Me + New Project= Accountability......

I have been avoiding writing this post. As I am finding myself heading in a new, scary, unknown direction, it is time for me to write about it. The only problem is, my fear of failure. There are not very many people who know about my little project I've been working on- and that has been comforting. If people do not know about it, I will only be considered a failure to myself and a few others IF I do not succeed. On the other hand, if I put myself out there and let everyone know what I'm doing- I am able to accept encouragement, advice, and am allowing to be accountable when the times get rough and I'm discouraged. Is the possibility there that I wont be successful? Sure. Is the possibility there that I  will be successful? Sure.

The things that roll through my mind are questions like: What if people laugh at me for even considering such a task? What if no one believes in me? What if I do all this work with NO success? Am I even able to take on something this big? What if everyone I approach rolls their eyes at me? What if no one helps? What if no one cares? What if this really is a stupid idea and I can't see it and no one tells me??????? The list goes on....

The part that excites me, is that despite those and other questions- I am going to do it anyway. 

For the past 6 weeks or so, I have begun writing a book. Now, let me clarify- not any type of story or anything like that (that truly terrifies me)- but a resource guide. What type of resource guide? I'm so glad you asked!A resource guide for Moms in the South Florida area. Listing everything "Mom's"- from freebies, activities, parks (did you know there about 500+ parks in Broward County alone!), schools, home schooling, mom groups, sports leagues, links, education, etc.

When we moved to this area, I looked for a resource such as this to help us adapt to our new home and area- and didn't really find anything. Thank God I found myself in a Mom's Group at Community Christian Church where the other Mom's were able to recommend doctors, parks, and many things to do in the community and surrounding areas.

Within the last 6 weeks of research, I have discovered SO much stuff in the South Florida area that I am excited to try out and tell other moms in the about.

The literary field is very intimidating and the more I learn, the more intimidated I get- kind of like a Chihuahua being stared down by a Bull Dog. The only thing that qualifies me for this task I am taking on is being a Mom- although that in itself is a lot of qualifications, it still leaves me feeling like I'm drowning and overwhelmed at times.

A wonderful friend gave me some great ideas on some ways to gather more information and put it out there. So, I am going to be starting another blog (as soon as I have an afternoon to get the many pieces together) to tell people about all these wonderful paces I am discovering and laying the ground work to compile the information into a great resource guide.

I am going to ask a HUGE favor....I need everyone possible to follow this blog- even if you don't read it much- pass it along to others after you sign up to follow it! It would really help me as I begin the process of developing a proposal to contact/speak to literary agents and publishers. Please keep your eyes out for the new upcoming "mom blog"- I need you to follow that one, too!!! That's right, I'm resorting to begging.

This blog is going to be changing a bit- I really want to begin telling the stories of other moms and women out there to have a variety of perspectives on many things. So, if you have something that be relevant to another mom or family- message me. I have a whole list of mom's already who I am going to be contacting to give perspectives on things!

Hold me Accountable- I need you to! I can do this- with God's help, and I am going to try my absolute hardest.

The Necessary Baggage..

I haven't posted recently because..I couldn't think of what I wanted to write about. I never want to post just to say I did it, if it isn't on my heart, important, or poignant- why put it out there.

I was attempting to fix Gianna's Stringy Blanket last night (which was a joke, considering I do not sew much less crochet/knit! It is fixed though- not correctly- but it's fixed!), and I found myself pondering a message I heard 2 Sundays ago- which I've found myself doing quite a bit.
The Sunday after I was released from my wonderful (*sarcasm*) hospital stay, my face was still looking a bit rough so I decided to stay home from church. When I miss church, I typically watch my former Pastor(s), Bishop Tony Miller (who now pastors The Cathedral in Oklahoma City, OK) online. It so happened, that on this Sunday Bishop was away, so his wife Pastor Kathy was ministering.

Now, Pastor Kathy is a joy to listen to and be around- she is admired by so many as a pastor, mentor, friend, prayer warrior, counselor, worship leader, speaker. I remember way back in the day, when she used to say preaching/teaching was not her thing, the first time I heard her teach was at a women's event at our church. That was the first and last time I heard her teach, so I was pleasently surprised when I saw her take the platform at The Cathedral.

As PK began speaking The Word, it immediately starting taking root in my heart, and somewhat mirrored the "Me, Myself, and Lies" study I have been doing. She began talking about baggage. The baggage that we carry full of our past, our failures, strife, anger, emotions, insecurities, etc. Now, many of us have heard others speak, teach, preach on carrying around unnecessary baggage that we should let go of. We limit ourselves because we are allowing our baggage to dictate to us. Hearing this message reiterated what I already new, and was trying to embrace and activate in my life. But, then she made another point that was a big "Aha Moment" for me.

As she walked around the stage ministering, Pastor Kathy did so lugging suitcases and bags to give a visual of how exhausting it can be. Then she pulled out this other bag that represented dreams, visions, and desires- which is obviously necessary baggage. PK went on to explain, that if your arms are full and overwhelmed with baggage containing past regrets, mistakes, negativity, emotions, anger, and insecurities- you leave no room to carry your dreams, desires, and things you are passionate about.

Our minds are so consumed with junk- that we no longer have room to dream, pursue, and nurture the things God has given us to do. I began to think of things that are often crowded out of mind because I tend to think of all of my past failures and allow that to stop me from trying new things. Sometimes, people can't even see "me" because of all the baggage that stands in front of me- it limits me. Have you, or someone else, ever began to "unload" your baggage onto others because it was getting to heavy and overwhelming. God is the only one who is more than willing to not only take our baggage, but dispose of it.

I've been working on letting go of unnecessary baggage. I now realize, that part of letting go of all that "junk" is giving my dreams room to grow and take root. I am anticipating feeling completely free of excess baggage, as I carry along and chase the real "stuff" God has placed before me.
Thanks, PK!

Resolution or No Resolution?

Today is New Years Eve of 2012 (and we are obviously not partying)!! I began thinking about what I was expecting in the next year, which brought me into thinking about New Years Resolutions.  IF I was going to make a resolution, what would it be?? Then I started to wonder, have I ever kept a New Years Resolution? Has anyone? I'm sure there is a percentage who has- but if you weren't going to change it yesterday, what makes you think you'll change it today. Like when people say, "..on MONDAY I'm starting my diet..", well- why not just do it today? Does that make sense? I'm not innocent, believe me- I have made that comment, and more, many many times!
But, there are some things I'd like to change, some things I'd like to accomplish, some things I'd like to improve on, and some new habits I'd like to establish. If I were to put all of those things on a New Years Resolution list, I would go into 2013 a failure- heck, I'd go into March 2012 a failure!

I am only 5 pounds away from my goal weight, so I can't use that one this time (for the first time in 8 years)! I really do want to work on/at something, I am having a hard time narrowing it down- but I must!

For Instance:

• I want to (and have for a long time) run a 5k!!

With all reality, we will more than likely be moving in the next few weeks and with the energy packing, moving, unpacking will take- I don't know if I will have the energy to kick that one off until mid-February or March.

• I want my girls to see my pray and read my Bible.

Not that I don't, but they are typically not around when I do. I think a major impact is made when children visualize (and then imitate) what they see. That's something that I can and will do- but it shouldn't take me making a New Years Resolution to kick that off.

• I've been wanting to do a Biblical Study on the Names of God.

Again, does it really take a New Years Resolution to cause that to  happen? That's something that once I start, it will drive itself.

• I want to start making more individualized time for my family.

Lupe and I can't really afford to do a lot of "dates" lately, but that shouldn't stop us! I need to cook a special dinner/dessert for us after the girls go to bed, or a movie on TV, a game night, a "Staycation", etc. The same for the girls, I want to set aside time to do special things that are individualized and specific- it doesn't take a lot to make my girls day, even more of a reason to make it happen.

• I want to be a better friend.

Going over and beyond the "call of duty". A handwritten note- not an email/facebook one, a just because phone call, little gifts and such.

• I want to find my "Mt. Everest".

Have you had something you wanted to conquer? Accomplish? Something major you had to work toward? I am talking about the type of thing that is life changing- not just for you, but for everyone in your life. Something that defines you and gives direction- not just for you but for everyone around you. I want to make a difference, do something that is bigger than myself- not just for me, but to impact everyone around me- my "Mt. Everest"!
I remember a friend I had awhile back, he helped to walk me through a very difficult time many years ago. He told me about a situation he was facing that he could not get away from. One day he was straight up tired and exhausted from fighting it. He began to tell me how he turned all the lights off in his room, laid down on the floor with nothing but his Bible and began to pray. The first thing out of his mouth was, "God, I'm not leaving this room until this situation is gone... I will not let go until it's completely done..". By the time he left that room, God had taken care of the entire situation, and he was free.

I kind of feel like that going into 2012, "God, I will not let go until you accomplish ____in me!".That, of course, is going to depend much on myself. What is that saying?- What you put into it, is what you're going to take out of it.
I'm not sure what, if any, of those things I listed will be focused on in making my "New Years Resolution". But, I am determined to be stronger and more established- in God, my Faith, my Family- as a Mother and Wife, my home, in "Me".
The Best is Yet To Come in 2012.