Annette: Love Conquers All

My friend, Annette, shared a post, "Triplets...Practically", from her Blog, Bleubird Diary yesterday. Today, she was kind enough to answer some of my pestering "Mom Questions". Like I said before, Annette truly is an unbelievable Mom and one I have learned from on many occasions. The fact that her 3 kids were all born in 3 years may have something to do with her incredible "Mommy Wisdom".
My name is Annette Yanez. I am the Mother of three wonderful kids, Alex, Delisa and Noah. I have been married to my husband, Bobby, for ten years. I grew up in the Austin, Texas area and then moved to Columbus, Texas to attend Texas Bible Institute where I ended up staying on staff for over eight years serving in different area of ministry. I am a Blogger myself on Bleubird Diary , and I am currently pursuing my undergraduate in Christian Counseling at Liberty University.
Are you a scheduled or non-scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?
I was a scheduled Mom up until Alex went to Kinder. Now we live in a frame and routine of a schedule- but it no longer mandates our days.
Having structure in our lives definitely brought order where the kids could thrive. They were confident and assured of security in our home so they developed in all of their stages. As much of a stickler I was to our schedule, I think that having flexibility is vital. Things come up, opportunities to hang out with others or to just get up and go for a family outing- if your are to confined by schedule you could miss out making some special memories. So, be flexible.
Given the opportunity, what- if anything- would you do differently as a Mom?
Allowing your child to develop his/her creativity is so essential to their development. What I would have changed, and what I am improving now is, allowing them to play with their toys without going behind them and cleaning up. I have read that, to us it is a mess, but to them it is something in their minds they have created. I use to give Alex three crayons at a time to color with and found out in Kinder that the more colors they use the better. Trust me, we have TONS of colors everywhere now!
Do you have a secret "Mommy Confession"- something that you did/do that you are willing to share?
Nowadays, I guess admitting that I discipline my kids is a "confession".
Cloth or disposable diapers?
My Mom used cloth diapers with my younger sibling when I was around 11 years old, so I gained some practice then. Sometimes I wished that I had done the same, especially now that I am conscience of the amount of waste we are creating. BUT, I did use disposable ones for my kids...there was about 6 months that all three of my kids were in diapers!!!!!
Did the way you were parented shape the way that you parent your own children?
For sure!  I am structured and routined because of my parents, and my kids thrive in structure also. Growing up, we were not big huggers. I never had a doubt of being loved, but we just did not always express it. With my kids, they are over loaded in hugs, kisses and holding hands.
What are your "non-negotiables" when it comes to your kids?
Respect towards others. Showing love and friendship to everyone around us is not a question, it is what we do. Guarding my kids innocence while shepherding their hearts to love God.
Did you breastfeed- why/why not? Did you feel pressured either way?
I nursed because I wanted to. I figured that if I was well endowed then why not! HaHa!
Do you have a funny "labor moment"? 
With my third son, Noah, I went into labor and had to have my contractions slowed down, so they gave me the sedative Ambein. All I could 'dream' and talk about (in my sleep) was Abby Cadaby (the fairy from Sesame Street). I was talking some crazy stuff...but what do you expect when they kept walking me around to different rooms after I was sedated!
One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time?
Play Dough....enough said!
What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children, that you have found yourself doing?

Being too uptight about my house being clean and tidy. I have relaxed tons, but you will still come to a clean orderly house...most of the time. I have learned to enjoy family moments and pick up the mess the next day.
What is the best advice you could give to a new Mother?
Do what is right for your family. And I mean your husband, you and your kids. Extended family and friends will have the best advice for you, however, not everything works the same once you try it. Above everything,  love on your kids- you can never go wrong with love. Remember, love conquers all and God's love is on your side.

Annette: "Triplets...Practically!"

As Mom's, we get lots of advice! Some we ask for and much we do NOT, lol! There are the Mom's we go to for advice, and the Mom's we avoid (and roll our eyes at) when it comes to advice.

My friend Annette, was definitely one of my "Go To Mom's" when it came to questions and advice. There are several things she shared with me over the years that worked, but there is one that to this day I say is genius! While visiting her one day, I overheard her say to one of her children that they needed to behave or they would "be disciplined". She began to share with me that that is the word they use for correction with their kids. Now, I consider this genius for a variety of reasons, the main one being, follow through. If you say to your children that they are headed towards time out, or are going to have something taken away, or some other- you MUST follow through with whatever you just said (or else your word means nothing). But, if you tell them they are going to be disciplined, you have not locked yourself into anything specific- but the kids know that something IS coming! Genius, right? Well, maybe not to anyone else, but it sure was to me. So, my children, along with Annette's, know a variety of things may happen when I say the "D" word- but they do not want to chance just what it may be.

Anyway, Annette and I were on staff at the ministry together and even found ourselves pregnant at the same time. Annette has 3 beautiful children, who are so close together in age you could call them Triplets..practically! (post below). When I would watch Annette with her kids, I would say "THAT is the kind of Mom I want to be.." I know she would argue this, but she's pretty close to the perfect Mom- I have learned so much from her. Not to mention, she looks almost perfect for having 3 kids, is beautiful, and her hair is every women's envy!

Here's a little bit about Annette followed by a post from her own Blog, "Bleubird Diary", where she shares from her heart and experiences (I encourage you to slip over, take a peek, and follow her Blog). She was also kind enough to answer some of my questions which I will be posting tomorrow (ya'll come back now).

Annette Yanez is a mother of three wonderful kids, Alex, Delisa and Noah. She has been married to her husband, Bobby, for ten years. Annette grew up in the Austin, Texas area and then moved to Columbus, Texas to attend Texas Bible Institute and later staying on staff there for over 8 years serving in different areas of ministry. Annette is currently pursuing her undergraduate in Christian Counseling at Liberty University.

Triplets...practically!
I never have given myself credit for having my hands full with 3 little kids.  Not just any 3 little kids who are spaced out in age but 3 little kids that are about a year apart!  Yes, a year apart!  Here let me make my point a bit stronger by listing out the years I had them: 2005, 2006 and 2007.  If that is not strong enough how about their age: 5,4 and 3!  So yes, 3 little ones in 3 years!
When we are out or meeting new people they always acknowledge the fact how close the kids are and how busy we must be with just them.  Maybe now that I am finally recovering from my pregnancies I am not so delusional so I am understanding that statement.  Humor me as I am coming to terms, please…. just for a moment though imagine your youngest one and multiply  that by 3.  Imagine the wiggly, the test  of boundaries, the  fussiness, the questions, the anything your kid does.  Picture the one child jumping of the coach, you repeating yourself for the second time to  not jump again as they are mid-air jumping.  Can you even imagine 3 kids one by one jumping off the coach and really you have no chance in telling them to stop as they are too quick for your words!  I do not even have to go into bedtime with 3 kids doing the wave as they get up to “use the bathroom”….you get the picture.
So From now on I am no longer responding with my usual of saying “oh not really they are great kids”,  which they are.  I will be bold in saying “you bet I am busy!” I am  busy with triple the amount of hugs, triple the amount of kisses, triple the amount of giggles, triple the amount of love!  How could my heart not be full?

Elizabeth: Dreams Come True x2

It is so wonderful to have my friend, Elizabeth, share her experiences today! Elizabeth holds a very special place in my family's heart: she was our first babysitter ever. She was the first one (besides Tenly's Godmother, Valinda) to babysit Tenly. While we were working at the ministry, we always found one of the students to be our sitter if/when we needed one. Elizabeth was an easy first choice. She worked in our church nursery (and eventually headed it up), her then boyfriend (now husband) Jonathan worked with Lupe in the kitchen- so we had the opportunity to get to know and adore Elizabeth early on. We instantly became friends and my girls fell in love with her.

Liz with MY 2 girls

Not to long after they were married, Jonathan and Liz left the ministry to be closer to family in Alabama. Some time later she told us she was pregnant, and another announcement followed that it was TWINS! God knows the ones who can handle multiples and those who can't- I am the latter.
Elizabeth is one of those that you just know is "called" to be a Mom. She oozes patience (even with other peoples kids, lol), and has a passion about seeing children succeed in everything they do. There are so many other Mom's, like myself, who  have been so privileged to have Elizabeth impart into their children's lives at a young age. It's great to see her imparting into her own girls and watch her dream to be a Mom unfold- Double time!

My name is Elizabeth painter, my husband Jonathan and I have been married 4 years next month. We  live in Alabama with our Twin girls, Emily and Kaily, who are 18 months- what a HUGE surprise they were!
Growing up, all I ever thought of was becoming a Wife and Mom, I am so blessed to have accomplished that with my wonderful husband and daughters. I never knew if/when/how I would get there, I was just confident that someday I would meet the man God had for me, we would get married and have some kids, 3-4 seemed like a good number.

Things have not been 'picture perfect", for example, my husband has been working out of state for a few months with only a couple weekend breaks to come home in between. I do have help from family and neighbors, but it's not the same as Jon being here and I often find myself feeling like a "single Mom". It's hard enough having my husband far away for extended periods of time, but when you put the "first time Mom with TWINS" in there- it can be overwhelming. We make it a point to make the most of the times Jonathan is able to come home and do everything as a family.
Do you find yourself doing things as a Mom that you swore you would never do? 
While babysitting and working in the church nursery, I always found myself thinking, "my kids will be like _____" or "my kids will never be like _____". I never gave much thought on how I would accomplish that though.

My Subconscious Ideals: 
I'd home school my kids, since I had been home schooled and enjoyed it. We would be in church every Sunday as a family and as involved as possible. We would have a beautiful, perfectly decorated home that wouldn't get messy with toys all offer the living room. Some of those things have com true and others seem like very VERY wishful thinking.
Other Mommy Ideals: 

I would have gone through labor and delivery 100% drug free. I would of breastfed exclusively for at least 6 months. I would have had my child(ren) attached to me, "wearing them" everywhere, keeping them as close as possible at all times. I would of been able to endure cloth diapers and make all of the girls baby food and cooking perfectly healthy meals. Obviously, that list is not possible for Mom's with one baby, much less 2! I am proud of myself though, knowing I am doing the best that I can for my girls (often alone) and learning to trust God completely with everything else.

Schedule or No Schedule? 
My girls do keep somewhat of a schedule. They wake up, eat and go to bed at the same times. If one happens to wake up before the other, I will let her come out and play- although she typically wants to go wake up her sister. When the other wakes up without her sister being in the room., she will start crying. They have been together since forever and are very close. They are wonderful about being able to sleep through noise- one of the great points of twins that helps me out a lot.
Labor Meds? 

I used to tell myself that "labor" in childbirth really means just that "work" not necessarily the "pain". I really thought that if I could make up my mind that it would go smooth and easy, it would.
I did have to be induced a couple days before my due date. I was in labor all during the night, they did finally break my water to try to speed things up. They kept asking what my pain level was and I kept reassuring them that I was fine- very uncomfortable- but not in actual pain. I did eventually get an epidural after that, and we still have several hours to go. Early the next morning, the girls did finally arrive- I pushed them out 40 minutes apart.
Breastfeeding? 

I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and did have intentions of doing it exclusively. But, after the exhaustion of the long labor and delivery (and I lost a lot of blood) and trying to learn how to feed TWINS at the same time, Jon and I decided that we might as well take advantage of the help while we had it. We let the nurses keep the babies in the nursery for a few hours while we had some rest and allowed them to give the girls formula. I did still nurse and pump as much as I could for a few months, but I just couldn't produce enough milk to keep up with those two girls.
I Accomplished a Hard Task at a Young Age:
I knew I could not always  hold the two of my girls and I wanted them to learn Independence and how to self-soothe- of course with them having the confidence Mommy was nearby. I worked on them getting use to lying down on their own and putting themselves to sleep pretty early on. Using swings also helped a lot so that I could get my stuff done.

I Wish I Had Time Away:
I still don't get out of the house that much, besides drive-thrus, banks, and Wal-Mart which has the double seated carts. Unless I have someone else to help carry or push one, it's just to difficult! I am finding that as they are getting older, it is getting easier to do more things without help.
My Advice To Another Mom: 
Don't worry about what others are expecting/thinking. Your children don't really care how you do things as long as they know you love them while doing it.

Angela: Continuing To Grow

Angela and I met 17 years ago while we attended Texas Bible Institute together. We were able to reconnect through Facebook after many years (one of the main reasons I love FB). One of the main things I remember about Angela all of those years ago was her amazing talent on the piano and ability to lead others in praise and worship. She was always a bit quiet but very sincere and genuine.

Angela has her own business, Creative Designs by Angela- her work is beautiful and she is so unbelievably creative! (I encourage you to take a look at her site.)
I love how candid she is below in answering questions about her new journey as a Mom. Although it was unexpected and very surprising, Angela educated herself and walks in complete confidence knowing she is making the best decisions for her family and child.

My name is Angela and my husband, Raymond, and I have been married for almost 4 years and we have a 3-year-old daughter, Faith. When it comes to experience, I’m still relatively new at this Mom thing. Raymond and I were well into our thirties when we were married, so we were both very settled in our core beliefs, values, and thoughts about many things.  We both have mellow, quiet personalities. We also enjoy reading, solitude, and quiet times. WHOA were we surprised when Faith Elizabeth came along!  She is nothing like us in personality. She wasn’t a fussy baby, but she did cry a lot and liked activity and didn’t mind noise. She is super friendly and extroverted and keeps us on our toes and is lots of fun!

On your parenting journey, what was the most difficult part requiring a ton of patience?   

Two things come to mind: breastfeeding and potty training.  
I believe one reason many mothers choose not to breastfeed is because it can be difficult. It is definitely faster, easier, and more convenient to bottle feed. However, I was determined to nurse my baby no matter what. I will say we didn’t just have a naturally, easy time with it at first. It does  take work and patience! I am very happy that I was able to breastfeed my baby for a year.
Potty training was also a big test of patience. I’m not an animal person, so I never had practice with a puppy constantly ruining the carpet. I like things to be CLEAN, so it was a big test for me not to flip out when accidents happened on the carpet.
There are difficulties all along the journey of parenthood and it is important to keep in mind that each phase won’t last forever. It’ll be over before you know it, so just take it in stride!

Describe each of your children in 1 word.

ENERGETIC! It can be difficult to keep her still and quiet. She loves to jump, dance, run, sing, and talk!

Are you a Scheduled or Non-Scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?

 A little of both, by nature, I prefer structure and schedules and typically do not do well with spontaneity. However, our family has an atypical schedule because my husband works shift work. When he works nights, we have to be very quiet around the house when he is sleeping during the day. And because his schedule constantly changes back and forth between working days and nights, his work schedule dictates our household schedule. Therefore, we don’t have the same schedule EVERYDAY. I usually get the most household work done when he is working days. And when he is off we get to enjoy family time. We are scheduled in that we always plan EVERYTHING according to my husband’s work schedule.

What is your biggest Mommy Pet-Peeve?  

I REALLY do NOT like it when people give my child things to eat without asking my permission. Especially when it is food that I don’t allow her to eat (like candy, sugary drinks, etc.) On the flip side, I REALLY appreciate it when people ask me if it’s OK for her to have something. I just think it is courteous, as well as just plain smart– you never know if a child has food allergies, sensitivities, or medical restrictions.

Did the way you were parented shape that way that you parent your own children?  

Yes. For the most part, growing up my mom was always a stay-at-home mom. My Mother was always VERY present, involved, and available. She was at nearly every single piano lesson I had for 12 years. She home schooled us for a few years. She has always put our family first. I knew that if/when I became a mother that was how I wanted to be.
Education has always been extremely important to me and I was very career-minded and goal-oriented during college and my single years. I had intended on going to a professional school for an additional 4 years after earning my bachelor’s degree. I honestly did not place a high priority on having children because I was so focused on pursuing my education- I frequently told my parents that I didn’t want children. My reasoning was because I knew how much I valued my mother being there for me. I knew that (for me) I could only put all of my energy into one or the other. That is just the type of person I am – black or white, no gray.

There was a definite shift in my mind and heart once I knew I was pregnant. I will honestly say that it was difficult for me, I felt like I couldn’t do what I WANTED anymore. I realize many people believe you can do both, and I know there are many wonderful working mothers and many mothers do not have the option to stay at home. I am certainly not trying to say there is one right or wrong way. But for me, it has been the most wonderful gift from God to be completely single-minded in putting all of my time, energy, and love into my child and not miss a single thing. I absolutely LOVE being able to teach her and watch her learn and grow.

What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?  

I would advise a new mom just to inform herself by reading and talking to other moms. There are so many unknowns and expectations that you face as a new mom. Often time’s things don’t go as we planned, hoped, or expected.  

We planned a home birth and had a midwife who suggested lots of great reading material to help me know what to expect. It was a wonderful way to mentally prepare myself for labor and delivery ahead of time. Doing that helped calm my fears and understand the different things I might experience during the process. I also read a lot during the time Faith was an infant and used certain methods to help establish good sleeping and eating patterns.
THIS FOLLOWING ADVICE I ONLY SHARE WITH THOSE THAT WANT TO HEAR (Let me step up on my soap box…) I also believe VERY strongly that YOU are responsible for your own body and family– not society, whatever the norm is, or what others tell you. This type of thinking usually goes against the grain and doesn’t set too well with medical personnel. I’ve dealt with doctors and nurses trying to tell me what I should do regarding the birth of my daughter, vaccinations, etc., and it can be difficult when you feel someone pressuring you into something you don’t want. That is why it is important to inform yourself, know your options, and know what YOU want BEFORE you are forced into making a decision.

Do you remember your first thought as you held/saw your child(ren) for the first time?  

It wasn’t the typical response. I’m sharing this in hopes that someone will relate and realize it’s OK to feel whatever you feel. After 24+ hours of labor (at home), I was extremely worn out. Things didn’t go completely as we had planned (we had to go to the hospital). When Faith finally arrived, there were no tears like I see in the movies, there weren’t any hearts floating in the air, and I wasn’t overcome by emotion. I just thought to myself “Finally!!!  She’s out!  I’m SO tired”. I really didn’t feel or think anything else at that moment. This probably sounds like a horrible confession to some (especially if you don’t know my personality)- but I do tend to be more of a rational person, rather than emotional. Although I am the oldest of three and have lots of natural maternal instincts from taking care of my younger siblings, there wasn’t an instant “ANYTHING” for me when I became a mom; it has been a gradual progression. My daughter, my husband, and I are all growing together and loving each other more and more every day.  And it is a wonderful journey.

Eva: A Real Mom of Incredible Faith

One thing I have enjoyed about spotlighting these different Moms is the variety involved. Last week, I featured my friend Sandi who is now a Grandma- I think it so great for us young(er) Mom’s to appreciate perspectives from before us. Today, Mrs. Eva is gracing us with wisdom. This woman is AMAZING!

I met Mrs. Eva while her son, Greg, was attending TBI. Greg was a graduate of the Bible school and followed by coming on staff with BMI. The circumstances I met her through, were not the best but have enabled me to learn so much from this incredible woman of faith. While working at the camp, Greg was struck by lightening. While he was rehabilitating, Mrs. Eva flew to Texas from New York to be with him. I admired that she was not his Mom, but his advocate in every way. You would walk in to see Greg, and all you saw and heard was scripture and faith. I am sure Eva had difficult moments, but she never once allowed them to rule or dominate her, Greg or the circumstance.

Doctors said many times many things that Greg would NEVER do, but Greg has proven him wrong in every circumstance. Mrs. Eva stood beside him never allowing The Word that was put in him to die- and I believe that is the main reason he has broken the odds.

Every time Mrs. Eva would come to the camp to visit, she taught me something within our conversation whether short or long. Every time I log onto Facebook, there is an encouraging word on Mrs. Eva’s status- never fails. I hope you take something away from this great Woman of Faith today:

I was born Eva Marie Robinson and I ALWAYS thought that name meant PRINCESS. I was one of 6 kids by two parents who were both very strongly opinionated. They both had hard lives as kids thus; we were raised with modified imperfect parenting. Of course, as children, were NEVER going to raise our own kids "that way."
As a young girl, I always wanted to be married and have children. I NEVER saw my life without that. I did work outside my home as an adult, never aspiring to climb the corporate ladder. I wanted to have a family and my family has always been more important to me
I knew of God, but was not saved until I was pregnant with my 4th child. As I grew in my relationship with Jesus, I knew I wanted my children to have this Jesus and committed them to Him through dedications at church.

Being a mom. Oh I so did not know what that meant. Unrealistic dreams and ideas of perfect children created problems (for me) but I want people to know that the grace of God is amazing. It was only by His grace that I did not hurt my kids or go crazy (literally). And because He is good, things did turn out well. My only advice to new couples and new to be parents would be to love God more than you love each other- because if you love God, you will know how to love each other. It really is a process and step-by-step we move forward. I still love being a mommy, but now I am a mommy to men-children who have lives of their own- it’s a new adventure. I'm ready and so are they.

Jeremy & Rachel's Engagement

The best piece of advice I can offer: Don't do anything you don't want your kids to do, because they will do what you do.

Parenting journey and patience: I had four children. They each had a mind of their own. You cannot parent each child alike because they are different. And because their daddy worked very long hours, I did a lot of the parenting on my own. Let's just say, this required patience but I didn't practice it so well. Thank God for grace.
Each of my children described in one word would be: Markie--Miraculous, Jeremy--gift, Greg--truth, Micah—peace.
The scheduled or unscheduled Mom: I so wanted to be the scheduled mom but failed miserably. Because we had special needs children in our home, it was best to be extremely flexible.
My Mommy pet peeve, there was too many. I had extremely unreasonable expectations for "family". I watched the Walton’s growing up and well, let's just say, we weren't the Walton’s.
I carry the most guilt for not enjoying my children more.

Embarrassing moment: The kids were older, young teens. I was getting ready for church. They asked what they could do to help (per dad's instructions- good Daddy). I asked one to make sure their brothers stayed dressed and no messes while I grabbed a quick shower, and the other I asked if they would set my "thongs" by the door so I could just throw them on and get everyone to church. Well, you can imagine…
If I could change something, I really did want to enjoy my family so much more. I had a lot of baggage when I got married and that spilled into my parenting skills. When I finally learned to laugh, it was so much fun.
My first thoughts after my children were born:
Markie-fear and I was very protective because the doctors told us he would die and not to get attached to him.

Jeremy-I had instant gratification because he was just perfect.

Greg- So happy he was healthy and perfect.

Micah-fear and sadness because he had problems the doctors could not diagnose in the beginning. I got to hold him 2 seconds after birth but he was blue.
What would I do differently? Hug more, kiss more, talk differently, and laugh a lot.
I said I would NEVER talk like my mom and point my finger with my hand on my hip. Ha-Ha!
Fear: I was not afraid when I first found I was pregnant. From the time I was a teen, all I ever wanted was to be married and raise a family.
There were things I was very aware of because of the way I was parented. I was raised under criticism, control, and manipulation. I didn't know how to laugh. God taught me how. I learned that the power of your words is extremely important when raising children. For example when Greg would lie to us, daddy and I would say, "Greg, your name means truth seeker. Therefore you are not allowed to lie." He did take that to heart and we heard him defending his name later in life.

My boys were so very sweet and sweet natured. I loved them as children and even now that they are adults. God and Dr. Dobson were my counselors and even then I didn't do everything right. But God . . . We must rely on Him so very much. I envied moms that looked like they had it all together only to find out, they had their own struggles. I'm just so grateful my children love me in spite of my parenting or non-parenting skills. Pray, pray, pray and be willing to change. I had to be willing to say I'm sorry to my kids when I was wrong. I had to humble myself much because growing up I didn't receive this type of parenting. It was a learning and growing process and just when I think I've got it down right, we enter another phase in life.

Joelle: A Praying Mom

My friend Joelle (Blog: I Hope For A Cure)- or as I like to call her, Wonder Woman (she probably laughed and rolled her eyes when she read that) gives some insight today. I am sure she has her faults, but she just always seems so balanced, to me!

I really credit her and my friend Joanne for giving me the idea of prying into others Mom’s minds. She was the one who made me realize that many Mom’s are very different from me, and that’s okay (yes, you would of thought I came to that realization a long time ago..). “But, I wont let my girls go to bed before EVERYTHING is put back in its place. I even make them get out of bed to fix it if it’s not. Is that okay?” She reassured me that as a teacher, she observes these types of children to be very responsible- I’m praying that is the result I get.

I was able to really get to know Joelle best after I had the opportunity to work under her as she directed a short play that the Women’sMinistry put on at CCC. She was so amazingly patient (it may have taken her more patience to work with a bunch of multi tasking women than teenagers) and almost unshakable. We had so many unexpected things thrown at us during that production, and she may have been having a breakdown in her head but none of us ever knew. I learned so much from her, and appreciated and grew from her honesty and direction.

Daryl received his private helicopter license

Joelle will share below some of the many huge obstacles she and her family have, and continue to face. I love that Joelle has never allowed her “disabilities” to define or limit her. On days that I would of remained in bed, she is in church, attending events for her children, or running errands for her family. She remains one of the strongest unbelievable women I know (she always laughs us off when we say that), full of faith, love, and more talent than I have in my little finger.

My name is Joelle and I was born in Rochester, NY where I also met my husband of 16 years. I have been living in South Florida since 1999 working as a middle school teacher at Ramblewood Middle in Coral Springs. I taught language arts and had the unique opportunity to start the drama program at my school. One of my former drama students is currently starring as Boq in Wicked on Broadway. 

However, my biggest joy is being a mother of 3 daughters ages 6, 8, and 10.In 2008, my husband and I experienced several unexpected blows. My husband, Daryl, was attending helicopter school in hopes of becoming a flight instructor, but his dream was derailed when the school he was attending abruptly closed and declared bankruptcy after taking the entire loan. The same month, I was diagnosed with a rare neurological disorder, pseudotumor cerebri, also known as intracranial hypertension.The illness gives me all the symptoms of having a brain tumor, which is caused by excessive cerebral spinal fluid putting pressure on my brain, not an actual tumor. In 2011 I underwent brain surgery to have a vp shunt put in to help relieve the pressure. My daily symptoms continue to be frequently debilitating and have caused me to leave my teaching job and old life behind. My husband and I have found the hope we needed in Christ. In fact, I see the school closing and my illness as a blessing as it has ‘fast tracked’ our faith journey. In addition to being a wife and mother, I enjoy writing, reading, and being creative. My lifelong goal is to grow in my relationship with Christ while modeling my Christian walk for my three daughters that they may grow into their own relationship with Him.

Are you a Scheduled or Non-Scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?
I have struggled in the area of scheduling. Is there a thing as too much scheduling or not enough? Of course there is. Ideally there should be a balance. Ahhh, balance. That seems to come up so much in mothering….balancing a baby on one hip, while feeding the toddler, consoling a friend on the phone, thinking about where you are possibly going to find time to stop and relieve your overflowing bladder. I have friends that are schedulers and non-schedulers.  I have spent a great deal of time observing. I thought scheduling meant that every second of the day was planned out, like an organized classroom. I thought non-scheduling meant there was no discipline or structure. I find days where I don’t have enough scheduled and that’s when mischievous ideation begins for my six year old. I find days when I have so much scheduled and planned and all the girls really want to do is play with the neighbor next door. However, don’t come to my house between 5-6pm as we are always eating dinner. I schedule dinner. I have ideas of things I’d like to do with the girls, but as I have had to learn, sometimes what I want isn’t always what is in His plans for my day. I have learned to have an idea of what the day ahead might look like, but being flexible is key. I used to plan a great deal more when my girls were much younger. I needed to have snacks, and drinks and diapers, and a clean outfit…oh, and can’t forget the wipes and hand sanitizer along with the cart cover, stroller… better make sure I have that extra binkies… but as they have grown I have had to plan ahead less.

What is your biggest Mommy Pet-Peeve?

My biggest Mommy pet-peeve is definitely playing the TV or iPod too loud. I am constantly telling my girls to “turn it down or put on your head set!”

Given the opportunity, what- if anything- would you do differently as a Mom?
Something I am doing differently is taking the time to play with the girls. I can’t run around with them, but I can play board games or play a game with them on their iPod. This is something I’m sorry to say I didn’t do so well with when they were younger.  I could use the excuse that there were three of them and only one of me or that I was working full time, but I don’t spend my whole day playing with them.  I give some of my time. Yes, I have a house to maintain like most people and things that need to get done. It all goes back to balance. There is time for what’s important and to me, letting my kids know that I am there for them falls high on my priority list. I notice that when I do take the time to play with them, they reciprocate by helping me with the things around the house that need to get done. They have their own household duties, but when I play with them, they see that they could spend even more time with mom if they help me. It’s a win, win.

Do you have a secret “Mommy Confession”- something that you did/do that you are willing to share?
I have been having an exceptional amount of sadness in having to let go of the mother I used to be and embracing the person I am able to be now. My illness changed many things for my family, including who I am as a mother. My energy level gets depleted easily and I am not able to do the fun activities I used to be able to do with my kids. This has been a struggle for me. I am in the process of identifying the things I am capable of doing with and for them. Next week, for the first time ever, my kids will go, without me, to a day camp. We always had fun together, but life is different now. I pray that my time with them will be better because I will be able to conserve more energy. It will be a new experience for them and they are excited. I think I am the only one who feels badly about sending them to camp. I know that, even in this experience, God has given me an opportunity to continue abiding in his love, grace and mercy.
 

What are your “non-negotiables” when it comes to your kids?
A non-negotiable… hmmm. There are a few I can think of but the top one is telling the truth, something I myself model. I was surprised by how difficult it can be to be truthful. The tooth fairy, Santa, and the Easter bunny are only a few of the imaginary idols that I introduced to my girls before coming to Christ. I struggled with how to switch over while remaining honest and not destroying their trust in me. What I did was focus on the joy of the event and the reason behind it MORE than the imaginary idol. I have down played Santa and the Easter bunny and focused on Jesus’ birth and resurrection. My oldest at one point straight out asked me to tell her the truth if so-and-so was real.  I told her the truth. I guess I see how following the way of the world can be easier at times, but I see that my goal is for my girls to come to know, to love, and to have a relationship with Christ and I am not making steps towards that if I am focused on what the world focus’ on during these holidays.

What was your biggest fear when you found out you were going to be a Mom?
By far, my biggest fear for my children has been their physical safety. I was sexually abused as a young girl by a boy who was sleeping over with my old brother.  My parents were home. I find myself very protective in this area, but know that everything that has happened in my past was part of the journey to get to where I am today, which is in the loving arms of grace. I trust that God will guide my decisions about sleep-over’s and allowing the girls to play at others’ houses along with the advice and counsel of my husband. I must trust that as much as God has great plans for me and loves me, so does he love the girls and their futures. I trust that regardless of what happens, God knows what he is doing and has the big picture under control. It’s been very freeing to give my life over to God. This is not to say that the initial concern has vanished, it has not, but I don’t allow fear to run my life, I allow God to by using prayer, reading his word and following it.

Did you breastfeed- why/why not? Did you feel pressure to/not to?
I am a huge breastfeeding advocate! I was told I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed, buy my mother was wrong. My family was not too savvy of the idea of breastfeeding as they didn’t get to feed the girls as often as I think they would have liked. I noticed how uncomfortable others felt about my breastfeeding, which I truly could not comprehend as I knew that it was the absolute best thing for my baby. I was determined to nurse for 1 year and am happy to report that I did that for each of my girls. If I could go back, I would have allowed the bottle sooner than I did, so my family would have felt more included. I also feel that I did a great deal of judging others moms who couldn’t or wouldn’t breastfeed. I have come to realize that their journey is just that…theirs!  I don’t walk in their shoes. I don’t know their life. It’s not my place to judge but to love and support others mothers as best I can.

What is your “secret” addiction or obsession?
I am secretly addicted to Swedish Fish and lately it has been the colored ones. I’m not suppose to have sugar, but I think these little guys just whisk me back to my one of my few happy childhood memories. I used to search under the couch cushion and on the floor of the car just to find change to buy the $.01 treat at the Village Shop. It’s nice to share my love of them with my girls. They all have a favorite color.

One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time!?
Truth? I don’t want to play. Often I am dragged away from bed or a chore that I am right in the middle of doing to go off and play Monopoly or play dough. But yes, I love them more than focusing on my headache or having to complete the chore right then and there. I know whatever it was I walked away from would still be there, but my kids wanting me to play won’t last forever.

What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children, that you have found yourself doing?
I said I would never let my kids go outside and play without me being there. I recall criticizing someone else for allowing their 6 year old to roam outside without supervision. In fact, I was appalled! Fast forward a few years, I became sick, not flu sick, but long term, chronic sick. There are times my 6 year old is outside riding her bike. Yes, her older sisters are out there. Yes, we have boundaries and rules. But, yes, my kids play outside without me there. (I can only imagine the dropped jaws, under-the-breath accusations/thoughts, and blatant disapproval.) However, I believe I am slowly teaching my girls how to fly from this nest. Giving them this small independence is one step toward that goal. In this process, I have had to learn to trust others. I trust that my families of neighbors are keeping watch over my children when I am in bed in pain with no help. They know my situation and have been generous in this area. It’s funny that we call ourselves Christians, yet don’t take the time to notice the needs of those who live around us. Instead of judging a neighbor for allowing a child to do something, I have learned to extend grace and invite the child to join us or just keep an eye on him/her myself. Isn’t that what we would hope someone would do us? I know I do.

Labor with drugs or without drugs?
My plan was a natural birth….but even the best laid plans go awry. I was induced with all three girls and had an epidural for each. I didn’t expect to have gestational diabetes, but did with my first, so that is why they wanted to induce. My second, the doctors thought would be too big and ended up weighing almost a pound less than my first.  My third was late.

Your biggest Mommy “Aha” moment?

My biggest “Aha” moment was coming to the realization that my children are not “mine”, they are God’s. A huge weight lifted for me in this realization. My job is to love them and plant the seeds. Ultimately, I am in partnership with God to raise them.  He will take the planted seeds and complete the work in them.
What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?

The best advice I could give a new mother is instead of looking towards friends and family for answers as to what to do with your children, partner with God first. Ultimately, He loves our children even more than we do. Secondly, it’s NEVER too early to be a praying parent. Prayer is powerful and when we pray for our children intentionally, we have given them one of the best gifts they will ever receive. 

Rachel: Chosen To Be A Mom..

Going back to my college days with my former roomie, Rachel today. I don’t even know where to start introducing her- I have so many memories! Rachel and I did not quite know how to take each other when we first met; she was one of my new roommates among the 7. We figured out pretty quickly that was because we were alike in many ways! One of those realizations was when we quickly decided we needed to decorate our dorm apartment- it took us no time at all to make a plan to get started (By the way, we definitely had the cutest apartment on campus).

 We all became friends almost immediately. Rachel was a load of fun and loved to do things crazy and unexpected- unlike myself- so she definitely helped me learn to let my guard down. Later, she and I began working with a family giving therapy to their autistic son.

It was not until after Rachel and I both became Mom’s, that we realized how similarly we parented. After talking one day, we kind of realized that much of that probably came from our training with ABA therapy working with autistic children. That training truly did make me a better Mom.

Every time I see posts from Rachel on Facebook, it always makes me wish we lived closer together. She is such a passionate Mother (one thing I love about Rachel, is she is truly passionate about everything she does). Rachel is determined to be the best Mom she can be and raise the best Children she can by being an intentional parent. Her answers to many of my questions caused me to look at things differently and gave me a new appreciation for things. I am confident that after reading Rachel’s story and answers, many are going to take away something new:

I'm Rachel Bevilacqua (yep, that one took me a couple weeks to learn how to spell).  I've been married to an incredibly wonderful man, Joe, for just over 5 years. He's Italian and he can COOK!  We have two girls - Natalie Chase is 4 1/2 and Emerson Kate is 4 months.  We met in Florida where we were both living at the time, but after Natalie was born, we moved back to Alabama (where I grew up) to be nearer to my family.  I teach 10th grade English in the same high school from which I graduated.  In my spare time (otherwise known as the 5 minutes a day when no one is calling my name) I love reading, crafting, event planning, and graphic design.  I tried being a stay at home mom for 2 years and it was the worst 2 years of my life.  I love my daughters to death, but I have to work.  I gave up the idea of being a SAHM in order to keep my sanity and decided instead to make "working mom" work for us.  So far, it's been great! 

Are you a Scheduled or Non-Scheduled Mom? What are the benefits and downfalls to your choice?
    I'm definitely not a scheduled mom, but I am a routine mom.  We pretty much do things (meals, baths, outside play, naps, errands, etc.) in the same order every day but not always at the same time.  I'm a planner, but by that I mean that I need a daily agenda or a to-do list.  It would be way too stressful for me to try to keep myself and my 2 girls on a time schedule - probably because things always take a lot longer than I think they should.

What is your biggest Mommy Pet-Peeve?

Natalie Chase

    Maybe this question should say,  "What aren't your pet peeves?" because I have quite a few.  I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a perfect parent.  I get it wrong a lot.  But some people just get it VERY wrong.  My biggest mommy pet peeve would have to be irresponsible (or maybe even absent-minded) parents.  I have to try very hard not to get angry when I see infants improperly fastened into a car seat (or worse - being held in someone's lap), or parents who open the car door then turn to walk across the parking lot without ever looking back to see if their child actually made it our of the car, or seeing a parent to absorbed in their shopping to notice that the little one is lagging several feet behind. There is no excuse for parents who don't care enough to pay attention to their child's safety.

Your funniest/most embarrassing “Mom/Child’ moment?

    I so wanted to answer this question.  I've tried for two days to come up with a good story.  And... I've got nothing.  I guess it's because 1) nothing my kids do really embarrasses me.  Usually if there is a potentially embarrassing situation brewing (i.e. - a grocery store meltdown), I will quickly retreat to my car and we will ride out the tantrum there.  And 2) Natalie is HILARIOUS!  She has us laughing non-stop.  But, that means all my funny moments sort of run together and I can't pick just one to tell.  I'm sad that I can't really answer this one. 

Emerson Kate

Do you have a secret “Mommy Confession”- something that you did/didn't do that you are willing to share?

    This might have fit under the "mommy guilt" category, but I can't decide if I feel guilty about it or if I'm a genius for doing it. Saturday is my sleep in day and I will do everything in my power to keep it in tact.  Fortunately, I have an infant who doesn't wake at all until about 8:45-9:00 each morning.  Unfortunately, I have a four year old who wakes with the sun (or before).   But, I have devised a plan to keep my Saturday morning sleep in time intact.   On Friday nights, I fill a spill proof cup with milk, put a granola bar on the kitchen counter, and a Disney movie in the VCR (yep, I said VCR... thanks to my Nana, we own every Disney movie ever made on VHS).  When Natalie wakes on Saturdays, she knows she can get the milk and granola bar and turn on her movie.  She's not allowed to wake me until the movie is over unless there's an emergency.  Most of the time it works beautifully!
 

What are your “non-negotiables” when it comes to your kids?

    On occasion, I will ignore poor behavior (for example - whining or hyperactivity if they're extremely tired or bored, or we're in a public place where correcting them would cause a bigger scene), but I will never ignore disrespectful behavior - and, believe me, with a strong-willed 4 year old there's plenty of it.  I guess being a high school teacher has given me plenty of examples of what happens when a child is not taught the correct and polite way to speak to adults.  I am determined not to have bratty, disrespectful children.  I want people to love my kids and enjoy being around them, not dread to see them coming.

What was your biggest fear when you found out you were going to be a Mom? 

    I think most expectant moms are afraid that they'll make mistakes, won't know what to do, and will be bad mothers.  I didn't think that.  I felt very confident from the beginning that I could be a great mom.  My fear was that I didn't want to be.  I had wholeheartedly decided years before that I didn't want children - I had a job I loved, had a dream of traveling, not being tied down, etc. So, when my now husband and I found out we were pregnant after dating for only 4 months (and only just beginning to talk about the possibility of marriage), it was like a slap in the face.  I didn't want a child, I wasn't married, and even though I was 26 at the time, I felt like "that girl".  You know the one - the one everyone secretly judges for getting pregnant before getting married even if they're smiling and supporting her to her face.   But, we decided to "make the best of it" and casual talks of marriage quickly turned into wedding plans.  I was 13 weeks pregnant on our wedding day, and, honestly, still getting to know my groom.   The next few months were difficult as I came to terms with the fact that I was married, pregnant, and probably giving up a lot of my dreams.  But, I did come to terms with it, embraced it even and decided that maybe being a wife and mommy wouldn't be so bad, but it wasn't until I was holding my minutes-old baby girl that I realized that not only could I do this and do it well, but that I'd been chosen, called by God to be a mom.

 Do you have a funny “labor” moment?

   With Natalie - I was in labor for 24 hours before having an emergency c-section because I had stopped dilating and she was becoming distressed.  But, during the 24 hours of labor I wasn't in any real pain (thanks to an epidural), but no matter what I did, I couldn't get comfortable.  Every time a nurse came in, I asked for a pillow for my back, legs, etc.  I even sent Joe out into the hospital a few times to look for pillows.  When the time came to move me to the OR for the c-section, the nurse started removing pillows from my bed and started laughing because they just kept coming.  I had managed to shove 15 pillows in the bed with me during labor.  My whole family still jokes about this almost 5 years later. 

    

One thing that you do for your kids- because you love them- but you absolutely dread it every time?

    Thanks to Netflix and a night of reminiscing, my wonderful, wishes-he-was-still-ten-years-old husband decided to introduce Natalie to the old 1980s Transformers cartoons.  She LOVES them.  I definitely do not!  But, she begs me to watch them with her, and I do because she loves it so much.  (Sometimes she makes me pretend to be "Momma-tron”, ugh!)

What is something you said you would NEVER do with/to your children that you have found yourself doing?  

    I swore that I would never let my kids (as infants) sleep in our bed, but as a baby/toddler Natalie was terrible sleeper and I was getting up 4-5 times a night just to settle her.  After many sleepless nights, I decided it wasn't worth not sleeping just to say I didn't let my kids sleep with me.  I finally chose to put her in our bed and when I did we both slept better. 

     I also said that my child would eat whatever I had prepared for dinner and that I would never fix a separate "kid" dinner.  But... Joe works late so he and I usually eat dinner about 8pm most nights.  Since I need to feed Natalie earlier than that, I usually let her choose what she wants for dinner. 

 Your biggest Mommy “Aha” moment?

    My biggest "aha" moment was when I realized that the parent isn't always right (even thought we'd like to think we are) and that when we mess up we need to apologize to our kids.  I remember the first time I apologized to Natalie for losing my cool while disciplining her.  She stared at me wide-eyed and mouth open...and then ran to me, buried her face in my chest and said "It's okay, Mommy.  I'm sorry too."   We're big on apologies and give them freely around here because we're human and we mess up, but we're also family, and we love each other anyway.

What is the best piece of advice you could give to a new Mother?

    As a new mother you will get a lot of advice (all of it well-intentioned, most of it sound), but don't forget that your instincts as a mother are better than any piece of advice you get.  You know your child better than anyone (even better than their pediatrician), so if something seems wrong, question it and if something you try doesn't work, change it.  You don't need anyone else’s approval to do what you think is best for your child.

Also, I try to remember this when I get frustrated or impatient with my kiddos:  Most of the time, a misbehaving child is a bored child.