My Mommy Doesn't Love ME......

"My Mommy Doesn't Love MEEE....." I listened to Tenly scream for what seemed like forever.

Yep, it was one of those days today. One of those days that just hurt and made me question all of my carefully thought out "strategic parenting".

It hasn't just been today, it has been several days...toooo many days of struggling to hear respect in her voice, following directions, listening the FIRST time, and of course climbing the Mt. Everest of homework. I have even began to hear Tenly raise her voice to me and stomp her foot....more than once!!

There is veteran Moms reading this, chuckling as they remember and they (and their children) are still alive to report survival on the other side of "The 6 year old battle of the minds.." And, I am taking comfort in picturing those of you doing just that (so please tell me that someone is!?).

I know I have written similar posts of these frustrations before. But, today I just seemed to have been derailed as I cried in my bed over what seemed to be defeat, frustration and surrender all balled up together. Mind you, I have not been quite the "model Mom" in my responses to my beautiful sassy daughters outbursts- so you might as well add Mommy-Guilt to that ball while we're at it. I have never been much of a yeller, but at times it feels like an alien has taken over as I hear my voice shrieking, "Are you kidding me? Did you really just do that...?"

I had, what I thought to be, a GREAT idea! It was a beautiful day in South Florida, 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, a perfect day to do homework out back on the water. I though this was brilliant enough to take any negativity out of homework and make Tenly forget how tired she may be.

After treading gently through the spelling practice test with gentle encouragements, we made it. Then we approached practicing her vocabulary words, Tenly began to detach herself from even the thought of trying. I don't know if Cinderella herself could of gotten a different outcome! Actually, scratch that...she would have gotten a perfect outcome! Come to think of it, anyone and everyone but ME would have gotten a perfect outcome.

After several chances (too many, consider one chance sufficient in my book), she was sent back inside to be disciplined.

I am a tired Mom. I am tired of fighting with my 6 year old. I am tired of over-analyzing my parenting skills/methods and tired of changing them. I am tired of making Tenly cry, and I am tired of crying. I am tired of being the wearing the red horns with matching red pitchfork surrounded by flames, while Daddy flies in the clouds with the angel wings and halo.

But, that's also what makes me a Good Mom. I care enough to continue to question everything and change it. That I care enough about raising good respectful kids that I am willing to be the bad guy and "make" them cry. That I still hurt when I see my kids cry, whether it's because they have fallen, had their feelings hurt, or are being disciplined by their mean Mom.

My heart still hurts and I still have a million questions rolling around in my head. My day with my girls is coming to an end very soon, I pray that my heart and Tenly's heart both feel better when it does.

God, continue to give me wisdom and help me to grow, listen, make changes, capitalize on being right and admit when I am wrong. I have already proven that this is one job I cannot do without my God and today I have needed Him more than ever.

Packing Memories

Not much joy comes out of packing up all of your belongings to move down the road. It's just a pain! Through the headache of it all, I have found some "smiles" along the way.

First, it gives me the opportunity to sort, purge, and organize...strangely enough, this is something I truly enjoy doing! As I was going through closets and pulling down boxes and bins to be moved into our new home, I found myself with a huge smile as I looked up and read the label on the side of a box, "Tenly & Gianna Baby Memories".
Of course, I should never have opened it up- but I just couldn't help myself. Then, to my dismay, I realized that when this box had last been packed, I had packed it very well and efficiently as to preserve "the memories". Every item had been wrapped in white tissue paper and labeled specifically. I kind of let out a big sigh, I really wanted to look at the stuff....yet again, I couldn't help myself and began to unwrap each item one at a time. So glad I did, every one I unwrapped brought back a memory, a tear, and a smile....and I couldn't help but share my "T & G Memories"......

Tenly's Home From The Hospital Outfit

Gianna's Home From The Hospital Outfit

The Girls Hospital Shirts and Blankets and Tenly's Baby Brush From Dana

Tenly's Dedication Outfit at BWOC

Dedication Bibles Given To The Girls From Pastors Tommy and Rachel

Gianna's Dedication Outfit- BWOC

Tenly's First Birthday Dress From Aunt Chris

Gianna's First Birthday Outfit

Daddy Brought Back Mexican Dresses from His Missions Trip To Mexico

Tenly's First School Backpack

Zakia Had This Hung Over Tenly's Crib When We Arrived Home, Signed By All Of The BMI Staff. Very Special

The Girls Each Have A Box Stuffed Full of Sonogram Pics, Birthday Invites, Finger Paintings, Little Projects, and All of The "Firsts" I Am  Able to Keep a Small Something From.

Each one of these hold a reminder of God's goodness and  faithfulness in our lives.
There's another box I haven't gotten to yet, it is packed full of all of Lupe and my memories....I will spare you all of the pictures and memories of all that....
Little bits of smiles and happiness in packing............................