My Mommy Doesn't Love ME......

"My Mommy Doesn't Love MEEE....." I listened to Tenly scream for what seemed like forever.

Yep, it was one of those days today. One of those days that just hurt and made me question all of my carefully thought out "strategic parenting".

It hasn't just been today, it has been several days...toooo many days of struggling to hear respect in her voice, following directions, listening the FIRST time, and of course climbing the Mt. Everest of homework. I have even began to hear Tenly raise her voice to me and stomp her foot....more than once!!

There is veteran Moms reading this, chuckling as they remember and they (and their children) are still alive to report survival on the other side of "The 6 year old battle of the minds.." And, I am taking comfort in picturing those of you doing just that (so please tell me that someone is!?).

I know I have written similar posts of these frustrations before. But, today I just seemed to have been derailed as I cried in my bed over what seemed to be defeat, frustration and surrender all balled up together. Mind you, I have not been quite the "model Mom" in my responses to my beautiful sassy daughters outbursts- so you might as well add Mommy-Guilt to that ball while we're at it. I have never been much of a yeller, but at times it feels like an alien has taken over as I hear my voice shrieking, "Are you kidding me? Did you really just do that...?"

I had, what I thought to be, a GREAT idea! It was a beautiful day in South Florida, 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, a perfect day to do homework out back on the water. I though this was brilliant enough to take any negativity out of homework and make Tenly forget how tired she may be.

After treading gently through the spelling practice test with gentle encouragements, we made it. Then we approached practicing her vocabulary words, Tenly began to detach herself from even the thought of trying. I don't know if Cinderella herself could of gotten a different outcome! Actually, scratch that...she would have gotten a perfect outcome! Come to think of it, anyone and everyone but ME would have gotten a perfect outcome.

After several chances (too many, consider one chance sufficient in my book), she was sent back inside to be disciplined.

I am a tired Mom. I am tired of fighting with my 6 year old. I am tired of over-analyzing my parenting skills/methods and tired of changing them. I am tired of making Tenly cry, and I am tired of crying. I am tired of being the wearing the red horns with matching red pitchfork surrounded by flames, while Daddy flies in the clouds with the angel wings and halo.

But, that's also what makes me a Good Mom. I care enough to continue to question everything and change it. That I care enough about raising good respectful kids that I am willing to be the bad guy and "make" them cry. That I still hurt when I see my kids cry, whether it's because they have fallen, had their feelings hurt, or are being disciplined by their mean Mom.

My heart still hurts and I still have a million questions rolling around in my head. My day with my girls is coming to an end very soon, I pray that my heart and Tenly's heart both feel better when it does.

God, continue to give me wisdom and help me to grow, listen, make changes, capitalize on being right and admit when I am wrong. I have already proven that this is one job I cannot do without my God and today I have needed Him more than ever.

The Clock Is Not My Friend...

Can I share with you my latest challenges? I am TIRED! I don't know who is more tired at the beginning of the school year, me or my girls? Let me explain my day....

6:30am- Wake girls up to get dressed, brush teeth and make beds.
6:45am- Breakfast and devotions.
7:00am- Shoes on and fix hair, relax with any additional time.
7:30am- Leave house.
7:50am- Drop Tenly at school.
8:00am- Drop Lupe off at work.
8:25am- Back home. Begin To-Do list- watch Today Show in between (HA!).
9:15am- Gianna's snack.
10:00am- Brianna arrives (Little girl I babysit).
11:00am- Gianna eats lunch, Brianna eats lunch.
11:15am- Take Gianna to school.
11:30am- Brianna's nap.
12:00pm- I eat lunch. After lunch, continue To-Do list.
2:15pm- Pick Gianna up from school.
2:30pm- Pick Tenly up from school.
3:00pm- Girls eat snack.
3:30pm- Homework and Reading quiet time.
4:30pm- Start dinner, girls clean up any messes.
5:00pm- Eat dinner, feed Brianna.
5:15pm- Bathe Brianna.
5:30pm- Bathe Girls.
5:45pm- Leave to pick Lupe up.
6:00pm- Pick Lupe up from work.
6:30pm- Home, clean kitchen, Brianna picked up (except late nights, I keep her until 8:30-9:00).
7:00pm- Girls snack time.
7:25pm- Girls in bed.
7:30pm- Lights out for girls, finish straightening house and tying up loose ends.
8:00pm- Hopefully by this time I am collapsing on the couch relaxing with Lupe- if I'm lucky!

I like to be in bed by 10:00 when that is possible (which is happening less and less). 

Obviously, one of our biggest difficulties is having one vehicle- which is why I often feel like a taxi service- but I am so thankful for that one vehicle that I try very hard to stay positive about it despite the challenges.

I absolutely love Blogging, although my "Hot Momma's of Broward County" Blog takes a pretty good amount of time trying to keep all of the South Florida activities and events listed. I am in the midst of trying to  figure out the best way to balance out my Blogs with everything else (the reason I have not been able to update this one as frequently the past 10 days).

After looking at this crazy Monday - Friday routine, I can understand why I have had no problem falling asleep at the end of my day lately.

Next week marks the third week of school, and I am trusting my mind, body and soul are going to more adjusted and accepting to our new routine! My friend Joanne and I are going to start rotating drop off/pick ups with our girls (they are in the same class at school), and I know that will take a good half hour off of my afternoon routine.

Has anyone else had challenges like this? Are you as tired (or more) than your kids? If anyone has any advice, it is greatly taken and appreciated!

Appreciating the Exhaustion......

The Last 2 Weeks of My Life..............

Our Christmas Decorating Begins With The Girls Pink Princes Tree.

Next, We Decorate Our Fun "Memories Tree", The Girls Are In Charge Of This One.

"Memory Tree" Completed.



Mommy's Tree.



My Collection Of Nutcrackers, My Favorite.



An Almost Forgotten School Project for Tenly! Not To Shabby for Last Minute.

An Inconvenient Infection That Did NOT Fit Into My Schedule! It Reached The Size of A Golf Ball By The Time They "Fixed" It.





Made A Gingerbread House For Our CCC Women's Event.

Had To Make "Snow Trees" For Our CCC Women's Event.

Was Given The Opportunity To Play a Part In The CCC Women's Event Drama. Wont Even Try To Explain The Time Memorizing Lines and Rehearsals Took. Was So Much Fun, Though! 

Part of The Set. Somehow, I Missed Getting Pictures of All The Decor We Did Upstairs for Brunch!

Now, The Important Time Doing a House With The Family.

The Ornaments I Was Crazy Enough to Make for Tenly's Christmas Party at School.

"Reindeer Food" Gifts for All of Tenly's Classmates.



Still Wonder, WHAT Was I Thinking Making This "Fruit Tree" for That Party??!! The Kiddos Did Love It Though!



The Classroom Christmas Party Spread! Came Out Great, but The Time it Took To Make it Happen Was CRAZY! Being a Room Parent is a Full Time Job, but SO Worth Every Minute!

Tenly's Ornament She Made at School!





The Girls Made The Wrapping Paper for Mrs. Cross' (Tenly's Teacher) Gift.

NOW, Just Enjoying The Extra Enthusiasm and Joy My Girls are Bringing to Christmas This Year, in Anticipation For What Next Year Will Bring.

Before I begin to sound like I'm complaining....All of these pictures and projects are the reason I have not blogged in about 2 weeks!! As exhausted that I was majority of those 2 weeks, and although I did say on more than one occasion "..I cannot wait until all of this is over..", I truly do consider it a privilege and incredible opportunity to have participated and helped with every event. I squeezed so much in between life, children, cleaning, laundry, picking Lupe up from work, Bible Studies, Mommy time, and my poor neglected Husband didn't get much Wife Time....it's no wonder that I collapsed Thursday afternoon and Lupe practically commanded me "home".
I did so much, and learned so much, and ACHED so much- but I love that God chose me and used me!

EXHAUSTED!!!

I'm to tired to retype it, so I'll cut and paste the Facebook status I just posted: "It's been a wonderful day- but I am straight up exhausted...no...I'm EXHAUSTED! Still have to bathe the girls, fix dinner, eat dinner, put clothes away, vacuum, pick up Lupe, and put the girls to bed! BUT, I'm choosing to focus on the 'It's been a WONDERFUL day' part!" I forgot to add to that, I have to bake muffins for Tenly's snack day at school tomorrow- but still focusing on "...Wonderful..."!!! :)

So, my post is going to be a little different today: I'm asking for HELP and ADVICE from all you moms who have been working outside of your home. How, for the love of Jesus, do you do it (or did you do it)? 
I've been working for awhile now, but my job just kicked into overdrive with our summer camp schedule. Let me explain, I work at The Little Gym of Plantation (incredible place- check out the website for one near you). Anyway, so I'm not just 'working'- I am running, flipping, spinning, jumping, donkey kicking, monkey jumping ALL DAY LONG (and today Gianna went with me). So much to do, and my perfectionist self makes it that much harder to do it. On top of making the time with my girls and Lupe special and top priority. I know, some of you are saying you just have to let things go and enjoy time. I've been doing that, and trying to pretend I don't notice the house needs to be dusted, but it's driving me crazy! I feel guilty that I'm sitting here typing my blog and not vacuuming my house and putting the clothes away and ironing my husbands shirts (for real, I really am)! I have my cleaning schedule, which I love, but to be honest I'm having a hard time keeping up.

I must admit, I'm blessed with a husband who is more than willing to help me (for instance, I forgot to take something out for dinner tonight- but he had already done it.). But, I feel bad asking for help sometimes because of how hard he works.
I'm sure there is no true formula for all of this (although I would LOVE for someone to reassure me there is- and then give it to me)- but I am so tired right now and trying to walk around with blinders so I don't see the dust in my house is not working for me. 
But, as my Facebook status just said, I'm choosing to focus on the wonderful day I've had- as exhausted as I am- it was a great day for my whole family. Being able to say that is truly a blessing!