We Closed One Door & Let God Open The Other

A few posts ago, I talked about my husband, Lupe's, decision to leave his current job. I had mixed feelings about it considering he did not even have a prospect of a new job in sight. But, hearing the defeated sound in his voice- I just couldn't ask him to stay. Lupe recently shared with me he regretted part of his decision. He said, he still would of called me and told me he couldn't do it anymore- but he would of waited to give his notice until he had something else- he reacted emotionally. Anyone who knows Lupe, knows he is NOT an emotional person at all- he is VERY stable- so this was a very unusual thing. Then he told me he asked God to forgive him and to help him learn from it, and then asked God to show his grace and provide a new job.

Since Lupe gave his notice- I believe it was in July- he has been fervently putting out applications at any and every opportunity. Honestly, not many responses considering how many apps he was putting out there. There were many times I had to just talk to myself, quote the Word of God to prevent myself of becoming easily overwhelmed (as I do to often).

About a month ago, Lupe received a phone call regarding an application he put in with Winn Dixie grocery store as a Culinary Director. It was an attractive position in many ways. One of the biggest perks is it is less than 10 minutes down the road vs. the 20 minute drive we now have. The position leaves room for creativity and advancement and bonuses.

After Lupe's 3rd interview, the HR director called and told him he was her pick for the job- but he had to go into another interview with some other directors and to really sell himself. She even took the time to prep him for the interview for a bit. Well, 3 interviews after that Lupe was officially offered the position and he took it. He did have to take a pay cut, but even with that- he is so excited about this job and we both have a total peace.

I told Lupe about a week ago about how much I have grown through this process. I don't wish this type of situation on anyone, but I can honestly say I am thankful for it. My faith and trust in God would not be where it is had it not been for this very difficult process! God has blessed and kept us beyond my expectations. There was even another company who was really wanting Lupe to work for them and were so disappointed when he had to inform them he had taken the other position- that was a nice little bonus!!

We've questioned our decisions at times, Lupe even wondered if he's made a mistake when he took the job that moved us down here. We don't know why the picture has played out the way it has. Maybe the experience at the other place helped in getting him in at Winn Dixie. Maybe God placed Lupe there to minister to some of the other staff or plant some seeds. Maybe God was using the whole situation to strengthen my faith. I don't know why, but I do know that as hard as it has been...I'm grateful for the process and for the opportunity to share how faithful my God is.

Starting Young...

I remember the feeling of Gianna kicking for the first time while I was pregnant very vividly. Lupe and I were sitting in our typical seats on the front row at church on October 21, 2007. Our Pastor was on the stage leading the church body in a prayer for the nations. The stage at our church, had all the flags from all different countries going around the perimeter of it- Pastor had called for people to come up and lay hands on the different flags as we prayed. Lupe and I remained on the floor with our hands extended to the flags as we prayed- I remember Pastor saying boldly "...we declare unity in these countries, and that God's church and people will facilitate unity in all nations..."- that's when I felt it- KICK! Not just a little bump, but I solid KICK! I grabbed Lupe's hand in time to feel a second KICK! We both smiled ear to ear as we continued to pray.

All of a sudden, I sensed it was no coincidence that I felt that kick while we were praying for the nations. God began to whisper to my heart, and I feel He began to prepare my heart. God whispered Psalms 96:3, "Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works (deeds) among ALL people.", then I clearly heard as we continued to pray, "This Baby is called to the World". As I type this, I cry about as much as I did on that day. It is both such a wonderful and scary thing to have a child called to the World.

This has been on mind from this weekend. The church we currently attend, Community Christian Church, has a wonderful program called Community Impact. It is when our church comes together and has many different opportunities for everyone to serve the community. We chose to serve as a family by making PB&J sandwiches/lunches for the homeless. I was excited to begin showing our girls at 3 & 5 how we can give to others. They were beyond excited! Tenly was thrilled to make the PB&J sandwiches to where Gianna was more excited to pack the lunches in the bags (she didn't care for having sticky hands). I was put in charge of coordinating one of the rooms by making sure everyone had the supplies needed at the tables.

At one point I turned around, and saw Gianna packing the stuff in the bags and tears sprang into my eyes. God again whispered to me that this is the beginning of something much greater in her. I told her the little papers we were putting in each bag were telling the people how much we and God loved them. She told me, "..that's right, because Our God loves everybody..".

As Pastor Scott preached the following day about "Going Beyond", I was reminded again about Gianna somehow reaching the World. I don't know what she, or Tenly, are called to do. I don't know how or where I will watch her or them go. But, I know God will equip me to equip her, or them, to to go and He will equip me to let her or them. I can't do it without him- because He knows I'm in emotional wreck without Him....LOL!

What a discovery this week has been. The opportunity to serve others along side my children has been such an honor.

My NEED for ABSOLUTE Control!

I don't know what to do with myself!

It's a constant running joke between my family and friends- my NEED for control, and my inability to let go of it.

My control issues came to a head for me in the Bible Study I help to lead at church. We were discussing balance and how our husbands and children contribute to help. It was a major "A-ha" moment for me as I listened to the discussion. Lupe is wonderful, he contributes in many many ways- garbage, dishes, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, making the bed, cooking, packing lunches, etc. My girls contribute (or so I thought)- they're responsible for picking up their bedroom, and keeping any and all toys put away in the APPROPRIATE and DESIGNATED space. I came to realize, during our discussion, that my girls were not really contributing enough- and it was all because of ME!

All of the other moms around me were talking about how their kids fold their laundry AND put it away. Here was my response (or excuse) to that.."..but it wouldn't be folded properly...they would just cram it in the drawers instead of putting it in the 'right' place...". (FYI: I am the one who refolded all the laundry after the babysitter had it done for me and my girls clothes are sorted very particularly in stacks divided for short/long/solid colored/printed etc.). The conversation then went to the kids unloading the dishwasher- my reaction (or excuse) to that one was pretty much the same as my reaction to the laundry. One of these mom's has a child younger than mine, and she helps too!

I had to sit back and evaluate WHY I can't allow my children (and sometimes my husband) to help and do. It pretty much comes down to the fact that I need it done exactyly my way! Sad, right?

I remember when we were unpacking boxes in our apartment, Lupe volunteered to go hang the shower rod. Easy enough, right? Not really something that can be messed up, right? That's why it's mind boggling as to why I followed him into the bathroom giving him instructions on how he should do it. Lupe finally turned around and looked at me and asked, "Do YOU just want to do it?". 

How much time, energy, stress, sleepless nights have I brought on myself out of my need to control everyone and everything around me? Because, believe me- when I am NOT in control, it can get pretty ugly. Sometimes, it comes down to trust and faith in God and in others- but sometimes, it's just stupid, petty stuff and NOT worth it!



Date Day!

 On Saturday, my husband arrange a "date afternoon"- lined out the babysitter, lunch, Christmas shopping, and a surprise. For my surprise, Lupe made me close my eyes until we arrived there. This was TORTURE! Even in church, when they tell everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes- I'll keep my head down but my eyes are open. I don't like "not knowing" (or something)! That meant, I couldn't tell him the best way to go, or where to park, and I couldn't even see if there was an oncoming car, or if I was going to stop in a pothole in my 4 inch heels! BUT, I was so proud (and Lupe was too) that I kept them closed and was very surprised as I opened my eyes to standing inside The Cheesecake Factory for my favorite Carrot Cake (I put on my FB status the day before I was craving it).

Well, needless to say- my girls are now folding laundry (and I'm trying not to refold it), and eventually they'll put it away (BABY STEPS), and are also unloading the dishwasher! I'm even letting them pick their own clothes out....sometimes! I love seeing how much they enjoy it, and even I enjoy it. I'm rediscovering that not only do my kids and husband need me, but I need them- and not only on MY terms.

Family

WOW- I'm feeling getting to blog after way to long! Between the business of life and getting sick and losing every bit of energy I had for over a week, I'm finally getting back to normal (whatever that is).

About a week and a half ago, my Aunt Net put together a Family Reunion for the Denson Family....it has been a long time.I don't remember at what age I began to understand the "family breakdown"- you know- who are in the family by blood vs. who is in the family by marriage. In my Dad's family especially, they were always so close. Majority of my Aunts and Uncles who married into the family called my Granny and PawPaw "Mom and Dad" and treated each other as a true part. So, it was difficult for me to understand who my dad's sisters (6) and brothers (1) were and which were the spouses. They were just family- no separation. Part of the reunion we had, was celebrating my Uncle Norris, who was my Dad's sister, Frankie's (she passed away in 2005) husband. We were celebrating him and the incredible legacy as a man of God and a pillar in our family- although he did marry into the family- you would never know. I love that. I love that we are just family- a great family.

See, growing up we used to have these HUGE family reunions with a few hundred people (and yes, I was related somehow to most of them) almost every year. It was a day full of food. fun, and being oohed and awed over by people who knew me and I didn't have a clue who they were. But, I have many memories from those reunions of playing all day with my many many cousins and leaving exhausted!
It's been many years since we've had a HUGE reunion. My Grandparents passed away many years ago, but my Dad's family has remained close although struggling to stay connected while living all over the place and taking care of their individual families. After my Aunt Frankie passed away and a few years later my cousin Mal also did- my Aunt Net took it upon herself to get us all back together for a weekend. This is no easy task with 8 brothers and sisters, and countless children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great-great grandchildren.
Not all of the family were able to make it, but a good number of us were- and it was a much needed time. It was especially wonderful to get to see and talk to my Aunt Net and Uncle Bull. Since they had 2 boys, somehow there was always a connection between us and I kind of became their baby girl. Spent many weekends being spoiled rotten by them at their house. They've always had a special place in my heart and I in theirs. It had been way to long since I had seen or talked with them, and my Uncle Bull hadn't been in the best of health as of late. I loved that I was able to look in his eyes and tell him I loved him and see that he was okay, while my Aunt Net ran around coordinating everyone and everything.
I loved introducing my girls to all of their MANY family members! Tenly, especially, was amazed at how big our family was. Lupe met many that he had never met, and it was special to reconnect relationships that had been unintentionally neglected. The Denson Family are almost all incredible singers and musicians. Growing up they even had a Singing Group called "The Happy Christians"- it's okay- I know you are laughing at that name. We would travel around to churches and functions with them and they would call all of my cousins and I "The Baby Christan's" and make us come up and sing to- UGH! Anyway, during the reunion, so many of the family went up and sang and had all the instruments pulled out. Although, I've always been aware of how incredibly talented my family is- I still sat there listening in amazement at the talent within the Denson Family. Not only my blood relations, but also so many of the people who have married into our family are unbelievably talented musicians and singers. It was great to see everyone marvel at the talent that so many of us hadn't seen in years and some talent that's never been witnessed by others in that room- we watched   and marveled at the talent God has blessed us with.
I took away from that weekend an urgency to never let this many years to go by without at least being in contact with my many Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. I want my girls to experience family- and even all of that effort falls on my shoulders- I'll carry it and at least try. It's to important not to have.

Love is A Verb

I have never been one to read more than one book at a time! I guess it comes from my need to complete a project before I start another...I don't know. BUT, as I got into my bed last night- I told Lupe that I was feeling pretty smart with my stacks of books and notebooks beside my bed- and I am in the middle of reading 4 of them (and Yes, that's Tenly's artwork on my Message Bible)! Anyway, the newest one I am reading is the book for our Mom's Bible Study, "Real Moms, Real Jesus"- it is such a great book- but I'll get to more of that in a bit.

I am so pleased to report, that I have a much anticipated "Meeting" every Monday evening! Okay, not actually meeting as much as a great time of "nothing" with my friend, Kim. We used to do this commonly and then summer came and scheduling conflicts with it and it just stopped. Well, Kim and I decided we were way past due and restarted our wonderful "nothing time". Just us and a cup of coffee in Starbucks with no agenda, but just to "be". This past Monday, we found ourselves discussing many different things- some with no depth and others very deep. One of the topics was, our witness to others in our daily lives/activities.
Kim and I were both raised in church and have memories of going door to door to witness to people with our families and churches- something that doesn't happen much anymore. Anyway, we were discussing what the most effective "witness" is- it can be very different for each person, I guess. She and I both agreed that to us, is The Love of God that people see in us.

My husband Lupe is a perfect example of this. In his position at work, he works alongside many people. Upon meeting these people, he didn't shake their hand declaring he was a born again Christian and telling each of them all of the unGodly things they were doing. Lupe did his job and conducted himself in a Godly manner and jumped on every opportunity to share the Love of God with his co-workers- and every time the response went something like this, "I KNEW it- I knew you were a Christian- there's just something different about you!" or "Is that why you're always so calm and happy all the time? Is that why you never get mad or stressed- because you're a Christian?" The same thing happened to me at work- I never came out and made a loud declaration of my Christianity- but every opportunity that arose for me to talk about the Goodness and Love of My God- I took. Two of my co-workers told me, "See, I knew it- that's why I never cussed around you, because I had a feeling you were a Christian."

I was reading the third chapter in "Real Moms, Real Jesus" after Kim and I had coffee that night. Ironically enough, it was about having a Gentle Spirit and gave the example of "The Woman at the Well" in John 4. It talked about the way Jesus talked and spent time with the woman and eventually, very gently, inquired about the man she was living with. He didn't condemn her or rebuke her- He loved her and spent time with her- and that drew her in and caused her to want to change.
There are times, that I have been told or even thought maybe I need to be more aggressive about God- but between my conversation with Kim and reading this- I walked away with the reassurance that The Love of God is what draws others in. Having empathy, compassion, and just listening can often leave the biggest life changing effects on others. Not to say that there aren't things I need to do differently and be more passionate about- but I am convinced that allowing others to see the love of Jesus in all we do, say, and live has a far greater impact than the best sermon that the best preacher could ever preach.
O lives should be the greatest sermon.........................

One of The Good Moms

Here is the Monologue I did last week- it was a lot of fun- and it honestly speaks my heart (well, in under 8 minutes that is)............

Good Moms.....
 

"Okay, I might as well put it out there: I AM one of the GOOD MOMS!

That’s right, along with the many other Mom’s out there potty training, wiping up spills from “non-spill” sippy cups- (can anyone say FALSE advertisement?!), changing diapers, having sleepless nights, reading the same book 10 times, chauffeuring the whole family, balancing 4+ peoples schedules- WE are the Good Mom’s!

I am talking about myself and the millions of other Mom’s who put everyone and everything else before them.  Who constantly feel ourselves in a tug-a-war between our relationship with God, marriage, children, time, work, and the overcoming feeling of guilt when we dare to have a little “Me Time”! How many times have we neglected ourselves striving for “Mommy Perfectionism”? Ahhh, but yet we STILL…are The Good Moms!

UN-Perfect Christmas Pic

As I awake daily to my incredible job, as a Mother to my wonderful girls, Tenly and Gianna, - I have no exact job description, no exact manual….and no time allotted learning curve to master it all. I fail as many times, if not more times, than I succeed. One thing I am forever grateful for- is God’s Grace-in spite of my constant tug-a-war- His Grace is why I am still one of The Good Moms.

I mean, come on- let’s be real here! I, and all other Mom’s, must admit we are not perfect Women or perfect Mothers. Like, skipping a shower, or getting to work and realizing I, or my kids, forgot to brush their teeth, or put on deodorant! Have you ever walked into the bathroom at church and looked in the mirror to realize that you having hairs growing off your chin or your need to bleach your upper lip- or maybe your hair resembles a skunk with the gray stripe down your roots. I would much rather rejoice over a great pedicure rather than the fact that my husband is out in ironed clothes! But, despite my un-pedicured toes- I’m still one of the Good Moms.

Fixing the dress with a glue gun!

What about all of our secret mommy confessions? You know! Like- think back to when your kids were babies- past or present- do you remember “not noticing” your child’s dirty, sagging diaper so your husband would be the one to have to change it? Who’s done the unforgivable thing of letting Disney Jr. or PBS babysit your kids? Here’s a classic, skipping pages or rewriting your kids long books? Who writes children’s books with 5 paragraphs on a page anyway? Of course you come to church to grow in God, but who would admit that occasionally it’s the only peaceful time in a week that your kids are in a safe environment with someone else besides you! Guilt and all, still we are The Good Mom’s!

I was thinking recently of “SOME day”- the day I will do some AMAZING things, like… “SOME” day, I’ll go back to the gym faithfully and get all of my body parts back where they should be! “SOME” day, I’m going to take a dream vacation to Hawaii! “SOME” day, I’m going to finish my degree. “SOME” day, I will have time for everything. “SOME” day, I will get a pedicure again. “SOME” day, I will get a full body massage. “SOME” days- will come faster than others. BUT, on THIS day- I’m going to watch my 5 year old walk into Kindergarten all by her self and my 3 year old discover that she can swim under water. I’m going to watch these 2 precious girls, who started out as 6lbs 3oz and 7lbs 6oz, I am going to stare at them in total awe of the beautiful miracle that they are and I am going to think, “My GOD, THIS is amazing!”

Yes, I am a good mom.

I struggle with feelings of guilt and unworthiness and disappointing others. The house doesn’t look perfect enough, the ironing is building up, I haven’t read my girls enough books, my dinners should be more spectacular and healthy, I shouldn’t of bought myself that pair of shoes, I should of prayed longer today, I haven’t read my Bible enough. My list could go on forever. Aren’t you glad that others do not see us the way we see ourselves. Why do I focus on these things instead of capitalizing on the gifts, talents, and abilities God has given me?

How do we, as Mothers, forget about ourselves-we always end up lost in the shuffling of schedules and people- we are not a priority?  But, I’m reminding myself, and anyone who will listen, that taking time for ourselves as Mothers and Women makes us better Moms, Wives, and Friends!                                      

Tenly

Balance- WOW, what a word- it means “An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. To keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.” Easier said than done, right? Schedules, kids, toys, meals, church, soccer, ballet, dance, gymnastics, family, school, doctors, groceries, laundry, cleaning, ironing, friends, work, bills, budget, marriage, dates, your “love” life (or lack there of)…Balance and Priorities!

A Good Mom- That’s ME! We celebrate our children’s triumphs, anticipating every milestone, and struggling to document EVERY memory so that we never forget them. Isn’t it amazing how instant the love for our children is? Before we even see them, and feel this little alien moving inside our bodies, we love them. Then the doctor hands them to us as soon as they leave our bodies, and this overwhelming, unconditional love, that is almost impossible to explain, instantly grips us upon looking into our child’s eyes for the first time. If you think about it, it’s a perfect reflection of Christ’s love for us.

I am a Good Mom- my heart aches with love for my children, and knowing I’m their first teacher, example, and primary role model, brings out wonderful God-given qualities in me like patience, kindness, faith, trust, and empathy. Because being Tenly and Gianna’s Mother has made me want to be my very best self- the Woman and Mother- God has called and challenged me to be- not just for my girls, but for me too. Yes, I will continue to make mistakes. I will get angry and yell at times, and have to go back and ask for forgiveness. I will serve “lazy dinners” to many times, and even keep my girls up a little later than I should because I just want to hold them a little longer or because I am completely oblivious of the time. I will make wrong choices and struggle to find balance. But, I will always strive to demonstrate and teach the Love of God in all I say and do. I will bring my girls to the House of God, I will teach them the Power of Prayer, I will demonstrate a Godly Loving Marriage, and I will teach them the Word of God, and surround them with Godly People. BUT, here I am the good, the bad, and the ugly…………….

I AM a Good- NO- I am a Great, Loving, and Spectacular, and Above Average Mom!"

If you made it to the end..(I know, it's a little long)...I hope you enjoyed it and you were able to take something away!

I Never Imagined

FINALLY!
I've been wanting to get on here all week to Blog.................................
Last Saturday was the Women's Event at my church that I had the opportunity to speak at- I was excited nervous and expectant when I went to bed on Friday. When I awoke Saturday, I was still excited, nervous, and expectant- and a little chaotic!Let me back up for a minute. My incredible husband, Lupe, volunteered (after I gently suggested how talented he was to the team) to help with the food. He was making a quiche/egg casserole- we were serving a brunch. On Friday afternoon, we attacked Sam's Club and bought all the ingredients- and Lupe did a trial run to make sure he knew the exact time it was going to take for them to cook. Well, as prepared as my husband was- prepped ingredients night before and all- sometimes things still throw a curve ball. He had 12 large Casseroles to make, and we had allowed for 45 minutes for them to cook. Well, that didn't happen- the pans were to large so we couldn't put as many in the oven as we originally thought- and they were taking over an hour to cook, actually close to an hour and a half. Therefore, I was running a tad late and Lupe ended up getting there over an hour later than he hoped to help prep for serving the ladies. But, the chaos passed.....
I arrived to find Joanne (she was also sharing that day and is teaching the Bible Study also) having a similar type of morning. She and I had been working together to get all the decorations and centerpieces done for a couple of weeks and had been there a couple of days earlier putting the stage and "dining hall" together with several other volunteers- so we were really anticipating this to be a great day. After praying and reminding ourselves of why we were there- we were ready to be used to minister to these ladies- nerves and all.
As Stephanie Bringas (CCC's Conections Director) kicked off the event and then invited the worship team up, I was so relieved to enter into worship- it helped to calm me and completely put me at peace- I almost didn't even feel nervous. Joanne was the first to begin- as the ladies immediately responded with laughter to her opening monologue, it was so wonderful to see her shoulders just relax and see God just take control and use her!

Then I see my name and "my verse", Jeremiah 29:11, on the screen- I whispered, "..okay, God- me and You- here goes something.." as I walked to the center of the stage. I spit out the first line of my monologue- and kept going with absolute peace, "Okay, I might as well put it out there...I am one of The Good Moms..". The ladies were so receptive- and I do think God used me. My prayer had been, "God, I want each of these women to be met at their point of need..", I believe they were. New friends were made, decisions were made, choices were made, changes were made. Most of all, God used me. When I left Texas, I never imagined that I would be used in this way at all- especially this soon. I am leading a Bible Study and was given the opportunity to speak for a moment at a women's event. I have found myself wondering why me instead of someone else- and honestly, I don't know. But, I guess that's truly not important- it's hard to explain but- as I spoke to all those women what God had placed on my heart, I was ministered to in a major way that I cannot describe. A healing took place on that stage in front of all of those women, and I will be forever grateful. That was a day full of rediscovery....................................

Joanne and I

(Later this week, I will post the monologue that I did considering we did not get to video it)

Out of The Comfort Zone, Here Goes Nothing

Once we arrived in the Fort Lauderdale area, we quickly started searching for a church. Personally, I knew better than to wait. I guess I was kind of aware of the "state" I was in, and knew that if I took a break for weeks or months, I would get complacent and comfortable and would stop going. Deep down, it was also very apparent that I needed to continue to be fed the Word and be surrounded by others who would keep me encouraged and focused on God. Not to mention, I always want my kids to know that this is what we do as a family- we go to church to worship God and keep ourselves centered in Him.

We pretty quickly made the decision to join Community Christian Church, before we even decided that this would be our church home- I saw a Bible Study for Mom's that I knew was for me.

It wasn't comfortable to join a Bible Study where I didn't know anyone at all, and really didn't even know the ins and outs of the church yet. I just knew, that I needed some time to focus on Me and leave encouraged and uplifted- I knew this enough to force myself to show up, I am so glad I did. During that study, I met and have some of the closest friends I have had in a long time.

Joanne was the leader of that first Bible Study I did at CCC, and has become a wonderful friend. While planning the Studies for the school year, Joanne mentioned to our Connection Director, Stephanie, that she thought they should ask me to do a Thursday morning Study. I was a bit taken aback when I received that phone call. I couldn't believe it, someone saw potential in me? Enough potential to allow me to speak into other women's lives?

After prayer and talking with Lupe, I said Yes and felt the excitement building. I'll admit there were a couple times that I panicked because of past experiences in ministry related stuff- but I jumped the hurdle and plowed ahead. We're calling the Mom Group "Manna For Mommies" and are studying a book by the name of Real Mom's Real Jesus by Jill Savage. During the planning stages of our upcoming women's event (tomorrow!) where all the Studies for women will be introduce- Stephanie thought all of the Study leaders should speak. Now, I'm not very intimidated by a stage. Anyone who knows me, knows I am very talkative (some would say to talkative) and am typically not intimidated by people. But, as the day (TOMORROW) has grown closer, I have felt myself getting so nervous. Joanne and I both decided that we would do a fun monologue type thing before speaking. I think this is bringing on a bit of my nervousness- as much as I enjoy acting- it's been a LONG time!

Our decorations thus far.

Joanne and I have had a lot of fun planning for this event (this is my first and she's done a ton), so after we and a few of the ladies finished arranging all of the decor (pics to come) we had the opportunity to rehearse with the other 3 ladies. It went well, and I am so lucky that we had the opportunity to run through the monologue- it put me at ease and made me feel very confident that I am going in the right direction and God has guided me while writing it. I am speaking on being "One of The Good Moms". We're hoping to have a good enough recording so I can post it on here.

SO, as I sign off to go pray and memorize lines (SO hard, I feel like I pushed out my memory with the placenta and what didn't come out then my girls sucked out while breastfeeding, lol.), tomorrow around 10:00am- say a prayer for myself and the CCC ladies Ministry Team. We want this to be a safe place for women to let down their guard and trust God to meet them at their point of need.
I'm finding myself again, and to be honest- it's not where or how I thought! Doesn't it always seem to go that way? I'm realizing that on this journey, it's a little scary not knowing what's coming around each corner- but shockingly enough- it's a bit enjoyable and not all bad (can you hear that optimism coming out, lol?). Jeremiah 29:11- He knows!