What If....

I have been wanting to post all week! But, some other commitments took priority and have kept me VERY busy! With that behind me, here I go...

I am writing on the other side of my 38th Birthday! Yay, Happy Birthday to me! It was a strange Birthday this year, I am suddenly realizing how close I am to 40...and it is very strange. It isn't depressing, sad or anything...just strange. Do you remember when 40 was old? I do! I remember my parents turning 40, and (sorry Mom & Dad)- but I do remember thinking how old they were, lol.

For many this feeling came a bit at 30, but 30 was a wonderful milestone for me! I married the man of my dreams at 30, so that foreshadowed any type of negative feelings. Very shortly after, I became pregnant after being told that would be medically impossible. So, the beginning of my 30's were some of the best parts of my life.

My Birthday this year had me reflecting a bit. You know, some of the "What-Ifs".

For anyone who does not know, I became a Type 1 Diabetic at the age of 21..overnight a lot of things changed for me- so it is a large part of any reflection. I was a very healthy 105 pounds, running several miles a day, working out and a strong relationship with God- who would of ever saw Diabetes coming under those circumstances?

Years after the diagnosis, I made some very poor choices regarding my health that held some very bad consequences for me- a couple of those being severe nerve damage (that I still deal with today) and so much damage to my body that the doctors said I would never have children.

One great thing being a Diabetic did for me, is make me eat- although it took me years to appreciate that. I had to embrace food and eating the right ways. I could no longer survive on 5-10 Ritz crackers a day. If I was going to exercise, it had to be planned around testing my blood sugar and eating. I did resist following the "proper diet", and it almost killed me...literally.

I found myself wondering where I would be if not for the Diabetes? For the first time, probably ever, I found myself ever-so-slightly appreciating becoming a Diabetic. I know this goes against a lot of things taught in Christianity, but just hear where I am coming from.

I kind of think I would still be dealing with an eating disorder if I was not a diabetic. Even after becoming a Diabetic I slipped into a "Diabetic eating disorder" (when blood sugars go high you lose weight) which almost killed me from the ages of 25-27. It took that to force me to take my health seriously. I am healthier now in a lot of ways than I was before becoming a Diabetic.

IF I was still dealing with eating disorders, I probably would not be surrounded by these 2 beautiful little girls who call me Mom- the best title ever. The determination to have children became stronger than ever after the doctors told me it would probably never happen.

Would I love to not test my blood sugar several times a day? YES! Would I love to not have to walk around/sleep with my constant fashion accessory and best friend the insulin pump? YES and YES! Would I love to avoid low blood sugars causing me to be very mean and ugly? YES! Would I love to not have to explain to my 6 & 4 year old how to take care of me and call 9-1-1 if I pass out and/or act strangely? YES!

But, in a certain way becoming a Diabetic kind of saved my life and became a "gift". It's a big deal for me to smile when I think of Diabetes and not be angry and bitter screaming "WHY?" I still pray and hope for a cure and for a miracle- but in the wait I can embrace Diabetes a little bit.

Appreciating the Exhaustion......

The Last 2 Weeks of My Life..............

Our Christmas Decorating Begins With The Girls Pink Princes Tree.

Next, We Decorate Our Fun "Memories Tree", The Girls Are In Charge Of This One.

"Memory Tree" Completed.



Mommy's Tree.



My Collection Of Nutcrackers, My Favorite.



An Almost Forgotten School Project for Tenly! Not To Shabby for Last Minute.

An Inconvenient Infection That Did NOT Fit Into My Schedule! It Reached The Size of A Golf Ball By The Time They "Fixed" It.





Made A Gingerbread House For Our CCC Women's Event.

Had To Make "Snow Trees" For Our CCC Women's Event.

Was Given The Opportunity To Play a Part In The CCC Women's Event Drama. Wont Even Try To Explain The Time Memorizing Lines and Rehearsals Took. Was So Much Fun, Though! 

Part of The Set. Somehow, I Missed Getting Pictures of All The Decor We Did Upstairs for Brunch!

Now, The Important Time Doing a House With The Family.

The Ornaments I Was Crazy Enough to Make for Tenly's Christmas Party at School.

"Reindeer Food" Gifts for All of Tenly's Classmates.



Still Wonder, WHAT Was I Thinking Making This "Fruit Tree" for That Party??!! The Kiddos Did Love It Though!



The Classroom Christmas Party Spread! Came Out Great, but The Time it Took To Make it Happen Was CRAZY! Being a Room Parent is a Full Time Job, but SO Worth Every Minute!

Tenly's Ornament She Made at School!





The Girls Made The Wrapping Paper for Mrs. Cross' (Tenly's Teacher) Gift.

NOW, Just Enjoying The Extra Enthusiasm and Joy My Girls are Bringing to Christmas This Year, in Anticipation For What Next Year Will Bring.

Before I begin to sound like I'm complaining....All of these pictures and projects are the reason I have not blogged in about 2 weeks!! As exhausted that I was majority of those 2 weeks, and although I did say on more than one occasion "..I cannot wait until all of this is over..", I truly do consider it a privilege and incredible opportunity to have participated and helped with every event. I squeezed so much in between life, children, cleaning, laundry, picking Lupe up from work, Bible Studies, Mommy time, and my poor neglected Husband didn't get much Wife Time....it's no wonder that I collapsed Thursday afternoon and Lupe practically commanded me "home".
I did so much, and learned so much, and ACHED so much- but I love that God chose me and used me!