This Responsibility Is NOT Fair....

This morning, I finally did it! I have been avoiding it for quite some time. Even though 6 months ago a room full of friends told me it was very important to do- I waited until today. I don't know why this has been so hard for me to do, part of me is so glad I finally did it- but most of me is just hurt and angry that I had to at all.
Today, I sat my girls down and explained to them why I have to take medicine and explained I had Diabetes (for anyone that does know, I am an insulin dependent Diabetic on an insulin pump). From the second we sat down I was holding back tears.

First, I asked them if they understood why I had to wear my medicine (insulin pump) all the time. They said no, and asked why all mommies do not have to wear medicine like me. That opened the door to explain I had Diabetes and only some mommies and daddies have that. I explained further what a pancreas is and how mine doesn't work right. At that point, I was doing pretty good- until....
As my girls stared at me wondering where we were going from there, I had to gain the strength of giving them the responsibility no child should have. I began to explain that sometimes my body gets "messed up" or "sick" and I may "fall asleep"- if they can't seem to wake me up they needed to call 9-1-1 and then call Daddy. Before our talk began, I had written down on a paper the numbers so I could hang them up in a special place.

Then it happened, I looked up and saw Tenly's lip quivering and tears. My heart fell and was crushed. I asked her what was wrong, she replied with tears running down her face, "Mommy, I don't want to do that- Please just don't get sick, don't fall asleep Mommy- I don't want to do that! I don't like it." I tried explaining certain parts again, to reassure her that it's only to help me...blah, blah, blah...what I really wanted to say is I KNOW, it's NOT fair, you should NOT have to hear or do this, it's NOT fair!
Tenly crawled up in my lap, laid her head on my shoulder and cried while I cried (I couldn't hold it in anymore) and told her how sorry I was. Gianna just wrapped her arms around both of us and told Tenly it was okay, she would be here with her and would always help. Strangely enough, that brought Tenly a lot of comfort- and created more tears for me.
We went together and hung up the paper in the pantry, and Tenly kept asking me to put it somewhere else because she doesn't like to see it. I convinced her to keep it there, and we all ate a snack.

Now, my "mood" is similar to what it was almost 16 years ago when I was labeled a Diabetic on insulin with a "dead" pancreas. I was beyond angry- I was straight up pissed off. My mom brought me my Bible in the hospital, I put it on the other side of the room and refused to read it for days. The only talking I did to God was more like yelling, accusations, and questioning His existence. After awhile, I let go of it..a little...it honestly took me years and almost death, to truly let go of it all.

So, here I am...don't worry...I'm not going to allow myself to be controlled by circumstances again. I learned 12 years ago to trust when I don't understand and to let all of these opportunities in my life to be used in making me stronger and to help others.

I will never be okay with my little girls holding this responsibility, but I also realize that other parents have had to have conversations that held a much worse ending. My girls are fine, and I have to hold onto the fact that our little talk was necessary (whether I like it or not), it could change a circumstance(whether I like it or not), it will make them stronger (whether I like it or not), and they are/will be thankful for that talk one day (whether I like it or not).
I will stop typing now (and hopefully stop crying), I am going to pray and let go of hurt and anger so that it will never have the opportunity to take my heart or my life again........................

I'm Not Lonely.....

First, let me give an update on our ever changing life!! On Monday, Lupe started work at his new job as the Culinary Manager at Winn Dixie. So far, he absolutely LOVES it, which makes me so happy! It is so worth the pay cut and even driving into Miami to receive his training- I keep telling myself this long drive (because we only have one vehicle) is temporary and will be worth it!

Funny thing is, a very sad thing also happened on Monday...I lost my job! It's funny because if I didn't laugh I would cry...and what good would that do. At our weekly meeting Monday afternoon, I knew as soon as I walked in something was up! Well, I was right when at the beginning of our meeting they informed us that with the rough economy the  business had taken a hit and they could no longer keep the doors open. So, as of November 30 I will no longer be employed and the doors to The Little Gym in Plantation will permanently close. It's tough! I really liked my job, I was really good at my job, it was close to home, had the flexibility I needed, my girls were able to take classes as often as they wish. I don't understand WHY, and wont try to! I learned a long time ago to "Trust when you don't understand", and doing anything else only brings a headache and a really bad mood! Keep me in your prayers as I begin the pursuit for the "right job"!

The other day, I was asked the question, "WHO are you Thankful for"? Well, the obvious of course- My Lord and Saviour, my Husband, my Children, my Family. I tried to think beyond that. and quickly thought of my Friends.

It's been almost a year since we left Texas. I began to remember the certain ones who carried us through that time. If I began to name names- I would forget someone and feel horrible! BUT, they know who they are! They talked to me and listen to me cry and yell, they sat in the middle of my floor packing boxes, they preoccupied and watched my children with no expectation of a return, they stayed VERY late and rose VERY early, they hugged me, and they loved me and mine!

Thinking of friends takes me back to January when we were looking for a new church. The very first service I went to at CCC, I read about a Bible Study for Moms. To be honest, I've never really done a Bible Study Group and do not like being vulnerable- which is what I felt as I stepped into a room of total strangers! It was SO God, He knew what I needed more than I did! I needed a group of women who were going to love me and expect nothing in return. No one judged me, no one eyed me up and down to see how "appropriate" I was/was not, they were not quizzing on how spiritual I was/was not. There were around 8 of us who began to "click". I KNOW that it was God ordained and God Orchestrated. Some of them I see often, some I see less often- but any of them I could call and they would stand with me and love me...THIS I know!

I remember when one of them called me because she felt a nudge to- and at that moment I was in a sinking pit- we talked and we prayed and I was okay...
I remember a friend calling..just because...
I remember many times of laughing that took me away from many distractions...
I remember a friend asked me to help and she began to uncover gifts again that I forgot I had...
I remember a friend listening over many cups of coffee and allowing me to listen...
I remember a friend offering to take my girls so I wouldn't feel rushed...

I remember a friend babysitting my girls ALL day with no expectations...

I remember a friend telling me I had made a difference...
I could "remember" forever...

There are times in my life that I have felt very alone, and that makes me even more Thankful to have REAL Godly friendships in my life. I have always felt that you earn the right to speak into peoples lives, and these friends have done that. Not because they had to work at it or pass a test, but because they love me unconditionally. They love me for who I am and accept me for who I am. These are friends who hold me accountable and allow me to do the same for them. They give me tough love at times and compassion the others, I can always trust them to make me laugh and to cry on their shoulders.

I am so Thankful for my Incredible Friends! (I wish had pics of all of them, believe me..but I don't!)

My Love for My Dining Room Table...

Our "Yard Sale Table & Chairs"

My Dining Room Table, that is what I am Thankful for today. Of course, I must tell the story.......
When we moved to Florida last year, we left our things in Texas until we found where we would be living. Once we found our apartment, it became quite clear that our large 10 seat dining room table was not going to fit our much smaller home. Besides the fact, it took us 2 weeks to get our furniture- another long story told in a previous post. So, when we moved in, the only furniture we had was our girls beds, and a couple of air mattresses- and at that point we did not know how long it would take to get the rest of our stuff.

Memories, Fruit Pizza at our Table

My wonderful husband got up early on that Saturday and decided he was going to a couple of yard sales to see what he could find. By the way, this is another little thing I love about Lupe- he knows it would just make it better. Well, he was successful- he first found a Yard Sale with one of those white plastic outdoor tables and 7 outdoor plastic chairs to match for $20. A couple of Yard Sales later, he found the table in my picture- an older, slightly warped marked up, wooden table for $10 (no chairs), and he knew that it would suit us better. (He also found a cushioned outdoor metal chair that we used in our living room until our furniture arrived)

Made Smoothies at Our Table

Once our furniture did arrive, we gave our huge table away and gratefully continued using our "bargain table" with the plastic yard chairs. Here we are 9 months later, and we still sit to our comfy "bargain table" for every meal. Sometimes, I look at it and wish for a prettier "matching" table- but most of the time I don't even notice the mismatched plastic chairs and all the scrapes and bubbles. I guess, I just appreciate a place for my family to sit together and have a meal. We could of used money to have bought a new one already, but I love the fact that we have used the little extra we've had a few times to create other memories and moments as a family.

Our "Former" Table Memories

I started "loving" my little table this past week when we've taking time to say and talk about what we are Thankful for- something my girls and us look forward to nowadays. I am SO thankful, my family has a little yard sale table to sit around in plastic chairs in our small cozy apartment eating a hot good meal TOGETHER! Looking back, there are many miracles that have brought us to today- I am beyond Thankful for the Grace of God that has sustained us.

Daddy's Birthday at Our Old Table

An update on Lupe's job: They have been having some "opportunities" getting some of the paperwork through, so it has pushed Lupe's start date to Nov. 12- which means no paycheck for 2 weeks when we are not at a place to go without one. On a positive note, Lupe has had a 2 week FULL vacation- that hasn't happened in a LONG time! I love that we have not panicked- but have more easily trusted God, believing He will make a way. Just today, at work we had to let someone go because of an unfortunate situation. As badly as that was for that person, my hours at work more than doubled. I am still learning Trust and Faith, but I am more convinced of it every day! God is SO good and so faithful!

Teaching Thankfulness


It's November, and I've noticed on Facebook and Blogs, many expressing Thankfulness and Gratitude in posts and status updates. So, I started to think about the things I'm Thankful for, and also how to teach my girls that same thing. I decided, that as a family we could use our dinner time as an opportunity to learn about and express what we are thankful for and I would write it down in the journal that I keep and put it in a "Thankful Jar".

I also decided, I would use my Blog as an opportunity to share what I am Thankful for- and in doing so, I hope to change my heart and my mindset.

There are the obvious things- but also the most important things- that I am Thankful for. My family, my Parents, my Sister and Brothers and their Husband/Wives, my nieces and nephew, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins.

Then of course, I am Thankful for my incredible Husband, Lupe, and my beautiful Daughters, Tenly and Gianna.

It is so easy to take family for granted sometimes. We often take our frustrations, bad moods, inadequacies, failures, tiredness, moodiness out on our families....the very people who love us most. It seems as if that is why we take our "stuff" out on them for that very reason- because we love them and they love us so much. I mean, they have to love us regardless of what we do/say/act, because they are family. But, that doesn't mean that we still have scard them with our words/actions/emotions.

I was watching Oprah's new show on the OWN Network last night (that's right, I watched Oprah- and learned something- don't judge me!!), and she was reflecting back on a show that she did with Toni Morrison. Toni Morrison was explaining about a life changing moment she had with her children. She was speaking of how she reacted when her children entered the room- she explained how often she was telling them to do something, change something, clean something, complete something. Then, one day she had the realization that she was lacking to celebrate them and was beginning to see a look of sadness/frustration on their faces because they were not being celebrated/validated.

It seems like such a simple thing- and really, it is! So, I know I'm not the only one who finds myself doing the very thing that Toni Morrison found herself doing. Not that our kids do not need to be reminded to do/clean/change/complete things- but can we at least celebrate them before we give them a list of instructions.

So, in being Thankful for my family, I find myself challenged to celebrate not only my children- but all of them! I'm doing this for myself- but also for my girls- I want to teach them how to appreciate their family and to celebrate them- the ones we see frequently and the ones we seldom see.

We Closed One Door & Let God Open The Other

A few posts ago, I talked about my husband, Lupe's, decision to leave his current job. I had mixed feelings about it considering he did not even have a prospect of a new job in sight. But, hearing the defeated sound in his voice- I just couldn't ask him to stay. Lupe recently shared with me he regretted part of his decision. He said, he still would of called me and told me he couldn't do it anymore- but he would of waited to give his notice until he had something else- he reacted emotionally. Anyone who knows Lupe, knows he is NOT an emotional person at all- he is VERY stable- so this was a very unusual thing. Then he told me he asked God to forgive him and to help him learn from it, and then asked God to show his grace and provide a new job.

Since Lupe gave his notice- I believe it was in July- he has been fervently putting out applications at any and every opportunity. Honestly, not many responses considering how many apps he was putting out there. There were many times I had to just talk to myself, quote the Word of God to prevent myself of becoming easily overwhelmed (as I do to often).

About a month ago, Lupe received a phone call regarding an application he put in with Winn Dixie grocery store as a Culinary Director. It was an attractive position in many ways. One of the biggest perks is it is less than 10 minutes down the road vs. the 20 minute drive we now have. The position leaves room for creativity and advancement and bonuses.

After Lupe's 3rd interview, the HR director called and told him he was her pick for the job- but he had to go into another interview with some other directors and to really sell himself. She even took the time to prep him for the interview for a bit. Well, 3 interviews after that Lupe was officially offered the position and he took it. He did have to take a pay cut, but even with that- he is so excited about this job and we both have a total peace.

I told Lupe about a week ago about how much I have grown through this process. I don't wish this type of situation on anyone, but I can honestly say I am thankful for it. My faith and trust in God would not be where it is had it not been for this very difficult process! God has blessed and kept us beyond my expectations. There was even another company who was really wanting Lupe to work for them and were so disappointed when he had to inform them he had taken the other position- that was a nice little bonus!!

We've questioned our decisions at times, Lupe even wondered if he's made a mistake when he took the job that moved us down here. We don't know why the picture has played out the way it has. Maybe the experience at the other place helped in getting him in at Winn Dixie. Maybe God placed Lupe there to minister to some of the other staff or plant some seeds. Maybe God was using the whole situation to strengthen my faith. I don't know why, but I do know that as hard as it has been...I'm grateful for the process and for the opportunity to share how faithful my God is.

Starting Young...

I remember the feeling of Gianna kicking for the first time while I was pregnant very vividly. Lupe and I were sitting in our typical seats on the front row at church on October 21, 2007. Our Pastor was on the stage leading the church body in a prayer for the nations. The stage at our church, had all the flags from all different countries going around the perimeter of it- Pastor had called for people to come up and lay hands on the different flags as we prayed. Lupe and I remained on the floor with our hands extended to the flags as we prayed- I remember Pastor saying boldly "...we declare unity in these countries, and that God's church and people will facilitate unity in all nations..."- that's when I felt it- KICK! Not just a little bump, but I solid KICK! I grabbed Lupe's hand in time to feel a second KICK! We both smiled ear to ear as we continued to pray.

All of a sudden, I sensed it was no coincidence that I felt that kick while we were praying for the nations. God began to whisper to my heart, and I feel He began to prepare my heart. God whispered Psalms 96:3, "Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works (deeds) among ALL people.", then I clearly heard as we continued to pray, "This Baby is called to the World". As I type this, I cry about as much as I did on that day. It is both such a wonderful and scary thing to have a child called to the World.

This has been on mind from this weekend. The church we currently attend, Community Christian Church, has a wonderful program called Community Impact. It is when our church comes together and has many different opportunities for everyone to serve the community. We chose to serve as a family by making PB&J sandwiches/lunches for the homeless. I was excited to begin showing our girls at 3 & 5 how we can give to others. They were beyond excited! Tenly was thrilled to make the PB&J sandwiches to where Gianna was more excited to pack the lunches in the bags (she didn't care for having sticky hands). I was put in charge of coordinating one of the rooms by making sure everyone had the supplies needed at the tables.

At one point I turned around, and saw Gianna packing the stuff in the bags and tears sprang into my eyes. God again whispered to me that this is the beginning of something much greater in her. I told her the little papers we were putting in each bag were telling the people how much we and God loved them. She told me, "..that's right, because Our God loves everybody..".

As Pastor Scott preached the following day about "Going Beyond", I was reminded again about Gianna somehow reaching the World. I don't know what she, or Tenly, are called to do. I don't know how or where I will watch her or them go. But, I know God will equip me to equip her, or them, to to go and He will equip me to let her or them. I can't do it without him- because He knows I'm in emotional wreck without Him....LOL!

What a discovery this week has been. The opportunity to serve others along side my children has been such an honor.

My NEED for ABSOLUTE Control!

I don't know what to do with myself!

It's a constant running joke between my family and friends- my NEED for control, and my inability to let go of it.

My control issues came to a head for me in the Bible Study I help to lead at church. We were discussing balance and how our husbands and children contribute to help. It was a major "A-ha" moment for me as I listened to the discussion. Lupe is wonderful, he contributes in many many ways- garbage, dishes, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, making the bed, cooking, packing lunches, etc. My girls contribute (or so I thought)- they're responsible for picking up their bedroom, and keeping any and all toys put away in the APPROPRIATE and DESIGNATED space. I came to realize, during our discussion, that my girls were not really contributing enough- and it was all because of ME!

All of the other moms around me were talking about how their kids fold their laundry AND put it away. Here was my response (or excuse) to that.."..but it wouldn't be folded properly...they would just cram it in the drawers instead of putting it in the 'right' place...". (FYI: I am the one who refolded all the laundry after the babysitter had it done for me and my girls clothes are sorted very particularly in stacks divided for short/long/solid colored/printed etc.). The conversation then went to the kids unloading the dishwasher- my reaction (or excuse) to that one was pretty much the same as my reaction to the laundry. One of these mom's has a child younger than mine, and she helps too!

I had to sit back and evaluate WHY I can't allow my children (and sometimes my husband) to help and do. It pretty much comes down to the fact that I need it done exactyly my way! Sad, right?

I remember when we were unpacking boxes in our apartment, Lupe volunteered to go hang the shower rod. Easy enough, right? Not really something that can be messed up, right? That's why it's mind boggling as to why I followed him into the bathroom giving him instructions on how he should do it. Lupe finally turned around and looked at me and asked, "Do YOU just want to do it?". 

How much time, energy, stress, sleepless nights have I brought on myself out of my need to control everyone and everything around me? Because, believe me- when I am NOT in control, it can get pretty ugly. Sometimes, it comes down to trust and faith in God and in others- but sometimes, it's just stupid, petty stuff and NOT worth it!



Date Day!

 On Saturday, my husband arrange a "date afternoon"- lined out the babysitter, lunch, Christmas shopping, and a surprise. For my surprise, Lupe made me close my eyes until we arrived there. This was TORTURE! Even in church, when they tell everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes- I'll keep my head down but my eyes are open. I don't like "not knowing" (or something)! That meant, I couldn't tell him the best way to go, or where to park, and I couldn't even see if there was an oncoming car, or if I was going to stop in a pothole in my 4 inch heels! BUT, I was so proud (and Lupe was too) that I kept them closed and was very surprised as I opened my eyes to standing inside The Cheesecake Factory for my favorite Carrot Cake (I put on my FB status the day before I was craving it).

Well, needless to say- my girls are now folding laundry (and I'm trying not to refold it), and eventually they'll put it away (BABY STEPS), and are also unloading the dishwasher! I'm even letting them pick their own clothes out....sometimes! I love seeing how much they enjoy it, and even I enjoy it. I'm rediscovering that not only do my kids and husband need me, but I need them- and not only on MY terms.

Family

WOW- I'm feeling getting to blog after way to long! Between the business of life and getting sick and losing every bit of energy I had for over a week, I'm finally getting back to normal (whatever that is).

About a week and a half ago, my Aunt Net put together a Family Reunion for the Denson Family....it has been a long time.I don't remember at what age I began to understand the "family breakdown"- you know- who are in the family by blood vs. who is in the family by marriage. In my Dad's family especially, they were always so close. Majority of my Aunts and Uncles who married into the family called my Granny and PawPaw "Mom and Dad" and treated each other as a true part. So, it was difficult for me to understand who my dad's sisters (6) and brothers (1) were and which were the spouses. They were just family- no separation. Part of the reunion we had, was celebrating my Uncle Norris, who was my Dad's sister, Frankie's (she passed away in 2005) husband. We were celebrating him and the incredible legacy as a man of God and a pillar in our family- although he did marry into the family- you would never know. I love that. I love that we are just family- a great family.

See, growing up we used to have these HUGE family reunions with a few hundred people (and yes, I was related somehow to most of them) almost every year. It was a day full of food. fun, and being oohed and awed over by people who knew me and I didn't have a clue who they were. But, I have many memories from those reunions of playing all day with my many many cousins and leaving exhausted!
It's been many years since we've had a HUGE reunion. My Grandparents passed away many years ago, but my Dad's family has remained close although struggling to stay connected while living all over the place and taking care of their individual families. After my Aunt Frankie passed away and a few years later my cousin Mal also did- my Aunt Net took it upon herself to get us all back together for a weekend. This is no easy task with 8 brothers and sisters, and countless children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great-great grandchildren.
Not all of the family were able to make it, but a good number of us were- and it was a much needed time. It was especially wonderful to get to see and talk to my Aunt Net and Uncle Bull. Since they had 2 boys, somehow there was always a connection between us and I kind of became their baby girl. Spent many weekends being spoiled rotten by them at their house. They've always had a special place in my heart and I in theirs. It had been way to long since I had seen or talked with them, and my Uncle Bull hadn't been in the best of health as of late. I loved that I was able to look in his eyes and tell him I loved him and see that he was okay, while my Aunt Net ran around coordinating everyone and everything.
I loved introducing my girls to all of their MANY family members! Tenly, especially, was amazed at how big our family was. Lupe met many that he had never met, and it was special to reconnect relationships that had been unintentionally neglected. The Denson Family are almost all incredible singers and musicians. Growing up they even had a Singing Group called "The Happy Christians"- it's okay- I know you are laughing at that name. We would travel around to churches and functions with them and they would call all of my cousins and I "The Baby Christan's" and make us come up and sing to- UGH! Anyway, during the reunion, so many of the family went up and sang and had all the instruments pulled out. Although, I've always been aware of how incredibly talented my family is- I still sat there listening in amazement at the talent within the Denson Family. Not only my blood relations, but also so many of the people who have married into our family are unbelievably talented musicians and singers. It was great to see everyone marvel at the talent that so many of us hadn't seen in years and some talent that's never been witnessed by others in that room- we watched   and marveled at the talent God has blessed us with.
I took away from that weekend an urgency to never let this many years to go by without at least being in contact with my many Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. I want my girls to experience family- and even all of that effort falls on my shoulders- I'll carry it and at least try. It's to important not to have.

Love is A Verb

I have never been one to read more than one book at a time! I guess it comes from my need to complete a project before I start another...I don't know. BUT, as I got into my bed last night- I told Lupe that I was feeling pretty smart with my stacks of books and notebooks beside my bed- and I am in the middle of reading 4 of them (and Yes, that's Tenly's artwork on my Message Bible)! Anyway, the newest one I am reading is the book for our Mom's Bible Study, "Real Moms, Real Jesus"- it is such a great book- but I'll get to more of that in a bit.

I am so pleased to report, that I have a much anticipated "Meeting" every Monday evening! Okay, not actually meeting as much as a great time of "nothing" with my friend, Kim. We used to do this commonly and then summer came and scheduling conflicts with it and it just stopped. Well, Kim and I decided we were way past due and restarted our wonderful "nothing time". Just us and a cup of coffee in Starbucks with no agenda, but just to "be". This past Monday, we found ourselves discussing many different things- some with no depth and others very deep. One of the topics was, our witness to others in our daily lives/activities.
Kim and I were both raised in church and have memories of going door to door to witness to people with our families and churches- something that doesn't happen much anymore. Anyway, we were discussing what the most effective "witness" is- it can be very different for each person, I guess. She and I both agreed that to us, is The Love of God that people see in us.

My husband Lupe is a perfect example of this. In his position at work, he works alongside many people. Upon meeting these people, he didn't shake their hand declaring he was a born again Christian and telling each of them all of the unGodly things they were doing. Lupe did his job and conducted himself in a Godly manner and jumped on every opportunity to share the Love of God with his co-workers- and every time the response went something like this, "I KNEW it- I knew you were a Christian- there's just something different about you!" or "Is that why you're always so calm and happy all the time? Is that why you never get mad or stressed- because you're a Christian?" The same thing happened to me at work- I never came out and made a loud declaration of my Christianity- but every opportunity that arose for me to talk about the Goodness and Love of My God- I took. Two of my co-workers told me, "See, I knew it- that's why I never cussed around you, because I had a feeling you were a Christian."

I was reading the third chapter in "Real Moms, Real Jesus" after Kim and I had coffee that night. Ironically enough, it was about having a Gentle Spirit and gave the example of "The Woman at the Well" in John 4. It talked about the way Jesus talked and spent time with the woman and eventually, very gently, inquired about the man she was living with. He didn't condemn her or rebuke her- He loved her and spent time with her- and that drew her in and caused her to want to change.
There are times, that I have been told or even thought maybe I need to be more aggressive about God- but between my conversation with Kim and reading this- I walked away with the reassurance that The Love of God is what draws others in. Having empathy, compassion, and just listening can often leave the biggest life changing effects on others. Not to say that there aren't things I need to do differently and be more passionate about- but I am convinced that allowing others to see the love of Jesus in all we do, say, and live has a far greater impact than the best sermon that the best preacher could ever preach.
O lives should be the greatest sermon.........................