Resolution or No Resolution?

Today is New Years Eve of 2012 (and we are obviously not partying)!! I began thinking about what I was expecting in the next year, which brought me into thinking about New Years Resolutions.  IF I was going to make a resolution, what would it be?? Then I started to wonder, have I ever kept a New Years Resolution? Has anyone? I'm sure there is a percentage who has- but if you weren't going to change it yesterday, what makes you think you'll change it today. Like when people say, "..on MONDAY I'm starting my diet..", well- why not just do it today? Does that make sense? I'm not innocent, believe me- I have made that comment, and more, many many times!
But, there are some things I'd like to change, some things I'd like to accomplish, some things I'd like to improve on, and some new habits I'd like to establish. If I were to put all of those things on a New Years Resolution list, I would go into 2013 a failure- heck, I'd go into March 2012 a failure!

I am only 5 pounds away from my goal weight, so I can't use that one this time (for the first time in 8 years)! I really do want to work on/at something, I am having a hard time narrowing it down- but I must!

For Instance:

• I want to (and have for a long time) run a 5k!!

With all reality, we will more than likely be moving in the next few weeks and with the energy packing, moving, unpacking will take- I don't know if I will have the energy to kick that one off until mid-February or March.

• I want my girls to see my pray and read my Bible.

Not that I don't, but they are typically not around when I do. I think a major impact is made when children visualize (and then imitate) what they see. That's something that I can and will do- but it shouldn't take me making a New Years Resolution to kick that off.

• I've been wanting to do a Biblical Study on the Names of God.

Again, does it really take a New Years Resolution to cause that to  happen? That's something that once I start, it will drive itself.

• I want to start making more individualized time for my family.

Lupe and I can't really afford to do a lot of "dates" lately, but that shouldn't stop us! I need to cook a special dinner/dessert for us after the girls go to bed, or a movie on TV, a game night, a "Staycation", etc. The same for the girls, I want to set aside time to do special things that are individualized and specific- it doesn't take a lot to make my girls day, even more of a reason to make it happen.

• I want to be a better friend.

Going over and beyond the "call of duty". A handwritten note- not an email/facebook one, a just because phone call, little gifts and such.

• I want to find my "Mt. Everest".

Have you had something you wanted to conquer? Accomplish? Something major you had to work toward? I am talking about the type of thing that is life changing- not just for you, but for everyone in your life. Something that defines you and gives direction- not just for you but for everyone around you. I want to make a difference, do something that is bigger than myself- not just for me, but to impact everyone around me- my "Mt. Everest"!
I remember a friend I had awhile back, he helped to walk me through a very difficult time many years ago. He told me about a situation he was facing that he could not get away from. One day he was straight up tired and exhausted from fighting it. He began to tell me how he turned all the lights off in his room, laid down on the floor with nothing but his Bible and began to pray. The first thing out of his mouth was, "God, I'm not leaving this room until this situation is gone... I will not let go until it's completely done..". By the time he left that room, God had taken care of the entire situation, and he was free.

I kind of feel like that going into 2012, "God, I will not let go until you accomplish ____in me!".That, of course, is going to depend much on myself. What is that saying?- What you put into it, is what you're going to take out of it.
I'm not sure what, if any, of those things I listed will be focused on in making my "New Years Resolution". But, I am determined to be stronger and more established- in God, my Faith, my Family- as a Mother and Wife, my home, in "Me".
The Best is Yet To Come in 2012.

Unrealistic High Expectations

I just had a wonderful, much needed visit with a great friend. Kim and I met back in January of this year at a Bible Study from our church, we clicked instantly- it's honestly hard to believe we've only been friends for 6 months. We are very similar people, but are still different enough to challenge, strengthen, and "sharpen" each other. This afternoon, we sat pool side chatting while our girls (Kim also has 2 girls) swam- it turned out that we both desperately needed this time today.

We both have some things going on that brought us to a discussion on High Expectations. As we talked , I knew what I wanted to write about today. We were not discussing the expectations others put on us- but the unreasonable HIGH expectations we put on ourselves. From being a parent, a Christian, a wife/husband, an employee/boss, or even friend- we tend to put unreasonable expectations on ourselves- or at least I do (and Kim does).

I mean, yes- many people tend to put unreasonable expectations on us also- but so often we measure ourselves against some crazy picture that WE have painted. It could be an article we read, a conference attended, a book, others peoples perspective or way of doing something- It all gets lumped together in this picture of perfection that we never will achieve. Honestly, the only person who says that it's the "perfect" picture is ourselves. 

Unrealistic

My perfect picture would be this: My size 3/4 self, would wake up on time everyday to a house that is constantly maintained/organized/clean- but yet still fun. Before making my happy/content/well rested family a perfect homemade, from scratch, breakfast- I did my 45 minute devotional and 45 prayer time, showered, completely ready and beautified with straight hair. I drop my happy children off at school, arrive to work with an encouraging word for everyone all day- even when I am treated badly. When my husband calls stressed- I am ready with an answer, scripture, and encouraging word that will launch him through the rest of the day and the same will happen for my children when they challenge me- and I would never lose my patience. Pick up my children with lots of love and arrive home and pop my perfect- from scratch- dinner in the oven as a greet my husband at the door with a smile and kiss. Accomplish my whole "to do" list plus some- playing with my children to their contentment- putting them to bed after their bath with a smile. Ending my day with a devotional and prayer time.

REALITY

Mind you- I've never had a day like that and I've never seen that perfect picture except in my head (or on Leave It To Beaver). So, WHY would I even think I would ever be able to accomplish this? Because I've seen or heard other people talk about the wonderful parts of their lives- and I try to think up what their magic formula may be.

I believe in order to be "spiritually sound/mature" I MUST spend a minimum of 1 1/2 hours in God's presence every day- and how dare I not do that! I have to remind myself that God doesn't want just a small chunk out of my day- He wants relationship- and that comes from moments- big, small, long, short, happy, or sad, morning, night, or afternoon, 5 minutes or 5 hours. I tend to put this "all or nothing" expectation on myself which only creates stress, and frustration.

I do the same thing with my home and schedules some times- do it right or not at all- that always ends eventually with me having an emotional, explosive breakdown- it all comes from unrealistic high expectations that only I put on myself. I'm also coming to realize that these things trickle down to those around me- and they feel the effects of how I treat myself and expect to much from me. I'm coming to realize that for my family, they don't want any of that stuff I just mentioned, the most precious thing I can give them is my time and attention- those things aren't always so easy, but for the most part- it's effortless.

God, My Family, and My Friends do not walk around with a measuring stick- I do- and I need to put it down and focus on the things that really matter. I've gotten better about much of it, and worse about others. But, while talking with Kim today- and helping her recognize her crazy measuring stick, I found some  places where my "crazy stick" is still going into overtime. I love that I'm recognizing it- which gives me the power to tackle it head on. So, here I go trying to be reasonable...and determined to succeed at it..........