Give It A Try, Better Late Than Never...

What I read this morning, and something that I want to begin in my marriage:

"Why we have a box on our dresser collecting dollars… 
And a long-ago letter to Ann Landers that spawned the collecting-box phenomenon…

“Dear Ann Landers: Last weekend, we celebrated my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. This morning, they left on a long-awaited trip to Hawaii. They were as excited as if it were their honeymoon.
When my parents married, they had only enough money for a three-day trip 50 miles from home. They made a pact that each time they were intimate, they would put a dollar in a special metal box and save it for a honeymoon in Hawaii for their 50th anniversary.
Dad was a policeman, and Mom was a schoolteacher. They lived in a modest house and did all their own repairs. Raising five children was a challenge, and sometimes, money was short, but no matter what emergency came up, Dad would not let Mom take any money out of the “Hawaii account.” As the account grew, they put it in a savings account and then bought CDs.
My parents were always very much in love. I can remember Dad coming home and telling Mom, “I have a dollar in my pocket,” and she would smile at him and reply, “I know how to spend it.”
When each of us children married, Mom and Dad gave us a small metal box and told us their secret, which we found enchanting. All five of us are now saving for our dream honeymoons. Mom and Dad never told us how much money they had managed to save, but it must have been considerable because when they cashed in those CDs, they had enough for airfare to Hawaii plus hotel accommodations for 10 days and plenty of spending money.
As they told us good-bye before leaving, Dad winked and said, “Tonight, we are starting an account for Cancun. That should only take 25 years.”
– Loving Daughter in Abilene, Texas“

Perhaps today might just be perfect as any to slip out and find you and your Beloved your own little love-collecting box?"
- from Ann Voscamp, Ann Voskamp: A Holy Experience "One Way To Help your Marriage"

Lupe and I, a couple of weeks ago, realized our marriage was becoming very "routine". We were doing well, but we were going day to day forgetting about all of those "little nothings" that mean so much.

We kissed as we walked out the door, said "I love you" at the appropriate times, we cuddled together as we drifted off to sleep every night. But, we had forgotten about how much the unexpected can do for us as individuals and what it can do for us as a couple. I could no longer find the passion which at times was apparent and undeniable.

It felt so wonderful to sit across from Lupe one night and have this conversation, and then act on it. We are reuniting with  the unexpected, the little nothings.
When I read this on Ann's blog, I instantly knew that this is something I think we can implement in our marriage.

Valentines Memories Past

Valentines Day! What a great day to show love! Not that we shouldn't show it every day, but it's a day we set aside to focus on the love we have for others and celebrate the love others have for us.

This morning, I was awakened by my girls excitement and the smell of my favorite omelet and croissants baking. Lupe woke up, even earlier than normal, and had spoiled all of his girls with sweet little somethings as well as a big yummy breakfast. What I love, is that he did it all because he wanted to and not out of obligation. While eating that incredible breakfast, I began to remember Valentines of the past- there is one that stands out back to when Lupe and I were engaged.

I began to plan early on. I called one of Lupe's staff in the kitchen and recruited him as my accomplice. I bought/made probably 30+ cards and wrote something different in each one, and some of them I put candy or a little something with. I shoved them all into an envelope and sent them off to Jeremy (my accomplice). I kind of new Lupe's routine and such throughout the day, so each card I sent to Jeremy had a location sticky noted to it. Lupe's drawers, closet, mirror, sink, the toilet, in the shower, on his pillow, the thermostat, refrigerator, cabinets, T.V., remote, pantry, in the coffee pot, microwave, back door, car steering wheel, car glove box, and the list goes on..! What I loved, is that he continued to find those cards for weeks!

Now, here is the funny part. Lupe had been making plans of his own....needless to say...he did not receive his Valentines until the day after Valentines Day! That's right! He had his own accomplices...my mom and dad!

Lupe had been planning to fly to Florida (he was in Texas- long distance dating) for Valentines Day to surprise me for quite some time! He was flying into Tampa that morning and my parents were picking him up at the airport. My mom had called me a week or 2 before and LIED to me, saying she had won a couple of free meals for lunch at some fancy restaurant in Tampa- my dad couldn't go and so she wanted me to drive over (from Lakeland, 25 minutes) after work to go with her. She did convince me and I agreed. I actually got off work early and told my mom I would be there a little earlier if she wanted to go over some wedding plans (we were getting married in Tampa) with me. Well, she thought that was a marvelous idea! I walked in looking for mom in her office, when my fiance', Lupe, popped out of the closet carrying flowers, balloons, and a basket full of my favorite goodies! I was surprised, sort of....I guess I should add a little side note here!

A couple of weeks prior to this wonderful surprise, I had called Lupe on the phone while he was driving on the camp grounds. While talking with him, he tells me to hold on a minute because Kim (a close friend also on staff at the camp) had pulled up next to him and needed to talk to him. All of a sudden here a very excited Kim ask in her very excited voice, "SO, are you going to see Jenn- did it work out to go? Are you going?". Right after I hear that, the phone gets very muffled (as if a hand may be covering the speaker, lol) before Lupe gets back to the phone. Now, my mind was wandering- could she really be talking about him coming to Florida? I found the idea impossible until Lupe came back to the phone- when I asked him if everything was okay, he lies saying, "oh, Kim was just asking about an upcoming retreat"- THAT is when I knew something was up! I still wasn't totally convinced, because Lupe said nothing even remotely leading me to believe that he would be coming!

But, regardless of me getting a bit of a hint- it was one of the sweetest things he has done. Especially when I remember how he was stranded at the Atlanta Airport overnight because of weather. Lupe's cell phone died, because of course he didn't bring his charger because he would only be gone for the day. So, it was a bit of a mess- but so worth every minute! I didn't have a gift to give him, because it was all waiting for him at home in Columbus, Texas.

Such an incredible memory, such an incredible wonderful man that God has given me! A man, who brings me coffee in bed every morning, gets the girls up, fed, lunches packed, goes to work to take care of his family, cooks, does laundry, makes the bed, empties the dishwasher, cleans the kitchen, reads and lives God's Word, takes his family to church, loves, cares, and disciplines his children, and he does what's right- not to be right, but because it's right...the list could go on forever. Lupe loves me and all of my faults, and he their may be things he wishes I'd change- but he never tries to change me.

I am blessed beyond measure and so in love with my husband!

The Necessary Baggage..

I haven't posted recently because..I couldn't think of what I wanted to write about. I never want to post just to say I did it, if it isn't on my heart, important, or poignant- why put it out there.

I was attempting to fix Gianna's Stringy Blanket last night (which was a joke, considering I do not sew much less crochet/knit! It is fixed though- not correctly- but it's fixed!), and I found myself pondering a message I heard 2 Sundays ago- which I've found myself doing quite a bit.
The Sunday after I was released from my wonderful (*sarcasm*) hospital stay, my face was still looking a bit rough so I decided to stay home from church. When I miss church, I typically watch my former Pastor(s), Bishop Tony Miller (who now pastors The Cathedral in Oklahoma City, OK) online. It so happened, that on this Sunday Bishop was away, so his wife Pastor Kathy was ministering.

Now, Pastor Kathy is a joy to listen to and be around- she is admired by so many as a pastor, mentor, friend, prayer warrior, counselor, worship leader, speaker. I remember way back in the day, when she used to say preaching/teaching was not her thing, the first time I heard her teach was at a women's event at our church. That was the first and last time I heard her teach, so I was pleasently surprised when I saw her take the platform at The Cathedral.

As PK began speaking The Word, it immediately starting taking root in my heart, and somewhat mirrored the "Me, Myself, and Lies" study I have been doing. She began talking about baggage. The baggage that we carry full of our past, our failures, strife, anger, emotions, insecurities, etc. Now, many of us have heard others speak, teach, preach on carrying around unnecessary baggage that we should let go of. We limit ourselves because we are allowing our baggage to dictate to us. Hearing this message reiterated what I already new, and was trying to embrace and activate in my life. But, then she made another point that was a big "Aha Moment" for me.

As she walked around the stage ministering, Pastor Kathy did so lugging suitcases and bags to give a visual of how exhausting it can be. Then she pulled out this other bag that represented dreams, visions, and desires- which is obviously necessary baggage. PK went on to explain, that if your arms are full and overwhelmed with baggage containing past regrets, mistakes, negativity, emotions, anger, and insecurities- you leave no room to carry your dreams, desires, and things you are passionate about.

Our minds are so consumed with junk- that we no longer have room to dream, pursue, and nurture the things God has given us to do. I began to think of things that are often crowded out of mind because I tend to think of all of my past failures and allow that to stop me from trying new things. Sometimes, people can't even see "me" because of all the baggage that stands in front of me- it limits me. Have you, or someone else, ever began to "unload" your baggage onto others because it was getting to heavy and overwhelming. God is the only one who is more than willing to not only take our baggage, but dispose of it.

I've been working on letting go of unnecessary baggage. I now realize, that part of letting go of all that "junk" is giving my dreams room to grow and take root. I am anticipating feeling completely free of excess baggage, as I carry along and chase the real "stuff" God has placed before me.
Thanks, PK!

!!!!!Celebrate!!!!!!

I could not let today go by without blogging, because tomorrow is a big day in the Garcia family! Gianna Avie Garcia is turning 4 years old!

I blogged several months ago about The Best "OOPS" That Ever Happened To Me (follow the link to read)- and that is exactly what Gianna is!
This is the first year we will be having "family parties" for our girls Birthdays- just the 4 of us and any other family who is able to come. We're allowing the Gianna to plan her favorite meals for the day, and she will wake up to balloons and streamers and decorations. Of course, we will end the day with a Barbie Cake and gifts. It will be a day to celebrate her and the gift she is to all of us!

It's so easy to go through the motions of planning a party and a day, and forget to reflect on what the celebration is. I decided this morning that I wanted to write a little something about my baby girl, so it caused me to really start thinking and remembering. I went back and read the blog above that I wrote about her- I grinned ear to ear as it brought back memories.

I also remembered when she was 3 weeks old, a very scary day. Everything was fine as I nursed her and read a book. When it was time to burp her, I sat her up- and something didn't seem so okay anymore. She was kind of limp- well, more limp than what a 3 week old typically is, and it seemed her color was not right. I started to "burp" her a little more aggressively to get her to respond to me. Gianna's eyes began to roll back in her head and her color was getting worse- I knew something was wrong when her lips began turning blue and white. Talk about multi-tasking- while trying to revive my child, I called Lupe hysterical, ran up the stairs to check on a sleeping Tenly, and prayed like I had never prayed before. Of course, by the time Lupe arrived home (he was there in probably 3 minutes with a baby sitter in tow- thank you Jessica) Gianna's eyes were opened, she had a very tired cry and her color was still way off.

We headed to the ER, considering you can never be to cautious with a new born baby. We lived in Columbus, which is a VERY small town- needless to say they were not equipped to deal with infants. They insisted because of her age and the circumstances, we needed to be transported to Texas Children's Hospital, they wanted to be sure everything was ruled out before they issued a clean bill of health.

We spent 3 days there, Lupe and I taking shifts between sleep (they gave us a room in Ronald McDonald House in the hospital) and being with Gia. We held her almost nonstop the whole 3 days, and no one could of convinced me to anything other than that. They ruled it acid reflux, and considering she was 4 weeks premature it sometimes has severe side effects.

A situation like that makes you value your children in a different way......I am so Thankful.

Gianna is one of the sweetest little girls you'll ever know. She is on the quiet side a bit, until she jumps into Tenly's comfortableness, but once she opens up and connects to you- she'll steal your heart. Tenly is her best friend, and she can't wait to have her home all to herself every day. Gianna is a giver, and loves to see others happy. She's a very compassionate little girl, taking every opportunity to tell you how much she loves you. Our little Gia looks like her Mommy, but she has more of her Daddy's personality. She loves to cuddle and sit close- which I take full advantage of. She looks forward to being my little assistant, as she tags along on my errand running and meetings without complaining and ever giving a problem.

Gianna is still known by the little pink stringy blanket and by her wild uncontrollable hair (another thing I gave her). She's a genius with puzzles and anything resembling a computer. But, I believe this little girl- who God told me was called to the world when she was still in my belly (You can read about that one here:Starting Young: Gianna Called To The World) will be know by the love that radiates out of her. She is so special- the best "OOPS!" that ever happened to me!

A Big Lump In The Road...

Moving day/week has come and gone with to many complications to count. I should look on the bright side, at least the complications weren't as expensive as they were last time! No wonder I despise moving!! Of course our bump, or my lump, didn't quite look like the one to the left- but was the one below.

On Tuesday, while moving some of the boxes and smaller stuff, I began to notice a bump (just like the one I have now had on my right and left eye) starting on the right side of my chin. It was a little painful, but at that point I just could not believe it could be another huge abscess beginning. Well, by Wednesday I started to realize I was very wrong as that I now had a good size lump on my chin along with swollen glands and swelling on my face and neck, and quite painful. I quickly made an appointment with my internist who sent me to in Infectious Disease Specialist. It was an emotional day as I had to retell my weird "lump history" of the past 2 months that no one can give me any answers to. The specialist was unable, yet again, to culture it (UGH!)- but seemed certain I had MRSA and gave me another antibiotic to take.

I went home, continuing to pack while my face, neck, and head throbbed. I was hopeful I would wake up Thursday morning with less swelling and pain- didn't happen. I, instead, awoke Thursday to the exact opposite- I tried to do so much between having to lay down because of the pain. (In the middle of all of this, Tenly had an accident at school and was so emotional I went to pick her up.)

By the time Lupe arrived home, I was considering going to the ER- as absurd as that seemed on so many levels.We still had to pack up the kitchen, clothes, and all of the other loose ends- and needed more boxes to do so. As much as I tried to get around it, I finally made the arrangements for a friend to come pick me up so Lupe could stay with the girls and get as much done as possible with no boxes.

The doctor wasn't exactly thrilled with my being there. He thought I should of waited longer than 30 hours to give the antibiotics time to work- but my face was at least 40% more swollen and the pain had increased beyond 75%- I didn't care! They ran blood work, and ultimately they admitted me to give me antibiotics by IV to kick out the infection.

Part of me was relieved, the other part was overwhelmed with guilt and responsibility. I was relieved that we would get to the bottom of this never ending unwelcome infection that had been haunting me for 2 months!But....Who was going to take care of the girls? Who was going to be there for the cable/Internet hook up? Who was going to finish packing? Who was going to boss the guys around to tell them where to put everything? Who was going to organize everything? Who was going to take/pick up Tenly for school? Who was going to be sure Lupe was going to be okay?

We decided Tenly would stay home from school (the first day she missed), and my brother, who was helping to move, was bringing my niece, Maya, and nephew, Emry, to help (which made my girls not miss me at all)- who did an EXCEPTIONAL job! A couple of guys from the church were also coming to help. (I think we will forever be indebted, especially after they had to move our 2-ton couch!)

The first night in the hospital went with no sleep and vomiting all night due to the pain, then dehydration, and the strong pain meds. Then I began having an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics, and we wrapped up my hospital stay 2 days later with a severe migraine (I felt I came in with one thing wrong, and left with more). All 3 doctors are still convinced that I have MRSA, and a suppressed immune system- nothing to prove it except the consensus of 3 doctors thinking the same thing. They wanted a plastic surgeon to cut it open, but no one would come in on a weekend.

Anyway, my brother and Debbie took the girls overnight so Lupe could finish moving the rest of the stuff- that was a HUGE blessing! Not to mention, the girls came back saying it was "..the best day ever.."- apparently it was especially funny when Uncle Bubbo (what they call my brother) hit Aunt Debbie with a stick. LOL!

I finally came home, very thankful for my incredible friends and family who prayed, cared, stayed at the hospital, text encouraging thoughts, brainstormed, left messages, kept our children, lifted a 2 ton couch up and down stairs, etc. I wish we had more to give, but we say Thank You and are blessed to have you.

I am now almost done unpacking boxes while my face continues to heal (it's closer to normal). Although, I'm not fond of my too small kitchen, and inconvenient closet- I am thankful I am in a home with my family (and for the wonderful storage closet). I am started to embrace and understand that saying "Home is where your Heart is".

Please pray that this "lump" was the last. I do not understand why this is happening, and have struggled to keep positive throughout. But, I do know things could be worse- and it is gone- Thank You for continuing to pray that this is the last and I am completely healed!

Packing Memories

Not much joy comes out of packing up all of your belongings to move down the road. It's just a pain! Through the headache of it all, I have found some "smiles" along the way.

First, it gives me the opportunity to sort, purge, and organize...strangely enough, this is something I truly enjoy doing! As I was going through closets and pulling down boxes and bins to be moved into our new home, I found myself with a huge smile as I looked up and read the label on the side of a box, "Tenly & Gianna Baby Memories".
Of course, I should never have opened it up- but I just couldn't help myself. Then, to my dismay, I realized that when this box had last been packed, I had packed it very well and efficiently as to preserve "the memories". Every item had been wrapped in white tissue paper and labeled specifically. I kind of let out a big sigh, I really wanted to look at the stuff....yet again, I couldn't help myself and began to unwrap each item one at a time. So glad I did, every one I unwrapped brought back a memory, a tear, and a smile....and I couldn't help but share my "T & G Memories"......

Tenly's Home From The Hospital Outfit

Gianna's Home From The Hospital Outfit

The Girls Hospital Shirts and Blankets and Tenly's Baby Brush From Dana

Tenly's Dedication Outfit at BWOC

Dedication Bibles Given To The Girls From Pastors Tommy and Rachel

Gianna's Dedication Outfit- BWOC

Tenly's First Birthday Dress From Aunt Chris

Gianna's First Birthday Outfit

Daddy Brought Back Mexican Dresses from His Missions Trip To Mexico

Tenly's First School Backpack

Zakia Had This Hung Over Tenly's Crib When We Arrived Home, Signed By All Of The BMI Staff. Very Special

The Girls Each Have A Box Stuffed Full of Sonogram Pics, Birthday Invites, Finger Paintings, Little Projects, and All of The "Firsts" I Am  Able to Keep a Small Something From.

Each one of these hold a reminder of God's goodness and  faithfulness in our lives.
There's another box I haven't gotten to yet, it is packed full of all of Lupe and my memories....I will spare you all of the pictures and memories of all that....
Little bits of smiles and happiness in packing............................ 

Reliving The Past......

School never came easy for me. Even when I was in Elementary school, it never was easy for a variety of reasons. One reason was I started young, I have a September birthday, and although the teachers said I was socially above average (even then I was a social bug), I had a difficult time processing the things in my brain in order to communicate them verbally or written.

In the first grade, I had a teacher who was very hard on me. She did not seem to be able to tolerate my need for more or different instruction or direction. I never felt what I did was good enough and began to fear trying because no matter how hard I tried it wasn't good enough.

I believe everyone has the need to be praised and strive to please to some degree- some more than others- and some, like me, too much. So, when I began getting sad faces with tears drawn going down the page on my class work- I would hide them from my parents because I feared disappointing them. I also began to hide my work from my teacher in school because I would rather be in trouble for not having it done or losing it than to chance myself being marked by another sad face. I also feared asking for help, because weakness, or not understanding, was just not okay. That sad face, to me, represented an emotion of disappointment, failure, stupidity, weakness, inadequacy. I'm sure many others who were/are graded with that type of system, it probes them to try harder- which I know that's what it is intended for- but it did no such thing for me. In fact, the exact opposite, it kind of strangled me.

Mom with Tenly

My wonderful mom, has always been very intuitive, she very quickly saw how I was retreating and beginning to give up and recognized the connection it had to school. Some may find it odd and petty that I, and others, would be so strongly effected by something as "simple" as a sad face- but my mom went with that gut feeling- that mom's know so well, and decided she would fight for my self esteem, self confidence, self worth, emotions, and education. She had many meetings with the teacher trying to help her understand that this grading system was having a very bad impact on me. Things changed, but I still dreaded going to that classroom, I honestly remember absolutely dreading it- as a 6 year old. I was held back in the first grade by my parents, and finally began flourishing during my second year in 1st grade with my teacher Mrs. Lay. She went over and beyond the call of duty making sure she would do what was within her power and ability to rebuild what had been crushed. I hope I am able to thank her one day for her kindness and willingness to make a difference, and not do what was easy, but she dig deep to find what would work.

Throughout my life, I have struggled with my self confidence and still do at times. Watching myself strive for attention and being eager to please is not a trait I am proud of. Sometimes, now in my mature 30's, I find myself standing on the side lines refraining from doing something or talking to someone because I fear it will be viewed as desperation or a need for attention. Did some of this stem out of deep rooted things that came from sad faces and humiliation in the 1st grade? Maybe it didn't, but I'm pretty confident it did. You know, I was hurt- just because the mark/scar that was placed on me could not be seen, does not mean it's not there.

I'm reflecting back on these not so pleasant memories because of a little situation we faced with Tenly this past week. I actually put it in my status on Facebook and was taken aback and enlightened on the feedback from it. Tenly was given a sad face, her second one of the year (she, to my surprise, was keeping count)- and her reaction to it scared me and pained me. The pain because it hurts to see your child hurt, and scared me because I feared watching her go through what I did. It pained me so badly to see my child hurt in that way, I had to leave the room more than once to cry myself- I could feel myself reliving it. If she wouldn't have had much of a reaction to it, I would of been proud that she saw it as an opportunity to try harder. But, to my dismay, that was not the case.

Tenly shared with me that at school she cried, was very sad and did not want to go back. (Now, keep in mind, that has never been the case and she adores her teacher.) When I questioned why, she began to cry as she explained she had received a sad face, her second one, and Mrs. C was disappointed and sad with her because she could not try hard enough. I began to encourage her and explained what Mrs. C had intended by giving her that sad face, and that we just needed to continue to try hard. All she kept processing was that Mrs. C was sad with her, and her "smart brain" could not try hard enough anymore.

While doing her homework later, we struggled for her to even put anything on the paper because it might be wrong and if it was wrong she would get another sad face. It got to the point that we left it and have continued to go back and try throughout the weekend, because she just could not get past the fear of a sad face. Mind you, in times past, Mrs. C typically writes "practice at home", "work on this skill", "needs more practice", "keep trying". Tenly has always responded very well to these notes, and embraces continuing to practice or work on whatever skill necessary.

A "You CAN Do It" moment

Many people thought/think I am blowing this out of proportion and making a bigger deal out of it than it is, because I am going to ask for a conference to brainstorm with Mrs. C a more appropriate way of grading Tenly, that will encourage her rather than discourage her. And, maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, maybe I am reacting out of the fear of what I went through as a child. But, I am going to follow in my wise mother's footsteps and ask God to guide me as I ensure Tenly will have the education she needs to make her successful.

I may be an overprotective, panicky, petty, pain-in-the-butt, erring on the side of caution, Momma- but I can live with those titles for my kids. I would always rather be over cautious than under cautious.