything is 2 sided, and in every situation I have to choose how I am going to react and evaluate what contribution I have made to the situation. Second, ownership- I have to take ownership of my contribution- and sometimes that means even asking forgiveness. Even if it is just a minuscule part- if it contributed to a situation/conflict- you have to own it and act appropriately. Third, prayer. I can't change them, but my prayers- well, my sincere prayers can soften their heart- it will also soften my mine- and allow GOD to make the changes. I can't change people, but prayers- sincere prayers can. Through my prayers for others, I have actually figured out what I needed, it didn't really have anything to do with the other person(s)- but with me. It was not what they needed to change, but what I needed to change.
I still have to walk this road of not trying to change others (continue to pray for Lupe, lol), which is difficult for a control freak, but evaluating and changing myself. A few months ago, I found myself getting very bitter and angry- and it was over stuff that was absolutely irrelevant to me. One situation triggered I faced hurt me and set me on edge- I found myself consumed with bitterness towards this person and situation. I realized, I was still holding on to 'stuff' and it was eating me up AGAIN.
Today, I find myself excited to hear of and about those people and situations- when before I would of rolled my eyes and responded negatively. I have not arrived and have to continue to check my heart and apply change when necessary- and I'm all the better for it. It's about allowing Jesus to be Lord over every part of my Life!