Friday, May 27, 2011

Jeremiah 29:11

I am TERRIFIED of failure and rejection! Not an easy thing for me to admit, considering I'm a bit of a perfectionist and these fears paint me as much less than perfect. It's so silly, really, as if anyone truly thinks I'm perfect- so why do I try so hard to present myself that way?
Considering these fears of failure and rejection- I am writing a blog ONLINE for people to read- I must be crazy! The things that run through my head are absurd (everyone should be so thankful they can't see what really goes on in there)- "What will people be thinking", "What if noone reads it, or even cares when they do", "What if they don't like it", "What if they figure out I'm not really who they think I am/was"!!?? See, Absurd! 
SO, I am proud of myself! I decided- I DON'T CARE! See, this isn't about anyone else but ME! If someone comes across it and decides they want to read it, that's great- if not, I have a great outlet to journal 'out loud' and learn something and heal while I do it. If it helps someone, then it went beyond "me" and I'm thankful.
Just a little disclaimer before I go any further- I'm not a writer or journalist (that would be just one of the talents of my older sister, Tara)- and I have a tendency to ramble, AND I love to talk. Which means one of two things- this could be very comical and entertaining or a train wreck! My main objective is to rediscover my gifts/talents/skills and how to use them effectively in my life and others, honoring God in it all. 
I know God's given me abilities and I use to jump and get so excited at any opportunity to use them- and somewhere those things were lost and crushed. I've begun to question if I'm truly talented at anything and usually wonder if I have anything to offer anyone anymore. One of my favorite scriptures has always been Jeremiah 29:11, "For I Know The Plans I Have For You, says The Lord- Plans to Prosper and Not Harm You, Plans To Give You A Hope and A Future". This is a scripture, that in the past 6 months, I have held onto with everything in my being, like a lifeline- and not just for me- but for my Wonderful Husband and Children. There are many times in my life when I questioned not only this verse but My God (believe me, I'll be writing about it) - and that's when I HAD to adopt the quote, "When You Don't Understand- TRUST". Because, if I don't have my God to hold on to and to hold me up- what do I have?

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