It was so difficult to watch Lupe come home every day, his face was drawn and he just looked tired- not physically tired (although he was) but emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually tired. He had even lost, at times, his admirable ability to let things slide of his back and to look at things positively. I wanted desperately to save him, fix it, and make it better- and at times made me want to go beat some of those old people in the head with their canes and walkers. How could people be so insensitive, so degrading, so self centered, and just act so ugly- and some of them ALL of the time! There were some very difficult things that Lupe dealt with out at the ministry- but this type of negativity was rare.
The next morning, I started pulling out a bunch of scriptures to pray over Lupe in the morning and throughout the day. Lupe started really tackling things at his job differently, not to say things weren't difficult- but there was a difference. Lupe was seeking wisdom, not just in his job- but in everything concerning us and the challenges and opportunities we were facing.
I have always admired and respected my husband, but I was given a new respect and admiration for him. I remember reading in 1 Kings where Solomon asked God for wisdom instead of riches and fame. I believe in a positive confession and God blessing us- but I believe God blesses us out of our obedience and heart after him- not because we are entitled or demand it. As things started (and continue) to fall into place, I thought back to Lupe always having a heart after God, and not always choosing the easy/obvious thing- but choosing the "right" thing- that is what God honors.
This part of our walk, has helped me realize- once again- that I can't do it! I can't! When I try to fix it, I fail miserably and become frustrated and angry- because I wasn't created to fix it. Once I sat back and realized that I wasn't capable- and looked to God and allowed Him to take control- things started to fall into place. So, I learned here, to STOP trying.......................................