Oh, The Mess!

The "play-date" mess picture I posted.

The other day, my girls had their friends Lexi and Audrey come over for a play-date after Kidz Camp at church. They were beyond excited, I was going over the list of rules which the four of them agreed to with pleasure!
At the end of the play date, I posted a picture on Facebook of the "damage" our little apartment suffered at the hands of four little girls "creativity". I was honestly a bit shocked at many of my friends reaction to the picture...but, let me back up for a minute...

When my girls were much younger, they frequently made a huge mess- much bigger than the other day. My friend, Annette (who has children the same age as mine), shared with me an article she had read that encouraged parents to allow a modge podge (not to enforce the "one thing out at a time" rule) of all different toys to be played with at the same time because it fosters creativity. After thinking about it, I totally agreed and embraced the huge mess of toys that began to encompass my house daily. My Mom to this day says she was always so proud- and shocked- of my allowing this to happen.

I didn't mind the mess as long as it came with the understanding that they would also clean it up. When they were younger, I of course would help clean it up- but insisted they be right along side me doing it. As they were older, I naturally expected them to do more with less enforcement. Well, let's just say as I starting getting more resistance instead of compliance- I drew the line! I was all for creativity, but not at my expense and sanity every day!

Yes, I am one of "those Mom's" who insists that everything is put away in it's proper place before anyone is in bed every day. Yes, I even pull them out of bed if it's not done right.  My girls are at the age that I do expect them to care for, take care of, and put away there things in an orderly fashion. So, we now implement the "only one thing out at a time" rule. They actually have grown to appreciate it now, because it only takes them minutes to clean up instead of an hour (with constant reminders of "clean up", "get busy", and "you only have 5 minutes left" in their ear). I do have the same expectations of myself, I do not get into bed until everything is cleaned up and put away- neither does Lupe (poor man, lol).
So, back to my picture the other day. I had a few people comment on the picture "that's nothing" or "that's how my house looks every day"- which gave me a little laugh. The next day, I was speaking to my friends Joanne and Joelle- I had an "aha" moment which I feel kind of stupid about, lol.

They were both telling me how they laughed at the picture also because, "that's nothing" they said. Apparently, I am not grouped in the group of "typical Mom's with typical expectations". They informed me that there are times they cannot even walk in their kids bedrooms because of all the stuff everywhere, it is common to wake up to a sink full of dishes, it is common to leave the house with unmade beds, etc. 
Don't get me wrong, I knew that there were Mom's who went day to day like this- but I really didn't realize that it was more the norm than what my "norm" is. I asked other Mom's later that day how they ran there households and what there expectations were. There were a couple who were like me, some fell in between, but 7 Mom's out of the 11 I asked were more laid back like my friends, Joanne and Joelle.

Not that one is right or one is wrong. Sometimes I wish I could just roll with the punches and make other things the priority- but I just can't do it! I do realize it all comes down to balance, my friends tell me they wish  they could be more like me as I am wishing I could be a little more like them.
I say all of that to say this: So, many things are a matter of perspective, awareness, and a willingness to learn and change. This silly little "Aha Moment" I had,has made me want to reach out to others for their perspective because I have a willingness to learn and perhaps make changes. I have some Mom's who have so graciously told their stories and answered questions. It has been so intriguing to see other points of view. I will be honest, there are are certain idea's that I firmly believe in as a Mom- well, reading about a different perspective on those ideas, I now understand much better why Mom's choose to be that way.

I remember when all of Tenly's toys fit in this box!

I hope you enjoy reading and learning from other Mom's, as I know I will, over the next few weeks.

Strengths and Weaknesses

For 6 years, I have had the honor of having one of the best jobs around as a "Domestic Manger" (I even wanted to make business cards). A Domestic Manger is a demanding job that requires a lot of multi-tasking among many other things: being at home taking care of children, husband, cleaning, laundry, creativity, imagination, coordinating schedules/events/Dr. Appt.'s/activities, meals, finances, etc.
Anyway, about 6 weeks ago I told Lupe I thought I should go back to work to help take some of the load off of his shoulders (I know he needed me to go back to work, but he would of never asked- I love him!)- Lupe agreed and I started on my pursuit.
I said all of that to talk about this:
I found myself in those wonderful, uncomfortable, stressful job interviews- which I must admit- I'm very good at! Potential employers ask you all of these crazy questions in hopes of getting an accurate picture of who you are and what you can do.  I was asked THE question: What are your Strengths? What are your Weaknesses? This question may stump some, but was an easy question for me, because just months before I realized that my Strengths were also my Weaknesses.
Sometimes it can be hard to say your Strengths out loud for fear of sounding cocky and full of yourself. But, in this search of rediscovering me- I have to confidently acknowledge what I am good at and what I enjoy, in order for me to utilize those things and to allow others to utilize them! So, here we go:
- I am organized, neat, clean.
- I am creative.
- I am passionate.
- I love to plan and coordinate events.
- I love to read.
- I love to be outside and active.
- I like to bake/cook.
- I love to read.
(There may be a few more, but these are what stand out to me).
Already, I feel like I should be explaining myself and the reasons why I feel like I'm good at/enjoy these things out of fear of how others are interpreting me- but I wont! LOL!
But, some of these things can quickly become my weaknesses. Many of my friends who have lived with me or close to me are probably saying- "YES"!!
The Weaknesses of:
- Being Organized- is the inability to function outside of your neat home and schedule. It has been crippling at times. I had surgery around this time last year, I prolonged my recovery because I was unable to let things just be. When everyone would leave the house, I would sneak downstairs and start cleaning everything MY way (because my way is the right way), put all the toys in the correct labeled drawers, etc. I began having complications that had me on permanent bed rest for weeks instead of days because of my inability to allow things to just 'be'.
Another weakness of my organized self is, I have always been a mom with a schedule and firmly believe children need and require predictability- so, of course, my girls have always been on a schedule. Overall, that predictable schedule has always been wonderful- the only time it is not wonderful is when we were off the schedule (especially when they were younger). When Tenly started preschool, she had a hard time on days that her class did something out of the ordinary- she, like me- thrives on a schedule and predictability. Tenly has gotten much better at 'going with  the flow', but we try to prepare her the day before so she can still predict to a degree.

- Being Creative- not to many weaknesses to this one- except that it's hard to sit back and watch a lack of creativity- especially those times when you are not able (invited) to do anything about it. I've learned (the hard way) to ask, "How can I help?" and do only what you have been invited to do or offer only what you've been invited to offer. It's not worth hurting others feelings just so you can be creative or have input. In other words, it's a giving up of control (that's a big OUCH for me).


- Being Passionate- sometimes your passion can push people away instead of embracing them. Just because it's your passion does not mean it must be everyone else's.

It's so empowering once you're able to not only recognize your strengths and weaknesses, but also embrace them. I still havent' 'arrived'- and have to tell myself often that I need others- to thrive within my talents and gifting and to invite others in to fill in my gaps. I was not created to do it all myself, and to be honest, I don't want to do it all myself. I am not perfect (I know, you're shocked)- and find it funny that I tried (sometimes still try) to be.
What are you good at? What do you LOVE to do? Capitalize on the gifts and talents God has given you, He gave you these talents for a reason. If you're not using your them, look for an outlet to use them- but first you have to acknowledge what they are. After that, call or email somebody (even me) to tell them what you are good at and what you are going to do about it.